My Family's falling apart- HELP...

Singh-Song · Post by **Singh-Song** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 3:50 pm

Hi. My name's... well, I'm a 20 year old boy/man, still living with his parents in Greater London, UK. My sister is 2 years younger- but she has free run of everything. She's always had more freedom than me- going to every club and society she wanted to join, partying with friends. We used to be really close, but things have changed. Since she got baptised, it's like she's been possessed by a demon. She called the police to our house, claiming I was assualting her after a minor argument, meaning I now have a criminal record. After that, when she was told off for doing so, she ran out of the house, disappearing off the radar for two days. Now, anything any of us say is met with her blackmailing to run away again. She won't even talk to me any more, except to insult everything I've ever confided in her about, because I told my parents about the secret relationship she was having during the time she went AWOL. Some of the quotes- our home isn't her "real home- Heaven is...", "...I love God, I don't love any of you...", "When I ran away, it felt like I was flying... I've never felt so happy, so free...". I imagine you've got the picture. I can't find even a memory of my sister left. She claims that she's "...an adult now! Nobody has the right to tell me how to live my life, the way I should behave... I'm MY OWN PERSON!" but the truth is, she hates all of us because we make her feel vulnerable. Every rebuke of her insults ends in her blubbering like a baby. And, every time I step in to try and diffuse the situation, no matter how long I wait, the whole thing, from the very beginning, from both my sister and both my parents, instantly becomes ALL MY FAULT! :-5 The truth is. I don't love my sister any more. I don't give a toss. I think she should just go to heaven and stop making our lives a living hell. If there's anyone out there who thinks they can sway me, you're welcome to try, but right now, I just don't have any hope left...

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 3:57 pm

Tell her to quit using her misguided view of "religion" as a crutch, tell her if she is going to be a Christian to start acting like one and not some half dead, blind, and ignorant zealot instead. People like her are keeping faith away from other because they fear becoming "possessed" by it. Tell your parents, well maybe not, tell her to grow up and quit being a child. Don't do anything I told you to do because I am giving advice based solely on my irritation at the people who act like this.

Singh-Song · Post by **Singh-Song** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:27 pm

I've tried telling her that so many times, but her argument is just blind 'faith' / pig ignorance over logic every time. Trying to make her see sense is like arguing with a computer- the only response you get is either nothing or a crashed harddrive...

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:30 pm

What she is acting like has no faith involved in it. You really can't do anything about it; people rarely change they just become more of who they really are.

Post by **spot** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:31 pm

There's no chance of you moving out? That might solve most of your problems.

KB. · Post by **KB.** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 4:32 pm

spot;645161 wrote: There's no chance of you moving out? That might solve most of your problems.

Yeah, it might bring more, but it would neuter some of them.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Jun 24, 2007 5:05 pm

Sounds like your sisters been a spoiled brat for some time.

This attitude has nothing to do with religion. Sounds more like drugs to me.

In the '60's LSD had people loving alot of things - except family.

Don't get involved - don't step in - let your parents handle their child.

Focus on yourself - work hard or go to school - keep a good relationship with your parents - but when your sister works into the devil - go to your room, don't get involved. This could all be for more attention

Patsy

Singh-Song · Post by **Singh-Song** » Mon Jun 25, 2007 3:04 am

Moving out might sem like an option, but I just don't have that kind of money. Over here in England, a one bedroom apartment costs around $200,000. We're just waiting until she goes off to University in a few months, but the way things are spiralling out of control, she could be sectioned by then. And if I just move away, leave my parents to deal with it on their own- What kind of son would I be?

'Sounds like your sisters been a spoiled brat for some time.

This attitude has nothing to do with religion. Sounds more like drugs to me.

In the '60's LSD had people loving alot of things - except family.

Don't get involved - don't step in - let your parents handle their child.

Focus on yourself - work hard or go to school - keep a good relationship with your parents - but when your sister works into the devil - go to your room, don't get involved. This could all be for more attention'

I'm pretty sure she isn't on drugs. Both of us would rather leave than eat in the smoking section of a restaurant- and if I gave the idea she engaged in Satanism, I apologise. The church she was baptised in was the small community Seventh-Day-Adventist Church she's gone to every Saturday with our mother since early childhood...

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Mon Jun 25, 2007 4:22 am

It's admirable that you want to stay and help your parents with the problems with your sister but you may be a bit too close to the problem to help solve it. Taking a step back may be a good thing. I know how expensive buying a house/flat is but you could rent or move into a house share. Some space for yourself would be invaluable. She may even appreciate the chance to have a bolt hole away from home and visit often.

You say that she is heavily involved with the church - could a minister there help? Has your mother talked to anyone within the church community about your sister? What about your family GP?

I know this is going to sound callous but really your sister is not your responsibility - both your parents are still alive and you are too young to take this on your shoulders alone.

observer1 · Post by **observer1** » Mon Jun 25, 2007 6:06 am

Singh, I'm the mother of a once-VERY rebellious teenage girl. Also, I myself was a rebellious teenage girl. I must say that in both cases, drugs were involved, whether it was smoked or swallowed. Fortunately for both me & my daughter, we straightened out... but only after having a child. Your sister just sounds very much like we both did. I'm not saying that drugs ARE involved, but it's definitely worth investigating. Also, how about outside influences? What are her friends like? Friends can be a MAJOR influence on people... especially young girls. I'm just speaking from personal experience. But please don't think things can't be going on that you don't know about. I especially wonder, since she disappeared for 2 days. Where did she stay?? What was she doing during those 2 days? You have to look into every possibility.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Jun 25, 2007 4:44 pm

The situation sounds a little dangerous to me. Too hot. Too emmotionally charged. I wouldnt rule out the possibility of drugs either.

Singh-Song · Post by **Singh-Song** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 1:23 pm

I don't claim to know anything about what kind of stuff she gets up to- she comes back home two, even three hours after she finishes at college, when the bus should take an hour at most; there was this incident the teachers called home about, when they found her and the boyfriend, Michael, together in a broom closet... They didn't give any further details, but what's the first thing that jumps to your mind?

And every day she's on the phone, chatting to another of her anonymous friends about how hard her life is, how none of us understand she wants to her own person, slagging all of us off right in front of us, trying to provoke a reaction from me. She thinks the only way she can live her own life, is if nobody around her follows any rules other than her own. If that were true, then the only way she'll get to live is by becoming either a religious hermit or layabout on the street- and even then, if she keeps that attitude, she'll be dead in the first month...

Tell you what, I'll be laughing come september. She chose to go to a university 200 miles away in Salford, just to get as far from us as possible. The result? We can't paying for her accomodation, so she's going to have to get a part-time job, to earn her own due. When she actually has to fend for herself, has to work a student job on the bottom rung, she'll realise just how much she's been pandered to, how easy she actually has it. We try to cite examples from the lives of freinds and family, but, in her own words; "I don't care about what happened to them! I want to live my own life, FOR MYSELF..." Let's see how long she lasts when gets what she asks for...

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 1:34 pm

Let your sister go, let her live her life. Carry on with yours and focus on what positive you have in your life. She will find her way.

observer1 · Post by **observer1** » Tue Jun 26, 2007 2:44 pm

Singh-Song;646540 wrote: I don't claim to know anything about what kind of stuff she gets up to- she comes back home two, even three hours after she finishes at college, when the bus should take an hour at most; there was this incident the teachers called home about, when they found her and the boyfriend, Michael, together in a broom closet... They didn't give any further details, but what's the first thing that jumps to your mind?

And every day she's on the phone, chatting to another of her anonymous friends about how hard her life is, how none of us understand she wants to her own person, slagging all of us off right in front of us, trying to provoke a reaction from me. She thinks the only way she can live her own life, is if nobody around her follows any rules other than her own. If that were true, then the only way she'll get to live is by becoming either a religious hermit or layabout on the street- and even then, if she keeps that attitude, she'll be dead in the first month...

Tell you what, I'll be laughing come september. She chose to go to a university 200 miles away in Salford, just to get as far from us as possible. The result? We can't paying for her accomodation, so she's going to have to get a part-time job, to earn her own due. When she actually has to fend for herself, has to work a student job on the bottom rung, she'll realise just how much she's been pandered to, how easy she actually has it. We try to cite examples from the lives of freinds and family, but, in her own words; "I don't care about what happened to them! I want to live my own life, FOR MYSELF..." Let's see how long she lasts when gets what she asks for...

Believe me Singh, that'll probably be the best wake-up call she could get. You know the saying, be careful what you wish for because you just might get it. It's sooo true! I couldn't stand all the rules at home, until I had to pay my own bills & didn't have money for food! Reality hits hard then!