KARMA - did I go overboard today?

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 6:47 pm

My ex husband left me after my 4th chemo over a year and 1/2 ago. We had been married 7 months. He told me that he did not want any part of paying for my cancer, I wasn't the woman he married and he thought I knew I had cancer before we got married. I felt very lucky to find out just what his character WAS NOT made of. He tried to get tens of thousands of dollars from me but only got what monies he put into the marriage. It took 10 months to get a divorce from this man - married 7 months. We had mutual friends and I always put up the hand when they tried to tell me what was happening to him. WELLLL, today Jullian (my friend who has terminal lung cancer) said he looked like crap and rambled like a crazy person - I was happy. Then I thought about it and thought I should feel bad for him BUT I DON'T. His Karma has hit him and I new I'd be happy about it which is why I never wanted to know. SOOOO now I know and I am happy - will that come back to me as bad Karma?

Tombstone · Post by **Tombstone** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 6:58 pm

Sounds like he did you a favor! You don't need dead baggage hanging around.

Enjoy your moment of glory - and then move on - that way, any bad Karma won't stick to you. :p

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 7:01 pm

Thanks Tombstone.........I do intend to move on as I have for a long time. I have a wonderful man in my life now. Sometimes I think I would never have BTS if it weren't for that bad time. :-4

Tombstone · Post by **Tombstone** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 7:02 pm

nvalleyvee wrote: Thanks Tombstone.........I do intend to move on as I have for a long time. I have a wonderful man in my life now. Sometimes I think I would never have BTS if it weren't for that bad time. :-4

Things sometimes work out for the best, don't they?!

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 7:04 pm

Soo what goes around comes back to us in many happinesses. :-4

Tombstone · Post by **Tombstone** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 7:08 pm

nvalleyvee wrote: Soo what goes around comes back to us in many happinesses. :-4

As my son said this week: (paraphrasing)

Life can be full of deliciousness.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 7:10 pm

Tombstone wrote: As my son said this week: (paraphrasing)

Life can be full of deliciousness.

I like that....tell your son thanks for me.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 8:08 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into a guilt trip for enjoying the payback he's getting for the unhappiness and pain he caused you. Don't do it! He deserves to be a grease spot on the highway of life after the way he treated you.

Thanks - I always feel guilty for payback (goes back to my childhood - stupid) - Karma - I will not do that anymore. Happy - Free - and being Myself.........Thanks SC.

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 8:13 pm

As the saying goes: "God works in mysterious ways"! Your Ex was rotten to you, & so now he's getting his. That seems fair, God thought so!!!! :-2

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 8:21 pm

cars wrote: As the saying goes: "God works in mysterious ways"! Your Ex was rotten to you, & so now he's getting his. That seems fair, God thought so!!!! :-2

I never thought a God thing - that's pretty weighty. When Karma and God are mentioned in the same sentence that makes me really uncomfortable and I don't know why. I think Karma is equal to the God thing. Dang Cars - you made me think about my beliefs.....I need some re-evaluation.

Clint · Post by **Clint** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:43 pm

"Vengeance is mine says the Lord". When His vengeance is carried out we need not feel guilty. I believe we can be thankful with impunity.

SweetDarlin · Post by **SweetDarlin** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 10:59 pm

exactly... I was thinking... he treated you badly and you did not smite him... rather, time, God or Karma took care of it and you got to witness a little justice... good feeling :-6 enjoy

jasmund · Post by **jasmund** » Tue Oct 25, 2005 11:26 pm

-Unfortunately for him, he will probably never get that alot of his bad luck is brought on by his own doing.

-it's normal human emotion to want justice when someone does something like that to you, how you deal with those emotions is up to you.

-I am very happy for you that he is no longer in your life and remember , keep putting that hand up, somethings are better left unknown.

-sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud of you;)

Yukakuna · Post by **Yukakuna** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 1:18 am

nvalleyvee wrote: My ex husband left me after my 4th chemo over a year and 1/2 ago. We had been married 7 months. He told me that he did not want any part of paying for my cancer, I wasn't the woman he married and he thought I knew I had cancer before we got married. I felt very lucky to find out just what his character WAS NOT made of. He tried to get tens of thousands of dollars from me but only got what monies he put into the marriage. It took 10 months to get a divorce from this man - married 7 months. We had mutual friends and I always put up the hand when they tried to tell me what was happening to him. WELLLL, today Jullian (my friend who has terminal lung cancer) said he looked like crap and rambled like a crazy person - I was happy. Then I thought about it and thought I should feel bad for him BUT I DON'T. His Karma has hit him and I new I'd be happy about it which is why I never wanted to know. SOOOO now I know and I am happy - will that come back to me as bad Karma?

Everything that happens is nonrandom. Your karma is already damaged much and this divorce is a trial. Have you heard of people that cured without obvious reason? You know why? Because they were able to change themselves, to change their attitude to life et c. All trial are given to us in order to clean our soul and karma. All you need is love, that ethereal love to God (which is already has become so dogmatic, that people just don't understand the meaning of it). If you'll be able to take everything without anger, complaints and stuff, keeping on your mind that it is God's will, keeping love in your sole (it is VERY hard, I know, believe me), than you'll maybe change the situation.

jpcme · Post by **jpcme** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 3:23 am

nvalleyvee wrote: His Karma has hit him and I new I'd be happy about it which is why I never wanted to know. SOOOO now I know and I am happy - will that come back to me as bad Karma?

No.

His Karma has hit him, and is now hitting you. He made you unhappy his Karma is now repaying that with the happy feelings. Sit back relax and enjoy.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 5:49 am

According to the concept of Karma, one's actions in the past have shaped one's present reality and one's actions in the present will in turn influence one's future. ( you can see this in you ex's current situation)

(What goes round comes round. )

You have gone through a basic human reaction to your suffering but move on now and be positive. Buddhism encourages people to create the best possible karma in the present in order to ensure the best possible outcome in the future.

Good luck and warm wishes

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 7:40 am

I agree with all the above, nvv.

What goes around comes around. Its just not often you actually get to see someone get their comeuppance! Enjoy the gloat! He was mean now he's getting his bad karma back. You were lovely, you were rewarded with BTS. Nothing to worry about.

My favourite saying is: Worry is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do but gets you nowhere.

I think women tend to have an inbuilt worry button, as we worry about pretty much everything. Well this time, don't worry, be happy. Its just his bad karma kicking him up the butt, and I'd say a private little gloat is a fairly normal natural thing to do!

minks · Post by **minks** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 7:43 am

nvalleyvee wrote: Thanks Tombstone.........I do intend to move on as I have for a long time. I have a wonderful man in my life now. Sometimes I think I would never have BTS if it weren't for that bad time. :-4

See not Bad Karma, but Fate, all the past brought you to BTS, so you see hun tis all good.

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 8:05 am

nvalleyvee wrote: My ex husband left me after my 4th chemo over a year and 1/2 ago. We had been married 7 months. He told me that he did not want any part of paying for my cancer, I wasn't the woman he married and he thought I knew I had cancer before we got married.

This post really strikes a chord with me. You see....my wife really did know she had terrible health problems when she married me. She had already had two bowel resections and a complete hysterectomy as well as a long history of other ailments.

I met her during a period of relative health for her and never suspected she had problems at all....and she didn't tell me for fear she would lose me.

We dated for a year, and then married. That's when the health problems resurfaced and they've been an uphill battle ever since. She's had TIAs, strokes, four more surgeries, each worse than the last. She's troubled by horrible post-traumatic syndrome thanks to an abusive marriage in her youth, and of course like anyone in her position, she has terrible insecurity and is constantly worried she will lose me. She suffers horrible nightmares, her circulation is so bad that parts of her body die off occasionally and have to be nursed back to health painstakingly.

We've been to 14 doctors, six hospitals, and innumerable specialists. She has been hospitalized, for periods greater than a month, over 110 times in the last 11 years that we have been married by my counting.

