Confused about life and the universe.

[fuzzywuzzy]

have been thinking about this since the "is gay a choice thread"



As you all know My lifes' circumstances has changed somewhat.

Well it's getting harder to work out where abouts I stand in the universe.

Here's the thing .....How do you get along in a society where there are clear distinctions between 'men and women', 'macho men', and 'girly women'...I don't fit in.

I can't have a boyfriend because once you're in a relationship you have to choose between your mates and your partner...(men always want to know what you're talking about with your 'male' mates ...jealousies occur etc etc..

Problem with me though is I like the company of men ...can't help it I'm a man's man ....errrr woman. I much prefer their company to a female. Unless the female is either outlandish and fun (but not slutish) or just very open. But in retrospect i actually like the females I've never met, yet talk to often over the internet. I've found that the internet anomynity seems to allow women to open up ...you know? see more of their personality, honesty ...if you will.

So what do I do in real life ? Everyone says "just act yourself and to hell with everyone else" Great in theory, and I can see you all nodding your heads .....but in reality it doesn't work that way . You have gossip and innuendo to deal with . It's not my fault I can breed/raise children and still like 'mostly manly' related activities....I have three sons god damit I really have no choice...........but then again, I've grown up that way . Even as a youngster I believed boys to be more fun. (except when you bowl them out in street cricket they tend to take their bat and ball and go home )

So how do you keep your own integrity,likes and dislikes and avoid women and men (boyfriends) from thinking you like men because you're a slut or after their husbands?

How do you work that balance.

[koan]

imo, Jealousy can't be reasoned with. Most likely the men you hang out with have thought of boning you. From what I'm told, they can't help thinking about it. Doesn't mean they'll try... it just crosses their minds. If you concern yourself with what the women around you think of you you'll go crazy. Just let them wallow in their own insecurity and enjoy spending your time with whoever you want.

[fuzzywuzzy]

hhhhmmmmmm Kind of brings it down to neanderthal type of reasoning though doesn't it. Letting people wallow in their own insecurities means I end up lonely and on the cusp of society . i'm beginning to feel like some hair bunned long dressed woman in the 19th century wanting voting rights for women ...........honestly I don't think humans have changed much in the last 400 years.

[fuzzywuzzy]

Yesterday brought me to an understanding that I was a bit different or my new position as a seperated /divorcee is having an impact.. I went to pick the boys up from Cricket training last night . I went into the club rooms for a wiz and afterward came out and spoke to the women. Alls good I'm friendly they are friendly. having a good little friendly conversation.................Now move forward to me moving from there to where the boys are across the field. I walk over and a football comes my way and I catch it and kick it back. comes my way again and I kick it back.............then one of my boys friends yells out ...Hey your mum is a better kick than you ....UH OH.....but then I had to think about that ...I taught them both how to kick and play cricket not their father. Then my older boy perks up and says "Yep I get my sport from my mum and my love of bacon and eggs from my dad". Adn then the younger ...."I get my running from mum and computers from my dad". I added "you also get your story telling and writing skills from me to lad".......then a three year old in the vicinity want's me to help him kick a ball . The kids tell me he can't hand ball it because it hurts his hands . so I take him aside and show him how not to hurt his hand .......I reckon we'll be watching this youngster in a AFL grand final one day . **** his got some skills.

so fast forward. I'm at the club rooms again and the three year old wants a drink so I get him a cup of water and go outside to talk to the women again. half way through the conversation about how all the kids are growing so fast and I remember when he was still in your arms etc etc ..they up and leave...I found myself sitting by myself and they had carried on the conversation inside the club rooms .....I'm like what the effing hell did I say? what did I do? I'm sitting there analysing the conversation for any slip ups etc. but I couldn't come up with any . My manner was polite and cordial etc.

So I just went over to the boys again and backed the wicket keeper.

[koan]

I don't understand how you end up by yourself if you have your male friends to hang out with. I know the type of women your last story described and haven't a clue why you would want to sit with them anyway.

[fuzzywuzzy]

No this was just the circumstances that brought it all home . It was just cricket training not a social event.

