Yo is redneck iffn'

[hoppy]

you can burp the entire chorus of 'Jingle Bells.'

truckers tell your wife to watch her language.

you think Dishwasher Broken means wife has no money.

your dog sleeps closer to you than your wife does.

your wife beats you at arm wrestling

your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

your wife drinks more beer than you do.

your wife ever burned out an electric razor.

your wife has a beer belly, and you find it attractive.

your wife has four-wheel drive on her vacuum cleaner.

your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.

your wife owns a camouflage nightie.

your wife would rather fish off a bridge then shop.

your wife's best shoes have steel toes.

your wife's brass knuckles set off the airport security.

your wife's hairdo has been ruined by a ceiling fan

your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.

your wife outweighs your truck.

if you find a car while cutting your grass.

if you're family tree is a straight line

if you've been accused of lying through your teeth

if your dog passes gas and you claim it

"Somebody jiggle that" is a common household phrase.

a big time is shooting rats at the dump.

after sex, ask to roll down the car window.

all of your four-letter words are two syllables

all your art was purchased at gas stations.

any of your hobbies require dogs and a lantern.

anyone in your family wrestles alligators for a living.

anything outside the Lower 48 is 'overseas.'

blowing a tire means a new flower pot for the front yard.

directions include "turn off the paved road"

everybody can tell what kind of underwear you're wearing

everyone in your family is an Elvis impersonator.

hitchhikers won't get in the car with you

Jack Daniels makes your list of most admired people

kudzu is in your family crest.

less than half the cars you own run.

your father made your personalized license plate.

your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade

on your honeymoon, you leave the driving to Greyhound.

people hunt in your front yard.

photos of your mama were taken from the front and side.

Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

stealing road signs is a family outing.

you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income

Thanksgiving was ruined because you ran out of ketchup

the cockroaches left a note saying 'Clean this place up!'

the dog can't watch you eat without gagging

the original color of your carpet is an unsolved mystery.

the Orkin man tells you, 'Give up; you've lost.'

the pink flamingos in your front yard aren't a joke

the primary color of your car is bondo.

the rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front

the taillight covers on your car are made of tape.

there are antlers nailed to the outside of your house.

there is a ham hanging from your front porch.

there is a puddle in your driveway year-round.

there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your home

there's a wasp nest in your living room.

you consider beer and a bug-zapper quality entertainment

you don't stop at rest stops because you have an empty milk jug

you think toilet water is exactly that.

you actually know which leaves make the best toilet paper

you answer the door with a baseball bat in your hand.

you don't need a clean shirt to go to work.

you are allowed to bring your dog to work