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General humor & jokes. Share funny photos and jokes. Must be "R" rated or below.
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Wolverine
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Post by Wolverine »

JAB wrote: Sorry...:o

Can I ever be forgiven? Must I make amends or do penance of some sort? :-3
Nah, we're good.


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Post by Wolverine »

koochikoo wrote: Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?
mostly because the imaginary friend doesn't tell the little kid to pick a .44 magnum and start shooting people, i.e. David Berkowitz.


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Post by Wolverine »

koochikoo wrote: If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
sure can. just make sure you do it in a well ventilated area. outdoors is good. naked time outside is great fun.


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Post by Wolverine »

koochikoo wrote: Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
that is an excellent question. i believe it all starts back in oldest France, around, say, 1323AD. the grandfathers of the 3 musketeers; Mars, Butterfinger, Reeses

were in charge of protecting the royal "jewels" because the King of France loved to gamble.

He had already lost them in a "Texas Hold Em" tournament that was televised nationally on ESPN. which was odd, because no one had a TV to watch it, let alone be able to afford cable. but that's another story.

Wait... where was I?


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Post by Wolverine »

Lil~Basco wrote: Can it hurt to tinker with your yo-yo? :-3
it can. i tried to "walk the dog" once. it hit a pebble, flew up, slapped me in the face and knocked me out cold.

That day i understood why i only got "Birthday Presents" once a year.

it was scary seeing that thing come flying at my face...


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Post by Wolverine »

Lil~Basco wrote: Where do flies go at night? :thinking:
it has long been debated that the common house fly is a manifestation of all the unused conscious energy. once everyone is asleep, the unconscious enery replaces the conscoius and the flies "Go Away."


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Post by Wolverine »

Lil~Basco wrote: What part of a woman's body do you like the best? :D
the sexiest part of a woman's body is the "Butt-thigh" pronounced, "Buth-eye"

i also like the naked parts of the female form.


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Post by Lil~Basco »

Wolverine wrote: it has long been debated that the common house fly is a manifestation of all the unused conscious energy. once everyone is asleep, the unconscious enery replaces the conscoius and the flies "Go Away."
:yh_bigsmi will this also work with lady bugs, oh wise one?
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Post by Wolverine »

Lil~Basco wrote: :yh_bigsmi will this also work with lady bugs, oh wise one?
good God i wish. i have a serious problem with those "japanese flying beetles" they look like ladybugs but they aren't. they're worse. i had them at the start of the fall, and they were still around all thorugh WINTER!

but only in the bathroom. what the hell is that about?


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Post by Lil~Basco »

How dexterous are you?
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Wolverine
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Post by Wolverine »

Lil~Basco wrote: How dexterous are you?
not very. but i'm "Strong like Bull."


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Post by Wolverine »

SnoozeControl wrote: What's the one question you won't answer?
i don't know. no one has asked it yet. as soon as they do, you'll be the first to know i won't answer it. ok?


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Post by Lil~Basco »

What has been the biggest hurdle you have had to overcome so far in your life?
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Post by minks »

If pinned under a boulder in the middle of nothing, do you think you could cut your limb off in order to save your life?
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

• Mae West
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Post by Wolverine »

minks wrote: If pinned under a boulder in the middle of nothing, do you think you could cut your limb off in order to save your life?
first off, i would never be out in the middle of nowhere, alone. BUT, since it is magic wand time...

i would not need to cut off my own arm. i would look around and try to form a rudimentary lathe to cut through the boulder. i'm like a junior varsity McGuyver. and if i couldn't create a lathe, i would dig myself out from under the big rock. and if that didn't work i would call on my undeniably incredible strength to lift the boulder off my arm.


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Post by minks »

Wolverine wrote: first off, i would never be out in the middle of nowhere, alone. BUT, since it is magic wand time...

i would not need to cut off my own arm. i would look around and try to form a rudimentary lathe to cut through the boulder. i'm like a junior varsity McGuyver. and if i couldn't create a lathe, i would dig myself out from under the big rock. and if that didn't work i would call on my undeniably incredible strength to lift the boulder off my arm.


ok so nothing about you going to be caught between a rock and a hard place ... gotcha hehehehehe
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�

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Post by Wolverine »

minks wrote: ok so nothing about you going to be caught between a rock and a hard place ... gotcha hehehehehe
exactly.

tho there is a stretch of HWY 1, that follows the coast of California, where you have 50 foot cliffs to the east of you and 200 yards of flat boulder and rock covered "beach" toward the ocean to the west.

that's 'bout as close as you can get.


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Post by AussiePam »

"Life is too short to ski with ugly men"

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Post by Wolverine »

koochikoo wrote: Will your answer to this question be 'no'?
possibly.


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Post by Wolverine »

koochikoo wrote: If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
failed, spectacularly.


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Post by Wolverine »

koochikoo wrote: I was asked this about four years ago and I still can't find an answer.

There are three words in the english language that end in 'gry', angry and hungry are two. What is the third one?

??
Ooo... word games. uhmm... i'm going to have to go with "what."


