Manlaws

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 6:58 am

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) After wrecking your boss's car.

(c) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights:

(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

I hope this clears up any confusion,

The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:20 am

that about covers it mate , i was right all along :wah: :wah:

dubs · Post by **dubs** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:39 am

I've lived my entire life, within these rules....

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:56 am

Another manlaw: Never pat another mans butt unless you are both properly attired in athletic equipment and a score has just been made by one of the men in question.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 8:04 am

Well well well gentlemen I won't go to my grave with questions about the opposite sex, they have all been answered. :wah: Most of them I knew but nice to see them in writting especially this one it has plagued me most of my life. Lucky for me I know my sports and can drink most men under the table.

Cheers :wah:

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

K.Snyder · Post by **K.Snyder** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 11:05 am

CARLA;534944 wrote: Well well well gentlemen I won't go to my grave with questions about the opposite sex, they have all been answered. :wah: Most of them I knew but nice to see them in writting especially this one it has plagued me most of my life. Lucky for me I know my sports and can drink most men under the table. Cheers :wah:

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

I'll vouch for you CARLA

:yh_flower

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 11:40 am

(c) When she is using her teeth.

that's awesome!!

Fisher, you are now offically my favorite Cannuck.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 12:41 pm

"8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest."

++++++++++++ Oh, REALLY? And do you want to be responsible for my bladder infection? Or wet seats in your car?

I thought not!;)

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 12:51 pm

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl I can't stop laughing at that one.

JacksDad · Post by **JacksDad** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 6:56 pm

Lulu2;535243 wrote: "8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest."

++++++++++++ Oh, REALLY? And do you want to be responsible for my bladder infection? Or wet seats in your car?

I thought not!;)

Lu. This about men. It's all men in the car. That's a road trip.

With women it's an excursion.

Those rules for men have yet to be settled on.

Or see #29.

Good work, fisher.

Buy that man a beer.

:D

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 8:54 pm

Yes and make it realllllllly deep so you can put the table in there with him ..

[QUOTE]So should I begin digging that big hole in the backyard, girls?[/QUOTE]

Erinna1112 · Post by **Erinna1112** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 9:15 pm

CARLA;535589 wrote: Yes and make it realllllllly deep so you can put the table in there with him ..

This was my thought exactly. :sneaky:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 2:44 am

Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

This one didnt even need to be said !

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 3:17 am

Magenta flame;535579 wrote: SO you want to hear the be all and end all of men (husbands?)

My husband is trying to make up with a gift as an apology just lately.......Guess what he's getting ME......A billiard table that turns into a hockey table, come tennis table...Why? because it's apparently for the kids and apparently.......I'm a happy woman when my kids are happy:-2

SO apparently it's to make me happy!:-5

So should I begin digging that big hole in the backyard, girls?

thats true love m f the guy is spoiling rotten and in return you dig him a swimming pool , what a happy loving couple you are if only every one on fg put as much care into their marriages what a happy garden it would be :-4

YZGI · Post by **YZGI** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 7:39 am

Magenta flame;535579 wrote: SO you want to hear the be all and end all of men (husbands?)

My husband is trying to make up with a gift as an apology just lately.......Guess what he's getting ME......A billiard table that turns into a hockey table, come tennis table...Why? because it's apparently for the kids and apparently.......I'm a happy woman when my kids are happy:-2

SO apparently it's to make me happy!:-5

So should I begin digging that big hole in the backyard, girls?

Hey Mf, I suppose you would prefer a Diamond gift? A semi precious stone that was mainly used for industrial purposes before the advent of T.V. and advertising. Which in turn brain washed all the women of the world making them believe it is the only decent gift to recieve from a loved one. Not to mention they lose about 2/3 of their value upon exiting the store they were purchased in. At least you can play on a pool table.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 7:49 pm

(Handing MF a shovel.....);)