-1I feel so bad for my friend!
I feel so bad for my friend!
My co-worker/friend just recently separated from her husband after only about 3 years of marriage. He has a tendency to drink. But now, he's on pain killers for his elbow. The two mixed has really turned him into a different person than she married. Today is their anniversary & he had the audacity to text her & ask for a divorce!! She left the office in TEARS! It's times like these when I consider myself fortunate for being single... 
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I feel so bad for my friend!
What a wimp to text her instead of doing it in person! A compassionate human being wouldn't have done it on their anniversary either. :-5
I feel so bad for my friend!
What a b*stard! I feel sorry for your friend though. Some advice for your friend, get yourself to Al-anon.
I feel so bad for my friend!
Sometimes people are hurtful and horrible to eachother when theyre hurting the most.
I AM AWESOME MAN
I feel so bad for my friend!
A huband with a drink problem is so hard at times.You really have to be at the recieving end to know exactly what it is like.Unless this man seeks help to save his marriage and any love that may still be there Im sorry but your friend will suffer so much more if she stays with him.The important thing is that this man has to get help because he wants to or it will be a complete waste of time.My heart goes out to your friend.
Women are bitchy and predictable ...men are not and that's the key to knowing the truth.
I feel so bad for my friend!
I feel sorry for your friend too. His actions were cold and calculated. He knew he could hurt her and figured out which would have the most profound effect. I am confident that your friend is torn and doesn't understand why he is doing this. She is in love.....but not with 'him'...she is in love with the man she knew in the beginning.
There is nothing that you can do to help her with this, observer1, just be her friend. It has to be her decision to leave and until she has reached her limit....the point where she knows she is done. He will continue as long as he knows he can effect her....and possibly get meaner, given enough time.
In the moments when she will listen to you suggest counseling....and the most economical counseling you can find is Alanon....hopefully she will before the situation worsens.
Try to remember, the husband may be an ass and is certainly a jerk but you should not ride the emotional roller-coaster with her. Good luck. It sounds like it could get very distracting at your job.
There is nothing that you can do to help her with this, observer1, just be her friend. It has to be her decision to leave and until she has reached her limit....the point where she knows she is done. He will continue as long as he knows he can effect her....and possibly get meaner, given enough time.
In the moments when she will listen to you suggest counseling....and the most economical counseling you can find is Alanon....hopefully she will before the situation worsens.
Try to remember, the husband may be an ass and is certainly a jerk but you should not ride the emotional roller-coaster with her. Good luck. It sounds like it could get very distracting at your job.
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
I feel so bad for my friend!
sofemme;831389 wrote: I feel sorry for your friend too. His actions were cold and calculated. He knew he could hurt her and figured out which would have the most profound effect. I am confident that your friend is torn and doesn't understand why he is doing this. She is in love.....but not with 'him'...she is in love with the man she knew in the beginning.
There is nothing that you can do to help her with this, observer1, just be her friend. It has to be her decision to leave and until she has reached her limit....the point where she knows she is done. He will continue as long as he knows he can effect her....and possibly get meaner, given enough time.
In the moments when she will listen to you suggest counseling....and the most economical counseling you can find is Alanon....hopefully she will before the situation worsens.
Try to remember, the husband may be an ass and is certainly a jerk but you should not ride the emotional roller-coaster with her. Good luck. It sounds like it could get very distracting at your job.
Very well said!!
I feel bad for your friend too and can relate, it seems that when they are at their worst, they drag the ones they love down with them. I know that it is easier said than done, but I would advise your friend to not to try to "fix" him, as much as she wants to. He has to do this, and she needs to take care of HER....I would definately take the advice of Alanon, have friends that have benefited from the meetings greatly. I hope that she won't be his punching bag (even if its just a mental one) or his enabler....it is easy to get sucked into when you love someone and want what you used to have with them....:-1
There is nothing that you can do to help her with this, observer1, just be her friend. It has to be her decision to leave and until she has reached her limit....the point where she knows she is done. He will continue as long as he knows he can effect her....and possibly get meaner, given enough time.
