Why do you think it is so common now?
Do you think marriage is still a desirable institution? Why or why not?
Divorce
Divorce
Divorce seems to be an archaic idea now. I think it is for raising children. I'd rather stay single since I can support myself. More girls and women are divorcing or staying single because they do not need men to take care of them. If I were to get remarried it would be for love and not because I need the support. Staying married, even when 2 people want to be together is hard enough. So it is twice as difficult to stay together when there are problems and one wants out of the marriage.
Attached files
Attached files
Divorce
koan;702290 wrote: Why do you think it is so common now?
Do you think marriage is still a desirable institution? Why or why not?
It's just my guess as to why divorce is common, but I think it is partly due to one party not really knowing the other very well. Just living together prior to marriage doesn't mean you know the person well. Asking lots of questions about how one feels about any number of things is paramount. Money, investing, children. in laws, retirement, politics, gambling, etc. Not just "who's your favorite actor, rock group etc. My 37 year old divorced twice stepdaughter is a good example. A college grad, but really didn't know too much about either spouse before marrying them. It was all just chemistry and no substance.
Yes, I think marriage is a desirable institution. Not for religious or moral grounds, but because in my opinion, it's the ultimate commitment.
Do you think marriage is still a desirable institution? Why or why not?
It's just my guess as to why divorce is common, but I think it is partly due to one party not really knowing the other very well. Just living together prior to marriage doesn't mean you know the person well. Asking lots of questions about how one feels about any number of things is paramount. Money, investing, children. in laws, retirement, politics, gambling, etc. Not just "who's your favorite actor, rock group etc. My 37 year old divorced twice stepdaughter is a good example. A college grad, but really didn't know too much about either spouse before marrying them. It was all just chemistry and no substance.
Yes, I think marriage is a desirable institution. Not for religious or moral grounds, but because in my opinion, it's the ultimate commitment.
Divorce
magenta flame;702304 wrote: The big "D" word ...............I think as human beings we are stupid and selfish.
I think it's easy to say to yourself when you're young and healthy that you don't 'need' someone in your life and you can take care of yourself. But you're not going to stay young forever and when your health and fitness level starts going down hill will you then still say to yourself "I don't need" anybody?
very true. on both counts.
I'm not a big fan of marriage. I think it makes people lazy.
otoh, I'm not prepared to say never again.
I think it's easy to say to yourself when you're young and healthy that you don't 'need' someone in your life and you can take care of yourself. But you're not going to stay young forever and when your health and fitness level starts going down hill will you then still say to yourself "I don't need" anybody?
very true. on both counts.
I'm not a big fan of marriage. I think it makes people lazy.
otoh, I'm not prepared to say never again.
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Patsy Warnick
- Posts: 4567
- Joined: Fri Feb 03, 2006 12:53 am
Divorce
I think Divorce is common because people are superficial
Knowing your mate is complex and rewarding
Marriage is the ultimate commitment
Its not the need - its not the take care of me
Its being able to share - share everything - wanting to share everything with the one you respect and love.
If you don't understand this - then you need to remain single.
Patsy
Knowing your mate is complex and rewarding
Marriage is the ultimate commitment
Its not the need - its not the take care of me
Its being able to share - share everything - wanting to share everything with the one you respect and love.
If you don't understand this - then you need to remain single.
Patsy
Divorce
koan;702308 wrote: very true. on both counts.
I'm not a big fan of marriage. I think it makes people lazy.
otoh, I'm not prepared to say never again.
NO! Not Timmy!
:D
Take it slow kid.
But I like him.
:-6
I'm not a big fan of marriage. I think it makes people lazy.
otoh, I'm not prepared to say never again.
NO! Not Timmy!
:D
Take it slow kid.
But I like him.
:-6
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Tater Tazz
- Posts: 2938
- Joined: Tue Oct 03, 2006 9:25 am
Divorce
You may not like my anwser, but here it is. You think you know someone, then the next thing they are hitting on someone on the internet. Who's fault is this? An overactive imagination. I often wonder, how many marriages end because of the internet. Do you know? Count mine as one please.
Divorce
Tater Tazz;702365 wrote: You may not like my anwser, but here it is. You think you know someone, then the next thing they are hitting on someone on the internet. Who's fault is this? An overactive imagination. I often wonder, how many marriages end because of the internet. Do you know? Count mine as one please.
