Having Your Dreams Taken Away...Please Read

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 7:43 pm

I was going to post this in my grief thread, but thought it may do more good here.

Some words of wisdom I'd like to share that I learned the hard way, but I hope helps someone else that may read this.

Grant and I wanted to be married more than anything...it didn't matter how or where, we just HAD to be. So we both worked that Thursday morning, then took the afternoon off to go down to the courthouse and get married. The next day we were both back to work. No parties, no fancy ceremony, no honeymoon...but that didn't matter to either of us, we were married. We talked about it at 10yrs, we talked about it at 15yrs, but with all the kids and work we just never did it...so we planned it that on our 20th anniversary, after the kids were grown and gone, we would renew our vows in a nice little church ceremony and then take that long overdue honeymoon. This was our dream together. But only 3 months after our 17th, he just died and no one could tell me why. So we had put it off, only to never have our dream realized. So tomorrow would have been number 18...only 2 years to go...but now that dream is over when we could have done it long ago.

We never know when it will happen, but we're never promised a tomorrow. Whatever magical dreams you have for the future, don't put them off for another day. Do it as soon as you can, make it happen...we never know when our dreams will be taken from us, leaving so much regret.

:-4 Shel

G-man · Post by **G-man** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 8:12 pm

That's so beautiful, Shelbell. Your dream is something that so very few ever get to experience... finding a love like you have with Grant. You both knew what was important and you found that in each other. What could possibly compare to that?

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 8:47 pm

G-man;1269878 wrote: That's so beautiful, Shelbell. Your dream is something that so very few ever get to experience... finding a love like you have with Grant. You both knew what was important and you found that in each other. What could possibly compare to that?

So very well put, G-man.

Thank you for sharing your story, Shel. I'm so sorry for your loss. It took a lot of courage to post that at such a sad time for you. ((( HUGS)))

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 8:58 pm

You and Grant shared many dreams together you were both so very luck to have each other. I feel your sorrow I wish I could take that away. :-1

[QUOTE]“If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.

Flavia Weedn quotes[/QUOTE]

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 9:06 pm

Your story tells me you did live a lovely dream Shell:-4:-4

Hugs to you.:-4

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:18 pm

You only live once, you had a wonderful love for eachother, the simplicity is the beautiful depth of your love.

Shel

you had the carpet ripped out from beneath you - we all hope your getting back on your feet one day at a time..

I also had a Hardball thrown at me - soooooo, I live for NOW..

Thinking of you & good to see ya - hope the hurdles aren't tooooo big..?

Patsy

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 11:28 pm

G-man;1269878 wrote: That's so beautiful, Shelbell. Your dream is something that so very few ever get to experience... finding a love like you have with Grant. You both knew what was important and you found that in each other. What could possibly compare to that?

Extremely well said G-man!

I know how hard this has been for you Shell, you and Grant shared so much together and you had so many things in common, your love for you favorite baseball team the Chicago Cubs, spending quiet evenings just the two of you, Christmas time, Grant just loved like a little kid, camping, fishing and so much more. The kind of love you both shared comes along very seldom, cherish your dreams and hopes as they don't always come true.:-4

xob

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:14 am

CARLA;1269882 wrote: You and Grant shared many dreams together you were both so very luck to have each other. I feel your sorrow I wish I could take that away. :-1

What a great quote Carla...it's one for me to remember.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:22 am

Patsy Warnick;1269892 wrote: You only live once, you had a wonderful love for eachother, the simplicity is the beautiful depth of your love.

Shel

you had the carpet ripped out from beneath you - we all hope your getting back on your feet one day at a time..

I also has a Hardball thrown at me - soooooo, I live for NOW..

Thinking of you & good to see ya - hope the hurdles aren't tooooo big..?

Patsy

Thanks Patsy, I think you grabbed my message...live for NOW. Don't put things off or you may never get the chance.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:45 am

Thank you all...I did have that "dream" love...the one that everyone strives for. I'm so thankful that we both knew what we had when we had it. This is why I wanted to say to everyone, that when you have something so good, don't take it for granted...hold onto it tight and don't put off your dreams to when it's more "convenient". Live for today, and love like there may not be a tomorrow. :-4

jmoore · Post by **jmoore** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 5:10 am

Sorry for your loss. You have expressed a beautiful love between two people. Thank you for reminding us to live for today and not put off our dreams. None of us know how long we really have in this life. Peace be with you.

