~spin off~ Do you Judge people?

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:05 pm

Betty Boop;541596 wrote: I don't judge my friends at all, or maybe I should say I try not to, everyone has issues and everyone copes with those issues differently.

Well said.

I use to boast how I didn't judge people at all by their words or actions. I've come to realize I judge just about everybody I come into contact with on one level or another. However, depending on the situation/circumstances, that judgement doesn't really affect anything other than making a mental note about that person.

What say you? Do you judge people?

guppy · Post by **guppy** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:13 pm

yes, i judge people..in a big way now....i dont say anything but i put them in a group that i talk to but they will never really know me because i dont trust them or dont respect them....there are some things that just will never have my respect and a person with a drinking problem is one of them....a person that is always angry and lashing out at others is one...a person with a serious self esteem problem and covers it by always bragging about how good they are eventually gets on my leave alone list......the last uaully takes me the longest because i make every excuse in the world for them and the way they are acting first before i FINALLY accept the fact they are self centered pieces of **** and always will be till the day they die....

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:21 pm

The word judge seems to have a negative connotation. A person can be judged and found reasonable, rational, kind and generous etc.

One can hardly form an opinion about another without some judgment involved.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:24 pm

As we mature we have to learn to judge people. Judge wether or not we want them in our lives. Accepting people for who they are is all well and good. But not recognizing major character flaws can be dangerous. Ive done my time with alcoholics, parasites, and narcissists. I think a sociopath was once a big part of my life also. ( My ex husband) At some point, most people wake up to the realization that we only have one life, that it goes by quickly, and that undesireables should be left in the dust, to work out their own issues. Honestly? I am not very tolerant at all. I abhor angry, vengeful, spiteful, agressive, bigoted, and over bearing personalities. I am also not wild about people who threaten, degrade, or attempt to humiliate other human beings.

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:25 pm

You know. I have a HUGE problem judging people with racist and/or precudice notions. I have no tolerance for those people. I realize they have a right to feel however they want but I just cant accept them. Once I hear some nasty bigotted opinion they make I judge them to be worthless pieces of snot. I cant help it. I wasnt raised that way and it totally disgusts me.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:27 pm

weeder wrote: I am also not wild about people who threaten, degrade, or attempt to humiliate other human beings.
:wah: That is the brilliant understatement of the day, weeder!

:yh_clap

Post by **spot** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:31 pm

The problem with judging someone is the likelihood that you don't have all the relevant facts to hand with which to form a valid and sustainable judgement. The bad side of judging is when it's done on the basis of labels - she's a hell-bound deviant because she's gay, for example. Applying one override like that, saying that nothing else about a person is worth considering because they have a label attached which puts them instantly beyond the pale of any civilized intercourse, is what gives judgement a bad name.

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:31 pm

I think we have to judge/check out/decide (whatever word someone wishes to use...) what someone is like if we're going to choose to have them in our lives.

The outside package has never concerned me, it's what's on the inside that counts. And that's the part I 'judge'. :-6

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:31 pm

koan;541624 wrote: The word judge seems to have a negative connotation. A person can be judged and found reasonable, rational, kind and generous etc.

One can hardly form an opinion about another without some judgment involved.

I agree. You hear people getting called "judgemental _______" (insert any nasty name) all the time. But by calling someone judgemental, they are judging someone already and don't even realize it.

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:33 pm

guppy;541615 wrote: a person with a serious self esteem problem and covers it by always bragging about how good they are eventually gets on my leave alone list......the last uaully takes me the longest because i make every excuse in the world for them and the way they are acting first before i FINALLY accept the fact they are self centered pieces of **** and always will be till the day they die....

I know the type. I do not go on ego-boosting missions very often. If someone gets a kudos from me, it's because I really think they've done something good. And you'll get burned enough to eventually watch out for that type. Doesn't mean you won't judge them or talk to them, you just won't play into their game.

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:35 pm

weeder;541630 wrote: Honestly? I am not very tolerant at all. I abhor angry, vengeful, spiteful, agressive, bigoted, and over bearing personalities. I am also not wild about people who threaten, degrade, or attempt to humiliate other human beings.

I think I just found my new sig.

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:39 pm

devist8me;541610 wrote: What say you? Do you judge people?

I thought I answered, but apparently the answer didn't get there!

Anyway, yes, I do judge, as everyone does - it's just like risk analysis, everyone

does that, too!

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:42 pm

spot;541638 wrote: The problem with judging someone is the likelihood that you don't have all the relevant facts to hand with which to form a valid and sustainable judgement. The bad side of judging is when it's done on the basis of labels - she's a hell-bound deviant because she's gay, for example. Applying one override like that, saying that nothing else about a person is worth considering because they have a label attached which puts them instantly beyond the pale of any civilized intercourse, is what gives judgement a bad name.

I am without a doubt a labeler. But I suppose you could call it a temporary label as people I have placed a bad label on, have turned out to surprise me after some time.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:44 pm

Honestly we all judge people, we just are not always vocal bout our judgements.

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:44 pm

spot;541638 wrote: The problem with judging someone is the likelihood that you don't have all the relevant facts to hand with which to form a valid and sustainable judgement. The bad side of judging is when it's done on the basis of labels - she's a hell-bound deviant because she's gay, for example.

That's not judging, it's pre-judging!

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:44 pm

sunny104;541639 wrote: I think we have to judge/check out/decide (whatever word someone wishes to use...) what someone is like if we're going to choose to have them in our lives.

