so tired of family!

kimber · Post by **kimber** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:44 pm

i could really use someones opinion please! my family keeps upsetting me,this has been going on for 3 years now! it's driving me crazy,we have stayed away from family gatherings,we havent invited them to any of our functions,but the reaso it is so hard is i have an amazing grandmother who i love so dearly and i desperately want to please her,all she wants is for our family to love one another and get along so when i do not go to the family functions it breaks her heart ihave tried over and over again toexplain ti her how i feel and why ,but it does no good! i am so tired of feeling hurt and like i am not wanted,i have an uncle who especially goes out of his way to make thngs so much harder,he really dislikes my husband and i ,long story,i just want to feel good about myself again and be comfortable where i am and feel like i am sincerely wanted there! this is a huge problem for me. any opinion that might be helpful i am willing to hear,thank you,kim:(:(

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 1:51 pm

kimber;693279 wrote: i could really use someones opinion please! my family keeps upsetting me,this has been going on for 3 years now! it's driving me crazy,we have stayed away from family gatherings,we havent invited them to any of our functions,but the reaso it is so hard is i have an amazing grandmother who i love so dearly and i desperately want to please her,all she wants is for our family to love one another and get along so when i do not go to the family functions it breaks her heart ihave tried over and over again toexplain ti her how i feel and why ,but it does no good! i am so tired of feeling hurt and like i am not wanted,i have an uncle who especially goes out of his way to make thngs so much harder,he really dislikes my husband and i ,long story,i just want to feel good about myself again and be comfortable where i am and feel like i am sincerely wanted there! this is a huge problem for me. any opinion that might be helpful i am willing to hear,thank you,kim:(:(

Hi Kim, welcome to FG.

Do you see your family at ther times? Could you not take time to see them with your children while your husband see's his buddies?

Life is very short too short to be caught up in conflict. I am sure that you could have a good relationship with your family, if your husband and family love you they will understand your need to spend time with both of them.

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:00 pm

By all means. keep in contact with your grandmother. Phone her to chat. She will not be here forever, and you do not want to regret later not having spent more time with her.

Family get-togethers sometimes can be ordeals, when you have relatives who are bitter or petty or hold grudges, etc. But don't let them keep you from being with those you love and enjoy being with. Don't give them that power. You are only accountable for your behavior, not theirs. At the next family gathering, smile and hang with the people you enjoy being with. If these relatives "act out", ignore them and let them make fools of themselves. Just keep your cool. If you start feeling too uncomfortable, give your grandmother a hug and tell her you enjoyed being with her, and just leave.

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:05 pm

along-for-the-ride;693286 wrote: By all means. keep in contact with your grandmother. Phone her to chat. She will not be here forever, and you do not want to regret later not having spent more time with her.

Family get-togethers sometimes can be ordeals, when you have relatives who are bitter or petty or hold grudges, etc. But don't let them keep you from being with those you love and enjoy being with. Don't give them that power. You are only accountable for your behavior, not theirs. At the next family gathering, smile and hang with the people you enjoy being with. If these relatives "act out", ignore them and let them make fools of themselves. Just keep your cool. If you start feeling too uncomfortable, give your grandmother a hug and tell her you enjoyed being with her, and just leave.

:wah: Great advise, that is what my post meant too

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:18 pm

along-for-the-ride;693286 wrote: By all means. keep in contact with your grandmother. Phone her to chat. She will not be here forever, and you do not want to regret later not having spent more time with her.

Family get-togethers sometimes can be ordeals, when you have relatives who are bitter or petty or hold grudges, etc. But don't let them keep you from being with those you love and enjoy being with. Don't give them that power. You are only accountable for your behavior, not theirs. At the next family gathering, smile and hang with the people you enjoy being with. If these relatives "act out", ignore them and let them make fools of themselves. Just keep your cool. If you start feeling too uncomfortable, give your grandmother a hug and tell her you enjoyed being with her, and just leave.