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 9:47 am

shelbell;1269925 wrote: Thank you all...I did have that "dream" love...the one that everyone strives for. I'm so thankful that we both knew what we had when we had it. This is why I wanted to say to everyone, that when you have something so good, don't take it for granted...hold onto it tight and don't put off your dreams to when it's more "convenient". Live for today, and love like there may not be a tomorrow. :-4

my Porsche is looking pretty fine right now.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 9:53 am

Lots of hugs to you Shell...

(((((Shell))))):-4

farmer giles · Post by **farmer giles** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 11:51 am

very sorry for your loss my friend :-6:-6

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:03 pm

When we marry young, it seems like we have our whole lives ahead of us. The future is in the far distance.

When we marry in our "middle years" as Hubby and I have done, we know we will not have all that much time together. So we try to remember to cherish every day . Each day is indeed a gift. Our feelings for one another are not embellished with romantic notions or hindered with insecurities. We simply love and like each other and are committed to one another...til death do us part. I know I will feel a great loss in my life without him whenever that time comes.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:36 pm

Kathy Ellen;1270051 wrote: Lots of hugs to you Shell...

(((((Shell))))):-4

farmer giles;1270100 wrote: very sorry for your loss my friend :-6:-6

Thank you both. :-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:37 pm

along-for-the-ride;1270103 wrote: When we marry young, it seems like we have our whole lives ahead of us. The future is in the far distance.

When we marry in our "middle years" as Hubby and I have done, we know we will not have all that much time together. So we try to remember to cherish every day . Each day is indeed a gift. Our feelings for one another are not embellished with romantic notions or hindered with insecurities. We simply love and like each other and are committed to one another...til death do us part. I know I will feel a great loss in my life without him whenever that time comes.

Awesome aftr...I'm so glad that you are making the most out of life and cherishing every moment together. It's what life should be like. :-4

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:49 pm

:-4 A romantic love story, as it should be. Dreams may be taken away, but remain forever close to you, in your heart. Nothing can ever change that my dear.

I dream of far away beaches

where we once roamed the shores

the shade of a palm tree

between the incoming tide

and forever

I am luckier, my husband survived, but it is not him anymore. But I sleep at night in those places we once were, because time never changes within the heart. Maybe he catches those glimpses himself when asleep, because then he is released from a frail body and the mind can roam free.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 1:58 pm

Ah Shelbell, Chonsi - hugs to you both. I have my husband, but lost my first daughter - and all those future dreams that won't now ever be... Still, there are good memories. You hold on to those, and the hope that one day we'll be united fully once more with those we love always.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 2:12 pm

chonsigirl;1270141 wrote: :-4 A romantic love story, as it should be. Dreams may be taken away, but remain forever close to you, in your heart. Nothing can ever change that my dear.

I dream of far away beaches

where we once roamed the shores

the shade of a palm tree

between the incoming tide

and forever

I am luckier, my husband survived, but it is not him anymore. But I sleep at night in those places we once were, because time never changes within the heart. Maybe he catches those glimpses himself when asleep, because then he is released from a frail body and the mind can roam free.

That's wonderful chonsi...I think your husband is the lucky one. There are so many people that would just put their loved one in a home because they don't have the dedication you do. You are such a strong and wonderful lady and there are so many that can learn from your example. :-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 2:18 pm

AussiePam;1270147 wrote: Ah Shelbell, Chonsi - hugs to you both. I have my husband, but lost my first daughter - and all those future dreams that won't now ever be... Still, there are good memories. You hold on to those, and the hope that one day we'll be united fully once more with those we love always.

