How does Lonely happen?

koan · Post by **koan** » Sun Jan 16, 2005 11:50 pm

Sometimes I can be surrounded by people, even one's I love, and still feel lonely. Please don't tell me it's because I haven't found God. I am very spiritual. Why does this feeling creep up even when I am happy? Maybe that's why I work so much. At least it always goes away.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Jan 17, 2005 4:38 am

I think lonely happens more often to very introspective people. Like yourself.They give things so much thought,that they evolve to a place where their own company is more satisfying than the company of others. I felt lonely for the first time in my life about 3 years ago. It hit me very hard. I couldnt understand why I felt so lonely,because I had never had a problem being by myself. I finally realized that for the first time in about 25 years... I was truly living without anyone else in the house. My last son had left home.. My last relationship had broken up, There wasnt anyone coming home. It was also because I didnt have anyone to take care of. The concept of taking care of myself was very foreign to me. I too turn to work to fill my life. My mom says I purposely over work to have an excuse not to meet anyone. Shes right. Because lonliness eventually becomes comfortable.

What I have decided now is that lonely time is another passage. A time in your life that has been presented as a gift. For you to turn the feeling into something valuable once the feeling has passed. Some people live entire lives never experiencing feeling lonely. I t is just another avenue for growth. Like loving, or laughing, or sharing, or being overwhelmed, or being sad... LONLEYING youve done it , youve overcome it, you can visit it sometimes and not feel bad. And you can always come here........................... With Love, Weeder

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Jan 17, 2005 6:58 am

Thank you, weeder.

I am recognising that some of the choices I am making may be from avoiding lonliness and that is never a good reason. The Garden definately helps beat away the little bouts of depression that try to edge in from time to time. On a bad day I run straight to the computer and type until the feeling goes away.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Jan 17, 2005 7:08 am

I found The Forum at a time when I was feeling terribly lonely and homesick. I am living 10 hours away from my family. When I came down here alone... I felt it was a very adventurous thing to do. I didnt anticipate how difficult it would be for me to be so far away.. I also thought ai would make many new friends. That isnt happening because I am very unlike most people here. Writing definately helped me over the hump, and gave me a diversion. Actually took my mind of the isolated feeling. It also got me writing again.. something I always loved, and hadnt done in years. The participating has also made me want to look forward to traveling again. Actually just the other day.. I felt pretty happy for the first time in a very long time. Im adjusting to my new life! It took a year. It can only get better from here.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Jan 17, 2005 1:22 pm

Koan, it's because you haven't found God.

I'M KIDDING!

I know where you're coming from, there are times when, (especially if I'm alone), that I wonder "Does ANYone else in the world feel like I do?" Am I cracking up? I have no problem with my own company, I enjoy being by myself sometimes. But other times, it's just like there isn't another person in the world who understands anything. This place has helped. Much to my surprise. I do feel like I know some of you, and certain threads have made me realize that there ARE other people out there with similar experiences, problems, feelings, joys, loves, hates...It is reassuring. Almost therapuetic! When I feel lonely this is the first place I come now, if I can't or don't want to get out. I read your stuff (and weeders) to be inspired, I read Cassie's stuff to laugh, I read anastropne's stuff to get the brain cells pumping, I even read certain people's posts who I don't like or agree with just to get the blood flowing.

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Mon Jan 17, 2005 7:20 pm

when you make people mad they don't want to see you.

koan · Post by **koan** » Mon Jan 17, 2005 9:38 pm

Funny enough, it's the people I tell off that keep coming back for more.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon Jan 17, 2005 10:24 pm

WEEDER,

I JUST ADMIRE YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS, YOU HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS..!! I UNDERSTAND WHERE YOUR COMING FROM WHENEVER I READ ONE OF YOUR POSTS..

EXCELLENT POST..!!

I think lonely happens more often to very introspective people. Like yourself.They give things so much thought,that they evolve to a place where their own company is more satisfying than the company of others. I felt lonely for the first time in my life about 3 years ago. It hit me very hard. I couldnt understand why I felt so lonely,because I had never had a problem being by myself. I finally realized that for the first time in about 25 years... I was truly living without anyone else in the house. My last son had left home.. My last relationship had broken up, There wasnt anyone coming home. It was also because I didnt have anyone to take care of. The concept of taking care of myself was very foreign to me. I too turn to work to fill my life. My mom says I purposely over work to have an excuse not to meet anyone. Shes right. Because lonliness eventually becomes comfortable.