This is very sad
I don't know the history here Taz, and am just commenting on what you said here. Sadly, the internet can become very additive and can end up ruling someones life if it is not handled with care. Also, many things said on the internet can be mis-read - 10 people could read a post and each person seeing something different, mis-understanding, missing the humour, not understanding the person who typed the comments - the list goes on.
If someone is actually getting a divorce due to something that was said on the internet - this is very sad indeed. It would be worth checking and double-checking, the words typed and their intentions before taking such a drastic step. Of course, possibly there are other problems within the marriage and this is just another brick in the wall.
Good luck Taz :-4
This is very sad
I don't know the history here Taz, and am just commenting on what you said here. Sadly, the internet can become very additive and can end up ruling someones life if it is not handled with care. Also, many things said on the internet can be mis-read - 10 people could read a post and each person seeing something different, mis-understanding, missing the humour, not understanding the person who typed the comments - the list goes on.If someone is actually getting a divorce due to something that was said on the internet - this is very sad indeed. It would be worth checking and double-checking, the words typed and their intentions before taking such a drastic step. Of course, possibly there are other problems within the marriage and this is just another brick in the wall.
Good luck Taz :-4
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along-for-the-ride
- Posts: 11732
- Joined: Wed Mar 02, 2005 4:28 pm
Divorce
Lon;702302 wrote: It's just my guess as to why divorce is common, but I think it is partly due to one party not really knowing the other very well. Just living together prior to marriage doesn't mean you know the person well. Asking lots of questions about how one feels about any number of things is paramount. Money, investing, children. in laws, retirement, politics, gambling, etc. Not just "who's your favorite actor, rock group etc. My 37 year old divorced twice stepdaughter is a good example. A college grad, but really didn't know too much about either spouse before marrying them. It was all just chemistry and no substance.
Yes, I think marriage is a desirable institution. Not for religious or moral grounds, but because in my opinion, it's the ultimate commitment.
I agree, Lon.
Yes, I think marriage is a desirable institution. Not for religious or moral grounds, but because in my opinion, it's the ultimate commitment.
I agree, Lon.
Life is a Highway. Let's share the Commute.
Divorce
We now live in a disposable society.
There use to be a day when there were technicians to fix TV’s, Washer and Dryers etc. Now when something is broken we just throw it out and get a new one.
We have no patience, we use to line up for what seemed like ages in lines at back on Fridays when it was the only day they were open late, now we are frustrated if there is one or more people in front of us at a bank machine.
All these things apply to how we have changes in our society, and the same is being applied in marriages. If it is ‘broken’ why spend time and energy trying to fix it, dump it and start over, besides it could cost as much going to counselling and so forth to try to fix it as it would just splitting up, so why bother when after spending time and money trying to fix it, it still may not work out.
Marriage, like all other things in society has become a disposable product.
There use to be a day when there were technicians to fix TV’s, Washer and Dryers etc. Now when something is broken we just throw it out and get a new one.
We have no patience, we use to line up for what seemed like ages in lines at back on Fridays when it was the only day they were open late, now we are frustrated if there is one or more people in front of us at a bank machine.
All these things apply to how we have changes in our society, and the same is being applied in marriages. If it is ‘broken’ why spend time and energy trying to fix it, dump it and start over, besides it could cost as much going to counselling and so forth to try to fix it as it would just splitting up, so why bother when after spending time and money trying to fix it, it still may not work out.
Marriage, like all other things in society has become a disposable product.
Divorce
mikeinie;702390 wrote: We now live in a disposable society.
There use to be a day when there were technicians to fix TV’s, Washer and Dryers etc. Now when something is broken we just throw it out and get a new one.
We have no patience, we use to line up for what seemed like ages in lines at back on Fridays when it was the only day they were open late, now we are frustrated if there is one or more people in front of us at a bank machine.
All these things apply to how we have changes in our society, and the same is being applied in marriages. If it is ‘broken’ why spend time and energy trying to fix it, dump it and start over, besides it could cost as much going to counselling and so forth to try to fix it as it would just splitting up, so why bother when after spending time and money trying to fix it, it still may not work out.
Marriage, like all other things in society has become a disposable product.
Hear, Hear.
Very well put, Mike.
There use to be a day when there were technicians to fix TV’s, Washer and Dryers etc. Now when something is broken we just throw it out and get a new one.
We have no patience, we use to line up for what seemed like ages in lines at back on Fridays when it was the only day they were open late, now we are frustrated if there is one or more people in front of us at a bank machine.