Thanks Pam. I couldn't even imagine losing a child and I don't even want to try...losing my beloved is hard enough. Yes the memories of each passing moment help us to keep our sanity in times like these, but I believe that letting go of the dreams is one of the hardest things to do. And I do believe that one day I will be reunited with Grant and all my other loved ones I have lost.:-4

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 2:27 pm

shelbell;1269870 wrote: I was going to post this in my grief thread, but thought it may do more good here.

Some words of wisdom I'd like to share that I learned the hard way, but I hope helps someone else that may read this.

Grant and I wanted to be married more than anything...it didn't matter how or where, we just HAD to be. So we both worked that Thursday morning, then took the afternoon off to go down to the courthouse and get married. The next day we were both back to work. No parties, no fancy ceremony, no honeymoon...but that didn't matter to either of us, we were married. We talked about it at 10yrs, we talked about it at 15yrs, but with all the kids and work we just never did it...so we planned it that on our 20th anniversary, after the kids were grown and gone, we would renew our vows in a nice little church ceremony and then take that long overdue honeymoon. This was our dream together. But only 3 months after our 17th, he just died and no one could tell me why. So we had put it off, only to never have our dream realized. So tomorrow would have been number 18...only 2 years to go...but now that dream is over when we could have done it long ago.

We never know when it will happen, but we're never promised a tomorrow. Whatever magical dreams you have for the future, don't put them off for another day. Do it as soon as you can, make it happen...we never know when our dreams will be taken from us, leaving so much regret.

:-4 Shel

I think the fact that you both loved each other is enough to feel comfortable in the fact that a ceremony really isn't as meaningful as one might think...

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 2:37 pm

K.Snyder;1270164 wrote: I think the fact that you both loved each other is enough to feel comfortable in the fact that a ceremony really isn't as meaningful as one might think...

You're right to an extent Kev. Although it was both of our dreams, it was by far more his than mine, he was the romantic of our marriage, he was the sensitive one and he wanted to make it happen so badly. To be honest, I think I am the one that kept putting it off for so many, what I know now to be, "excuses". I think this is one of the things that hurts so much...he didn't get his part of the dream and I took that away from him by postponing it. That's why I say, don't put your dreams aside for another day...live them now.

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 3:26 pm

shelbell;1270166 wrote: You're right to an extent Kev. Although it was both of our dreams, it was by far more his than mine, he was the romantic of our marriage, he was the sensitive one and he wanted to make it happen so badly. To be honest, I think I am the one that kept putting it off for so many, what I know now to be, "excuses". I think this is one of the things that hurts so much...he didn't get his part of the dream and I took that away from him by postponing it. That's why I say, don't put your dreams aside for another day...live them now.

Honey you're just feeling guilty because you're hurting inside...

Give it a strenuous think...Would you ever think in this world he'd want you to regret anything you've both shared? He wanted to do it to make you happy sweetheart not to make himself happy...

He loves you...No way he'd want you to feel guilty for anything...You can't beat yourself up for something you entirely didn't expect anymore than others expect the unexpected to bring themselves to assume something might could happen...

He loves you/You love him...No ceremony is going to change that...

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 7:12 pm

chonsigirl;1270141 wrote: :-4 A romantic love story, as it should be. Dreams may be taken away, but remain forever close to you, in your heart. Nothing can ever change that my dear.

I dream of far away beaches

where we once roamed the shores

the shade of a palm tree

between the incoming tide

and forever

I am luckier, my husband survived, but it is not him anymore. But I sleep at night in those places we once were, because time never changes within the heart. Maybe he catches those glimpses himself when asleep, because then he is released from a frail body and the mind can roam free.

:-4:yh_hugs

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sun Dec 06, 2009 12:09 am

K.Snyder;1270184 wrote: Honey you're just feeling guilty because you're hurting inside...

Give it a strenuous think...Would you ever think in this world he'd want you to regret anything you've both shared? He wanted to do it to make you happy sweetheart not to make himself happy...

He loves you...No way he'd want you to feel guilty for anything...You can't beat yourself up for something you entirely didn't expect anymore than others expect the unexpected to bring themselves to assume something might could happen...

He loves you/You love him...No ceremony is going to change that...

