babies

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Mon Jan 22, 2007 8:50 pm

Okay. So this is where I can do this without penalty flags flying.

A week ago today, my son dropped the bomb that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant. They broke up because she said that she was interested in one of his unit mates. (He is a Marine reservist for those who know nothing about me yet.) The time of conception would fall right in the area of both men. That night, I dreamed (twice in the same night) that he got deployed and died in the line of duty. I know that all military personnel now have their DNA on file, but in the dream, they had to use mine since he was deceased to determine paternity. Again in the dream, the baby was ours. When the little *itch told me that she wanted to name it Dylan Jr., I pi$$ pounded the crap out of her. I woke as the blood and teeth were flying. This dream has disturbed me both in waking and sleeping ever since.

Today, one of my daughter's forever friends who is expecting twins, went into labor. There have been some problems with one of the babies starting about a month ago. It wasn't growing like it should. There were some complications, and the healthy baby died in the womb. Now we are all holding our breath that the endangered baby will make it. She hasn't given birth to either yet. They are giving her until morning before taking them C-section. This poor girl has 2 of everything to go home to. She is due in 3 weeks, so now she must plan a funeral while trying to get accustomed to being a first time, single mom.

What do the 2 have in common? I am feeling very guilty for hoping for a miscarriage in the case of my son's dilemma. My emotions are so mixed up that I don't know what I think right now. How can I feel sorry for 1 at losing a baby and wish it on another?? I am usually a very steadfast, reasonable, caring person. Why would I even consider this as being a hopeful?

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 2:22 am

I'm so sorry you're going through such a stressfull time at the moment rk,

And so sorry i can't answer why you are feeling the way you are the moment,

you must be going through a whirlwind of emotions.

I can send lots of beams to your daughters friend and hope she delivers a healthy baby.

:-4

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 4:34 am

abbey;526506 wrote: I'm so sorry you're going through such a stressfull time at the moment rk,

And so sorry i can't answer why you are feeling the way you are the moment,

you must be going through a whirlwind of emotions.

I can send lots of beams to your daughters friend and hope she delivers a healthy baby.

:-4

Thanks Abby! I know that this too shall pass. One virtue that I do not possess is patience. Your well wishes are truly appreciated. What I need most is somewhere to vent these feelings without hurting anyone. I found FG. After sleeping on it, I hope that no one thinks the less of me for the things I said. Your kind ear is a blessing that won't be forgotten. Again, ty!!

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:14 am

When I checked my mail last night after posting this, there is an envelope for my son from the Department of Navy!! Please God...

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:20 am

sending blessings to you !! :-4

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:23 am

Hamster;526604 wrote: It is only natural that as a parent you would want the best for your son. If your instinct says it isnt his then go with that feeling until or if proven otherwise.

In dreams we often explore concepts we would never really entertain so don't feel guilty or alarmed by this dream. It is there to help you-even if you can't see why right now.

Being human is all about having emotins and you seem to be at a point in your life where you are feeling the exact opposite emotions at the same time. That has to be confusing. :-4

Thanks Hamster.

It has only happened a couple of times, but when I dream the same dream 3 times, it comes true. I am afraid to sleep, now.

Maybe the dream is teaching me how to kill 2 birds with one swing??

As far as the emotions go...You would think that perimenopause is enough for anyone! I am very confused, but I know that everything comes to light in the end.

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:37 am

rkdian;526617 wrote: When I checked my mail last night after posting this, there is an envelope for my son from the Department of Navy!! Please God...
:yh_flower

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:43 am

Hamster;526618 wrote: Oh no!! When will you know?

He gets off work at 2 this afternoon, but has 2 other part time jobs. I am trying to catch him to let him know that it is here. Hopefully, I will know this afternoon, otherwise...

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:44 am

Accountable;526633 wrote: :yh_flower

ty! With your military background, can you tell me if you normally get orders thru the mail??

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:51 am

rkdian;526644 wrote: ty! With your military background, can you tell me if you normally get orders thru the mail??
I was active duty. I don't know how the reserves works, but I'd imagine the orders would come through the mail rather than the phone.

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 5:56 am

Accountable;526648 wrote: I was active duty. I don't know how the reserves works, but I'd imagine the orders would come through the mail rather than the phone.

