Galbally's Advice Column for FG.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 1:58 pm

Betty Boop wrote: Mental note to self - always remain standing when in Krammys presence.

Or you could sit on me

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:02 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: On his face :yh_liar:eek:

I'll get me coat

Shut the door behind you Arnold!! :wah:

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:02 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: Or you could sit on me

:sneaky: No, it's ok I won't even go there, can't possibly post what came to mind!!

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:31 pm

Hamster wrote: Surely the esteemed Dr Galbally doesnt have this problem/condition?

If you mean do I have problematic flatulence I should say no, but do I have a fully functional digestive system, yes.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:36 pm

SuzyB wrote: Dear Galbally,

I need your words of wisdom, i started a new course this week at my local college, the course is a two year one and i struggled to get through 1 day, the problem is the girl that has decided to become glued to my side has a serious problem with hygiene. What can i do??????

Dear Suzy, this can be difficult, perhaps you could befriend this said person and then at the earliest available opportunity you could buy her some listerine, deoderant, soap, new underwear, shampoo, conditioner, anti-persperant, a magic tree to hang around her neck etc. Though this is expensive, and she might not be a great friend. You could alternately bring a can of "Oust" (product of the year 2006), an odour-repellant, you could cause a distraction in the class and while attention is otherwise diverted, you could spray her throughly with this agent. The other option is to sit somewhere else and if asked why, say its on religious grounds as you are a 7th day adventist. People will be too embarresed for you to ask why, religion is a touchy subject nowadays (as opposed to every other period in Human history).

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:37 pm

cherandbuster wrote: Ahhhh

more wisdom from The Great Doctor :-6 :-4

Your comments are disarming. Thank you, I am at your service.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:38 pm

Pinky wrote: Remember that old REM song?

Sing along now...

Everybody faaaaarts.....sometimes!

You just have to let one go....

very good, it would make a huge improvement on that tiresome number if someone would record your alternate version.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:39 pm

YZGI wrote: I did'nt know women farted til I got married.

I think that this is a common experience amoung many men, as women are of course much more discrete than us when it comes to personal hygiene, and who would have it any other way.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:41 pm

Pinky wrote: Where did you think all that hot air went?

No - don't answer that

This is point at which the surgery became a little downmarket. I think I should probably refrain from answering the next few comments as they hardly require much illustration, though I am heartened that you all seem to have healthy libdos and imaginations.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:42 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: Or you could sit on me

Good lord, UK, you are feeling a little frisky tonight, please try to restrain yourself.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 2:50 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Dr Galbally,

Given the general flavour of this thread at this present time, I find it pertinent to ask whether it is within common etiquette to persuade a female partners head under the covers on a first date. Or should I wait, say, 2 dates. What are the guidlines ?

Arnold Layne!, this has turned into a bit of a Doctor Ruth type column in the past 2 hours hasn't it? However, I think you may be jesting, as a man of your experience would surely know that it all depends on the girl in question, the quality of the bed linen, and your current status in society. Though in general I think it is best to just let things develop as mother nature intended, and if not, them some serious pleading is required.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 7:37 am

ArnoldLayne wrote: Dr Galbally

I think your train of thought has wandered down the wrong line and is heading for the buffers. While my bed linen and current status within the community are never in question my line of questioning has obviously derailed you

Wind dear boy, wind

The jolly old jape us blokes take joy in, after eating far too much fibre at one sitting and then retiring early to bed. My thoughts are it would be far too selfish not to share, if you get my drift

Yes, its seems that for once my professionalism slipped, I salute you and your ability to instigate the seedier side of my mind. Oh dear.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 7:38 am

Pinky wrote: Blimey, I'm glad I logged off when I did, you lot might have corrupted my pure and innocent mind:yh_whistl

Of course, I apologize for any associated fantasies you may have encountered relating to the lowered tone of the councelling service, I shall attempt to have a less lurid column in future.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 7:42 am

Hamster wrote: Dr Doctor....

What would you recommend we should restrain ourselves with?

Well, being British Hampster I am sure that self-restraint should come fairly easily to you, if you need a visual guide imagine that you, perhaps, are Queen Elizabeth II out walking around Balmoral and your innate abilities at stiff-upper lippery should surface, (on no account try to imagine any other member of the Royal family as this will have the opposite effect, well maybe Princess Anne would be alright, anyway). If none of that works, I suggest some marks and spencer underwear about 3 sizes too big, that will do the trick.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 7:43 am

Hamster wrote: What? I dunno what you mean?? :yh_whistl :yh_angel

It is a serious question!

