FG 2009 ~ My BB diary of how I think it would be

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 4:55 am

Day 1 - Jimbo admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Carol, telling K.Snyder he thinks she looks a bit masculine. Kaz strides in wearing only a pair of fluffy dice and announces she wants be a glamour model. After half a glass of wine, hairdresser Nomad admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality, and hints at a sordid story from his teenage years.

2 - The housemates sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. K.Snyder creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Carol, feeling grumpy due to a lack of dr pepper, hits him with a Corn on the cob fork.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Natural History Museum out of banana. After much persuasion by K.Snyder, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Natural History Museum task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Nomad, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the fattest, laziest housemate, eats half the banana. Carol is furious and throws a bucket of water over Nomad.

5 - Today is the day when the Natural History Museum task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Nomad farts and blows Natural History Museum over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Kay cries.

6 - The housemates sit in the Jacuzzi and compare toenails. Kaz spends most of the afternoon exfoliating her honey pot. Not the most exciting day of live television.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Kay admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a Corn on the cob fork. Nomad sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up K.Snyder.

8 - Today is the first day of nominations. Jimbo goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Carol and Kay are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Jimbo.

9 - Carol and Kay are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Kaz sings them a song - Shaddup ya face - and flashes her boobs in an attempt to make them feel better. This just makes Carol worse and she threatens to walk out unless someone gives her a bottle of dr pepper.

10 - The public vote Kay out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Kay leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Kay's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's building task. Kaz has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Carol is visibly depressed and is comforted by K.Snyder, who tries to touch her honey pot.

12 - The Big Brother psychologist replays the footage of K.Snyder touching Carol's honey pot over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumference of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Nomad refuses to run because his perrenium hurts a bit. Kaz accuses Nomad of being a Big Brother mole who has been planted in the house to make them all fail. Nomad shrugs his shoulders, scratches his perrenium and walks off.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Nomad finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. The housemates are treated to a party and K.Snyder gets so drunk that he ends up being sick all over Nomad. Nomad strips K.Snyder to his Y fronts and spends the rest of the evening 'rubbing him better'.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Jimbo tells everyone individually that he thinks Carol is a slapper who would sleep with anyone in exchange for some dr pepper. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his luxury apartment when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Carol and K.Snyder are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Jimbo.

16 - The nominations are announced. Carol can't believe she's been nominated two weeks in a row. K.Snyder is equally stunned and they turn to each other for comfort. Carol confesses to K.Snyder that until three months ago she was a Portuguese bricklayer called Carlos, and gives K.Snyder a manly hug. Nomad is distraught and confesses to Kaz that he thinks he is in love with K.Snyder.

17 - The public vote K.Snyder out of the house. Carol says she is gutted and even gives K.Snyder her surgically-removed perrenium in a jar to prove how much she cares. Nomad is also devastated but keeps his perrenium to himself. K.Snyder leaves.

18 - Big Brother’s special under-duvet heat-seeking night cameras catch Jimbo becoming the first housemate to masturbate. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us an insight into the working of Jimbo's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Bogota in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Bogota sounds like but Nomad says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Jimbo as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Jimbo successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Bogota but also God Save The Queen, Shaddup ya face and the theme tune to 8 out of 10 cats. He is proclaimed as a hero by the other housemates, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Jimbo announces to everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Later that day Jimbo fondles Kaz in the Jacuzzi and tells Nomad that he’s his best mate in the world. Nomad and Carol are nominated.

23 - Kaz and Jimbo celebrate being safe from eviction by crawling under the kitchen table for some hanky panky. They both take their microphones off and the only audible sound is Kaz moaning something which sounds like 'urgh, it tastes like banana'. Kaz later admits that nothing happened because 'her mum might be watching'.

24 - The general public spend most of the day debating whether or not Jimbo and Kaz had sex under the table. Despite questions being asked in Parliament and numerous slow-motion replays, nobody is quite sure.

25 - Despite the fact that her sex-change heroics have captured the heart of the Portuguese transgender bricklaying community, the rest of the British public vote Carol out of the house and she storms off in a huff. Just for a change.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of rhino dung using only a Corn on the cob fork. Jimbo is unsure but Nomad is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Nomad breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the rhino incident from his childhood. Kaz tries to persuade him to stay but Jimbo sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Nomad decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the rhino dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Kaz from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden. Even after the carrot wine, Kaz doesn’t give in to Jimbo's advances and he is forced to relieve himself under the duvet again.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Jimbo asks Kaz to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Jimbo nominates Kaz to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Kaz.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Kaz graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Jimbo is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she finally agrees to have sex with him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Jimbo takes his winnings and runs away to Bogota. Nobody, including Kaz, ever sees him again.