Small town, no one else to talk to . I really have to expand my horizons and you have to talk to the women otherwise it just makes it worse for you .....yep even worse than I just described.

I'm beginning to come to the conclusion that I need more 'bitch' in me'

[CinnamonBear]

fuzzy, this is another good thread and subject. From the outside looking in, I'm sorry I don't have any steadfast answers but I will say this. I read your divorce thread and my hat goes off to you. You're finding your own way in a new way. I can't personally relate to what you're going through but it appears you're doing it step by step. And maybe that's the answer to your questions here. Really, you answered your own question by your actions thus far. There's no need to rush anything. Every day is a new joy and those who love you, love you. They see your strength and willingness to carry on and they love you and vice versa. Guaranteed, there are many more in your future who will love you and see the real you too. Many more chapters to your life.

Somehow you don't come across as one who needs to take anti-depressants to mask the day. Or days. I'm trying to help a friend of mine who got on those drugs after her divorce ... ahh, nevermind, another subject. She's a sweetheart but in pain from her divorce tho truly strong enough to stand on her own. 'nother subject

Outside looking in again, I see strength in your words and not just this thread. You are your own person and your life is unfolding as it should and we only live one time. Sometimes it's good to watch it flow as an outsider looking in - on our own lives. Enjoy the ride and take it slow. Be grateful. ahhh, my best advice ... gratitude.

God bless you and yours.

[fuzzywuzzy]

It's funny you know I was offered anti depressents, went and bought them and decided not to take them because I feel that it only masks the pain as you said ....I need to feel this pain.....well not pain as such because this is probably more about adjustment. I and others have to get used to the adjustment.

but that has nothing to do witht he way society works as I'm seeing it. People saw me as a particular person and I had a particular role and now they have to come to terms in seeing me in a new light . Maybe that's the answer. They have to get used to me ....not the other way around. God i wish I was more like Pinky ...now she had balls!!!

[kazalala]

how did they come to get up and leave? did thy say lets go inside? did they just get up automatically without any prompt and go? why did'nt you go with them:sneaky:

sounds a bit like when my hubby was in the RAF and they used to have "wives club" "mother & toddlers" club all the same thing,, very clicky and i soon decided not to bother. I normally managed to find one friend or maybe 2 while i was at a camp, but i would rather have done without than try to infiltrate their group. One camp we were at my husband kept saying so and so told me to tell you to go over for a coffee, if i saw them out they would say come for a coffee,, i did once,, they pulled a woman who wasnt there to pieces,, hmmm i went again,, the woman they were pulling to pieces last time was there this time.. someone else got the treatment this time though,, that was last time i bothered with them,,,, i usually did end up making a friend but if i didnt ,, meh

[CARLA]

We haven't changed much in 400 years your right we just dress better. No advice other that to say you can't change who your are for anyone else. You know the strength of your character and the depth of your integerity. Others will see that as well, that is all you can hope for.

I do know how you feel I was married and divorced by the age of 24. All my friends were married and I was the lone single girl with child. Eventually when the husband's stopped giving their wives reason to think they were hitting on me (some were, some weren't). Then their wives realized I wasn't going to take their husbands from them ever (not in my character, or morals) , they lightened up on me.

I can say your thinking to much about something you can't change others will see you how they want, until they see they are wrong.

[Boogalette]

fuzzywuzzy;1340111 wrote: have been thinking about this since the "is gay a choice thread"

So how do you keep your own integrity,likes and dislikes and avoid women and men (boyfriends) from thinking you like men because you're a slut or after their husbands?

How do you work that balance.


Well, woman are possessive of their men, hubbys,beaus and friends. They are intimadated by other women they feel can swoop in and take their place. I`ve dealt with that first hand. It`s so not pretty to watch other women lose their dignity and act like harpies. It is very unflattering to see.

But I do suggest that if you want to smooth the road with your guy friends spouse, include her in some of the activities. She just needs to know that you have no interest in her `man` in that way. Speak with her, and with indirect conversation, assure her that you have no interest in him.

Mind you, some women can never be assured, and will forever be insecure. You can`t change that situation.

Go out and have fun. You`re not out to destroy relationships and people will pick that up, the sensible ones anyway.