In the moments when she will listen to you suggest counseling....and the most economical counseling you can find is Alanon....hopefully she will before the situation worsens.
Try to remember, the husband may be an ass and is certainly a jerk but you should not ride the emotional roller-coaster with her. Good luck. It sounds like it could get very distracting at your job.
Very well said!!
I feel bad for your friend too and can relate, it seems that when they are at their worst, they drag the ones they love down with them. I know that it is easier said than done, but I would advise your friend to not to try to "fix" him, as much as she wants to. He has to do this, and she needs to take care of HER....I would definately take the advice of Alanon, have friends that have benefited from the meetings greatly. I hope that she won't be his punching bag (even if its just a mental one) or his enabler....it is easy to get sucked into when you love someone and want what you used to have with them....:-1
I feel so bad for my friend!
Thanks for all the advise. I really appreciate it. She's already left & gotten her own place. That's why he said he wants the divorce. And she's been seeing a counselor, along with speaking to her pastor. When she left the office the other day, she went straight to the pastor to talk. I think she's doing very well. She seems to be OK today... we'll see about tomorrow when it gets here.
I, too, was married to an alcoholic. I left him after 5 years of marriage & 2 years of living with him. We have a daughter together. I was the daughter of an alcoholic father & didn't want her growing up seeing what I had to witness as a child. The chain has to be broken somewhere, right?
I, too, was married to an alcoholic. I left him after 5 years of marriage & 2 years of living with him. We have a daughter together. I was the daughter of an alcoholic father & didn't want her growing up seeing what I had to witness as a child. The chain has to be broken somewhere, right?
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
I feel so bad for my friend!
observer1;833089 wrote: Thanks for all the advise. I really appreciate it. She's already left & gotten her own place. That's why he said he wants the divorce. And she's been seeing a counselor, along with speaking to her pastor. When she left the office the other day, she went straight to the pastor to talk. I think she's doing very well. She seems to be OK today... we'll see about tomorrow when it gets here.
I, too, was married to an alcoholic. I left him after 5 years of marriage & 2 years of living with him. We have a daughter together. I was the daughter of an alcoholic father & didn't want her growing up seeing what I had to witness as a child. The chain has to be broken somewhere, right?
Right on sista!! I broke the cycle for my 3 boys...the ex told me he would NEVER stop drinking, even though he did at one time for over 4 years, but started back up and told me he would never stop again, and that was the beginning of the end....he mostly had to make the decision to leave, but I never let him think that it was acceptable to drink around my boys and act like a jerk....we fought about that more than I should've put up with. I am just so glad that my boys have had 5 solid years of no booze in my house.:-6 And for the most part...a Happy MOMMY!
I, too, was married to an alcoholic. I left him after 5 years of marriage & 2 years of living with him. We have a daughter together. I was the daughter of an alcoholic father & didn't want her growing up seeing what I had to witness as a child. The chain has to be broken somewhere, right?
Right on sista!! I broke the cycle for my 3 boys...the ex told me he would NEVER stop drinking, even though he did at one time for over 4 years, but started back up and told me he would never stop again, and that was the beginning of the end....he mostly had to make the decision to leave, but I never let him think that it was acceptable to drink around my boys and act like a jerk....we fought about that more than I should've put up with. I am just so glad that my boys have had 5 solid years of no booze in my house.:-6 And for the most part...a Happy MOMMY!
I feel so bad for my friend!
That's great news.....glad to hear it. Hope you are doing all right too, observer1.
hugs to you.
hugs to you.
I feel so bad for my friend!
Thanks sofemme! I'm fine... other than a bad cold or allergies, or something. Anywho, my friend got served with divorce papers yesterday. Hence, she took the day off of work, today.
I feel so bad for my friend!
The divorce could be a blessing in disguise for her. The environment that an alcoholic creates is not a healthy one. This ending of her marriage may lead her to a greater place, more happiness and, perhaps, to a man who will be more understanding and considerate of her well-being. I wish her the best.