Thanks Kev, you're such a sweetie. :-4 Where'd you get your wisdom from for such a young un?

I'm still trying to make the point of this thread tho hun...don't put off the important things for another day...try your best to not have any guilt or regrets in case something like this happens. Live and love everyday like it could be your last. :-4

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sun Dec 06, 2009 12:18 am

I second that. There is only the now. The past is for memories. The future for dreams. Live every moment to the full.

nok · Post by **nok** » Sun Dec 06, 2009 2:37 am

shelbell;1270285 wrote: Thanks Kev, you're such a sweetie. :-4 Where'd you get your wisdom from for such a young un?

I'm still trying to make the point of this thread tho hun...don't put off the important things for another day...try your best to not have any guilt or regrets in case something like this happens. Live and love everyday like it could be your last. :-4

Very well said, Shel. Your words ring very true. We are not promised another day. Believe me, I do know how you feel (((((((hugs)))))) and I am so sorry about your loss. I am glad that both you and your husband went ahead and got married because you both knew it was the right thing to do. You have proven by example that soulmates do not need any kind of ceremony to unite them. They are united by their love for each other alone.

Shel, I am so glad you found the love of your life. That is wonderful.

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Sun Dec 06, 2009 7:39 am

shelbell;1270285 wrote: Thanks Kev, you're such a sweetie. :-4 Where'd you get your wisdom from for such a young un?

I'm still trying to make the point of this thread tho hun...don't put off the important things for another day...try your best to not have any guilt or regrets in case something like this happens. Live and love everyday like it could be your last. :-4

Sure...

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:11 pm

K.Snyder;1270347 wrote: Sure...

awe hun, I'm not ignoring all the other things you've said and they mean a lot to me. This renewing of vows is the biggest in the things I regret not doing when we had the chance, and there are other things, yet they don't seem as significant. I know it's not possible to have no regrets or feelings of guilt when someone you love so much dies, but I am just trying to encourage people to live in the now and appreciate all the people in your life that are imporatant to you. And yes, I know that is an unobtainable thing all the time, we are all human after all...but just to do your best. :-4:yh_kiss;)

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sun Dec 06, 2009 4:13 pm

AussiePam;1270286 wrote: I second that. There is only the now. The past is for memories. The future for dreams. Live every moment to the full.

nok;1270293 wrote: Very well said, Shel. Your words ring very true. We are not promised another day. Believe me, I do know how you feel (((((((hugs)))))) and I am so sorry about your loss. I am glad that both you and your husband went ahead and got married because you both knew it was the right thing to do. You have proven by example that soulmates do not need any kind of ceremony to unite them. They are united by their love for each other alone.

Shel, I am so glad you found the love of your life. That is wonderful.

Well said to both of you!! There is wisdom in both of your posts. :-4:-4

Skylark · Post by **Skylark** » Mon Dec 07, 2009 2:55 pm

shelbell;1269870 wrote: I was going to post this in my grief thread, but thought it may do more good here.

Some words of wisdom I'd like to share that I learned the hard way, but I hope helps someone else that may read this.

Grant and I wanted to be married more than anything...it didn't matter how or where, we just HAD to be. So we both worked that Thursday morning, then took the afternoon off to go down to the courthouse and get married. The next day we were both back to work. No parties, no fancy ceremony, no honeymoon...but that didn't matter to either of us, we were married. We talked about it at 10yrs, we talked about it at 15yrs, but with all the kids and work we just never did it...so we planned it that on our 20th anniversary, after the kids were grown and gone, we would renew our vows in a nice little church ceremony and then take that long overdue honeymoon. This was our dream together. But only 3 months after our 17th, he just died and no one could tell me why. So we had put it off, only to never have our dream realized. So tomorrow would have been number 18...only 2 years to go...but now that dream is over when we could have done it long ago.

We never know when it will happen, but we're never promised a tomorrow. Whatever magical dreams you have for the future, don't put them off for another day. Do it as soon as you can, make it happen...we never know when our dreams will be taken from us, leaving so much regret.

:-4 Shel

I am so very sorry that your renewal of your wedding vows were not realised but I hope it brings some comfort that you lived a wonderful dream for 17 years. Take care.

