Forgiveness is a full time job

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 1:56 pm

For those that are not familiar with my history (don't roll your eyes here, just setting up my point of the thread) I have been divorced for over 8 years and have raised 3 boys on my own with very little help from their father. Yes, I have taken him to court but he's smooth talker and I always come out of the courthouse feeling like I need a cigarette....

So, I finally after many years decide - I HAVE to forgive him, its for MY benefit, not his. So for the last two weeks or so I haven't thought bad thoughts, I've been nice when I have to be and so fourth. I was so thankful that I think I can finally say I've forgiven him for all the hurt he caused me and my boys.

He sees the two younger boys once a month and the oldest one is 22 years old and hardy ever sees his father due to his busy schedule.

Well, yesterday I get a call from him to tell me that they were at the house and we didn't have any water. He bought a car for my middle son and brought it over to the house and flushed out the radiator and in the mean time ran all the water out of my well.

I wasn't too happy to be without water for 4 hours but what was worse was that HE did it, and then got mad when I told him he ran my well dry!!

So, back to the old drawing board! :wah:

Post by **Oscar Namechange** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 2:04 pm

At least you tried and made the move Wendy and that Is the humble part.

It's a kick In the teeth when the forgiveness Is thrown back.

I forgave my ex husband.

-kg- · Post by **-kg-** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 2:22 pm

It is hard enough to forgive one for past actions. The really hard part is to forgive that person for future actions, which you know are inevitable.

That you forgive a person for his or her transgressions is laudable, but it will not change that person's attitudes and future actions. That requires further actions, if such can be attained at all.

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Sep 25, 2011 10:54 pm

I don't know that what I've achieved is forgiveness. I realised that it's unfair to expect more from someone than they are capable of giving. We lavish praise on a two year old just for using a potty. Some adults deserve the same praise. It's cruel to expect more.

fuzzywuzzy · Post by **fuzzywuzzy** » Mon Sep 26, 2011 12:45 am

-kg-;1371014 wrote: It is hard enough to forgive one for past actions. The really hard part is to forgive that person for future actions, which you know are inevitable.

That you forgive a person for his or her transgressions is laudable, but it will not change that person's attitudes and future actions. That requires further actions, if such can be attained at all.

And that's why my ex can go rot in hell.....I only forgive those who i believe will understand forgivenss, I don't give forgivenss to those who wear a smirk on their face . It has to be beneficial to both persons involved.

Post by **LarsMac** » Mon Sep 26, 2011 8:05 am

As stated in the OP, forgiveness is for your own benefit, not that of the offender.

You can't carry all that crap around with you for your whole life.

Post by **jones jones** » Mon Sep 26, 2011 9:28 am

Nevva evva get kicked twice by the same donkey Wendy!:-5

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Mon Sep 26, 2011 6:14 pm

Wendy

Good to see you here on FG...

Letting the well run dry - there's a reason why you divorced him.

And he was trying to do a good positive job helping your son.

It won't be the last screw up, you know that.

He's trying - and Good for you for trying also.

Remember your son's need a relationship with "him"..

Good luck

Patsy

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Mon Sep 26, 2011 8:29 pm

oscar;1371010 wrote: At least you tried and made the move Wendy and that Is the humble part.

It's a kick In the teeth when the forgiveness Is thrown back.

I forgave my ex husband. I'm glad you forgave your ex too! This really wasn't THAT bad....I still forgive him.

-kg-;1371014 wrote: It is hard enough to forgive one for past actions. The really hard part is to forgive that person for future actions, which you know are inevitable.

That you forgive a person for his or her transgressions is laudable, but it will not change that person's attitudes and future actions. That requires further actions, if such can be attained at all. Wow, Very well said! I agree 100%

koan;1371032 wrote: I don't know that what I've achieved is forgiveness. I realised that it's unfair to expect more from someone than they are capable of giving. We lavish praise on a two year old just for using a potty. Some adults deserve the same praise. It's cruel to expect more. So true, part of my healing process is to realize that he isn't a bad person and what is in the past stays there.

fuzzywuzzy;1371045 wrote: And that's why my ex can go rot in hell.....I only forgive those who i believe will understand forgivenss, I don't give forgivenss to those who wear a smirk on their face . It has to be beneficial to both persons involved. Its hard to forgive people that have hurt us...I get that -its really hard to forgive those who don't deserve it.

LarsMac;1371062 wrote: As stated in the OP, forgiveness is for your own benefit, not that of the offender.

You can't carry all that crap around with you for your whole life. Yep, letting go of the baggage....whoooo hoooo!

jones jones;1371079 wrote: Nevva evva get kicked twice by the same donkey Wendy!:-5 Funny enough, I married and divorced this guy twice...lol

Patsy Warnick;1371133 wrote: Wendy

Good to see you here on FG...

Letting the well run dry - there's a reason why you divorced him.

And he was trying to do a good positive job helping your son.

It won't be the last screw up, you know that.

He's trying - and Good for you for trying also.

Remember your son's need a relationship with "him"..

Good luck

Patsy Hello Patsy, So good to see you! I've missed you! You are absolutely right (of course). I realize that he was trying to help, and the problem was solved in a few hours so it wasn't that big of a deal. I still forgive him for our past relationship and glad that he is a part of my boys' lives now for their sake.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Sep 27, 2011 6:01 am

Hi WW nice to see you, welcome back

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Tue Sep 27, 2011 6:26 am

I have never thought bout giving forgiveness to my ex. But I did wake up one day and realize that I'm happier now than I have been in longtime. So maybe I'm more thankful to be out of a unhappy situation more than anything.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Sep 27, 2011 3:37 pm

buttercup;1371154 wrote: Hi WW nice to see you, welcome back

Hello Buttercup and thank you! Its good to be back in the garden:-6

Sheryl;1371155 wrote: I have never thought bout giving forgiveness to my ex. But I did wake up one day and realize that I'm happier now than I have been in longtime. So maybe I'm more thankful to be out of a unhappy situation more than anything. I understand that completely! I often think how hard the last 8 years have been financially, emotionally and physically and then I think about if I would've been married to him still it would have been much worse and I am thankful for the tough times that have made me stronger, smarter and even prettier (yes I said prettier)- I like who I am now!

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Tue Sep 27, 2011 3:43 pm

Your an awesome person Wendy!

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Sep 27, 2011 3:47 pm

buttercup;1371154 wrote: Hi WW nice to see you, welcome back

Sheryl;1371221 wrote: Your an awesome person Wendy! Awww, :yh_love so are you!! People from Texas are awesome no matter what they do!!:-6:-6

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Sep 27, 2011 10:00 pm

My ex cost me more money than I'm proud to admit but he really does mean well, he's just not stable. We had a very pleasant visit today and I hold nothing against him. I'm glad I don't have to fight the same issues.