NOT what I wanted to hear,baby, but thanks for your honesty. :-5

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:06 am

I can't begin to imagine what your going through, whilst you must be very proud that your son is in the reserves, i can't begin the dread and horror at the thought of him going. :yh_hugs

With regards to your daughters friend i hope that everything works out good for her, please don't beat yourself up for the way your feeling about sons ex, i think most parents would be going through the same emotions, whatever the outcome regarding the parentage i'm sure you'll be there supporting your son

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:13 am

SuzyB;526654 wrote: I can't begin to imagine what your going through, whilst you must be very proud that your son is in the reserves, i can't begin the dread and horror at the thought of him going. :yh_hugs

With regards to your daughters friend i hope that everything works out good for her, please don't beat yourself up for the way your feeling about sons ex, i think most parents would be going through the same emotions, whatever the outcome regarding the parentage i'm sure you'll be there supporting your son

You're right! I have never been prouder of anyone, nor more afraid for anyone. I am a Christian, and believe that there is a plan for all of us. That helps, but doesn't take away from the human factor of fear.

Thanks for the words of encouragement and support. Please remember to say thanks to all of those who have and will serve. The sacrifices that they and those who love them make is infinite. Even if you don't believe in the war, respect the men and women who are doing the job that their boss tells them to do without regard for their own wishes.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:24 am

I can understand your mixed feelings towards your sons ex and her pregnancy. I felt similar things when my step-daughter fell pregnant, her boyfriend and her have always had a rocky relationship (he is an arse) and were going through a bad patch. I thought at the time that it may have been for the best if she lost the baby - she didn't and we have been blessed with the most amazing grandson who will be 2 soon. She has finally thrown the boyfriend out. I don't feel guilty about the way I thought then because we all think stupid, irrational things at times of stress. If this baby turns out to be your son's child you will cope - because you will have to.

Don't worry about dreams, sometimes our darkest, deepest fears come out through our dreams, it doesn't mean that you would behave that way when awake.

I hope that all turns out well for you but remember there will always be people here who are willing to lend an ear or offer advice.:-4

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:27 am

rkdian;526661 wrote: You're right! I have never been prouder of anyone, nor more afraid for anyone. I am a Christian, and believe that there is a plan for all of us. That helps, but doesn't take away from the human factor of fear.

Thanks for the words of encouragement and support. Please remember to say thanks to all of those who have and will serve. The sacrifices that they and those who love them make is infinite. Even if you don't believe in the war, respect the men and women who are doing the job that their boss tells them to do without regard for their own wishes.

My heart goes out to them and their families, I have a few friends that are over there and i'm seeing first hand what their parents, spouses and children are going through. I make sure they are in my prayers every night :-4

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:29 am

Imladris;526679 wrote: I can understand your mixed feelings towards your sons ex and her pregnancy. I felt similar things when my step-daughter fell pregnant, her boyfriend and her have always had a rocky relationship (he is an arse) and were going through a bad patch. I thought at the time that it may have been for the best if she lost the baby - she didn't and we have been blessed with the most amazing grandson who will be 2 soon. She has finally thrown the boyfriend out. I don't feel guilty about the way I thought then because we all think stupid, irrational things at times of stress. If this baby turns out to be your son's child you will cope - because you will have to.

Don't worry about dreams, sometimes our darkest, deepest fears come out through our dreams, it doesn't mean that you would behave that way when awake.

I hope that all turns out well for you but remember there will always be people here who are willing to lend an ear or offer advice.:-4

I am a real hot head. I would do it to her now if the son hadn't forbade it. I seldom resort to violence, but can give you a tongue lashing that will scar you for life.

My daughter is in the situation that your step-daughter was in. The paternity was never a question, but the father...:-5 I now have the most adorable 2 year old grandson. Thanks for the reminder! And also for the sounding board

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:30 am

Your post shows that you care. You are naturally concerned about the situation with your son and would be failing him if you were not. Your concern for the girl in labour is also evident. The two are only connected by subject matter and you have no need to reproach yourself in any way. Hope things work out on both fronts

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:37 am

SuzyB;526680 wrote: My heart goes out to them and their families, I have a few friends that are over there and i'm seeing first hand what their parents, spouses and children are going through. I make sure they are in my prayers every night :-4

Thank you from ALL of us!! That is the best thing that you can give any of us, your prayer!:-4

SuzyB · Post by **SuzyB** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:37 am

rkdian;526685 wrote: I am a real hot head. I would do it to her now if the son hadn't forbade it. I seldom resort to violence, but can give you a tongue lashing that will scar you for life.

My daughter is in the situation that your step-daughter was in. The paternity was never a question, but the father...:-5 I now have the most adorable 2 year old grandson. Thanks for the reminder! And also for the sounding board

I know where you are coming from, i am a terrible hothead but the majority of time i've always regretted 'losing it'. The problem is words can't be taken back once spoken and people have long memories

Let us know about your son

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:38 am

Uncle Kram;526686 wrote: Your post shows that you care. You are naturally concerned about the situation with your son and would be failing him if you were not. Your concern for the girl in labour is also evident. The two are only connected by subject matter and you have no need to reproach yourself in any way. Hope things work out on both fronts

Thanks Kram! I know they will, even if not to my personal liking.

