Pre-General Election UK 2015 - a little light relief !

General humor & jokes. Share funny photos and jokes. Must be "R" rated or below.
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G#Gill
Posts: 14763
Joined: Thu Apr 05, 2007 1:09 pm

Pre-General Election UK 2015 - a little light relief !

Post by G#Gill »

After seemingly making a 'nurdle' by posting an apparent 'iffy' joke concerning the Russian gaffer, I decided that I would not post any more jokes - too risky, too much hassle if I am accused of 'getting it wrong'. However, being the female of the species, I am entitled to change my mind .....................OK ? So pick the bones out of the following joke, anybody who has a hankering to do so!...............................................



THIS IS A NON PARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY ALL PARTIES! NOT

ONLY THAT-- it's POLITICALLY CORRECT!!



(AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHICH COUNTRY YOU RESIDE IN OR HAVE ALLEGIANCE TO!)





While walking down the street one day a Member of Parliament is

tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter.



'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a

high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do

with you.'

'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.

'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is

have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose

where to spend eternity.'

'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the MP.

'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he went down,

down, down to hell. The doors open and he found himself in the middle

of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in

front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked

with him.

Everyone is very happy and dressed in evening dress. They run to greet

him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while

getting rich at the expense of the people.

They played a friendly game of golf and then dined on lobster, caviar

and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy

who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a

good time that before he realizes it, it's time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and wave whilst the elevator

rises....

The elevator rises and the door opens in heaven where St. Peter is

waiting for him.

'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls

moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a

good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St.

Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now

choose your eternity.'

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never

have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I

would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down

to hell.

When the doors open he's in the middle of a barren land covered with

waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and

putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ' I

don't understand,' stammers the MP.



'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and

we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, danced and had a great

time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look

miserable. What happened? '

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ' Yesterday we were

campaigning..



Today you voted.
I'm a Saga-lout, growing old disgracefully
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Snowfire
Posts: 4835
Joined: Wed Mar 11, 2009 9:34 am

Pre-General Election UK 2015 - a little light relief !

Post by Snowfire »

Ah very good. Sums up the last few weeks very well
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Winston Churchill
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Smaug
Posts: 1599
Joined: Tue Apr 21, 2015 2:44 am

Pre-General Election UK 2015 - a little light relief !

Post by Smaug »

A near-perfect parody! I take it you've been involved with politicians...:yh_rotfl
" To finish first, first you have to finish!" Rick Mears. 4x Winner Indy 500. 3x Indycar National Champion.
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