What along-for said!!!

And BTW, welcome to FG!

booradley · Post by **booradley** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:30 pm

extended family is boring. I don't even know my brother's phone number. just visit your Gran alone and don't feel you have to justify yourself. I find acting vague works wonders

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 2:34 pm

Stay away from the family gatherings and visit your grandmother seperately.

Very easy... make yourself happy, save your sanity, and dont subject your husband to people who mistreat him.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Tue Sep 11, 2007 3:03 pm

I would visit your grandmother with your kids & husband - theres no reason for her to be punished.

I would not subject my husband to any negative family member (Uncle)

I would never subject my kids to any friction - they pick up on everything...

If its your Grandmother you seem to be concerned about - then thats who you see

And if theres a family gathering the Uncle won't be attending then I would accept that invite.

Patsy

Welcome to FG & for opening up & trusting us

Ritz · Post by **Ritz** » Wed Feb 13, 2008 6:24 pm

Hiiiii I do know where you are coming from, as two of my sisters have been making things bad for me(there are six of us kids en I am there oldest)

( I lost my Mum en dad en My loving dog Star en my husband all in the same year)

en just a few weeks back I went to what was my mum en dads house for some pics of them,as there are three albums full,(my youngest brother(who is a cry baby)( I took four pics as I wanted to blow them up and frame them en give each one of them one) well I am sick of them telling me to get the pics back in the album,( them albums belonged to mum en dad,so they belong to all of us now,not just brother en two sisters.

You know what they did,they hacked my two forums en I had to restart them both en I cannot get messages to all my members so I lost members as well, I have just finished my paranormal forum again and opened it on the 10th of this month cause I no members,I could kill them (as I am very disabled due to chassing men girrr to them also,) the thing is at the mo my pc land is all I have all I can look forward to,(I have just got rid of MRSA after eight months not being able to go out,) so hospital has put two of my ops... on hold due to MRSA,well I got my swabs back again,en I am so chuffed as they have come back CLEAR yessssss.so now I have to get two more back clear,then we can go a-head with my ops... on my legs what men trashed and through doing so I had to give my work up,en I loved my work,but to do that I had to run en fast,yes I am an Ex Bodyguard to the VIP`s dam it girrrrrrrrrr all this hence is why I only have my pc world left at the mo. Lend me some members please lol.. I could do with some feed back on it does it look good or not will it fetch members or not,tell me the truth here is the link http://haunting.forumsvibe.com/index.php I have another forum as well yes they hacked that one also gits, on other one its Entertainment with hundreds of movies cartoons documentaries shows extra...

well I have to keep my head ticking over with some thing....

by all means if you want to take off this one link then do so,however it is no threat to yours with it beings Paranormal......

Gosh I didnot realise that I had typed all this,ho well what the hell lol. ring a ring of roses,why have I put them smilies, well

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Wed Feb 13, 2008 9:34 pm

Wow! I really wish I understood folks that type in a foreign accent.:wah:

librtyhead · Post by **librtyhead** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 2:25 am

:-3:yh_hypno:-3..............hmmmmmmm

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 3:19 am

*tumbleweed* wwwwwwwwwwwwwwoshhhhhh

observer1 · Post by **observer1** » Thu Feb 14, 2008 8:27 am

Kim, is there any way you could visit with your grandmother without the entire family being there? It'll let her know that you really value her & want to maintain your relationship with her. She should be able to see what's going on. Most do, but don't want to get tied up in it all. I lost my aunt, unexpectedly, in June, 2004. Then, my dear grandmother passed away in September, 2004. I had already lost my other aunt in February, 1985 & my wonderful grandfather in 1972. My mom was the last of her family to go. My wonderful mom passed in December 2005. There are soooo many times I wish I could just pick up the phone & talk to one of them!!! Never lose those ties! They're what makes you, you!