What I have decided now is that lonely time is another passage. A time in your life that has been presented as a gift. For you to turn the feeling into something valuable once the feeling has passed. Some people live entire lives never experiencing feeling lonely. I t is just another avenue for growth. Like loving, or laughing, or sharing, or being overwhelmed, or being sad... LONLEYING youve done it , youve overcome it, you can visit it sometimes and not feel bad. And you can always come here........................... With Love, Weeder

Paula · Post by **Paula** » Tue Jan 18, 2005 5:54 am

koan wrote: Funny enough, it's the people I tell off that keep coming back for more.

Koan, you need a good spanking, okay? :-6

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Jan 18, 2005 7:38 am

Koan, you need a good spanking, okay?
Only if it's a good one.

beautyful · Post by **beautyful** » Tue Jan 18, 2005 7:51 am

because of my university course I have to go to France next year to study for a whole year, I am sooooo scared as I am a person who generally needs people around her. What if i make no friends or people don't like me? This scares me immensely and I worry about being lonely all the time :-1

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 10:12 am

lesley,

your powers of perception astound me.

:yh_rotfl

There is a book called Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism. It shows how people use their spirituality and quest for such as a method to feed their Ego. The goal becomes trying to be more spiritual than anyone else. I am not interested in this game.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 5:06 pm

lesley wrote: thats strange i would have said that about you..... sarcasm is the lowest form of wit you know...im not claiming spirituality... you are the one claiming to be highly spiritual....i saw a post earlier where you basically threatened to do what ever... kin of kick off... hows that for ego..... keep your hair on frothy one... i am only passing through......interesting to see how ruffled your feathers are....
OK, I just REALLY have to jump in here and say that Lesley is a twit. How do you claim to know Koan? You have plucked a few exerpts from things she has said, twisted them around in your little brain, (they must be lonely in there) and come to these ridiculous conclusions? Personally, I think you need to put down the doobie, open your mind a TAD, and learn about people before you judge them. Check that. Here's my favorite sticker from my motorcycle helmet: "Judge me all you want, just keep the verdict to yourself."

You claim to be this religious spiritual person, and yet in several posts where Koan is involved, you insist on attacking her. What is your major malfunction??? I find you rude, and childish.

Only passing through??? GOOD! Go spread your nuttiness somewhere else. And the fact that you say "Interesting to see how ruffled your feathers are" proves that you don't have the first inkling about Koan! She wouldn't let someone like you get to her. I however, can't hold my tongue. Buh-bye...:yh_eyerol

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 5:28 pm

lesley wrote: well, i disagree and i notice you claim to pretty much to know me too dear,

i find you both very unpleasant, im just passing through... ignore me ladies
I asked for neither your agreement or approval. The reason I sound like I know you is because you are so BLINDINGLY obvious.

And since you find so many unpleasant people here, hmmmm, it only takes a click...

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 5:32 pm

I have often wondered if there is a connection between those that feel lonely from time to time and whether or not they came from a large family.

I can truthfully say that I have never been lonely or bored despite having spent much time alone as a kid. I suspect that is because I was an only child, and a latchkey kid at that and learned how to entertain myself. I have talked to any number of people that were an only child and they have the same experience as I. Two of my granchildren (female ages 5 & 4) continually play together and depend on one another for entertainment.

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 5:56 pm

Lon,

That is a very intriguing theory. It may have some validity.

BabyRider

I plan on taking her advice. I have to care...a lot...about someone before they can ruffle me. Otherwise it's just a lot of :yh_ttth

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 5:59 pm

koan wrote: I plan on taking her advice.
Curious. What advice would that be? :yh_think

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:17 pm

boris wrote: huge egos at work on this forum
...he says after his ONE post. Folks, please, am I just ultra-sensitive today??? I saw someone with zero knowledge of another member, ripping on said member, and I told them what I thought. Now I have Sir Boris here, tossing out a comment like this after having been here for 37 seconds. I am sorry you think we have such huge egos, Boris, if you are in fact referring to me, but maybe you should take a look around at some of the discussion here before you jump to these conclusions. This is one of the best forums you will find, so don't let your first impression, from a single thread impair your willingness to look around a bit more.

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:23 pm

BabyRider wrote: Curious. What advice would that be? :yh_think
To ignore her of course.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:27 pm

koan wrote: To ignore her of course.