All these things apply to how we have changes in our society, and the same is being applied in marriages. If it is ‘broken’ why spend time and energy trying to fix it, dump it and start over, besides it could cost as much going to counselling and so forth to try to fix it as it would just splitting up, so why bother when after spending time and money trying to fix it, it still may not work out.
Marriage, like all other things in society has become a disposable product.
Hear, Hear.
Very well put, Mike.
Divorce
I think it's because people change, and partners dont' always change in the same direction. We have created a society of "do what's best for yourself" therefore if it ain't working for us we go out and divorce. Seems we don't want to put in the efforts to work through the changes....
now on the other hand were we meant to have one partner for life? Is this how the caveman existed? Or did he have multiple partners? Was it religion and government over the course of history force monogamy upon humans when maybe we were meant to have different partners through out our life?
I dunno if you are not happy in a marriage I believe you have to change things, and if you can't fix the marriage end it and try again. I know far to many unhappy marriages, a pity a bad marriage has to drain you of a good happy life.
now on the other hand were we meant to have one partner for life? Is this how the caveman existed? Or did he have multiple partners? Was it religion and government over the course of history force monogamy upon humans when maybe we were meant to have different partners through out our life?
I dunno if you are not happy in a marriage I believe you have to change things, and if you can't fix the marriage end it and try again. I know far to many unhappy marriages, a pity a bad marriage has to drain you of a good happy life.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Divorce
If one person changes that's growth, no?
At least change for the better.
Can't we then encourage the same growth in our partner?
I take the vow very seriously. Though divorced twice, I still believe the ring is a commitment. For life.
At least change for the better.
Can't we then encourage the same growth in our partner?
I take the vow very seriously. Though divorced twice, I still believe the ring is a commitment. For life.
Divorce
Tater Tazz;702365 wrote: You may not like my anwser, but here it is. You think you know someone, then the next thing they are hitting on someone on the internet. Who's fault is this? An overactive imagination. I often wonder, how many marriages end because of the internet. Do you know? Count mine as one please.
My response will be even less popular. I think a married person who goes to the internet for interaction is in a bad marriage in the first place. The person they find online is subsequent. The exception would be where both in the marriage enjoy online communities and they go to them together.
mikeinie;702390 wrote: We now live in a disposable society.
There use to be a day when there were technicians to fix TV’s, Washer and Dryers etc. Now when something is broken we just throw it out and get a new one.
We have no patience, we use to line up for what seemed like ages in lines at back on Fridays when it was the only day they were open late, now we are frustrated if there is one or more people in front of us at a bank machine.
All these things apply to how we have changes in our society, and the same is being applied in marriages. If it is ‘broken’ why spend time and energy trying to fix it, dump it and start over, besides it could cost as much going to counselling and so forth to try to fix it as it would just splitting up, so why bother when after spending time and money trying to fix it, it still may not work out.
Marriage, like all other things in society has become a disposable product.
Wonderfully said.
That's my current perception of it as well. That people treat each other as commodities.
My response will be even less popular. I think a married person who goes to the internet for interaction is in a bad marriage in the first place. The person they find online is subsequent. The exception would be where both in the marriage enjoy online communities and they go to them together.
mikeinie;702390 wrote: We now live in a disposable society.
There use to be a day when there were technicians to fix TV’s, Washer and Dryers etc. Now when something is broken we just throw it out and get a new one.
We have no patience, we use to line up for what seemed like ages in lines at back on Fridays when it was the only day they were open late, now we are frustrated if there is one or more people in front of us at a bank machine.
All these things apply to how we have changes in our society, and the same is being applied in marriages. If it is ‘broken’ why spend time and energy trying to fix it, dump it and start over, besides it could cost as much going to counselling and so forth to try to fix it as it would just splitting up, so why bother when after spending time and money trying to fix it, it still may not work out.
Marriage, like all other things in society has become a disposable product.
Wonderfully said.
That's my current perception of it as well. That people treat each other as commodities.
Divorce
koan;702290 wrote: Why do you think it is so common now?
Do you think marriage is still a desirable institution? Why or why not?
Why is divorce so common now..... well, if I had to pick one catch-all answer it'd be that I think people are getting married for the wrong reasons in the first place. Another thing... divorce is more acceptable these days. People who were unhappy in their marriage several decades ago wouldn't have gotten a divorce as they do now.
Is marriage still desirable? I think so. If I didn't think so I wouldn't be getting married next June! It's desirable for me because nothing would make me prouder than to be called his wife and to have him as my husband. But, I believe it's different for everyone as to why or why it's not a desirable institution.
Do you think marriage is still a desirable institution? Why or why not?