It's 11 years later now, I've been bankrupted twice, I work 4 jobs to make ends meet, and yet even with my stable and dependable job, over $5,000,000 worth of health bills loom in the future.

The future is unbelievably bleak. Her health continues to deteriorate, she will die, not too soon, but not too much later either. I give her slightly over 15 years, perhaps less with her heavy smoking, about the time I will retire. At that time, all that I have built in my life, my savings, my car, my very home will be forfeit for the bills.

I will end my life dead broke after a lifetime of work. (I've only been unemployed for a total of 7 days since I was 15). After lifetime of striving and grappling, I will most likely end my life a ward of the state, destitute and alone.

You'd most likely think this prospect would depress me. You might also be wondering why I stayed with her for so long at the sacrifice of my own entire life and future, despite her deception, and never bailed to save myself.

That would be love.

NVal, you say that your husband's character was to blame for his desertion. But I think it was something else. I don't think he truly understood what love is, and I am positive he wasn't ever in love with you at all, even if he thought he was. when I said, "in sickness and in health" like everyone else, i assumed that I would get way more health than sickness, but that hasn't turned out to be the case. A vow is a vow, however. And I don't intend to break it.

The good Lord knows I thought of it often, but each time I was reminded just how much she means to me, and that without her, life itself might be more comfortable, but would be infinitely pointless.

I have no regrets, I've lived a life of adventure that most men can only dream of, from the high stratophere of near space to the gutter, from the pinacle of the corporate world, to the depths of jail, from....well, you get the picture.

So I have held on to her, cherishing every single second that I get with her. A thousand times at her bedside, as I looked at her gray skin and closed eyes, listened to her shallow breathing and watched her sunken features, I have asked the Lord to grant me just one more hour, just another day, a month a year....

And each time he has relented and let me have her for just a little more time. (I'm kind of selfish that way.)

So when I die, others may see my final years as tragic, not me.

It was all worth it.

cars · Post by **cars** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:13 am

Wow Jives, what a sad saga. Guess that's why nvalleyvee's Ex did what he did. As you said, he did not really love her. But just curious, you said your wife kept her illnesses secret, until you married. Had you found out before the marriage & your vow, do you think you might have had a different perspective? :-2

SweetDarlin · Post by **SweetDarlin** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:22 am

Jives wrote: It was all worth it.wow. just... wow.

I'm gonna frame this post... maybe you should publish it... local paper at least? and If I ever decide I don't like you... I"m gonna re-read this right hereA vow is a vow, however. And I don't intend to break it.

The good Lord knows I thought of it often, but each time I was reminded just how much she means to me, and that without her, life itself might be more comfortable, but would be infinitely pointless. and remind myself what a wonderful human being you are. HUGS!!

:-6

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:50 am

cars wrote: Wow Jives, what a sad saga. Guess that's why nvalleyvee's Ex did what he did. As you said, he did not really love her. But just curious, you said your wife kept her illnesses secret, until you married. Had you found out before the marriage & your vow, do you think you might have had a different perspective? :-2

Good question, Cars. It's this way, if I had found out before I fell in love with her, then yes, I would have left her out of a sense of self-preservation.

If I had found out after I fell in love with her, even if we weren't married yet, then no, I still would have married her.

After all, it's the love that's important, the marriage is just the formalization and the paperwork.

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Wed Oct 26, 2005 10:54 am

SweetDarlin wrote: wow. just... wow.

I'm gonna frame this post... maybe you should publish it... local paper at least? and If I ever decide I don't like you... I"m gonna re-read this right here and remind myself what a wonderful human being you are. HUGS!!

:-6

(jives puts his hands in his pockets and absent-mindedly kicks at the ground)

Awwww...shucks.

I always wanted to be an honest, forthright and dependable man when I was younger. (And the Lord knows I was far from it then!)

I just never realized then, just how difficult it can be to be true to yourself and your ideals.

In the words of President Thomas Jefferson, though, I "endeavor to perservere."

As do we all.

