Copycat Friend!!

shibee · Post by **shibee** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 12:27 pm

Hello everyone! It's been a good minute since I've been on here. Of course, I have a new drama that I could use some advice on...

I have a best friend that I will call "C". We've been best friends for maybe 10 months if not longer. The instant we met, we clicked. We talk all the time laugh alot, hang out, work at the same place and generally just have an awesome time together. Upon looking at us, we are total opposites. I'm tall, she's short. I have looong hair...her's is short. I change out purses everyday...she HATES purses. I wear makeup, she hates makeup. I dress up and girlie...she dresses in baggy clothes. So, it's strange how we connect, but are so different. Well, last night was her night back to work. i was glad to have her back, but was MORTIFIED that she ADDED EXTENSIONS in her hair to look EXACTLY LIKE MINE! I came to work with my usual hairstyle and hers looked identical to mine. I got over that...quick like. Another thing that bothered me is that she's starting to dress like me and act like me. she carried a purse that llooked like one i have. She asked me to pick out the same makeup I use and she asked me if i would show her how to do it. She even said that she wanted to be like me and that is a compliment in a way, but... I didn't really say anything about it, i;m still in shock. I don't know if I should be flattered or what. Individuality and originality are really important to me. My look and style are me...no one else. Now, she's starting to copy that and I don't know how to feel. How (or should) I convince her to be herself...original? Thanks !! I love u guys!!

persephone · Post by **persephone** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 12:46 pm

She wants to be more feminine and you have become her role model, that's one of the most flattering things that can happen, but scary for you.

Handle it carefully, suggest a girly shopping trip.

Both get make-overs where she can be advised on her own shades of make-up and shown how to apply it, if she gets stuck later you can always help.

Help her find feminine clothes that are "her" not "you", be nice though and make sure they suit her.

Help her be more like you but be herself at the same time.

I had a friend who to this day still dresses in jeans, T-shirts and trainers, never wore make-up or knew how to put it on... She was only like that because that was how her mum was, we tend to need a little help from someone with this stuff, if it isn't our mum then who else helps?

Post by **kensloft** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 1:31 pm

You should be happy that she thinks enough of you to try and emulate you. Give her a chance to see that you are just like her and the charm will wear off. You don't have to wear the same kind of clothing that she gave up, by the way.

Letha has some valid points. :-6

shibee · Post by **shibee** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 2:02 pm

Both you and Letha have some good points. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that she looks up to me that way, but she's soooooo not beiing herself. I'm myself, she's herself. I just don't want her to act like this for the wrong reasons. I just learned that her boyfriend agrees that she should look up to me as an exanple as to how a woman should act/look. That's flattering...I don't want her to try to be something she's not. She can be the same as me, but i n her own way..ya know?

Post by **kensloft** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 2:07 pm

shibee wrote: Both you and Letha have some good points. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that she looks up to me that way, but she's soooooo not beiing herself. I'm myself, she's herself. I just don't want her to act like this for the wrong reasons. I just learned that her boyfriend agrees that she should look up to me as an exanple as to how a woman should act/look. That's flattering...I don't want her to try to be something she's not. She can be the same as me, but i n her own way..ya know?
She'll figure it out.

shibee · Post by **shibee** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 2:08 pm

Hm...I guess so!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Mar 21, 2005 2:15 pm

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery." I heard that somewhere, and I think it applies here. Like Ken said, she will eventually figure it out, she's just trying on different looks to find out what suits her.

Punk_Grunge · Post by **Punk_Grunge** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 1:21 pm

persephone;44052 wrote: She wants to be more feminine and you have become her role model, that's one of the most flattering things that can happen, but scary for you.

I had this problem 6 months ago.

My friend suddenly got bored of copying me and copied someone else.

Hopefully you'll have it lucky like me. lol.

Musiclover89 · Post by **Musiclover89** » Fri Jun 29, 2007 3:07 pm

One of my friends from College copyed me with everything it was so irriting i could have punched him :wah: but i suppose he just wanted to get along with me

Ciao, Bella! · Post by **Ciao, Bella!** » Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:51 am

I don't know. I've a friend, who went through the same thing. She lost weight, grew her hair out, dyed it to match, (went to the same hairdresser even), and matched her wardrobe to my friend's. It was creepy! The outcome? The "friend" took up with my friend's ex, and went around telling everyone they were getting married. She looked so much like my friend, it was uncanny!