Why is divorce so common now..... well, if I had to pick one catch-all answer it'd be that I think people are getting married for the wrong reasons in the first place. Another thing... divorce is more acceptable these days. People who were unhappy in their marriage several decades ago wouldn't have gotten a divorce as they do now.
Is marriage still desirable? I think so. If I didn't think so I wouldn't be getting married next June! It's desirable for me because nothing would make me prouder than to be called his wife and to have him as my husband. But, I believe it's different for everyone as to why or why it's not a desirable institution.
It is better to have your mind opened by wonder
than closed by belief.
than closed by belief.
Divorce
Ppl would stay together before for all sorts of reasons that we just refuse to do these days.
Example:
"Oh, lets stay together for the kids, they need 2 parents"
Yes 2 parents are better then one BUT not if they are violent, not if they are constantly fighting, not if one is cheating on the other, not if one hates the other. These situations are far from stable for those poor kids who when they grow up will know that their parents stayed together for their sakes and then they grow up with feelings of guilt.
Example:
"Better stay together because of the shame brought on the family"
LMAO.............pleasing others ahead of yourselves will only result in hate, resentment and disorder.
Example:
"If we divorce then we have failed"
No, bettering your situation is far from failing. Staying somewhere that you are desperatley unhappy in is failing, failing yourself. Never put up with second best.
I can give hundreds of examples why ppl USED to stay together no matter what and how very unhappy and resentful they became, how bitter and twisted. Why shouldnt we get out of a situation that makes us sad, unhappy, fearful, hateful, frustrated, angry, loveless, downtrodden etc? The fact is that we have learnt that we do not have to do anything that we dont want to do. And in all honesty it is only religeon that dictates that we MUST stay together after marriage. What about how we feel as people with real feelings, wants and needs? What about that?
I think divorce is fine, it is just an expensive version of splitting up.
Example:
"Oh, lets stay together for the kids, they need 2 parents"
Yes 2 parents are better then one BUT not if they are violent, not if they are constantly fighting, not if one is cheating on the other, not if one hates the other. These situations are far from stable for those poor kids who when they grow up will know that their parents stayed together for their sakes and then they grow up with feelings of guilt.
Example:
"Better stay together because of the shame brought on the family"
LMAO.............pleasing others ahead of yourselves will only result in hate, resentment and disorder.
Example:
"If we divorce then we have failed"
No, bettering your situation is far from failing. Staying somewhere that you are desperatley unhappy in is failing, failing yourself. Never put up with second best.
I can give hundreds of examples why ppl USED to stay together no matter what and how very unhappy and resentful they became, how bitter and twisted. Why shouldnt we get out of a situation that makes us sad, unhappy, fearful, hateful, frustrated, angry, loveless, downtrodden etc? The fact is that we have learnt that we do not have to do anything that we dont want to do. And in all honesty it is only religeon that dictates that we MUST stay together after marriage. What about how we feel as people with real feelings, wants and needs? What about that?
I think divorce is fine, it is just an expensive version of splitting up.
Divorce
If I think back, when I got married it was because I believed that we could tough it out.
I can't say that it was more than just being very fond of him though, and the familiarity that develops over time.
I think marriage should be more like announcing to the world and each other that you have found your perfect match. Having given up on one marriage, I do still think that it is a deterrent from giving up too easily.
I can't say that it was more than just being very fond of him though, and the familiarity that develops over time.
I think marriage should be more like announcing to the world and each other that you have found your perfect match. Having given up on one marriage, I do still think that it is a deterrent from giving up too easily.
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cherandbuster
- Posts: 8594
- Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 11:33 am
Divorce
koan;702308 wrote: I think it makes people lazy.
I think Koan makes an excellent point here.
Some people push their spouses buttons because they can -- and that's not healthy. Although I'm a big believer in marriage (I'm an optimistic realist, or maybe a realistic optimist
), I see some married couples stop putting their best selves forward -- and I wonder, if these people weren't married, would they try harder?
I think Koan makes an excellent point here.
Some people push their spouses buttons because they can -- and that's not healthy. Although I'm a big believer in marriage (I'm an optimistic realist, or maybe a realistic optimist
), I see some married couples stop putting their best selves forward -- and I wonder, if these people weren't married, would they try harder? Live Life with
PASSION!:guitarist
PASSION!:guitarist
Divorce
That's the big change I've noticed in people as soon as the honeymoon is over. They feel like they won "the prize" and then kick back and look for other things to accomplish, neglecting a spouse who then becomes like an object.
