Galbally's Advice Column for FG.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 5:22 am

woppy71 wrote: That cracks me up as well. Ya know, I never realised he smoked:wah:

Yes, but he had to give up as it affected the transporters on his ship, very uprofessional.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 9:51 am

SnoozeControl wrote: LMAO, I saw that! It was like I imagine a bad acid trip to be. :wah:

I would agree, though of course I could never admit to having experienced hallucinogenic drugs myself. I wonder what other Sci-Fi characters have released records?

ARgi · Post by **ARgi** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 10:25 am

Galbally wrote: Of course no problem. Lets go, well from your lung line I can tell that you once ate a cuban cigar while playing the trombome, hold on is that a budwiesier label stuck to the other side of your hand, you were drinking last night. Lets look at your relationship axis, oh interesting, you are infatuated with a sci-fi writer, right what else, well I can tell by your fingerprints that you are currently wanted in 13 states for various traffic offences and are known when in Zurich as "The Squirrel". I can also tell by the lack of gold jewlrey that you are into silver, what else, oh yeah the life line, well it seems that you still have a good few months left don't worry. Good Day.

you only have one thing right but 'm not going to tell you which. :yh_shhhh

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 4:33 pm

Hamster wrote: Dr Doctor...

Any advice to someone who has just blown up an air bed without the aid of a pump??

Quick though as I feel real funny.......:wah:

Flippin heck, you just blew up an air pump by yourself?, perhaps I should row that boat over there, thats talent a man can use. In terms of feeling nauseus, just put your feet in warm water and scruch your toes, I don't think it will do any good, but it will be fun anyway or at least my image of it is. You antics are impressive.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 4:35 pm

Pinky wrote: You like silver, right?:D

I think most people do though gold is better on redheads, but I predict that gold will make a big comeback once oil runs out and we start killing each other. That and diamonds, always useful.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 6:21 pm

Dear Doctor Galbally....what does one do with a troll who won't go away?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 08, 2006 7:33 pm

Lulu2 wrote: Dear Doctor Galbally....what does one do with a troll who won't go away?

Aha, one of those pests eh? Well, what you must do is build a old fashioned bridge over an enchanted river somewhere far enough away from you so that troll will remove himself from your presence. The underside of the bridge should be always encased in darkeness and it should have a steady supply of fair maidens crossing over it so that the troll doesn't suffer from malnutrition or you will have the society for fairy cruelty onto you and your buggered if they jinx you with a immoveability spell. Good luck with the bridge.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 3:16 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Yeah, but what about those billy goats gruff?

Goats are another matter entirely, I shall have to think about that one. I am away for the weekend so stay well snooze and everyone.

ARgi · Post by **ARgi** » Sat Sep 09, 2006 11:18 am

Pinky wrote: You like silver, right?:D

sure, anything metallic and shiny. :-4

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 4:02 pm

Hamster wrote: Thanks Doctor G...Your advice is sage as always!

I must admit I was expecting the usual.."put your head between your knees" etc.

I put my feet in warm water and scrunch several times but strangely enough it didn't do much for my dizzy feeling??

By the way can you let me know when you boat will be arriving as I have some air beds to let down first....Should I be practising doc?

Dear Hampster, I have discovered in my attempts to cross the Irish sea on a raft that my woodworking and maritime navigation skills need a lot of work, so based on the current rate of progress I should wash up somewhere on a beach in west Wales roundabout 2011, summertime preferably. Keep the kettle on for me.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 4:02 pm

ARgi wrote: sure, anything metallic and shiny. :-4

My skills of divination are not impressive, I admit that.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Sep 12, 2006 9:04 pm

Galbally wrote: I think that people do definetly and genuinely experience strange things from time to time, however, what the material reality behind such occurences are is more to do with human perception and conciousness than say the reality of their being life after death or ghosts or hauntings by individuals who have died but remained "here" in some nonmaterial form somehow. I think that this is underlined by the fact that the anecdotal evidence of ghosts in human culture as well as spirits and other beings is huge, but there is no really hard evidence whatsoever of anything of that nature being "real". I don't think that this makes the area less interesting, but I think that when presented with a sober analysis of these types of events its hard not to be, if not dismissive, then highly skeptical about the more fanciful claims and theories that are put forward about such things.

Saw this today. So my question is: What would it take to convince a non-believer?

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Wed Sep 13, 2006 5:06 am

koan wrote: Saw this today. So my question is: What would it take to convince a non-believer?