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:41 am

Hamster;526688 wrote: Thank you....keep us informed? :-4

You can bet your sweet bippy I will! Thanks for sincerely caring.

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:43 am

SuzyB;526697 wrote: I know where you are coming from, i am a terrible hothead but the majority of time i've always regretted 'losing it'. The problem is words can't be taken back once spoken and people have long memories

Let us know about your son

Ain't that the truth!! I will let everyone know ASAP. :-4

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 8:50 am

My son called on his break at work and gave me permission to open envelope. (Now I feel sort of foolish.

) It was orders of a sort. Just letting him know that his April drill will be at a location other than normal.

Thank you to all!!! You're a great bunch and I look forward to many more hours of visiting with you!!:-4

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 1:06 pm

rkdian;526917 wrote: My son called on his break at work and gave me permission to open envelope. (Now I feel sort of foolish.

) It was orders of a sort. Just letting him know that his April drill will be at a location other than normal.

Thankful for small mercies. :-4

How's your daughters friend?

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 1:12 pm

abbey;527299 wrote: Thankful for small mercies. :-4

How's your daughters friend?

Yes, my prayer was answered!

The last I heard was about an hour and a half ago. She was dialated to 3. Contractions strong and about 2 min. apart. Fetal monitor on living baby showed everything strong. Keep the prayers going out please! I will update as soon as I get news. :-4

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:00 pm

rkdian;526917 wrote: My son called on his break at work and gave me permission to open envelope. (Now I feel sort of foolish.

) It was orders of a sort. Just letting him know that his April drill will be at a location other than normal.

Thank you to all!!! You're a great bunch and I look forward to many more hours of visiting with you!!:-4
:yh_sweat

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 6:03 pm

:yh_hugs :yh_hugs to you!!

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 7:30 pm

My daughter called. The babies had to be taken c-section. She said, "one is happy and healthy and the other is beautiful". The baby who did not make it was a baby girl, 4# 8 oz. Her brother is 4# even and appears to be doing well. Mom was allowed to hold both before the girl was taken for autopsy. She will have to make funeral arrangements while trying to get accustomed to being a mommy. I still cry every time that I think about it. Fortunately, she has a very supportive family. Thanks to all of you from all of us for caring.

On the flip side, my son's ex came to visit with me tonight. She confirmed the possibility that the baby may not be ours. She is very apologetic and I was very honest. I don't think that I was brutal, but I was very blunt. Maybe in time, I will be abe to look at her without getting the shakes. I hope so, hatred is poison to the soul. Again, thanks to all for the support.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 7:41 pm

rkdian;527746 wrote: My daughter called. The babies had to be taken c-section. She said, "one is happy and healthy and the other is beautiful". The baby who did not make it was a baby girl, 4# 8 oz. Her brother is 4# even and appears to be doing well. Mom was allowed to hold both before the girl was taken for autopsy. She will have to make funeral arrangements while trying to get accustomed to being a mommy. I still cry every time that I think about it. Fortunately, she has a very supportive family. Thanks to all of you from all of us for caring.

On the flip side, my son's ex came to visit with me tonight. She confirmed the possibility that the baby may not be ours. She is very apologetic and I was very honest. I don't think that I was brutal, but I was very blunt. Maybe in time, I will be abe to look at her without getting the shakes. I hope so, hatred is poison to the soul. Again, thanks to all for the support.

my heart goes out to you....prayers going up for you and friend/family....:-4

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Tue Jan 23, 2007 7:51 pm

WonderWendy3;527750 wrote: my heart goes out to you....prayers going up for you and friend/family....:-4

Thanks Wendy! You're a peach!:-6

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 11:50 am

The friend's babies...

Baby girl - deceased - Morgan Rayanne - was 4 lbs. 8 oz.

Baby boy - small but perfectly healthy

- no name yet - 3 lbs. 15.75 oz.

Mom is doing very well. Held Morgan before she was taken to the morgue. Still no apparent reason for her death.

WonderWendy3 · Post by **WonderWendy3** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 12:08 pm

rkdian;528513 wrote: The friend's babies...

Baby girl - deceased - Morgan Rayanne - was 4 lbs. 8 oz.

Baby boy - small but perfectly healthy

- no name yet - 3 lbs. 15.75 oz.

Mom is doing very well. Held Morgan before she was taken to the morgue. Still no apparent reason for her death.

Thanks for the report...double edged sword there...so happy and so sad at the same time...

Warn your friend of people saying "well meaning" things!!...Remind her they MEAN WELL!!

Blessings:-4

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 1:07 pm

rkdian;528513 wrote: The friend's babies...

