Im just simply crazy...

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 6:52 pm

I guess Im just crazy. Cant make decisions emmotional basket case.. dont know if Im coming or going..

This week I have so much landscaping work for the month of September, I dont know how my two paws will possibly accomplish it all. But I have to, it

is probably the last hurrah before winter looms in front of me.. like Mask of The Red Death. Cold, snow, and unemployment

So, what did I do? I responded to two ads for employment. One in Edinburg

Scotland. I suggested they hire me for the winter. I thought that would be fun. I imagined myself renting a small room on top of a quaint cottage. Meeting a Sean Connery type man, and deciding to stay forever.

I also applied for a job on Long Island in New York. I had all of the qualifications. The big draw was the salary 90,000-110,000 a year. i sent my resume knowing full well that I would never leave The Shenandoah Valley to go to " Steel Land " in a corporate enviornment, and deal with all that phony Bull S**t. I would just like to go to the interview... be offered the job... be reassured that I am not a failure.. and get the big thrill of turning down big bucks, to return to my gypsy self employed lifestyle. Because my freedom is priceless.

The biggest thing this week is that after 2 years and 2 months of not speaking to my mom... I went to see her. Needless to say we have had some issues. I was really fed up with her. Too long to explain. But I discovered that she loves me... and God that feels really good.

Im so scared because I think that a path that I have been avoiding for a very long time may be the road i am now going to walk down. Perhaps taking care of my mother, That would mean no Scotland... No more big job interviews.. No Sean Connery or Robert Carlyles looming in my future.

Shes in the hospital recovering from surgery. She had a very tough time pulling out of it. My sister came from New York to be with her. I stayed away. A couple of days ago, I started feeling sick about the whole thing.

I walked into her hospital room last night. Went back tonite. We have had some very good conversation. Broached the subject of her not living alone, and so isolated. Maybe its time for a change. How will I stop the flood gates of my heart from opening and saying... " I will take care of you "

It feels great to think of submitting to what seems to be the loving thing to do. It also is very frightening to contemplate giving up the hope of something exciting developing for me.

Thats the report for the week. Life marches on. It is good, there is no doubt about that.

Little mice with huge brown eyes scurried over my feet today, while I pitch forked mountains of brush over a barbed wire fence, into the woods.

Sometimes I think I dont really live in 2008. I think that maybe it is really 1908 in my world.

Weeder

Reporting from Virginias

Beautiful Shenandoah Valley.

Love to you all.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:35 pm

Weeder

1st - I've been working in my yard @ 7:30 p.m. 'til ?? with a large flashlight.

It's so hot & humid during the day & starting to cool off at night - neglected..

2nd - I hadn't spoke to my Mother for @ 10 years.

Yes, communications opened & we were friends for 8 yrs. until her death '96.

Yes, we had wonderful conversations while she was hospitalized.

Would I take care of my Mother/or open my home to her - NO

she has her favorites that can manage .. No guilt

this decision can be a JAIL SENTENCE....

3rd - mid life crisis sister ???

Jobs - do any really interest you ? Are you serious about going to work ?

Patsy

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Wed Sep 03, 2008 7:35 pm

Boy your very busy Weeder and I'm glad to hear things are improving with your Mother. Scotland wooooo !! that would be very cool indeed.

Things happen for a reason so they say you will see where this all goes.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 12:27 am

Hiya Laura,

Good news about your mum, I'm certain you will do the right thing. :-4

Edinburgh and Robert Carlisle eh?

Whenever I see him I think of you. :wah:

Take care and hope your mum gets better soon. :-4

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 2:39 am

Patsy Warnick;971955 wrote: Weeder

1st - I've been working in my yard @ 7:30 p.m. 'til ?? with a large flashlight.

It's so hot & humid during the day & starting to cool off at night - neglected..

2nd - I hadn't spoke to my Mother for @ 10 years.

Yes, communications opened & we were friends for 8 yrs. until her death '96.

Yes, we had wonderful conversations while she was hospitalized.

Would I take care of my Mother/or open my home to her - NO

she has her favorites that can manage .. No guilt

this decision can be a JAIL SENTENCE....

3rd - mid life crisis sister ???

Jobs - do any really interest you ? Are you serious about going to work ?

Patsy

Gardening with a FLASH LIGHT?? Thats good to hear... I must be OK:)

I work all the time. Work is my life. Im just always trying to find new work.

With my mother... what I would do is find her an apartment closer to me. I know we cant live together.

Trunk Monkey · Post by **Trunk Monkey** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 10:17 am

Weeder, what does your sister think of all of this? I think in my heart you are giving up your chance in life due to guilt.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Sep 04, 2008 3:43 pm

My sister is thrilled that Im back in the picture. She has a wonderful life. Husband, children, beautiful home.... shes 7 hours away. Everything is OK, mu mom is not ready to let someone take over her life. If I brought her to near where I live, she would be in her own place. My sister would love for her to go back to New York, but she loves Virginia.......