Now see? You are just so much more tolerant than I am. Maybe I need to give that a shot. Try to battle ignorance wherever you see it and you're going to be one tired pup, huh? :yh_bigsmi

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:28 pm

BabyRider wrote: ...he says after his ONE post. Folks, please, am I just ultra-sensitive today??? I saw someone with zero knowledge of another member, ripping on said member, and I told them what I thought. Now I have Sir Boris here, tossing out a comment like this after having been here for 37 seconds. I am sorry you think we have such huge egos, Boris, if you are in fact referring to me, but maybe you should take a look around at some of the discussion here before you jump to these conclusions. This is one of the best forums you will find, so don't let your first impression, from a single thread impair your willingness to look around a bit more.

The only reason to respond to insulting posts is for the benefit of people who haven't been here long enough to know the personalities involved.

I'm wondering if we are arriving at a clue as to why a person can feel lonely: There are lot of people who don't seem interested in finding out who anyone is.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:32 pm

boris wrote: i apologize, yes i have only posted after being here for 37 seconds but have spent time looking around, following threads etc.

you speak of having zero knowledge of others yet you do not know yourself

once you truly know yourself then you will know everyone around you,

i do not refer only to you please dont take as personal attack.
I do not know myself? Where is everyone getting off tonight, assuming to know EVERYONE else so well??? I'm totally floored here!! Did I somehow get warped back to the bolt forum I so recently escaped??? And Boris, keep your psychoanalyzing of me to yourself. If I want your opinion, you'll know, 'cause I'll ask for it.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:34 pm

koan wrote: The only reason to respond to insulting posts is for the benefit of people who haven't been here long enough to know the personalities involved.

I'm wondering if we are arriving at a clue as to why a person can feel lonely: There are lot of people who don't seem interested in finding out who anyone is.There's the kind of eloquence I have been searching for. I tend to just slap down the newbies for their rudeness, in the hopes they will learn some manners before spouting off like that. Thank God the majority of the new members are smarter than that.

And I think, Koan, in a roundabout way, you are getting your answer from this aren't you? Very telling. And interesting.

Lon · Post by **Lon** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:41 pm

Show me someone without an ego and I'll show you a vegetable.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:42 pm

Lon wrote: Show me someone without an ego and I'll show you a vegetable.
That's very good, Lon, but are you sure you know yourself well enough to make such a statement?.... :yh_eyerol

(Please note the HEAVY layer of sarcasm...)

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 6:58 pm

boris wrote: it's not psychoanalysis and no i'm not really interested in trying to get to know personalities.
Well I guess that puts your "How to know everyone around you" theory right in the crapper, don't it?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 7:02 pm

boris wrote: it's not psychoanalysis and no i'm not really interested in trying to get to know personalities.
uh boris...just out of curiousity...aside from being the author of "how to win friends and influence people", why did you bother signing on here? how about trying an introduction, and tell us a little about yourself? it's a friendly welcoming group. you must have had some reason for joining up.

koan · Post by **koan** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 7:33 pm

Let me venture to make myself a target here again. Why because I have nothing to fear.

(Love the veggie comment Lon)

The first tell, Boris, is that your first post occurs in a thread about lonliness. Why did this topic finally compel you...because I sensed that you had been snooping around for a while. This is all we need to know to have mercy on you.

But you kinda pushed it.

Your very first statement showed nothing but ego. That you don't specifically say who you are talking to and then say don't take it personal shows poor social skills common in lonely people.

A general rule in forums, as I think you know, is to keep a low profile until people become familiar with you. Why are you choosing to break this rule? Could it be you are a sh!t disturber or do you just need attention right now...in any form?

No I don't know you and you didn't want me to. I am telling you what people are likely to surmise from what you have said.

(Gosh, I leave for a few a seconds and....) :wah:

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 7:36 pm

lady cop wrote: uh boris...just out of curiousity...aside from being the author of "how to win friends and influence people", why did you bother signing on here? how about trying an introduction, and tell us a little about yourself? it's a friendly welcoming group. you must have had some reason for joining up.

Good questions. A friendly welcoming group, who also don't appreciate blanket judgements or know-it-alls. You will notice, Boris, if you'll bother looking around the "Introductions" forum, that new members are welcomed very warmly, when they have some manners and show respect.