Of course its a serious question dear, self restraint is very important in these troubled times and should definetly be taught to A-level grade.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Fri Sep 22, 2006 5:32 pm

Dear Dr Gallbladder, Wouldnt living in a nudist colony take all the fun out of Halloween ?

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 4:32 am

Nomad wrote: Dear Dr Gallbladder, Wouldnt living in a nudist colony take all the fun out of Halloween ?

Hello my lovely friend Nomad :-4

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:03 am

Nomad wrote: Dear Dr Gallbladder, Wouldnt living in a nudist colony take all the fun out of Halloween ?

I should think not, in fact it should make ducking for apples much better than for those of us who prefer to remain clothed at Halloween.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:04 am

SnoozeControl wrote: I strongly suggest this as the word of the day/week/month, and we all use it as often as possible.

Agreed.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:04 am

Wendybird wrote: I suppose that depends on where you wear the pumpkin? :sneaky:

Of course the candle in the pumpkin is the main issue in such situations, while hot wax dripping from the pumpkin's orifices are also a major concern.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:07 am

ArnoldLayne wrote: The injection of collegen to the mouth, encourages stiff upper lippery

I see you are an old hand Layne, and I am not surprised. Though of course all collegen implants should only be attempted by completely high-class collegen injecting professionals with qualifications and certificates and such like, and you should not try to reproduce the same effect by injecting golden syrup into your lips using a sowing needle and a bicycle pump, it doesn't work very well.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 6:40 am

Galbally wrote: you should not try to reproduce the same effect by injecting golden syrup into your lips using a sowing needle and a bicycle pump, it doesn't work very well.

Rats

There go my Sunday plans

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:30 am

cherandbuster wrote: Rats

There go my Sunday plans

Dear C&B there is no need for you to alter your lovely visage. I am sure that you will have decades of beauty before major reconstructuve, painful surgery becomes necessary. My advice is therefore to enjoy yourself for who you are, and start saving up so that in the future you will be able to access the new youth-providing technolgies that they will no doubt develop.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 7:31 am

Dear Dr Ballbuster, Will my Vikings beat the Bears today ?

Also is Usama really dead ?

And while were at it, what is your favorite dinasaur ?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 8:00 am

Nomad wrote: Dear Dr Ballbuster, Will my Vikings beat the Bears today ?

Also is Usama really dead ?

And while were at it, what is your favorite dinasaur ?

Dear Mad, who are the Vikings and the Bears? Are they football teams? (they don't sound like either baseball or basketball teams who are usually named something "sox" or "hitters" or "trotters" etc. Though it could be Hockey teams, but thats Canada isn't it? OK I think that the Vikings will win, thats because in real life Vikings had edged weapons and bears just had there natural weapons (which are of course formidable), but the vikings would be better organized and would eventually wipe out the bears if they weren't all eaten first so there you go. I do think that Everton will beat Newcastle Utd though if thats any use to you, not that I care as Villa beat Charlton 2-0 yesterday and the Blues got beat, excellent.

Osama, this is intriguiging isn't it? I do wonder what has happened to him. This information apparently comes from the French Secret Service who got it from North African sources, the Pakistanis were apparently informed by the French as he has apparently died of Typhoid in Pakistan and they have leaked it. But I wonder, it all suits this kind of mythos that people around Bin Laden have tried to Generate around him since the early 1990s, so until they either get him or his body in front of an NBC or BBC camera crew I would remain very sanguine about any reports.

My favorite dinosaur was always the Brontosaurus when I was little, and why, I have no real Idea, they just seemed like the nice dinosaurs to me at the time. And also they could sort of step on any other dinosaurs and squish them if they got upitty, and that has to be cool in my book.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 8:05 am

Yes brontosauruseseses are pretty nifty

Football is the game (hockey is very American) I grew up playing

Do you mind if I print this out on a very large bed sheet ? Ill bring it to the next game and hang it down for the audience, perhaps Ill get on tv !

:wah:

the Vikings will win, thats because in real life Vikings had edged weapons and bears just had there natural weapons (which are of course formidable), but the vikings would be better organized and would eventually wipe out the bears if they weren't all eaten first

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 8:44 am

Nomad wrote: Yes brontosauruseseses are pretty nifty

Football is the game (hockey is very American) I grew up playing

Do you mind if I print this out on a very large bed sheet ? Ill bring it to the next game and hang it down for the audience, perhaps Ill get on tv !

