Stay at Home Wives -No Kids No Job

[RedGlitter]

Any thoughts on this?

By Sarah Jio

(LifeWire) -- "What do you do all day?" is a question Anne Marie Davis, 34, says she gets a lot.

Davis, who lives in Lewisville, Texas, isn't a mother, nor does she telecommute. She is a stay-at-home wife, which makes her something of a pioneer in the post-feminist world.

Ten years ago, she was an "overwhelmed" high school English teacher. "I didn't have time for my husband, " she says, "and I didn't have a life."

She presented the idea of staying home to her husband, a Web engineer. "I told him it was something I wanted to do, and he supported it. It was a great relief."

Dr. Scott Haltzman, author of "The Secrets of Happily Married Women," says stay-at-home wives constitute a growing niche. "In the past few years, many women who are well educated and trained for career tracks have decided instead to stay at home," he says. While his research is ongoing, he estimates that more than 10 percent of the 650 women he's interviewed who choose to stay home are childless.

Daniel Buccino, a Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine clinical social worker and psychotherapist, says stay-at-home wives are the latest "status symbols."

"It says, 'We make enough money that we both don't need to work outside the home,'" he says. "And especially with the recent economic pressures, a stay-at-home spouse is often an extreme and visible luxury."

June Cleaver, minus Beaver and Wally

Davis says her life isn't luxurious. "Tuesdays are my laundry day," she says. "I go grocery shopping on Wednesdays and clean house on Thursdays." Mondays and Fridays are reserved for appointments and other errands.

But her schedule also allows for charity work and leisure: reading, creative writing and exploring new hobbies, like sewing.

It's a lifestyle, Davis says, that has made her happier and brought her closer to her husband. "We're no longer stressed out," she says; because she takes care of the home, there are virtually no "honey-do" lists to hand over.

Stay-at-home guilt

"If you told me years ago that I was going to be a stay-at-home wife, I would have laughed at you," says Catherine Zoerb, 27. Yet after the Wichita, Kansas, resident finished graduate school in 2005, she found herself unemployed, childless -- and strangely happy. With her husband's support, Zoerb decided to just stay home.

"I was able to clip coupons, do all the chores and make nice dinners," she says. "I was much less stressed and tense."

But she was concerned, too -- about not using her master's degree in English and how future employers would view her work history. "I worried about gaps in my resume," she says. And there was something else: "I thought about the feminist movement -- all those women who worked so hard so that I could go out and have a good career, and I was kind of saying 'no thanks.'"

Recently, Zoerb took a temporary job at an engineering firm. It will boost her resume, and although the Zoerbs don't need the money, it will help pay down their mortgage. Still, she hopes to return to stay-at-home wifedom soon.

"I'd never say that a woman shouldn't work," she says. "But I don't see what good it would do to work in a job that I couldn't stand, and if I have the choice not to, why wouldn't I take that opportunity?"

Retro marriage, 21st century-style

"Everyone seems to be OK with women staying home when they have kids," says Davis, who currently doesn't plan to have children. "I've actually heard people say that women who don't work are a drain on society."

Don't be too quick to judge, says Haltzman. Women might give up a job to focus on an advanced degree, pursue artistic or creative goals, or deal with health issues.

Surprisingly, though, Haltzman says the biggest draw is homemaking itself. "Many women I talk to take care of the household seriously, and they want to focus on caring for the home, whether or not it involves children."

Sometimes a wife's desires don't align with her husband's. "I hear frustration from men whose wives choose not to work," Haltzman says, "but only if there are financial stresses. One of the realities is that few men appreciate the scope and difficulties of managing a household."

Kirk Zoerb is an exception: The 27-year-old engineer says he's happiest when his wife is jobless.

"When Catherine stays at home, I feel the house is more together because she has the time to do things like in-depth cleaning and can be more attentive to the garden," he says. "She also has more time to find good deals at secondhand stores, garage sales and at grocery stores." As a couple, he says, "we have more energy and are generally emotionally healthier."

Still, "I don't believe that the woman has to be the exclusive cook, cleaner or shopper, and I don't believe the man must be the breadwinner. I wouldn't mind staying at home while Catherine works!"