My daughter's fiance's family is constantly battling & bickering. She always tells him, "My family argues, but we're ALWAYS there for each other! Your family needs to grow up." Someday we won't be there for each other, not by our choice. That's when you wish you'd done differently. When my aunt passed in 1985, I wasn't talking to her & it's haunted me ever since. You can never get that time back...

Jerry · Post by **Jerry** » Sat Feb 16, 2008 3:36 pm

kimber;693279 wrote: i could really use someones opinion please! my family keeps upsetting me,this has been going on for 3 years now! it's driving me crazy,we have stayed away from family gatherings,we havent invited them to any of our functions,but the reaso it is so hard is i have an amazing grandmother who i love so dearly and i desperately want to please her,all she wants is for our family to love one another and get along so when i do not go to the family functions it breaks her heart ihave tried over and over again toexplain ti her how i feel and why ,but it does no good! i am so tired of feeling hurt and like i am not wanted,i have an uncle who especially goes out of his way to make thngs so much harder,he really dislikes my husband and i ,long story,i just want to feel good about myself again and be comfortable where i am and feel like i am sincerely wanted there! this is a huge problem for me. any opinion that might be helpful i am willing to hear,thank you,kim:(:(

You know I have a friend that feels the same way you do. He says people that are not his family is more better to him than his own family members are. :rolleyes: He went to a family reunion and a family member said to him..how many plates does that make you now____? Another family treats him well, and the lady has him to come eat at their home and doesn't say anything bad about him. If they don't like who you married they should at least keep it to themsleves, and not make it hard for you to go to family reunions. I would let them know how you feel about it too. I would say go there w/o your husband, but that's not rght, he is family too. This is a hard one to answer, hun. People in my family don't go because others make them feel unwanted too. I think there are a lot of families like this, hun. Nothing much you can do with people that love to do this type of things to others, and act like a total azz towards others.

Geronimo · Post by **Geronimo** » Sat Feb 16, 2008 3:38 pm

dear kimbey you can chose your friends but not oyur family they say, but you can say no to them, if they hate you and are no good to oyu then cut bonds with them completely, only keep in touch with those you like and who like you like your grand mother and arrange family gathering yoruself wher only the nnice ones are invited.

You must cut bonds from the bad people they are no family to you they are pestilency, they will never do what they do to you to a friend and not even to a stranger. they onyl do so cause its family so they think they can escape with all kind of misbehavior, and be so mean to you, but thats ebcause they are completely sicka nd your oncle is frustrated with his life and jealous of oyur husband or he will never act this way.

It is so sick cause it si so easy to hurt a mamber of yoru family.

Sow hat you also can do the next time this onlce begin is to harrass him straigh away, and ask him if he is impotent or frustrated or suepr jealous? and if he dont get it to order him to dont adress you at all as he do not know what family mean, and say to him that he is a stranger to you and that you do not want him to adress you ever, that you do not know him from now on. that shoudl shutt him off!

if you have to make a huge scene put everythign on the table straight out.

and then decide if oyu ever want to see them again or not. and if not only keep in otuch wiht your grand mother.

you can also send a hate letter to your oncle telling him how mena you think heis to be so mena to you all the time and to disrespect you even he is part of the family, when he shoudl show you respect.

put him in place.

Geronimo · Post by **Geronimo** » Sat Feb 16, 2008 3:39 pm

Jerry;777655 wrote: You know I have a friend that feels the same way you do. He says people that are not his family is more better to him than his own family members are. :rolleyes: He went to a family reunion and a family member said to him..how many plates does that make you now____? Another family treats him well, and the lady has him to come eat at their home and doesn't say anything bad about him. If they don't like who you married they should at least keep it to themsleles, and not make it hard for you to go to family reunions. I would let them know how you feel about it too. I would say go there w/o your husband, but that's not rght, he is family too. Does you Grandmother know what is going on? If not, let her know.. she can put them in their place for you.

i totally agre with you but her grand mum know but dont understand maybe she is too naive and good.. maybe she should talk to the other part..

Geronimo · Post by **Geronimo** » Sat Feb 16, 2008 3:50 pm

Ritz, nobody haccked yoru forums from your family... it is professional hackers and virus that did that..

there si lots of malware on the run on hte internet at the moment and to hack a forum you have to be a real pro hacker and if noone in oyur family is specialy good at computer or a real nerd, there is no chance that they could ahve done that.. if they wanted to do so they will ahve deleeted the forum entitrely.. but in your case thats simply a virus or worm attack on the server connected to yoru forum.. nothing special abpout it that happens all the time.

maybe you should review your idea about your sisters and brothers.. maybe hey are writing here on in another forum how their sister si so mean that she even accuse them to have hack into her forum! and they dont understand how you can say such a thing..

Nobody in oyur family hacked into your forum, Ritz, a virus attacked it, and thats all.

maybe its even in your computer and a antivirus scaning will clear it up...

Geronimo · Post by **Geronimo** » Sat Feb 16, 2008 4:02 pm

jerry, could you look at your post? pm...

Jerry · Post by **Jerry** » Sat Feb 16, 2008 4:04 pm

Hun, I took the Grandmother part out. She said she knows what is going on.

If the Grandmother wants to see her as bad as Kim wants to see her, then both should stand up at the next family reunion and say how they feel and end it there and then. Good luck, Kim, hun. Family can be a real pain in the butt, but down deep, we still love them, and that is why it hurts so much.

Geronimo · Post by **Geronimo** » Sat Feb 16, 2008 4:13 pm

yes exactly or we have loved them and invested us so much emotionaly in them that it is hard to cut off the bonds, like form a bad marriage or a bad relationships one has give it all for once..

but you have to to so kimberley, you can just keep it on, this wight is stopping you in your life, wether you are aware of it or not, and it hinder you to accomplish great things with your life, and htosi is true for all of us.

Family habits, form, and all influence us all for the rest of our life and we have to sort out and cut off the bad habits from the good ones, in order to dont end up like htem or worse.. and in order to can develop as a human being, as we were ment to be and ot programed to by our family.

this goes for all.

I imagine it ia hard for your grand mopther too and that she try to deny the facts as she cant solve it. You cannot make everybody to come along if they do no want to. In families like in real life some chemistry work and some dont.

and some need a black sheep to can go on wiht life.. you are the black sheep of the family and withotu oyu they will be unable to function together and will ahck onto each others before long and they will ahve nothing left. I am sure of that.

before you, soemoen else was the black sheep, and they keep that on from a generation to another.

tell them ot back off, put them in place, be super assertive and put that oncle in a very tiny box, that will teach him and will befree you.

you both need it, i will say! :wah:

Ritz · Post by **Ritz** » Fri Feb 22, 2008 5:43 am

Geronimo;777684 wrote: Ritz, nobody haccked yoru forums from your family... it is professional hackers and virus that did that..

there si lots of malware on the run on hte internet at the moment and to hack a forum you have to be a real pro hacker and if noone in oyur family is specialy good at computer or a real nerd, there is no chance that they could ahve done that.. if they wanted to do so they will ahve deleeted the forum entitrely.. but in your case thats simply a virus or worm attack on the server connected to yoru forum.. nothing special abpout it that happens all the time.

maybe you should review your idea about your sisters and brothers.. maybe hey are writing here on in another forum how their sister si so mean that she even accuse them to have hack into her forum! and they dont understand how you can say such a thing..

Nobody in oyur family hacked into your forum, Ritz, a virus attacked it, and thats all.

maybe its even in your computer and a antivirus scaning will clear it up...

Two of my family DID hack them, They told me,we donot get on with two family members,they told me the names they were going under just for pure spite...

I am a Lady of Title and they are not they don`t like that,none of rest of my family get on with them either.

I should not have to explain my self here,But I am not having you or any one else call me a lier:mad: they got rid of all of my forums,I have had to restart from scrach.