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:05 am

CANT TYPE FOR LAUGHING...............BRB:wah::wah::wah::wah:

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:10 am

I was evicted

-1

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:15 am

kayleneaussie;907844 wrote: I was evicted

-1
Ye to bleedin right...........dunno why I was though:-3.....obviously there was some bunging going on somewhere:sneaky::rolleyes:

pinkchick · Post by **pinkchick** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:18 am

Chezzie;907826 wrote: Day 1 - Jimbo admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Carol, telling K.Snyder he thinks she looks a bit masculine. Kaz strides in wearing only a pair of fluffy dice and announces she wants be a glamour model. After half a glass of wine, hairdresser Nomad admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality, and hints at a sordid story from his teenage years.

2 - The housemates sit down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. K.Snyder creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Carol, feeling grumpy due to a lack of dr pepper, hits him with a Corn on the cob fork.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Natural History Museum out of banana. After much persuasion by K.Snyder, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Natural History Museum task is well under way. However havoc ensues when Nomad, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the fattest, laziest housemate, eats half the banana. Carol is furious and throws a bucket of water over Nomad.

5 - Today is the day when the Natural History Museum task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when Nomad farts and blows Natural History Museum over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Kay cries.

6 - The housemates sit in the Jacuzzi and compare toenails. Kaz spends most of the afternoon exfoliating her honey pot. Not the most exciting day of live television.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Kay admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a Corn on the cob fork. Nomad sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up K.Snyder.

8 - Today is the first day of nominations. Jimbo goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Carol and Kay are voted as the two candidates to leave. Nobody votes for Jimbo.

9 - Carol and Kay are told of their nominations and burst into tears, before hugging everyone and telling them they love them. Kaz sings them a song - Shaddup ya face - and flashes her boobs in an attempt to make them feel better. This just makes Carol worse and she threatens to walk out unless someone gives her a bottle of dr pepper.

10 - The public vote Kay out of the house. She pretends not to be bothered but then breaks down and sobs that she should never have admitted about enjoying being spanked. Kay leaves.

11 - Relationships are strained in the house as the housemates come to terms with Kay's departure. The food budget is low due to the failure of last week's building task. Kaz has to make do without the cucumber she requested. Carol is visibly depressed and is comforted by K.Snyder, who tries to touch her honey pot.

12 - The Big Brother psychologist replays the footage of K.Snyder touching Carol's honey pot over and over again. This is because it shows an interesting psychological incident, of course, not because it will increase the viewing figures. Big Brother sets the housemates the task of jogging on a running machine for twice the circumference of the globe. They gamble 40% of the food budget on completing it.

13 - The running machine task is on target, despite the fact that Nomad refuses to run because his perrenium hurts a bit. Kaz accuses Nomad of being a Big Brother mole who has been planted in the house to make them all fail. Nomad shrugs his shoulders, scratches his perrenium and walks off.

14 - Much jubilation in the house as the running machine task is completed. Nomad finally manages to run the last 10 metres of the task and claims that without him they'd never have done it. The housemates are treated to a party and K.Snyder gets so drunk that he ends up being sick all over Nomad. Nomad strips K.Snyder to his Y fronts and spends the rest of the evening 'rubbing him better'.

15 - Once again it is the day when nominations are due. Jimbo tells everyone individually that he thinks Carol is a slapper who would sleep with anyone in exchange for some dr pepper. He also points out that anyone who wants to stay at his luxury apartment when the show is finished is welcome to come and visit. Carol and K.Snyder are nominated by the housemates to leave. Nobody votes for Jimbo.

16 - The nominations are announced. Carol can't believe she's been nominated two weeks in a row. K.Snyder is equally stunned and they turn to each other for comfort. Carol confesses to K.Snyder that until three months ago she was a Portuguese bricklayer called Carlos, and gives K.Snyder a manly hug. Nomad is distraught and confesses to Kaz that he thinks he is in love with K.Snyder.

17 - The public vote K.Snyder out of the house. Carol says she is gutted and even gives K.Snyder her surgically-removed perrenium in a jar to prove how much she cares. Nomad is also devastated but keeps his perrenium to himself. K.Snyder leaves.

18 - Big Brother’s special under-duvet heat-seeking night cameras catch Jimbo becoming the first housemate to masturbate. This footage goes down well with the Big Brother psychologist who proclaims that it gives us an insight into the working of Jimbo's mind and brings out his true personality. In other words, he's a wanker.

19 - Big Brother sets the housemates the task of burping the National Anthem of Bogota in 60 seconds. They gamble 50% of the food budget on completing it.

20 - Nobody has a clue what the National Anthem of Bogota sounds like but Nomad says it's a bit like Dancing Queen. The housemates choose Jimbo as the one who must complete the task.

