Why? If? When? Ever?

[Chezzie]

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,

does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from

Holland called Holes?

3. Why do we say something is out of Whack? What's a whack?

4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts", and you put

your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread

to begin with.

10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a

person who drives a race car not called a racist?

12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English

language.

( "I DO" is the longest!)

16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it

follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,

cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry

cleaners depressed?

17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole

lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me they're cramming

for their final exam.

21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little

spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?

Toothpicks?

22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?

What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put

their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for

them while they delivered the mail?

23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly

are the others here for?

24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

25. No one ever says, "It's only a game", when their team is winning.

26. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't

zigzag?

27. Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next

door went nuts.

28. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

29. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

30. Why are they called apartments when they are so close together?

31. Why do we need a pair of panties but only one bra?

32. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

33. Why is it called a "t.v. set" when you only get one?