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Sheryl
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Post by Sheryl »

have you ever worn womens clothing?
"Girls are crazy! I'm not ever getting married, I can make my own sandwiches!"

my son
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Post by Sheryl »

What's your most annoying habit?
"Girls are crazy! I'm not ever getting married, I can make my own sandwiches!"

my son
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Post by Sheryl »

Are any of your screws loose?
"Girls are crazy! I'm not ever getting married, I can make my own sandwiches!"

my son
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Post by Wolverine »

Sheryl wrote: have you ever worn womens clothing?
i have to plead the 5th, on the grounds that i might incriminate myself.:lips:


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Post by Wolverine »

Sheryl wrote: What's your most annoying habit?
i crack my.... everything. Knuckles, thumbs, neck, back, knees, ankles, toes, elbows(sometimes).

getting up in the morning i sound like a giant bowl of Rice Krispies.


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Post by Lil~Basco »

Do you hunt? If so, for what and what is your choice of weapon?
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Post by Wolverine »

Sheryl wrote: Are any of your screws loose?
:sneaky: you keep opening doors, and i have no choice but to walk thru them.

my screws have never been loose. they are spot on. i dare say that i could quit my job and go on tour demonstrating my fantastic screws.


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Post by Lil~Basco »

Lil~Basco wrote: If you were in charge of picking out signature lines for us gardeners....what would you give to me? :o
Missed one..........:p
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Post by Wolverine »

Lil~Basco wrote: Do you hunt? If so, for what and what is your choice of weapon?
i do. but not for the "hunt" itself. i really enjoy pheasant hunting, especially late in the season.

hunting pheasant gives me an excuse to go out and stomp around in the brush for a day with a gun. i go late in the season because by then the birds don't spook as easy and you really have to know where to look form them.

i go with my favorite shotgun. it's a 32 inch Browning 12ga. "over-under" double barrel. i went a couple times with my Mossberg pump. but i figure, if you can't get it with two shots, you don't deserve it.

but my absolute favorite weapon is my grandfather's 1901 .44 caliber Winchester.


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Post by Wolverine »

Lil~Basco wrote: Missed one..........:p
i'm going to have to come back to that one.

i need to come up with something classic.


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Post by Wolverine »

Lil~Basco wrote: If you were in charge of picking out signature lines for us gardeners....what would you give to me? :o


Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

how's that?


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Post by Lil~Basco »

Wolverine wrote: Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

how's that?
Nope...gotta do better.....I NEVER forget! ;) :p
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Post by Wolverine »

"Have you ever noticed anyone going slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?"

like that?


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Wolverine
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Post by Wolverine »

nope... here it is. you live up in the mountains right? surrounded by nature and critters and stuff, right?

"You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear."


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Post by Lil~Basco »

Wolverine wrote: i do. but not for the "hunt" itself. i really enjoy pheasant hunting, especially late in the season.

hunting pheasant gives me an excuse to go out and stomp around in the brush for a day with a gun. i go late in the season because by then the birds don't spook as easy and you really have to know where to look form them.

i go with my favorite shotgun. it's a 32 inch Browning 12ga. "over-under" double barrel. i went a couple times with my Mossberg pump. but i figure, if you can't get it with two shots, you don't deserve it.

but my absolute favorite weapon is my grandfather's 1901 .44 caliber Winchester.
Nice 12 ga. a Browning...that's for sure if it's takes more than 2 shots. ;)

Ditch chickens are good eating. Do you prepare them?

Your grandad's Winchester has to be a treasure. :-4
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Post by Lil~Basco »

Wolverine wrote: nope... here it is. you live up in the mountains right? surrounded by nature and critters and stuff, right?

"You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear."
muahahahahaha....Oh Wolvie, if ya only knew my friend! :D
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Post by Wolverine »

koochikoo wrote: If you could have dinner with 3 people, dead or alive, whom would you invite and why?
1) My grandmother on my father's side. she passed when i was 12. i remember her well enough, but i have been told by several people in the family that she had a wonderful sense of humor. Being 27 now, i would like to speak with her as a grown up.... and NOT at the kids table.:wah:

2) General Robert E. Lee. i would really like to know his personal views on the War Between the States. many historians have inferred what they think he thought, but to actually hear it from him directly would really be something.

3) Sam Kinison. God i think that would be a riot.


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Post by Wolverine »

koochikoo wrote: Would you rather be invisible or be able to fly?
invisible. and i'm sure Everyone knows why. but just in case they have forgotten or don't know, i'll explain;

if i were invisible i would be able to walk into dressing rooms, locker rooms, and bedrooms without being screamed at, shot at, or getting the Police called on me.

and the thought of walking into a bank vault and tehn out agin, 300 pounds heavier, is rather appealing.


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Post by lady cop »

what do you think of that cop-wannabe duane dog chapman the bounty hunter? he has a show on A&E, and he and his cow:yh_cow of a 'common-law' wife are a freak show. *bleh*:yh_sick
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Post by Lil~Basco »

What's your favorite day of the week and why? :)
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Post by Lil~Basco »

Would you trust your SO to cut your hair? :-3
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