[chonsigirl]

Nothing wrong with stay-at-home wives. I stayed at home when my kids were young, never regretted it. I went to work when the last went to school. It would be a luxury for me if I could stay home all the time, there's enough to do around here.

[Chezzie]

I think why not...Their perogative if they prefer to stay home than work as long as they aint drawing benefit.

[RedGlitter]

fuzzy butt;942346 wrote:

The very last sentence in that OP is very telling "I wouldn't mind staying at home while Catherine works!" .....................an indication that this gentleman doesn't understand that staying at home IS WORK.


That was my thought precisely. Keeping house is work and cleaning up and making it nice for two is extra work that often goes unappreciated. My thoughts exactly.

[cars]

Yes many believe stay at home wives in today's world is in fact a status symbol. (As it used to be thought of as such many years ago. 45 years ago, it was almost a taboo for a "mother of kids" to go out to work) As it was mentioned in the OP that she did not have to go out to work to suppliment her husband's income so as to make ends meet! No kid's meant even more time on her hands to do whatever she felt like.

Anyway, fortunately, my wife never had to go out to work. However, back in 1987 she felt she wanted to go out to work. So as for her to be able to put what she felt was "her-own" earned money (she saved every cent she made in that account. She didn't even spend anything she earned on herself) into our two daughter's "wedding" accounts. The first daughter got married in 1990, and had a beautiful wedding affair, & the second daughter got married in mid June of 1992, & had a similar beautiful wedding affair! I was most of proud My wife, (as was she of herself) since she was able to cover most of the costs of both weddings from the wedding accounts she set up. My wife "retired" June 30th, 1992, and has not worked or desires to since.

[flopstock]

No one ever tells guys it's okay... she'll take care of the bills..:p

I recently told a friend he could run away and live in my basement if he wanted...could even bring his prize posession... his riding lawn-mower..we figured they'd find him and the hell that is his life now would become a fond memory.....:wah:

[Odie]

more and more parents are staying at home raising their kids, to me, that's where they should be.

to often parents that work, do not have nor take the time with them, they themselves are just to tired.

[Accountable]

Odie;942435 wrote: more and more parents are staying at home raising their kids, to me, that's where they should be.



to often parents that work, do not have nor take the time with them, they themselves are just to tired.
What about the ones without kids, like the op says?

[valerie]

The way I see it, is there is no retirement age for a homemaker, you're

always going to need to do it. So, yes, I take my "retirement" in bits

and pieces here and there, if it's a nice warm day then I can sit on the

deck and read for a few hours. To me, it offsets doing vacuuming and

dishes when you're 85!!!

:D

[CARLA]

More power to them wish I could have stayed home. I think there is not one thing wrong with it. I actually think it is a trend that will only grow as the economy get worse and we all have to cut back to the simple life. It all good in my book.

[Tan]

Housework is sexy...when its done by a man:wah:

Kidding..My husband stays home. Actually he's a university student(Sociology and Womens Studies). We're both educated in equality and feminist issues. If he wanted to stay home thats fine. If I wanted to stay home that would be fine too. My mother never worked a day in her life. I would go crazy without work.

I think it all depends on a relationship. If you are happy, feel successful and can agree financially, it should work out great. Things are different today even though we (women) have a long way to go.

[Patsy Warnick]

I stay at home - no kids.

There's never a dull moment - down time means I really don't feel good.

I look at the total picture - the spread sheet

what it really costs to maintain a home inside & out.

I am the cook

I am the landscaper

I am under Paid...:wah:

Patsy

[koan]

I think it's really wonderful that a couple who doesn't need a second income leaves that job available for someone who does need the income.

One more job for the needy. Win-Win.

[pantsonfire321@aol.com]

Their not hurting any body and their not leeching from the system . So why shouldn't they do what they want with their own money (the husband obviously earns enough for the wife to stay at home ).

I think people should concentrate more on the people who don't work because their lazy and idle than the people who look after themselves and ask for nothing .

[Accountable]

Wow, the sentiments here certainly don't match what's said to my face.