21 - Jimbo successfully burps not only the National Anthem of Bogota but also God Save The Queen, Shaddup ya face and the theme tune to 8 out of 10 cats. He is proclaimed as a hero by the other housemates, despite the fact that a vote in a tabloid newspaper shows that 98% of the public want to kill him.

22 - Nominations are due and Jimbo announces to everyone that he has a Villa in the South of France and they can all come and stay for a holiday. Later that day Jimbo fondles Kaz in the Jacuzzi and tells Nomad that he’s his best mate in the world. Nomad and Carol are nominated.

23 - Kaz and Jimbo celebrate being safe from eviction by crawling under the kitchen table for some hanky panky. They both take their microphones off and the only audible sound is Kaz moaning something which sounds like 'urgh, it tastes like banana'. Kaz later admits that nothing happened because 'her mum might be watching'.

24 - The general public spend most of the day debating whether or not Jimbo and Kaz had sex under the table. Despite questions being asked in Parliament and numerous slow-motion replays, nobody is quite sure.

25 - Despite the fact that her sex-change heroics have captured the heart of the Portuguese transgender bricklaying community, the rest of the British public vote Carol out of the house and she storms off in a huff. Just for a change.

26 - Big Brother sets the remaining three housemates the task of shifting 5000 tons of rhino dung using only a Corn on the cob fork. Jimbo is unsure but Nomad is confident, claiming to have done something very similar when he was younger. They gamble 50% of the food budget.

27 - Completely out of the blue, Nomad breaks down in tears and announces that he is leaving. He claims that it is because the dung-shifting task has brought back the painful memories of the rhino incident from his childhood. Kaz tries to persuade him to stay but Jimbo sits in a corner, rubbing his hands slyly. Nomad decides to leave.

28 - With only two housemates remaining, the rhino dung task proves impossible. They fail miserably and resort to getting extremely pissed on some vegetable wine, made by Kaz from a couple of mouldy carrots she found in the Big Brother garden. Even after the carrot wine, Kaz doesn’t give in to Jimbo's advances and he is forced to relieve himself under the duvet again.

29 - Nominations are due for the final time. Jimbo asks Kaz to marry him and she accepts. Unsurprisingly Jimbo nominates Kaz to leave. Rather more surprisingly, so does Kaz.

30 - When the nomination is announced, Kaz graciously accepts defeat and proclaims that Jimbo is a worthy winner. As they are soon to marry, she finally agrees to have sex with him. The event is broadcast live to the nation and is preceded by a speech from the Queen. Everyone in the Big Brother production crew breathe a huge sigh of relief as viewing figures go through the roof. Jimbo takes his winnings and runs away to Bogota. Nobody, including Kaz, ever sees him again.

My sides hurt!

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:18 am

Carolly;907853 wrote: Ye to bleedin right...........dunno why I was though:-3.....obviously there was some bunging going on somewhere:sneaky::rolleyes:

Well you were a bricklayer :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:21 am

kayleneaussie;907856 wrote: Well you were a bricklayer :yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl
Button it Mad Oz bird:-5:-5:sneaky:

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:22 am

Carolly;907859 wrote: Button it Mad Oz bird:-5:-5:sneaky:

:p:p;)

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:26 am

OMG Chez!!!!!!!!! i have laughed so much today:wah::wah::D you are so bad:sneaky:

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:31 am

kazalala;907869 wrote: OMG Chez!!!!!!!!! i have laughed so much today:wah::wah: you are so bad:sneaky:Ye me little lamb chop is great aint she..........mind you me and her need a chat about some of it:sneaky::rolleyes:

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:34 am

Carolly;907879 wrote: Ye me little lamb chop is great aint she..........mind you me and her need a chat about some of it:sneaky::rolleyes:

Im exercising my right to claim the 5th Amendment:D

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:36 am

Chezzie;907884 wrote: Im exercising my right to claim the 5th Amendment:D
Oh gawd here we go.............and whats that pray:rolleyes::-3

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:37 am

Carolly;907890 wrote: Oh gawd here we go.............and whats that pray:rolleyes::-3

dont worry its got nowt to do with Mrs Palmer:wah::wah::wah:

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:38 am

kazalala;907891 wrote: dont worry its got nowt to do with Mrs Palmer:wah::wah::wah:

just spat coffee everywhere:wah::wah:

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:39 am

Chezzie;907895 wrote: just spat coffee everywhere:wah::wah:

that reminds me i put a pot of coffe on,,, should be ready now....wonder if i have any oreos:wah:

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:49 am

kazalala;907896 wrote: that reminds me i put a pot of coffe on,,, should be ready now....wonder if i have any oreos:wah:Oi!!!!Stop taking this high class Thread away from its topic:-5you and yer bleedin oreos that I dont even know about:(...anyway you cant have them in the BB house:p

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:50 am

Carolly;907914 wrote: Oi!!!!Stop taking this high class Thread away from its topic:-5you and yer bleedin oreos that I dont even know about:(...anyway you cant have them in the BB house:p

who says? you're not the boss of me:p:D

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 5:54 am

kazalala;907916 wrote: who says? you're not the boss of meOh ffs I thought I was on the BB thread that I put up:wah::wah:Oh gawd I aint a bleedin clue where I am now:-5:-5:driving:

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 6:45 am

Ere wait a minute

how comes Winkle is in the house and wins when he aint here..........I fink we should have a different winner.............like me:D:rolleyes:

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:03 am

Carolly;907965 wrote: Ere wait a minute

how comes Winkle is in the house and wins when he aint here..........I fink we should have a different winner.............like me:D:rolleyes:

Ha! it was only a matter of time:rolleyes::wah:

Helen · Post by **Helen** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 7:07 am

chezzie continues to make her fortune from manufacturing corn on the cob forks with which she has become somewhat obsessed with since the airing of this years BB...............................

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 8:48 am

kazalala;907982 wrote: Ha! it was only a matter of time:rolleyes::wah:Well its true:-3ere we gotta have a revote:-5:-5:

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 8:55 am

Carolly;908048 wrote: Well its true:-3ere we gotta have a revote:-5:-5:

well i didnt win either!!! and my whiter than white character was besmirched:-5 i'll just have to see what Hello mag offeres for my story,,,:sneaky:

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:35 am

kazalala;908054 wrote: well i didnt win either!!! and my whiter than white character was besmirched:-5 i'll just have to see what Hello mag offeres for my story,,,Oh yours will be boring:rolleyes:ang on....wernt you under the table having a shag

oh if you have the photos you will be paid a fortune:-3:rolleyes:;)

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:45 am

Wonder what I would be paid

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:52 am

shutting up?:wah::wah:;)

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 10:34 am

Helen;907983 wrote: chezzie continues to make her fortune from manufacturing corn on the cob forks with which she has become somewhat obsessed with since the airing of this years BB...............................

hah hah im the corn fork princess:wah:

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 10:35 am

Chezzie;908223 wrote: hah hah im the corn fork princess:wah:

say that quickly ten times:sneaky::wah:

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 10:37 am

kazalala;908117 wrote: shutting up?:wah::wah:;)One is not amused:rolleyes::p:driving:

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 11:57 am

kazalala;908224 wrote: say that quickly ten times:sneaky::wah:

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

:D:D

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 11:58 am

Chezzie;908408 wrote: im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

im the corn fork princess

:D:D

oh ha bloody ha:rolleyes::wah:

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 4:05 pm

QUOTE=kazalala;908410]oh ha bloody ha:rolleyes::wah:

:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sat Jul 05, 2008 4:06 pm

So have we decided on a descent prize yet

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 2:43 am

Its just been brought to my attention that some peeps thought id made this up myself. I didnt. I went to a site and answered a load of questions and gave lots of answers and then they emailed me the result which I posted...Sorry if I mislead anyone here, just did it for a laugh lol:D

kazalala · Post by **kazalala** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 3:05 am

Chezzie;908759 wrote: Its just been brought to my attention that some peeps thought id made this up myself. I didnt. I went to a site and answered a load of questions and gave lots of answers and then they emailed me the result which I posted...Sorry if I mislead anyone here, just did it for a laugh lol:D

well it was still very funny,, and you went to the trouble of doing that to make us laugh,, so i dont care who mafde it up ,, it was great fun:D:wah::wah:

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 3:06 am

kazalala;908766 wrote: well it was still very funny,, and you went to the trouble of doing that to make us laugh,, so i dont care who mafde it up ,, it was great fun:D:wah::wah:

thanks Kaz...oppps guess thats my OBE off our maj down the drain lol

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 3:52 am

Chezzie;908759 wrote: Its just been brought to my attention that some peeps thought id made this up myself. I didnt. I went to a site and answered a load of questions and gave lots of answers and then they emailed me the result which I posted...Sorry if I mislead anyone here, just did it for a laugh lol:D

Well I thought it was great Cheezie...never laughed so much...just what I needed...thank you :-4

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:08 am

kayleneaussie;908797 wrote: Well I thought it was great Cheezie...never laughed so much...just what I needed...thank you :-4

more than welcome Kay:-4

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:28 am

:sneaky:Good job I love yer aint it......anyway its still bloody funny and.....gotta say it girl.....you got some brains there;)