Fortunately, friend's ex came to his senses, and dumped her. Be very careful.

neffy · Post by **neffy** » Wed Jul 04, 2007 4:58 am

its nice to in one way,but i would maybe take a step back,stil enjoy each others company,maybe she feels alot more confident with you around.:-4 maybe ween her a little bit at a time and still try to remain mates

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:08 pm

In my experience, people who copy others are usually insecure with themselves and aren't confident enough to make their own decisions. She's probably using you as a role model and for inspiration on how to be. I know that quote about imitation being the highest form of flattery and we all get ideas from other people, but to try to be exactly like someone else is not flattering to them. It's more a form of a lack of originality.

So why not ask her what's up with all the changes? Maybe she's insecure with all the differences you two have. Tell her you liked it better when she was herself and that's why you liked her enough to become best friends. Maybe mention that it makes you a little uncomfortable that she's imitating you so much. If you're such good friends the two of you should be able to talk about this.

If nothing works, back off or let it be. Depending on how old she is, she may outgrow this phase. I think we all go through a period of trying on different styles and personalities to see what fits. She's probably just trying on yours to see if it works for her the way it works for you. My guess is, it won't and she'll realize that and try something else.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 3:35 pm

i'm hurt no one tries to copy me ,if anything people try their hardest to make sure they look nothing like me :-3 :-3

cornbread · Post by **cornbread** » Fri Jul 13, 2007 9:47 pm

ok i have a similar problem. i have a friend who acts like me too. she buys things i buy purses clothes etc. she even dyed her hair brown and she was always a blonde. she was a dog person now she owns a cat like me. she even mails birthday and hoilday cards to my in laws and family members. and she talks like me and recently * this is what really got me worried* she got a tattoo in the place where i said i was gonna get one and its of the same thing i was gonna get. now thats scary. i don know how to approach her with these things. i even tried not talking to her for awhile.i am so confused and i dont want to hurt her feelings. what do you guys think? i am 25 mind you and she is 26.

laneybug · Post by **laneybug** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 4:41 pm

Eh, this whole copycat thing is kind of petty, in my opinion. If it ticks you off that much to be copied, let your friend know. Or, better yet, don't make friends with people who are insecure with who they are.

I don't think I'd care either way. Better yet, I'd start randomly changing things about me and how I dress, etc. just to throw them off. Or, even better, I'd change to how they used to dress before they started copying me to really make them wonder about my sanity. For God's sake, at least have fun with it. Right? Anyone with me? :rolleyes:

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Sat Jul 14, 2007 4:50 pm

This says it all:

Madcow · Post by **Madcow** » Fri Jul 20, 2007 2:39 am

I don't want to freak you out, but I had a copy cat friend once. She grew her hair long like mine, had it dyed my color, would buy all the same clothes I did, sometimes she'd go shopping with me and then go back herself later and buy the same exact stuff, I know that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but it started to get embarresing when she would show up in school wearing the same exact outfit as me. Then she started to tell people that my family was actually her family. We stopped being friends when she stole something from a classmate and when the police found her, she told them that it wasn't her, that it was me, heh never forget that, I wasn't even with her, I was at another friends house watching a movie, I was so confused, luckily, even though she tried to look like me, when I was brought to be identified the person said that it wasn't me. I'm a forgiving sort though and a couple years later, she needed a job, so I got her one working with me, only to have her steal from my register when I was out on break. Luckily the managers figured it out, told me and let her go instead of me. She also tried to get me beat up by spreading lies about me, I had a group of girls following me home from school, but they backed down and dispersed once they realized I was not intimidated. She also called a relative (drunk according to my relatives), pretending to be me and said all sorts of horrible things to them on the phone, running down them and the rest of my family. My other relatives know it wasn't me ( I wasn't even in the state at the time, I was on holiday) but that relative she spoke to, half a decade later, still believes it was.

what a nightmare of a friendship gone wrong. Be wary, imitation can often lead to jealousy. They try to be you, and when they realize they can't, they are jealous, the whole thing reminded me of that movie "Single White Female".

Anyways, I'm sure that won't be the case for you, my former friend obviously had serious issues. The advice given in this thread seems pretty good to me, help your friend discover her own style. But be weary of her feelings, that comment you said her boyfriend made had to of hurt her self-confidence.

Peace!