Saint_ · Post by **Saint_** » Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:32 pm

shelbell;1269870 wrote: I

We never know when it will happen, but we're never promised a tomorrow. Whatever magical dreams you have for the future, don't put them off for another day. Do it as soon as you can, make it happen...we never know when our dreams will be taken from us, leaving so much regret.

:-4 Shel

Shel, everyone's life has the "missed turnoff" somewhere and it's always heartrending. I had something similar, a girl that I knew and loved was murdered. (She was my high school girlfriend.) So I understand that whole "if only..." feeling.

But I think everyone else is right on target, life must go on and regrets help no one. Focus on the wonderful time you had and realize how lucky you were to have met someone that you loved and that loved you.

One more thing....don't forget that Heaven awaits. Who's to say that you may still not get that wedding? Perhaps a million angels will be in attendance and the Pastor may be Jesus himself! (I'm sure he'd find time for you!);)

My most sincere condolences for your loss.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Dec 07, 2009 3:40 pm

Saint_;1270733 wrote: Shel, everyone's life has the "missed turnoff" somewhere and it's always heartrending. I had something similar, a girl that I knew and loved was murdered. (She was my high school girlfriend.) So I understand that whole "if only..." feeling.

But I think everyone else is right on target, life must go on and regrets help no one. Focus on the wonderful time you had and realize how lucky you were to have met someone that you loved and that loved you.

One more thing....don't forget that Heaven awaits. Who's to say that you may still not get that wedding? Perhaps a million angels will be in attendance and the Pastor may be Jesus himself! (I'm sure he'd find time for you!);)

My most sincere condolences for your loss.

You know Saint, my main focus of this thread is to try to make people wake up to the possiblity of no tomorrow and that's why we need to make the most of each day we have with our loved ones.

But what you said really hit home with me and is something I had never thought of...still having the chance to renew our vows in heaven...with Jesus presiding over the service. What an unbelievably wonderful thought, and something that had never crossed my mind. Thank you soooooooooooo much for this...you just gave me a wonderful gift. :-4:-4

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 8:41 am

Shel, I entirely 'get' the point of this thread, living for now is so important and more of us should. But I just want to share this one story with you.

A couple that I know went through a difficult time a while back, she had an affair, they split up, they got back together. They decided to renew their vows, I understand why they did that but the comment my husband made really got me thinking, he said 'If you don't break your vows you don't need to remake them'.

You and Grant didn't break your vows, you lived them every day.

:-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 9:25 am

Imladris;1271276 wrote: Shel, I entirely 'get' the point of this thread, living for now is so important and more of us should. But I just want to share this one story with you.

A couple that I know went through a difficult time a while back, she had an affair, they split up, they got back together. They decided to renew their vows, I understand why they did that but the comment my husband made really got me thinking, he said 'If you don't break your vows you don't need to remake them'.

You and Grant didn't break your vows, you lived them every day.

:-4

Thanks Immy. :-4

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Wed Dec 09, 2009 10:52 am

Saint_;1270733 wrote: Shel, everyone's life has the "missed turnoff" somewhere and it's always heartrending. I had something similar, a girl that I knew and loved was murdered. (She was my high school girlfriend.) So I understand that whole "if only..." feeling.

But I think everyone else is right on target, life must go on and regrets help no one. Focus on the wonderful time you had and realize how lucky you were to have met someone that you loved and that loved you.

One more thing....don't forget that Heaven awaits. Who's to say that you may still not get that wedding? Perhaps a million angels will be in attendance and the Pastor may be Jesus himself! (I'm sure he'd find time for you!);)

My most sincere condolences for your loss.

Oh Saint, I'm so sorry to hear this.

-this happened when you were in high school and you are over it now.

Life does go on, my husband walked out 7 months ago, it takes time to overcome so many things. I read books on this and it could take up 3-5 years to overcome a separation, I can only imagine how long it takes when someone dies that was so close to you.

and as you said to Shell, focusing on good times is fine, but it doesn't necessarily take the bad ones away when its just recently happened.