Sorry I can't seem to let this go, gang, but it's the principle of the thing. :yh_sigh

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 8:10 pm

[QUOTE=koanThe first tell, Boris, is that your first post occurs in a thread about lonliness. Why did this topic finally compel you...because I sensed that you had been snooping around for a while. This is all we need to know to have mercy on you.

But you kinda pushed it.

Your very first statement showed nothing but ego. That you don't specifically say who you are talking to and then say don't take it personal shows poor social skills common in lonely people.

A general rule in forums, as I think you know, is to keep a low profile until people become familiar with you. Why are you choosing to break this rule? Could it be you are a sh!t disturber or do you just need attention right now...in any form?

No I don't know you and you didn't want me to. I am telling you what people are likely to surmise from what you have said.

(Gosh, I leave for a few a seconds and....) :wah: [/QUOTE]Koan, can I just follow you around? I'm hoping your level-headedness will wear off on me. :yh_worshp

Post by **kensloft** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 8:23 pm

boris wrote: which part of "know yourself and then you will know everyone else" is so hard to understand

Just to throw in a Bhuddist Koan to keep things rolling... "what is ego?" Boris I think that you'll enjoy this one.

Post by **kensloft** » Thu Jan 27, 2005 8:57 pm

boris wrote: it's not psychoanalysis and no i'm not really interested in trying to get to know personalities.

If you are not trying to gt to know personalities then what is with the cliche about knowing oneself to know others. Wow! Talk about speaking out of both sides of your mouth at the same time.

Are you saying that you have reached the ultimate and are no longer required to associate with mere mortals? You seem to be able to walk the talk and talk the walk but don't realize that you have them slightly mixed up at the moment.

You seem like a good person that is trying to put valuable information into the mix but you don't give value to others having their own ideas and ideals about what the world is all about. Any credence for how they arrived at where they are is, seemingly, disallowed because people don't come flocking to your pronouncements.

Don't worry about it. You'll figure it out if you let yourself see that the world is made up of billions of people just like you or me or baby rider or anyone else that comes on line into the garden. Be patient and you'll see that nobody is trying to change you. They are, like you, trying to put out their information that may or may not help you in your quest.

It's not that they aren't trying to help. Remember that in trying to help others they are actually helping themselves to be better people. If it's just that the solutions aren't appealing to you that doesn't mean that they are wrong. It only means that there is a miscommunication within the verbal meanderings that are known as writing.

Besides, let me welcome you to the garden. I noticed that you are a recent arrival. If you want to get jumped on you have come to the right place. If you are here to seek advice then you are in the right place. If you are here to give advice that you may think is valid and/or helpful to the threads then you are in the right place.

We're not here to put you down. We are here to raise ourselves, including you, to a greater understanding of what the world, within and without us, is all about.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 12:49 am

kensloft wrote: Just to throw in a Bhuddist Koan to keep things rolling... "what is ego?" Boris I think that you'll enjoy this one.

Boris seems to have buggered off.

Ah, me. Oh, my. But, kensloft, koans are not meant to be solved! In fact, it is said to be useless even trying.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 2:57 am

Wow. That was like watching the Big Bang. Maybe not so profound...just some fireworks. Glad I called you out. That was fun. Thanks.

So...who knows who?

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 4:32 am

My dear friends(you know who you are......Id like to suggest that you all spend a few minutes today,reading the posts on the Do You Believe in the Devil topic.

Arm yourselves with the proper protective gear, put on the eyes that you need to see clearly......engage a little self preservation.. and walk away.. Than it will go away, and find more fertile ground.. where discord flourishes.

koan · Post by **koan** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 11:11 am

I have reread the posts as Weeder suggested. I found that all ten of the posts Boris has made in this Forum (including the one in Buddhism) have been attacks with the sole intent of judging and attempting to sound superior. If you had the intent to contribute to this forum you should try posting a real comment somewhere in a thread does not annoy you.

If you don't like me why don't you start a thread about it and see how other people feel?

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Fri Jan 28, 2005 12:22 pm

koan wrote:

If you don't like me why don't you start a thread about it and see how other people feel?
Apparently, there are several of us that Boris find "inferior" to him. Please feel free, oh wise and powerful Boris, to begin a thread pointing out the various ways so many of us are lacking. A perceptive intelligent person like yourself MUST have tons of advice for mere mortals like us. Not having the powers of ESP as you obviously do, maybe we can learn something oh enlightened and omnipotent one...please...teach us.... :yh_worshp