:wah:

the Vikings will win, thats because in real life Vikings had edged weapons and bears just had there natural weapons (which are of course formidable), but the vikings would be better organized and would eventually wipe out the bears if they weren't all eaten first

No not at all though I would appreciate it if you correct my spelling mistake "their" instead of "there" as I wouldn't want to let the side down and make you look bad. Let me know if we make it onto sports TV with my predictions, perhaps I should do more of it, as knowing nothing about American Football, Hockey, Baseball, or Hockey I would make the perfect pundit.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 8:48 am

Galbally wrote: I would appreciate it if you correct my spelling mistake "their" instead of "there" as I wouldn't want to let the side down and make you look bad.

Hey Dr. G --

You might wanna ask Nomad to change "thats" to "that's" also. Just to protect your reputation of brilliance :guitarist

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 9:07 am

cherandbuster wrote: Hey Dr. G --

You might wanna ask Nomad to change "thats" to "that's" also. Just to protect your reputation of brilliance :guitarist

Thank you C&B hopefully he will keep this alleged reputation of mine intact before anyone notices I'm just another ordinary eegit. I do try and keep the punctuation as correct as possible, but I write too fast sometimes, and txt messaging on the mobile has me destroyed.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 9:11 am

Galbally wrote: Thank you C&B hopefully he will keep this alleged reputation of mine intact before anyone notices I'm just another ordinary eegit. I do try and keep the punctuation as correct as possible, but I write too fast sometimes, and txt messaging on the mobile has me destroyed.

Oh Dr. G

I still have my crush on you :-4

But alas

Because of our distance

It must remain unconsumated :yh_blush

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 9:16 am

cherandbuster wrote: Oh Dr. G

I still have my crush on you :-4

But alas

Because of our distance

It must remain unconsumated :yh_blush

Ah shure its probably for the best as your husband would probably not be impressed and I might be a letdown anyway. Though, I completely refute allegations that I came dead last in the Round-Britain Amazing Super-Lover competition, it wasn't me, and anyway I was tired and was full of tea and biscuits.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 9:26 am

cherandbuster wrote: Oh Dr. G

I still have my crush on you :-4

But alas

Because of our distance

It must remain unconsummated :yh_blush

dear doc there is a nice attractive funny kind lovely lady i know but alas she seems to be suffering from the sometimes serious compulsive obsessive long distance crush disorder

do you think you can help

good watching the golf today i'd just like to say it would be nice if the good

old us of a sent there best players next time so they could at least make a

game of it :wah: what do you think doc

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 9:34 am

jimbo wrote: dear doc there is a nice attractive funny kind lovely lady i know but alas she seems to be suffering from the sometimes serious compulsive obsessive long distance crush disorder

do you think you can help

good watching the golf today i'd just like to say it would be nice if the good

old us of a sent there best players next time so they could at least make a

game of it :wah: what do you think doc

Dear Jimbo, I know some ways I could help her, but I can't really get into that here.

As for the Golf, yes it was kinda cool I guess though I am not a great golf fan. I think the U.S.A team were at a bit of a disadvantage as some of their best players just didn't seem in good form for the tournament, especially Woods, who is an amazing player, but doesn't seem to click into the teamplay. But fair play to the European team as they did play very well, and Garcia in particular was brilliant. Well, thats enough golf for me for the next few years, its back to the Champions league this week. Oh and I hope Ireland looked OK on the telly, despite the rain, which is of course what Ireland is like all the time anyway.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 9:34 am

jimbo wrote: dear doc there is a nice attractive funny kind lovely lady i know but alas she seems to be suffering from the sometimes serious compulsive obsessive long distance crush disorder

So many men

so little time

to be with all of them :-4 :p

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 9:39 am

:wah: :wah: :wah:

sometimes its hard to be humble aint that right cher :wah:

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 10:20 am

jimbo wrote:

sometimes its hard to be humble aint that right cher :wah:

Jimbo

my friend :-6

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Sep 24, 2006 6:06 pm

Dear Dr Gallstones, You were wrong about the Vikings. The Bears ate them. Im considering unsubscribing to your news letter. You really let me down today. Why do you hurt me this way Dr ?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Sep 25, 2006 5:10 am

Nomad wrote: Dear Dr Gallstones, You were wrong about the Vikings. The Bears ate them. Im considering unsubscribing to your news letter. You really let me down today. Why do you hurt me this way Dr ?

Life is often cruel and uncertain and I did mention that the vikings would not win if the bears ate them first, however, these things are best dealt with philosophically. I suppose I hurt you because it amuses me to do so, its all part of the service of course. I do hope that your team can do better in future, being a lifelong Aston Villa fan I understand what pain is all about.