I've also come to realise, though, that I haven't been giving people, in general, enough credit lately. I see what I expect to see and my vision has apparently become quite jaded. I'm trying to make an effort to focus more on the people who have strong morals and a sense of self worth. My "fix it" nature seems to have drawn me to all the folks that created my melancholy view of the world.
I've also come to realise, though, that I haven't been giving people, in general, enough credit lately. I see what I expect to see and my vision has apparently become quite jaded. I'm trying to make an effort to focus more on the people who have strong morals and a sense of self worth. My "fix it" nature seems to have drawn me to all the folks that created my melancholy view of the world.
Divorce
Jaded.
No time for that.
It's too stifling.
No time for that.
It's too stifling.
Divorce
No it has been useful to help me break a few bad habits.
Divorce
Time for your self.
yes.
That's a very good thing.
yes.
That's a very good thing.
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nvalleyvee
- Posts: 5191
- Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 8:57 am
Divorce
I only read Koan's INTRO.
Divorce is easy because prople give up too easily. When things get tough ------everyboby leaves. What does that say about communication or staying power. What does that say about being committted to anything in your life much less a relationship?
Marriage has become like living together..........NO Commitment..... no communication....no sex without the first two.
Would anyone here give up their child for any of these reasons?
OK ----- this coming from a woman on her 6th marriage.
Divorce is easy because prople give up too easily. When things get tough ------everyboby leaves. What does that say about communication or staying power. What does that say about being committted to anything in your life much less a relationship?
Marriage has become like living together..........NO Commitment..... no communication....no sex without the first two.
Would anyone here give up their child for any of these reasons?
OK ----- this coming from a woman on her 6th marriage.
The growth of knowledge depends entirely on disagreement..........Karl R. Popper
Divorce
nvalleyvee;708738 wrote: I only read Koan's INTRO.
Divorce is easy because prople give up too easily. When things get tough ------everyboby leaves. What does that say about communication or staying power. What does that say about being committted to anything in your life much less a relationship?
Marriage has become like living together..........NO Commitment..... no communication....no sex without the first two.
Would anyone here give up their child for any of these reasons?
OK ----- this coming from a woman on her 6th marriage.
6 marriages, cool.... you should give us a summary.
Divorce is easy because prople give up too easily. When things get tough ------everyboby leaves. What does that say about communication or staying power. What does that say about being committted to anything in your life much less a relationship?
Marriage has become like living together..........NO Commitment..... no communication....no sex without the first two.
Would anyone here give up their child for any of these reasons?
OK ----- this coming from a woman on her 6th marriage.
6 marriages, cool.... you should give us a summary.
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
Divorce
I didn't want my divorce and now I'm so thankful it happened!
Everyone has a different perspective on marriage and its purpose. I am one of those that believe that you should do everything in your power to stay together forever. Everyone in my family (elders) are still married....and they set that example for me as a child. My grandparents will be married 64 years (I think....or close to it) next March. I think will be a very rare occurance for people my age in 30 + years...
There are too many other things to get in the way of a good marriage today....but then again if 2 people are committed and love each other, they should do everything to keep it together....
I married my ex and then divorced him, married him again....and divorced again...trust me when I say...there will be a LOT of thought and a LONG term relationship before I say "I Do" again......
Everyone has a different perspective on marriage and its purpose. I am one of those that believe that you should do everything in your power to stay together forever. Everyone in my family (elders) are still married....and they set that example for me as a child. My grandparents will be married 64 years (I think....or close to it) next March. I think will be a very rare occurance for people my age in 30 + years...
There are too many other things to get in the way of a good marriage today....but then again if 2 people are committed and love each other, they should do everything to keep it together....
I married my ex and then divorced him, married him again....and divorced again...trust me when I say...there will be a LOT of thought and a LONG term relationship before I say "I Do" again......
Divorce
mikeinie;708740 wrote: 6 marriages, cool.... you should give us a summary.
:yh_rotfl.
Not laughing at you NVvee.
That just struck a chord with me.
Thanks Mike.
:yh_rotfl.
Not laughing at you NVvee.
That just struck a chord with me.
Thanks Mike.
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WonderWendy3
- Posts: 12412
- Joined: Thu Nov 09, 2006 7:44 am
Divorce
magenta flame;708746 wrote: been living with my husband for 18 years, 7 of those years we have been married.
You get less jail time for murder:D
:wah::wah::wah:
You get less jail time for murder:D
:wah::wah::wah: