Heya people,
well heres my lil worry, it might sound a bit pathetic to you all but i think it will help me getting it out in the open
Well as i just put in a post, a year ago now i suffered a miscarriage with my ex, all the stress and heartbreak broke us up, and now i have met a really nice bloke, when i met him he had a 5 year old and his ex was 8 months pregnant which didnt bover me at the time.
But a month into the relationship, she had the baby and i dont know whats wrong with me now i feel really jealous of the new baby, its 5 months old now, and i still have to leave the flat when he has her.
Deep down i think its because i think that when we have kids its not gonna be as special to him because hes already got two with his ex? and he was engaged to her aswell, i just think its the whole we arent going to do anything together for the first time thing, so its not going to be special.
I just dont know what to do, i keep feeling depressed about it, even though he has assured me he wants children with me in the future and he loves me. I just feel insecure.
Sorry for ranting on, feels better to get it out.
Might Sound a bit pathetic
Might Sound a bit pathetic
xalisonx;618913 wrote: Heya people,
well heres my lil worry, it might sound a bit pathetic to you all but i think it will help me getting it out in the open
Well as i just put in a post, a year ago now i suffered a miscarriage with my ex, all the stress and heartbreak broke us up, and now i have met a really nice bloke, when i met him he had a 5 year old and his ex was 8 months pregnant which didnt bover me at the time.
But a month into the relationship, she had the baby and i dont know whats wrong with me now i feel really jealous of the new baby, its 5 months old now, and i still have to leave the flat when he has her.
Deep down i think its because i think that when we have kids its not gonna be as special to him because hes already got two with his ex? and he was engaged to her aswell, i just think its the whole we arent going to do anything together for the first time thing, so its not going to be special.
I just dont know what to do, i keep feeling depressed about it, even though he has assured me he wants children with me in the future and he loves me. I just feel insecure.
Sorry for ranting on, feels better to get it out.
I've been in that situation, two kids with different moms. Trust me he will feel no differently about any kids he might have you with you.:-6
well heres my lil worry, it might sound a bit pathetic to you all but i think it will help me getting it out in the open
Well as i just put in a post, a year ago now i suffered a miscarriage with my ex, all the stress and heartbreak broke us up, and now i have met a really nice bloke, when i met him he had a 5 year old and his ex was 8 months pregnant which didnt bover me at the time.
But a month into the relationship, she had the baby and i dont know whats wrong with me now i feel really jealous of the new baby, its 5 months old now, and i still have to leave the flat when he has her.
Deep down i think its because i think that when we have kids its not gonna be as special to him because hes already got two with his ex? and he was engaged to her aswell, i just think its the whole we arent going to do anything together for the first time thing, so its not going to be special.
I just dont know what to do, i keep feeling depressed about it, even though he has assured me he wants children with me in the future and he loves me. I just feel insecure.
Sorry for ranting on, feels better to get it out.
I've been in that situation, two kids with different moms. Trust me he will feel no differently about any kids he might have you with you.:-6
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Might Sound a bit pathetic
as a parent I can tell you that the kids do come first but that's the way it should be and you will feel the same way about your own babies someday. :-6
None of the other stuff will matter once you hold your own baby in your arms. :-4
None of the other stuff will matter once you hold your own baby in your arms. :-4
Might Sound a bit pathetic
Firstly - don't rush into having a family with anyone just yet, you're still young and have plenty of time for that. (so speaketh an old fart!)
I think when the time comes that you consider starting a family with him you must tell him that you worry it won't feel so special to him, if he's a caring man he should try to re-assure you that each and every child he has means the same to him.
I married a man with two children, he was a widower so I took on the kids as well as him. I then became pregnant with our child. When I was pregnant I was a little disappointed that he didn't show the same enthusiasm for it as I did, he didn't want to feel the baby move much because he'd done it all before. It was hurtful, to this day I don't think he realises just how hurtful but that's in the past now.
When our baby came along I was so glad that he knew what to expect, it calmed me and helped me to be a very relaxed first-time mum with a very relaxed and easy going baby.
I also had two girls who doted on their baby sister and were a big help at times.
What I think you must do is make the effort to spend time with his baby and other child as much as you can. It will make life a lot easier for all of you, and ultimately the children (who are the innocents in all this) should be important in your life too.
If ever you want to chat just pm me.
Take care
I think when the time comes that you consider starting a family with him you must tell him that you worry it won't feel so special to him, if he's a caring man he should try to re-assure you that each and every child he has means the same to him.
I married a man with two children, he was a widower so I took on the kids as well as him. I then became pregnant with our child. When I was pregnant I was a little disappointed that he didn't show the same enthusiasm for it as I did, he didn't want to feel the baby move much because he'd done it all before. It was hurtful, to this day I don't think he realises just how hurtful but that's in the past now.
When our baby came along I was so glad that he knew what to expect, it calmed me and helped me to be a very relaxed first-time mum with a very relaxed and easy going baby.
I also had two girls who doted on their baby sister and were a big help at times.
What I think you must do is make the effort to spend time with his baby and other child as much as you can. It will make life a lot easier for all of you, and ultimately the children (who are the innocents in all this) should be important in your life too.
If ever you want to chat just pm me.
Take care
Originally Posted by spot
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
She is one fit bitch innit, that Immy
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time
Might Sound a bit pathetic
i think what you are feeling is natural.I have got 3 step-sons ages are 22,19,and17.They play there dads emotions very well ,i use to be very spiteful but now i seem to have chilled out about the whole situation.My Hubbys X only lives 5 min away from me which again never has worried me.
Kids will always come first i have always put my daughter first.I just think this is a natural feeling
Kids will always come first i have always put my daughter first.I just think this is a natural feeling
The rottie queen
Might Sound a bit pathetic
Also, I don't think most men are into the whole pregnancy/baby thing the way we are.......
they seem to get more into it once the kids can talk/play etc.
they seem to get more into it once the kids can talk/play etc.
Might Sound a bit pathetic
Thank you for your views, its always good to hear other peoples.
I dont mind at all that they are no1 in his life, of course i expect that, it was just the whole case of him not loving our kids (if we have any in the future) as much as these ones.
Your comments have helped me understand a little bit more, as i havent really shared this with anybody before, and even if i did i wouldnt have been able to get advice from people that have been in this kind of situation like you lot before
thanks xxx
I dont mind at all that they are no1 in his life, of course i expect that, it was just the whole case of him not loving our kids (if we have any in the future) as much as these ones.
Your comments have helped me understand a little bit more, as i havent really shared this with anybody before, and even if i did i wouldnt have been able to get advice from people that have been in this kind of situation like you lot before
thanks xxx
Might Sound a bit pathetic
sunny104;618939 wrote: Also, I don't think most men are into the whole pregnancy/baby thing the way we are.......
they seem to get more into it once the kids can talk/play etc.
Once my boys could eat a corn dog and wipe their own arse, thats when they became mine. Went everywhere and did everything together.
they seem to get more into it once the kids can talk/play etc.
Once my boys could eat a corn dog and wipe their own arse, thats when they became mine. Went everywhere and did everything together.
Might Sound a bit pathetic
your welcome Ali its always nice to share,that is something i did not have when i first got with my 2nd hubby:-6
The rottie queen
Might Sound a bit pathetic
YZGI;618950 wrote: Once my boys could eat a corn dog and wipe their own arse, thats when they became mine. Went everywhere and did everything together.
:wah: :-4
:wah: :-4
Might Sound a bit pathetic
xalisonx;618913 wrote: Heya people,
well heres my lil worry, it might sound a bit pathetic to you all but i think it will help me getting it out in the open
Well as i just put in a post, a year ago now i suffered a miscarriage with my ex, all the stress and heartbreak broke us up, and now i have met a really nice bloke, when i met him he had a 5 year old and his ex was 8 months pregnant which didnt bover me at the time.
But a month into the relationship, she had the baby and i dont know whats wrong with me now i feel really jealous of the new baby, its 5 months old now, and i still have to leave the flat when he has her.
Deep down i think its because i think that when we have kids its not gonna be as special to him because hes already got two with his ex? and he was engaged to her aswell, i just think its the whole we arent going to do anything together for the first time thing, so its not going to be special.
I just dont know what to do, i keep feeling depressed about it, even though he has assured me he wants children with me in the future and he loves me. I just feel insecure.
Sorry for ranting on, feels better to get it out.
xalisonx, you have every right to feel the way you do. The jealousy bit over the new baby is a completely natural feeling and will fade with time. But you're worrying about a situation (him not feeling the same if you two had kids) that hasn't even happened or begun to happen yet. You're wasting your emotional energy on worrying about it. If you've picked a good man, and it seems you have, then he should be just as excited about it as you would be. And just because he's already had children, having a child with you would definitely be a new experience, it would be the first time with you. Focus on the first experiences you're having together not the experiences he's had with someone else. That'll just drive you crazy. Plus, no matter how many children someone may have, I can't imagine having a new baby would lose its excitement. So stop worrying, girl, and look towards the future as a couple! :-6
Remember to take time for yourself, and no matter how cheesy this sounds, don't forget to nurture yourself as well.
well heres my lil worry, it might sound a bit pathetic to you all but i think it will help me getting it out in the open
Well as i just put in a post, a year ago now i suffered a miscarriage with my ex, all the stress and heartbreak broke us up, and now i have met a really nice bloke, when i met him he had a 5 year old and his ex was 8 months pregnant which didnt bover me at the time.
But a month into the relationship, she had the baby and i dont know whats wrong with me now i feel really jealous of the new baby, its 5 months old now, and i still have to leave the flat when he has her.
Deep down i think its because i think that when we have kids its not gonna be as special to him because hes already got two with his ex? and he was engaged to her aswell, i just think its the whole we arent going to do anything together for the first time thing, so its not going to be special.
I just dont know what to do, i keep feeling depressed about it, even though he has assured me he wants children with me in the future and he loves me. I just feel insecure.
Sorry for ranting on, feels better to get it out.
xalisonx, you have every right to feel the way you do. The jealousy bit over the new baby is a completely natural feeling and will fade with time. But you're worrying about a situation (him not feeling the same if you two had kids) that hasn't even happened or begun to happen yet. You're wasting your emotional energy on worrying about it. If you've picked a good man, and it seems you have, then he should be just as excited about it as you would be. And just because he's already had children, having a child with you would definitely be a new experience, it would be the first time with you. Focus on the first experiences you're having together not the experiences he's had with someone else. That'll just drive you crazy. Plus, no matter how many children someone may have, I can't imagine having a new baby would lose its excitement. So stop worrying, girl, and look towards the future as a couple! :-6
Remember to take time for yourself, and no matter how cheesy this sounds, don't forget to nurture yourself as well.
It is better to have your mind opened by wonder
than closed by belief.
than closed by belief.
Might Sound a bit pathetic
on the other hand, if you feel it is that important to have a guy who is a first time father then maybe you should keep looking.
i don't know if i could get into a relationship with a guy who had been there done that. course thats just me. but remember if you have kids with this man know where you stand with your future kids before they enter the picture. be sure this is alright with you. marriage should be a forever thing. if it continues to bother you, do think twice.
i don't know if i could get into a relationship with a guy who had been there done that. course thats just me. but remember if you have kids with this man know where you stand with your future kids before they enter the picture. be sure this is alright with you. marriage should be a forever thing. if it continues to bother you, do think twice.
-
anotherlisa
- Posts: 32
- Joined: Sat May 26, 2007 6:07 am
Might Sound a bit pathetic
Another way to look at it is that people who've "been there", "done that" may make better spouses/parents because they have experience with marriage & parenthood and have more realistic expectations about what they entail.
Maybe part of your feelings about the baby have to do with grief over the miscarriage?
Maybe part of your feelings about the baby have to do with grief over the miscarriage?
Might Sound a bit pathetic
magenta flame;622473 wrote: Get out of the relationship NOW! It's not healthy that you feel depressed about your lovers children. His reactions to his own off spring is natural, I dont' believe these feelings you're having will go away just because you and he may have children. It sounds to me as if you will have this jealousy even if you do have children with him. You'll continue to compare and debate how he treats each child.
You have way to much baggage for this relationship and his children are already suffering if you need to leave the house whilst they are there.
think of this scenario- You have a child to him, the birth of that child lands on the same day as one of his previous children . Do you demand that he spend the day with your child rather than going through life having your child share the day and their father with another child?. Your answer to this is very important to all the children involved.
There's a simple anwer to this ....get yourself a nice fresh fish that wants you only, and wants to have children with you only. Your life will be a lot easier with less heartbreak.
He's already left one woman while she was pregnant.
Sorry ali, have to agree with magenta's many valid points. As some here have said, to them it would not matter if the guy had kids with another. However, from what you have said, it does matter & bother you immensely, and from personal experience it won't change over time. You're too young to be saddled down with such known probmlems already. Life will throw you unknown future problems of your own, so why start off your life with this already known burden?
You have way to much baggage for this relationship and his children are already suffering if you need to leave the house whilst they are there.
think of this scenario- You have a child to him, the birth of that child lands on the same day as one of his previous children . Do you demand that he spend the day with your child rather than going through life having your child share the day and their father with another child?. Your answer to this is very important to all the children involved.
There's a simple anwer to this ....get yourself a nice fresh fish that wants you only, and wants to have children with you only. Your life will be a lot easier with less heartbreak.
He's already left one woman while she was pregnant.
Sorry ali, have to agree with magenta's many valid points. As some here have said, to them it would not matter if the guy had kids with another. However, from what you have said, it does matter & bother you immensely, and from personal experience it won't change over time. You're too young to be saddled down with such known probmlems already. Life will throw you unknown future problems of your own, so why start off your life with this already known burden?
Cars 
Might Sound a bit pathetic
magenta flame;622473 wrote: Get out of the relationship NOW! It's not healthy that you feel depressed about your lovers children. His reactions to his own off spring is natural, I dont' believe these feelings you're having will go away just because you and he may have children. It sounds to me as if you will have this jealousy even if you do have children with him. You'll continue to compare and debate how he treats each child.
You have way to much baggage for this relationship and his children are already suffering if you need to leave the house whilst they are there.
think of this scenario- You have a child to him, the birth of that child lands on the same day as one of his previous children . Do you demand that he spend the day with your child rather than going through life having your child share the day and their father with another child?. Your answer to this is very important to all the children involved.
There's a simple anwer to this ....get yourself a nice fresh fish that wants you only, and wants to have children with you only. Your life will be a lot easier with less heartbreak.
He's already left one woman while she was pregnant.
i have to agree , in every way,how could this guy ever be happy with a woman that resents his kids ,he would feel bad every time he had his kids visit ,and you would make sure you picked on them all the time and in the end he would resent you for it ,i have had this happen to me before and its a bad thing to have to choose between the woman you love and your children but the children come first every time ,just start again with some one new ,there are too many lives at risk of ruin here
You have way to much baggage for this relationship and his children are already suffering if you need to leave the house whilst they are there.
think of this scenario- You have a child to him, the birth of that child lands on the same day as one of his previous children . Do you demand that he spend the day with your child rather than going through life having your child share the day and their father with another child?. Your answer to this is very important to all the children involved.
There's a simple anwer to this ....get yourself a nice fresh fish that wants you only, and wants to have children with you only. Your life will be a lot easier with less heartbreak.
He's already left one woman while she was pregnant.
i have to agree , in every way,how could this guy ever be happy with a woman that resents his kids ,he would feel bad every time he had his kids visit ,and you would make sure you picked on them all the time and in the end he would resent you for it ,i have had this happen to me before and its a bad thing to have to choose between the woman you love and your children but the children come first every time ,just start again with some one new ,there are too many lives at risk of ruin here
Might Sound a bit pathetic
This whole topic is such a complicated one for me, 'cause I can see both sides and have been on both sides of this issue. I really agree with what everyone is saying, and it bothers me very much that this man left his previous girlfriend while she was pregnant. It seems you want children of your own very much some day, and I'm concerned that your man may follow his previous course of action and leave while you're pregnant.
I'd leave him, but that's just me, 'cause I've been with a man who seems very similar to the one you're with now.
I'd leave him, but that's just me, 'cause I've been with a man who seems very similar to the one you're with now.
It is better to have your mind opened by wonder
than closed by belief.
than closed by belief.
Might Sound a bit pathetic
jimbo;622768 wrote: i have to agree , in every way,how could this guy ever be happy with a woman that resents his kids ,he would feel bad every time he had his kids visit ,and you would make sure you picked on them all the time and in the end he would resent you for it ,i have had this happen to me before and its a bad thing to have to choose between the woman you love and your children but the children come first every time ,just start again with some one new ,there are too many lives at risk of ruin here
I would not say i resented his kids i get on with his 5 year old and she seems to like me as she keeps asking if i can go back to her house, i would never pick on them! though i am just dreading meeting the baby for the first time, one reason because i dont know how to act around babies and what if he thinks im stupid for doing something wrong!
I spoke to his ex today, suprisingly we were ok with each other, and this has made me feel better, she has asked me when i would like to see them as the one has been asking after me. so it is looking ok. I spose it was a mixture of things, like iv never been in this situation before.
I would not say i resented his kids i get on with his 5 year old and she seems to like me as she keeps asking if i can go back to her house, i would never pick on them! though i am just dreading meeting the baby for the first time, one reason because i dont know how to act around babies and what if he thinks im stupid for doing something wrong!
I spoke to his ex today, suprisingly we were ok with each other, and this has made me feel better, she has asked me when i would like to see them as the one has been asking after me. so it is looking ok. I spose it was a mixture of things, like iv never been in this situation before.
Might Sound a bit pathetic
xalisonx;623267 wrote: I would not say i resented his kids i get on with his 5 year old and she seems to like me as she keeps asking if i can go back to her house, i would never pick on them! though i am just dreading meeting the baby for the first time, one reason because i dont know how to act around babies and what if he thinks im stupid for doing something wrong!
I spoke to his ex today, suprisingly we were ok with each other, and this has made me feel better, she has asked me when i would like to see them as the one has been asking after me. so it is looking ok. I spose it was a mixture of things, like iv never been in this situation before.
i have been with some one that loved me ..... no really they did ..:rolleyes:
but hated my kids its not good .... if your sure you can handel all the bollocks of having someone elses kids go for it it aint easy
I spoke to his ex today, suprisingly we were ok with each other, and this has made me feel better, she has asked me when i would like to see them as the one has been asking after me. so it is looking ok. I spose it was a mixture of things, like iv never been in this situation before.
i have been with some one that loved me ..... no really they did ..:rolleyes:
but hated my kids its not good .... if your sure you can handel all the bollocks of having someone elses kids go for it it aint easy