Why Do We Miss The Ones We Shouldn't

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue May 10, 2005 7:59 am

Dana71 wrote: I just currently had gotten out of a relationship that was on the borderline of not healthy. He was a great guy but he had issues, I was not able to do anything but give him all my free time and attention. He had issues with trusts, jealousy, you name it.

I tried to be patient and help him through his issues, the last straw was at the restuarant he accused me of flirting with the waiter....umm he was 17???? he then ignored me the whole night and did not talk to me for 5 days. Just ignored me. He did this to me constantly.

I ended it a few weeks ago, i cannot live like that, with the silent treatment, its hell, especially when i cannot figure out what the heck I even did. I get sad at times because I miss him, but dont miss his crazy ways, and we are better off apart.

I dont want to feel sad, or bad about this. Any advice on this matter???

you are feeling low right now because there is an empty void. Emotionally and physically. I think it is common, and sadly it is common in an abusive relationship as that is how they cycle works. Abuse, separation, the urge to fill the void, and getting back together again.

Not saying you were abused but possibly borderline emotional abuse and that is sooooo the cycle. Hun hang in it will pass and steer clear of the guy.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue May 10, 2005 8:00 am

ps abusers make the victims feel needy.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue May 10, 2005 8:16 am

Dana71 wrote: Yes your very right Minks, he had the tendencies to be emotionally abusive, and thats why I had to get away, Im not going through that. Im just having a hard time today.(sigh)

It has to get better.

Oh it will keep your chin up hun, it's a big bad empty void and it will get smaller every day and yes time does heal. How long were you together?

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Tue May 10, 2005 8:16 am

Dana71 wrote: I just currently had gotten out of a relationship that was on the borderline of not healthy. He was a great guy but he had issues, I was not able to do anything but give him all my free time and attention. He had issues with trusts, jealousy, you name it.

I tried to be patient and help him through his issues, the last straw was at the restuarant he accused me of flirting with the waiter....umm he was 17???? he then ignored me the whole night and did not talk to me for 5 days. Just ignored me. He did this to me constantly.

I ended it a few weeks ago, i cannot live like that, with the silent treatment, its hell, especially when i cannot figure out what the heck I even did. I get sad at times because I miss him, but dont miss his crazy ways, and we are better off apart.

I dont want to feel sad, or bad about this. Any advice on this matter???
Its a good thing your out of that relationship. By what you wrote, it does sound unhealthy and the worst thing people can do is stay in one thinking that they can change the person and things will get better.

I got out of a bad one several years ago. Even though I knew it was bad, I was still lonely at times. I jumped into work and spent a lot of time with friends (and sis) but times like at night, when trying to go to sleep, I would get sooo lonely. Things turned around when I found someone to spend time with and then I looked back thinking, "good call ....you made the right move leaving that jerk"

smithy87 · Post by **smithy87** » Tue May 10, 2005 8:17 am

Dana71 wrote: Yes your very right Minks, he had the tendencies to be emotionally abusive, and thats why I had to get away, Im not going through that. Im just having a hard time today.(sigh)

It has to get better.

It'll get better. You're bound to have good days and bad until you adapt to the situation

keep ya chin up

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue May 10, 2005 8:28 am

he's a bully.

Maybe one day you can become friends again.

mominiowa · Post by **mominiowa** » Tue May 10, 2005 9:03 am

I got out of a relationship after spending 11 years with him..I had 4 kids - and yet I was never enough for him...He was the one that was "wandering" but would come home from being gone all night and accuse me of messing around..It hurt becuase I had 4 small kids..one was 7 months when he left the last time..I should have been mad as hell and not let him back - BUT the part of being alone was horrible.. I kept taking him back...Let me tell you - Friendship can lead right back into a relationship and girl..you are strong and can get through this...Throw yourself into anything you enjoy - friends, family...anything - but if you knew it was wrong once..IT will ALWAYS be wrong..Don't eat yourself up..You saying its over just means you are the STRONG one...Hang in there - thing will get better...and there is ALWAYS someone for somebody! I met him a year later!! :-6

greydeadhead · Post by **greydeadhead** » Tue May 10, 2005 10:44 am

Hey Dana...

You did the best thing you could do. Forget the loser and get on with your life. His silent treatment is a form of abuse and you don't have to put up with it. have a great day and be well...

babygirl · Post by **babygirl** » Tue May 10, 2005 5:30 pm

hey dana you did good hunny just to admit that your relationship was not working now just hang in there it does get easier