REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.
____________________THE END____________________
THE BRITISH VERSION:
The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.
Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.
A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.
The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food.
The British press informs people that they should be ashamed that, in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer while others have plenty. The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.
The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multicultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".
Gordon Brown rants in a TV interview that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and announces an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share".
The Government immediately drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning
of the summer. The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work on his home, with an additional fine for contempt (for telling the court that grasshoppers do not want to work).
The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it, and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile. The squirrel's food is seized and re-distributed to the more needy members of society - in this case, the grasshopper.
Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly-imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home. The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum-seeking cats, which had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival, they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love of dogs.
The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody. Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice. The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from other peoples' credit cards.
A Panorama Special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.
The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK.
The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned, but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks, he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery. A commission of enquiry, which will eventually cost £10m to state the obvious, is set up.
Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for grasshoppers, and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased. The asylum-seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's multicultural diversity, while dogs are criticised by the government for failing to befriend the cats.
The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose. The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his traumatic experience of prison.
They call for the resignation of a minister.
The cats are paid £1m each because their rights were infringed when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.
The squirrel, the dogs, and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the burglaries and robberies, all have to pay an additional percentage on their credit cards to cover the losses; their taxes are increased to pay for law and order; and they are told that they will all have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in government funds
Rest of the world / U.K
Rest of the world / U.K
I Love IT
YouTube - Fun Boy Three - The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum
YouTube - Fun Boy Three - The Lunatics Have Taken Over the Asylum
Rest of the world / U.K
mikeinie;1118907 wrote: I Love ITWhy? Show me a sentence in it that reflects reality.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
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double helix
- Posts: 257
- Joined: Sat Sep 16, 2006 2:32 pm
Rest of the world / U.K
spot;1118923 wrote: Why? Show me a sentence in it that reflects reality.Sounds pretty much like a true story to me. One that is about to come true here in the USA.
Rest of the world / U.K
double helix;1119179 wrote: Sounds pretty much like a true story to me. One that is about to come true here in the USA.
If you try to quote a sentence in it which reflects reality you'll discover what a daft comment that is. Go on, give it a go.
If you try to quote a sentence in it which reflects reality you'll discover what a daft comment that is. Go on, give it a go.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
Rest of the world / U.K
Chill out Spot :wah:
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Clodhopper
- Posts: 5115
- Joined: Mon Feb 25, 2008 5:11 pm
Rest of the world / U.K
Well, Spot IS right...
You know, in a funny sort of way, I'm proud to come from a country than can have the pee removed like that: you notice that throughout all the idiots are acting from the best of motives...
You know, in a funny sort of way, I'm proud to come from a country than can have the pee removed like that: you notice that throughout all the idiots are acting from the best of motives...
The crowd: "Yes! We are all individuals!"
Lone voice: "I'm not."
Lone voice: "I'm not."
Rest of the world / U.K
spot;1118923 wrote: Why? Show me a sentence in it that reflects reality.
Show you a sentence?? Just read the whole thing..
Show you a sentence?? Just read the whole thing..
Rest of the world / U.K
mikeinie;1119276 wrote: Show you a sentence?? Just read the whole thing..
What I'm trying to point out is that the entire piece is mythology, that none of it stands up to any form of analysis and my mind is sufficiently literalist that I can find no humour in something so completely based on fiction.
What I'm trying to point out is that the entire piece is mythology, that none of it stands up to any form of analysis and my mind is sufficiently literalist that I can find no humour in something so completely based on fiction.
Nullius in verba ... ☎||||||||||| ... To Fate I sue, of other means bereft, the only refuge for the wretched left.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
When flower power came along I stood for Human Rights, marched around for peace and freedom, had some nooky every night - we took it serious.
Who has a spare two minutes to play in this month's FG Trivia game! ... My other OS is Slackware.
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Oscar Namechange
- Posts: 31842
- Joined: Wed Jul 30, 2008 9:26 am
Rest of the world / U.K
I have admiration for suqirrels after i learnt that they are cunning to the point of faking false hoards to fool other sqirrels and birds.
A scientific study has shown that squirrels are sneaky.
Dr. Michael Steele, a researcher at Pennsylvania’s Wilkes University, and several colleagues performed a study on grey squirrel behaviour. They placed acorns near squirrels and watched what the animals did with them.
You’re probably aware that squirrels hoard their food. What you might not have known is that squirrels don’t keep all their nuts in one place, but make various holes and hiding places for their food stash. Apparently, they’re also paranoid. Squirrels not only make a large number of real hiding places for their nuts, they also make fake ones. If you see a squirrel digging a hiding place, there is actually a more than 20% chance that it’s a fake.
“But Robert,” you’re saying, “that just proves squirrels are smart.” Well, you don’t know the whole story. It turns out that they do this because the other squirrels are dirty thieves.
The study found that squirrels are far more likely to make fake holes when they know they’re being watched by other squirrels. To the researchers, this suggests that the squirrels are aware of other squirrels intention to steal.
So there you have it, squirrels are deceptive when they hide their food because they know that other squirrels are thieves that are not to be trusted.
This article is biased, yes. But don’t you have an animal you find really creepy?
http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/hea ... 20021.html
A scientific study has shown that squirrels are sneaky.
Dr. Michael Steele, a researcher at Pennsylvania’s Wilkes University, and several colleagues performed a study on grey squirrel behaviour. They placed acorns near squirrels and watched what the animals did with them.
You’re probably aware that squirrels hoard their food. What you might not have known is that squirrels don’t keep all their nuts in one place, but make various holes and hiding places for their food stash. Apparently, they’re also paranoid. Squirrels not only make a large number of real hiding places for their nuts, they also make fake ones. If you see a squirrel digging a hiding place, there is actually a more than 20% chance that it’s a fake.
“But Robert,” you’re saying, “that just proves squirrels are smart.” Well, you don’t know the whole story. It turns out that they do this because the other squirrels are dirty thieves.
The study found that squirrels are far more likely to make fake holes when they know they’re being watched by other squirrels. To the researchers, this suggests that the squirrels are aware of other squirrels intention to steal.
So there you have it, squirrels are deceptive when they hide their food because they know that other squirrels are thieves that are not to be trusted.
This article is biased, yes. But don’t you have an animal you find really creepy?
http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/hea ... 20021.html
At the going down of the sun and in the morning, we will remember them. R.L. Binyon