I don't really do stand up, but here is my joke for today from a friend who loves to forward me with jokes. This is for Chookie, GMC, and all the scots.
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. It can play any musical instrument in the world.
Everyone in the bar laughs at the man, calling him an idiot.
So he says that he will wager anyone who has an instrument that his octopus can play it.
A customer walks up with a guitar and sets it beside the octopus.
Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Jimmy Hendrix. The guitar owner pays up.
Another customer walks up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays the trumpet better than Miles Davis. The trumpet-owner coughs up.
Then Jimmy, a Scotsman, plonks some bagpipes on the table. The octopus fumbles with the bagpipes for a minute and then backs off with a confused look.
"Ha!" the Scot says. "Can ye nae play it?"
The octopus looks up at him and says: "Play it? I'm going to shag it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."
The octopus.
The octopus.
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
The octopus.
:wah: :wah: that's funny!
"Girls are crazy! I'm not ever getting married, I can make my own sandwiches!"
my son
my son
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The octopus.
Hahaha!!! :wah: That's a good one. Galbally!
The octopus.
Groannnnn..... That one is older than....than.... than something very old I can't think of just now. Still, I shall reciprocate in due time (or do I mean retaliate?).
An ye harm none, do what ye will....
The octopus.
Chookie;569893 wrote: Groannnnn..... That one is older than....than.... than something very old I can't think of just now. Still, I shall reciprocate in due time (or do I mean retaliate?).
You mean the one,
"did you hear about paddy Irishman? He was a stupid git?".
Yeah they are kinda old where I come from as well. :wah:
You mean the one,
"did you hear about paddy Irishman? He was a stupid git?".
Yeah they are kinda old where I come from as well. :wah:
"We are never so happy, never so unhappy, as we imagine"
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.
Le Rochefoucauld.
"A smack in the face settles all arguments, then you can move on kid."
My dad 1986.