The outside package has never concerned me, it's what's on the inside that counts. And that's the part I 'judge'. :-6

Would you have dinner with a hooker you happened to come across on a street corner?

devist8me · Post by **devist8me** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:45 pm

Bill Sikes;541649 wrote: I thought I answered, but apparently the answer didn't get there!

Anyway, yes, I do judge, as everyone does - it's just like risk analysis, everyone

does that, too!

You may have. Thanks for driving it home.

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 12:45 pm

devist8me;541654 wrote: Would you have dinner with a hooker you happened to come across on a street corner?

[cunning]

Who's paying?

[/thoughtful][/cunning]

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:04 pm

My statements are the result of more than 50 years of living.... as an extremely outgoing extroverted personality. Someone who wanted to know everyone, on every level. My criteria for judging has nothing to do with material possesions, race, gender, or status in life. I literally become physically ill when I hear one human being threaten or attempt to intimidate another. Its 10x worse when its heard by a crowd, and the crowd silently walks away. When an employer degrades or humiliates a worker, I am compelled to look straight into the eyes of the deviant to let them know I KNOW what they are doing. I can ,and do allow for human error. But when I am face to face with a soul who lacks the capacity for empathy, compassion and remorse... I know that I am in the presence of a monster. When I was younger and I made concessions ( my innocence had me believe I was a liberal) compromising my principles always led to heartache and bad circumstances. I was born with eyes that see spiritual seeds. There is nothing I can do to change that. I have been blessed with some of the richest frienships a human can have. Having experienced the fruit and the flowers that grow from these frienships, makes barren or toxic relationships impossible for me. I will never look the other way when someone unable to stand up for themselves becomes a target. And I will never placate a bully or try to inspire someone with malicious intentions. The price I pay for listening to my inner self, is that my personality is no longer one that attracts a crowd. As I walk into the final years of my life, I am more peaceful, and grateful than I have ever been. Everyone has to walk their own walk. Have their own experiences. Determine for themselves, what is acceptable and unacceptable . Decide who they want to align themselves with. For me, it is what life is all about,

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:21 pm

I do and have run police checks on all of you :wah:

I think initially I judge, I mean if I meet you I am taking a serious look at you. That has to be judging right. I am listening to you or reading your type I think then I am judging.

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:24 pm

I think that is one of the things that makes people closer than acquaintances. When they become more than a type. You see their layers.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:26 pm

koan;541886 wrote: I think that is one of the things that makes people closer than acquaintances. When they become more than a type. You see their layers.

are you stalking me

koan · Post by **koan** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:28 pm

minks;541888 wrote: are you stalking me

You can run, but you can't hide.

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:29 pm

koan;541889 wrote: You can run, but you can't hide.

craaaap ahahahaha

papaboo951 · Post by **papaboo951** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 4:35 pm

I try not too.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Tue Feb 06, 2007 9:50 pm

I think it would be naive to say that we don't assess and make value judgments on people all the time, after all, thats where all the gossip in the world comes from, and the tabloid press, that instinct is in us all, its a survival skill. So I would say I do assess people's character, behaviour, attitudes, like everyone, and sometimes people do things that I personally think are stupid or out of order, and I tend to vocalize my opinion (you may notice that I, like most FGers am quite opinionated, though I tend to be nice about it).

But in terms of sitting in "final" judgment about anyone or that kinda idea, well I don't think I am in a position to do that, and also I am not exactly an angel so I get uncomfortable with that reflex we all have to rush to judgment about someone, though I do it, especially when you hear appalling stories about what people have done, or someone does something sh*tty on you, its human nature init. What I try and do is once I cool down a bit, is have a think, and see if I am being correct in what I am thinking, if its something important, because you can often be wrong, but if someone has done something really crap, and people as you know are well capable of it, I feel perfectly entitled to go "hmmmn, not so sure about that person anymore, not very impressed". Otherwise you would be foolish wouldn't you.

But you gotta temper that by understanding that its very easy to get on your high horse about something without taking everything into account or seeing the whole story, so you have to be a little thinking about these things. I actually think making value judgments is one of the most human things we do, and we do it all the time, its doing it reasonably and with a sense of proportion, and not getting carried away with your own opinion all the time that matters.

pantsonfire321@aol.com · Wed Feb 07, 2007 1:16 am

I think it's hard not to judge people . In the real world who can honesty say they've not judged a fat person or a young kid in a hoodie or a tramp . I would be a liar if i said i hadn't judged people in the past . I've had plenty of people judge me.

One example ; i live in a nice house in london and we own a 4x4 - so that obviously means we're not interested in saving the planet ( thats for the UKers) .

When it comes to my friends i can honestly say i don't - i accept them worts and all . If someone did something silly i wouldn't abandon them, that would be the time when they needed me more . I also can't abide drunks , druggies, thugs and people who wallow in self pity .

All we have here on the net are words and i do think some times things get lost in translation .

Ciao, Bella! · Post by **Ciao, Bella!** » Fri Feb 09, 2007 8:34 pm

Sad to say, I am guilty. I try not to, especially as I detest people who do the same where I am concerned. Yet, I find myself doing so, more often than not.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 7:10 am

I take it for granted that judging people is a natural human doing. The ones who say they don't, well- I'm not buying what they're selling. I know everyone judges me and in turn I judge others whether consciously or not. I see it as a normal thing. Often unpleasant but normal.