It would take a ghost to address a Trades Union Conference meeting in Brighton on the issues surrounding being a ghost and the problems faced by non corporeal entities in modern society, and the same entity holding a press conference afterwards to state its position on trade union practices in the U.K and Tony Blair's departure from politics. Either that or some bangy noises in a dark room when I was half asleep, one or the other really.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 4:31 pm

Well here I am sittin in me therapist office in Ireland and I'm bored, I can't find anything to say in the fun threads, and I couldn't be bothered with the serious ones at the minute. Its lonely being an Internet agony uncle sometimes you know.

Oh, and I think that the triangle cut sandwiches would be nicest, thank you.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Sep 17, 2006 5:02 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Dear Dr Galbally,

What would you think if you saw someone wearing a cat on her head? Because I've been getting the strangest reactions when I go out lately.

Sincerely,

Feline Follicles

Dear Follicles, Oh you have gladdened the heart of this cynical old(ish) coucellor with your disturbing behaviour. I am all for cat-wearing, in fact its my best guess that you make it look quite stylish as well as cumbersome and unnessecarily cruel, which is of course the only kind of cruel thats any good. My heartfelt advice before I retire is to display the errant moggie on your head with pride and if anyone comments upon this, you should throw it at them immeadiatly to give vent to your irritation.

Goodnight dear.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 9:11 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Shouldn't it be possible to fart in your sleep? Because when I wake up in the morning, I sound like a tuba being blasted and it's obvious I've got about eight hours worth of gas stored up. You'd think it'd slip out during the night, wouldn't you?

This is interesting. I would have presumed that most people do break wind during sleep, I am sure that my girlfriends have done it, as I have I, then again when I try to recollect specific incidents its all very hazy. Your body certainly works away digesting your food, and your evening meal should be somewhere in your lower intestinal tract during sleep which is when all of the nice organic chemicals that go into human "farts" are created by a little army of willing microbes who are anerobically digesting your food producing CO2 and CH4, I must look into the involuntary use of the sphinter during sleep (no lurid jokes please this is important scientific research). I can see right away why involuntary control might not be permitted as it could cause complications, unfortunatly my background is chemistry (and internet councelling of course) and my anatomy is not particularly good, but nevertheless I shall endevour to find an answer.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 9:12 am

Hamster wrote: I've had that too Snooze...where you wake up feeling all bloated and away you go! Tuba and whole orchestra!!

A colourful image miss hampster.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 10:45 am

Hamster wrote: Er..maybe .. sorry!!

Too much information again? :-5

Not at all, its all quite charming really.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 10:47 am

Pinky wrote: I laugh like a looney when it happens going down the stairs...It's like I have my own percussion section:D

I presume we are talking about flatulence here and not something more sinister? I do hope that you are careful while coming down the stairs farting and laughing, as any lapse in concentration could be problematic.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 10:52 am

Hamster wrote: Dear Dr. Galbally

How do I get rid of chronic flatulence?

Firstly you must stop eating excessive amounts of cabbage, thats crucial, then there are some tummy exercises you can do to reduce the problem. Though I would hasten to add that some level of flatulation is of course entirely healthy and perhaps even endearing.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 10:58 am

Hamster wrote: Mnnn..flatulence is endearing???

Well, I said "perhaps". Of course its not very endearing at the wrong moment, to which I will add no further comment, but in general its one of lifes little ways of letting us know that despite our own opinions we are all pretty much the same.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 11:27 am

Dear Galbally,

I need your words of wisdom, i started a new course this week at my local college, the course is a two year one and i struggled to get through 1 day, the problem is the girl that has decided to become glued to my side has a serious problem with hygiene. What can i do??????

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 11:54 am

Galbally wrote: its one of lifes little ways of letting us know that despite our own opinions we are all pretty much the same.

Ahhhh

more wisdom from The Great Doctor :-6 :-4

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 11:57 am

Pinky wrote: Remember that old REM song?

Sing along now...

Everybody faaaaarts.....sometimes!

You just have to let one go....

Oh Pinky! :rolleyes: :-4

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 1:11 pm

I did'nt know women farted til I got married.

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 1:14 pm

Pinky wrote: Where did you think all that hot air went?

No - don't answer that

Well out their ears of course.:wah:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 1:44 pm

YZGI wrote: I did'nt know women farted til I got married.

Yeah...especially when you sit on them

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 1:47 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: Yeah...especially when you sit on them

:wah: Oh my, do you make a habit of sitting on women??

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 1:50 pm

Betty Boop wrote: :wah: Oh my, do you make a habit of sitting on women??

It's less huffing and puffing than a Whoopi Cushion

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 1:53 pm

Uncle Kram wrote: It's less huffing and puffing than a Whoopi Cushion

Mental note to self - always remain standing when in Krammys presence.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Thu Sep 21, 2006 1:54 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Its the only way he can get their attention

:wah: