GF sleeping with Friends

upfront84 · Post by **upfront84** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:46 am

I think im just being paranoid, but its always nice to see what other people think of situations. My Gf recently started uni and moved away, which i find quite hard but im really happy for her becuase she was desperate to do the course she is on. i emailed her the other day asking how things were going etc and trying to plan the weekend with her. She replied saying she had something to admit, saying that she had gone back to her friends house, 2 women and 2 guys and slept in the bed with one of her male friends. I'm not comfortable with this, especially as she has cheated on me before, a long time ago at the start of our relationship. Do i have a right to complain or should i just shut up and get on with it?

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 6:55 am

My memories of college include sleeping in the same bed with multiple people at various times. You say there were other girls there? Unless she's inclined to the lady side, I wouldn't worry about it. If you trust her, you trust her. If you feel you can't because of the past, you probably shouldn't be dating her while she's so far away. At least she told you, right? That should count for something.

upfront84 · Post by **upfront84** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 7:05 am

thanks for the quick reply:D

i do trust her, sometimes i find it hard but usually after talking things through with her im fine. I just dont want to be taken for a fool again, sounds silly but rather ask on here than ask her in the wrong way and start an argument. very reassuring for you to relay your expereinces though. I think its also partly becuase i chose to work rather than got to uni ( a few years ago for me now) people are always scared of the unknown.

Spikey_Shaun · Post by **Spikey_Shaun** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 8:45 am

upfront84 wrote: I think im just being paranoid, but its always nice to see what other people think of situations. My Gf recently started uni and moved away, which i find quite hard but im really happy for her becuase she was desperate to do the course she is on. i emailed her the other day asking how things were going etc and trying to plan the weekend with her. She replied saying she had something to admit, saying that she had gone back to her friends house, 2 women and 2 guys and slept in the bed with one of her male friends. I'm not comfortable with this, especially as she has cheated on me before, a long time ago at the start of our relationship. Do i have a right to complain or should i just shut up and get on with it?

Hi upfront84,

I suppose that i would come straight out with it and ask her... I have had my own experiences in the past, and it will take a hell of a long time for her to win your trust again.

Admittingly, there are not many women out there who would freely admit to what they have done, so i'd better go on your own instincts if i were you.

Although i certainly wouldn't do it to any woman, i myself have been a victim of it.

A Bear is a patient animal... very patient; so i'd just sit back and see what happens if i were you.

Best Wishes

Shaun:)

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 11:33 am

Hi Upfront 84,

I personally wouldn't make such a big thing out of it. She was honest and did tell you about it and I don't see any big deal in sharing a bed with a male friend if you only sleep (with no extras).

But it's not very clever of her to do this if she is putting the trust in your relationship at risk. If you don't have trust you don't have anything. I do respect the fact that she told you about it which probably means it was gnawing at her so she'll probably think twice before she does it again anyway.

Jen:)

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 11:45 am

Why did she sleep in a bed with one of the blokes and not one of the woman?

And why did she feel the need to tell you about it?

G-man · Post by **G-man** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 12:30 pm

I dunno' really... personally, from what you've told us... it doesn't sound so good to me... there's the distance, you both seem to be at different stages and possibly heading in different directions, there's the history of deception... you can take it several ways... that she's being honest with you or that she's dropping you hints as she's afraid of hurting you... either way, it seems she really cares for you. You really should discuss it with her though... you know her and the situation better than any of us... communication.

You may get hurt but, if it's not meant to be why drag it out and waste time finding somebody else that will truly make you happy and you won't feel like you need to ask these sort of distrustful questions? That's my "two cents"... I wish you the best either way.

upfront84 · Post by **upfront84** » Thu Oct 27, 2005 12:59 pm

thanks for all the feedback guys. I confronted her about it, and she swore they only slept in the same bed and that nothing else had happened. I also wondered why she couldnt sleep in one of the girls beds, but she swears nothing happened so i trust her.

we are at different stages in our lifes G-Man, but we both knew this when she started uni and really want to make it last. i suppose i just let my primitive male mind wander off in a world of its own making up my worst nightmares!

once again thanks for the feedback, im feeling much better about the whole thing.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Fri Oct 28, 2005 10:08 am

Very strange this one she is either completely stupid for making you feel so confused or shes about as brazen as you can get .There is no excuse for sleeping in the same bed as a another man when there was another woman there that she could of bunked in with (unless they were marooned on a mountain in minus 3 degrees and need to keep body heat) - shes pulling your chain mate - i would always keep that in the back my mind. Has she mentioned whether they had clothes on/off were they drunk. I wouldnt tolerate any of it - period for any reason ..... but saying that good luck i hope all works out .

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Fri Oct 28, 2005 1:56 pm

pantsonfire321@aol.com wrote: Very strange this one she is either completely stupid for making you feel so confused or shes about as brazen as you can get .There is no excuse for sleeping in the same bed as a another man when there was another woman there that she could of bunked in with
Unless the other woman and the other man were fooling around in the other bed...which is highly likely if they're college students. Think back to the days of being 18 and drinking cheap beer and being surrounded by attractive students.

nok · Post by **nok** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 1:58 am

Well, you have to give her credit for being honest and open about what she did. If she hadn't told you, you probably wouldn't have known about it unless someone ( who knew both you and her) told you about it.

If you trust her, than that is your choice. She told you that there wasn't anything going on between her and the guy that was on the same bed. If you are okay with that, than continue the relationship. If not, then both you and her can still date each other and other people as well.

If it was me, I wouldn't be comfortable with that situation where they were sleeping with the opposite sex even if they were to assure me that nothing happened. Okay, maybe nothing happened but what about next time or the time after that ( if there are other times).

Anyway, good luck to you and your girlfriend and whatever you decide to do about this.

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Mon Jan 12, 2009 4:14 am

nok;1107359 wrote: Well, you have to give her credit for being honest and open about what she did. If she hadn't told you, you probably wouldn't have known about it unless someone ( who knew both you and her) told you about it.

If you trust her, than that is your choice. She told you that there wasn't anything going on between her and the guy that was on the same bed. If you are okay with that, than continue the relationship. If not, then both you and her can still date each other and other people as well.

If it was me, I wouldn't be comfortable with that situation where they were sleeping with the opposite sex even if they were to assure me that nothing happened. Okay, maybe nothing happened but what about next time or the time after that ( if there are other times).

Anyway, good luck to you and your girlfriend and whatever you decide to do about this.

:wah:NOK, the original date of this post is 2005, I think she has graduated by now.:wah: It would be intersting though to find put how it all worked out...