"Do you have kids?"

"No."

"So what's your wife do?"

"She takes excellent care of me!" *said with a big beaming smile and loving glint in my eye*

"She doesn't work? She stays home?" *said with a little guilt when she catches herself*

"Yeh" *a little wistful that I can't stay home with her ... yet*

"God, I'd NEVER be able to do that."



That last statement always has a strange, negative vibe to it. I'm not sure if it's aimed at me for "making" her stay home, at my beloved for being so lazy as to not go out and get a job, or if it's simply jealousy that she can't stay home.

[kazalala]

Im a stay at home wife:D i have kids but they are grown now, i have worked on and off through my life, around the kids when they were younger and just recently gave up a very part time job. Someone once said to me, but dont you think you should work so your husband dont have to work as hard? coincedentally she worked, but i dont think she liked her work and i also dont think she had the choice to give it up:sneaky: My Husband would still work as much anyway he is one of those who cant be doing nothing which is why im so pleased we got the caravan we were always saying we would get so at least i get him to take a couple of days off in caravan season and chill out:D

[sunny104]

I agree with Fuzzy, too. :-6

I think having one person at home can make life so much easier. I've been at home for 8 years now (:eek:) but we do have kids. :-6

[shelbell]

I stay at home. I have kids but only 1 (16) is still living at home. I worked for many years until I became disabled. I wish I could get a job and contribute to the finances.

[Sheryl]

I think it's just fine.

[Accountable]

fuzzy butt;943592 wrote: Okay lets actually work out how much a woman should earn if they stay at home.



first off getting food and furniture and general household appliances into the household.



a professional buyer earns at base salary $35,000 per annum. minimum rates.



taking care of the children?



child care $30,000



Medical services for children : Identifying optical problems, speech problems, nursing of sick children, after surgery care , administraion of drugs (this rate goes up with terminally ill or very sick children because you may have to have medical paraphanalia in your home and have to learn to use it. )

You also become the paramedic in the first instance because you are usually on scene first to an injured child.





Okay, these are mininum wages , (at the base rate with little training)





general nursing $30,000 per annum

paramedic $60,000 per annum

after surgery care and physiotherapist $42,000 per annum

speech therapist $50,000 ......................a job we do from the day they are born

medical assistant $31,000 per annum

dietry $40,000

paediatric mental health $39,000 per annum

patient services $20,000 per annum................this would include aquiring crutches and medical equipment purchasing of drugs etc. , transporting of patients to doctors, hospitals, appointments.



Hospitality



cook $35,000

Events, functions $40,000

Bar food and bevages $31,000

housekeeping $40,000

Waitstaff $30,000



Do you have visitors that stay? Consierge/ hotel management $30,000



I dont' know about you guys but I've painted my house and renovated myself



Cleaning $31,000....................if you do your own carpets etc.

landscaping and gardening $32,000

painting $37,000

Vet and pet care $42,000

Nanny babysitting $20,000

handyperson /caretaking $30,000





would you like me to keep going?:D



I'm owed a **** load of money!!!!!!You're buying furniture on a fulltime basis??!?



I get about $20 a week. She gets the rest. It's not enough but I've fooled her with the exchange rate.

[Accountable]

fuzzy butt;943611 wrote: I did group that into furniture food and appliances.



Over a life time? heck yeah. break up the time and 'research' and everything you have to buy and replace over a life time .

Children grow, need different beds and furniture and objects. families need different tools, mowers, cars, toys, camping equipment, spoting and leaisure equipment. Things need to be updated and replaced .

How many TV's have you owned in your lifetime? How many appliances have you updated? How many pieces of furniture have you obtained over your lifetime?

If you add it all up you'll find you've spent about, on average, 6 months of your life doing this . Now add up over a period time while children are in your home?
6 months over a lifetime is hardly fulltime, and the thread title specifies "no kids".

[AussiePam]

The only reason I can see why a man and a woman marry is that they intend to make some kind of home together. Instead of living as individuals they have chosen to live as a couple. Within that couple, how they divide up the necessary work of whatever kind is up to them.