Baby girl - deceased - Morgan Rayanne - was 4 lbs. 8 oz.

Baby boy - small but perfectly healthy

- no name yet - 3 lbs. 15.75 oz.

Mom is doing very well. Held Morgan before she was taken to the morgue. Still no apparent reason for her death.
Sadness and joy. :-1

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 7:23 pm

WonderWendy3;528529 wrote: Thanks for the report...double edged sword there...so happy and so sad at the same time...

Warn your friend of people saying "well meaning" things!!...Remind her they MEAN WELL!!

Blessings:-4

Done deal, Wendy. As a matter of fact, I had to stop myself or I would have been one of those people...."God must have wanted another angel"

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 8:07 pm

Magenta flame;529154 wrote: wow a torrent of emotions here.

So your son is of the hook and your friends girl has a healthy baby.

Seems like things are looking up:)

Son not quite off the hook. Will have to wait for paternity test now. I think the stress on him must be unbearable, therefore same for me.

A healthy baby in and of itself is enough to make me sigh with relief. Knowing that the mommy is okay too makes me say thanks to our maker.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 8:33 pm

You've probably had every emotion possible during all this! I'm sorry about little Morgan and delighted the other baby is ok. Now, just think positively about the "ex" and all will be well!

Supportive hugs to you....

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 8:40 pm

Lulu2;529189 wrote: You've probably had every emotion possible during all this! I'm sorry about little Morgan and delighted the other baby is ok. Now, just think positively about the "ex" and all will be well!

Supportive hugs to you....

I will be attending Morgan's funeral sometime next week. I think that will be VERY hard. I am told that she is very fair skinned (like "a porcelain doll"), lots of dark curly hair, and the rosiest lips ever (almost blood red).

I also think the funeral may be what helps me to settle down with my son's predicament. After all, every baby is a blessing to be loved and cherished, even if it is not your own. :-4

Thanks again to all for listening and caring. It has been a great help to me. God bless!

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 9:07 pm

You are SUCH a wonderful friend to attend that funeral, because the funeral of an infant is absolutely heartbreaking!

I'm glad it helps to sort out your feelings. Best of luck with your son's EX. With luck, she'll just go away.

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 9:25 pm

Lulu2;529207 wrote: You are SUCH a wonderful friend to attend that funeral, because the funeral of an infant is absolutely heartbreaking!

I'm glad it helps to sort out your feelings. Best of luck with your son's EX. With luck, she'll just go away.

This young woman has been a part of my life for so long, she is more like my daughter. I had never considered not going to the funeral. Most of my daycare parents are understanding of the situation (I will have to close for the day). Those who aren't don't deserve their own children in my opinion.

With my luck, if the ex went away, it would be with my grandchild. I already have a son in law that is worthless, but gave me a beautiful grandson. I am sure that I will learn tolerance with this one as well should the need arise.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 9:27 pm

Just from the little bit I've seen of you here....you'll cope and you'll manage and you'll do just fine!

Now...about that funeral....TAKE TISSUES! LOTS OF TISSUES!

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 9:32 pm

Lulu2;529222 wrote: Just from the little bit I've seen of you here....you'll cope and you'll manage and you'll do just fine!

Now...about that funeral....TAKE TISSUES! LOTS OF TISSUES!

I am thinking that the 8 economy boxes I have on hand should cover me. Everyone else is on their own! No matter, open or closed, those tiny caskets will do it every time. The last little person funeral I attended was 2 brothers (ages 2 & 5) who died in a fire. They were both in the same casket. I had a very hard time letting my own out of my sight for quite a while.

Lulu2 · Post by **Lulu2** » Wed Jan 24, 2007 10:20 pm

OMG! How dreadful! The first one I attended had an impossibly small white casket with a simple rose on it! I broke down at the door and couldn't stop! It was just so difficult...

LARGE ECONOMY SIZE TISSUES (oh...and no mascara! Also...really, really dark sunglasses!)

(I'm not making light of this...but sometimes you have to laugh, know what I mean?)

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Thu Jan 25, 2007 5:11 am

Lulu2;529265 wrote: OMG! How dreadful! The first one I attended had an impossibly small white casket with a simple rose on it! I broke down at the door and couldn't stop! It was just so difficult...

LARGE ECONOMY SIZE TISSUES (oh...and no mascara! Also...really, really dark sunglasses!)

(I'm not making light of this...but sometimes you have to laugh, know what I mean?)

Laugh to keep from crying...I know exactly what you mean!

rkdian · Post by **rkdian** » Fri Jan 26, 2007 7:19 am

These are the blankets I made for the babies. Mommy is seen holding the one. I hope that she sends Morgan's with her.:-1

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