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 12:03 pm

Resubscribing

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 12:59 pm

JIVES, What can I say, your amazing.. What a LUCKY women your wife is to have such a devoted husband. Yes love is the key to everything in life. It truly makes the world go round. :-4 Unconditional love is rare in todays world always refreshing to hear it is out there..

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 1:08 pm

Well thank you, Carla! Maybe this will explain to some of the posters here why I get so passionate about morals and values sometimes....

I've been forced to live up to the most excruciating of my own personal values, and I know for a fact now that values and morals are not just something to be debated on a forum...

They have to be lived.

(It's the Code of the West.)

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Jan 15, 2006 2:26 pm

AMEN to that.. !! Something the youth of today should learn, without morals and values the content of your character is lacking, and will hold you back all your life.

If you don't have a moral compass that makes you do the right thing you will struggle all your life. NO its not easy, and it never will be. Sacrifice is never easy, ever but it will build character that will pays dividens..

Well thank you, Carla! Maybe this will explain to some of the posters here why I get so passionate about morals and values sometimes....

I've been forced to live up to the most excruciating of my own personal values, and I know for a fact now that values and morals are not just something to be debated on a forum...

They have to be lived.(It's the Code of the West.)

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Wed Aug 30, 2006 1:20 pm

Jives wrote: This post really strikes a chord with me. You see....my wife really did know she had terrible health problems when she married me. She had already had two bowel resections and a complete hysterectomy as well as a long history of other ailments.

I met her during a period of relative health for her and never suspected she had problems at all....and she didn't tell me for fear she would lose me.

We dated for a year, and then married. That's when the health problems resurfaced and they've been an uphill battle ever since. She's had TIAs, strokes, four more surgeries, each worse than the last. She's troubled by horrible post-traumatic syndrome thanks to an abusive marriage in her youth, and of course like anyone in her position, she has terrible insecurity and is constantly worried she will lose me. She suffers horrible nightmares, her circulation is so bad that parts of her body die off occasionally and have to be nursed back to health painstakingly.

We've been to 14 doctors, six hospitals, and innumerable specialists. She has been hospitalized, for periods greater than a month, over 110 times in the last 11 years that we have been married by my counting.

It's 11 years later now, I've been bankrupted twice, I work 4 jobs to make ends meet, and yet even with my stable and dependable job, over $5,000,000 worth of health bills loom in the future.

The future is unbelievably bleak. Her health continues to deteriorate, she will die, not too soon, but not too much later either. I give her slightly over 15 years, perhaps less with her heavy smoking, about the time I will retire. At that time, all that I have built in my life, my savings, my car, my very home will be forfeit for the bills.

I will end my life dead broke after a lifetime of work. (I've only been unemployed for a total of 7 days since I was 15). After lifetime of striving and grappling, I will most likely end my life a ward of the state, destitute and alone.

You'd most likely think this prospect would depress me. You might also be wondering why I stayed with her for so long at the sacrifice of my own entire life and future, despite her deception, and never bailed to save myself.

That would be love.

NVal, you say that your husband's character was to blame for his desertion. But I think it was something else. I don't think he truly understood what love is, and I am positive he wasn't ever in love with you at all, even if he thought he was. when I said, "in sickness and in health" like everyone else, i assumed that I would get way more health than sickness, but that hasn't turned out to be the case. A vow is a vow, however. And I don't intend to break it.

The good Lord knows I thought of it often, but each time I was reminded just how much she means to me, and that without her, life itself might be more comfortable, but would be infinitely pointless.

I have no regrets, I've lived a life of adventure that most men can only dream of, from the high stratophere of near space to the gutter, from the pinacle of the corporate world, to the depths of jail, from....well, you get the picture.

So I have held on to her, cherishing every single second that I get with her. A thousand times at her bedside, as I looked at her gray skin and closed eyes, listened to her shallow breathing and watched her sunken features, I have asked the Lord to grant me just one more hour, just another day, a month a year....

And each time he has relented and let me have her for just a little more time. (I'm kind of selfish that way.)

So when I die, others may see my final years as tragic, not me.

It was all worth it.

Oh...BTW...This is all true too. I'm not as bad as all of you might think.