A funeral for a friend

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 7:27 am

Well, it's finally happened. I must attend my first UK funeral. My husbands best friends mum just died. They have been best mates since they were six. And at 48 (both of them) thats a mighty long time. Of course she was like a second mum to my beloved spouse.

The lady in mention was 81. She just went to sleep with her reading glasses on. Just like puffing out a candle. That gentle.

So any wisdom from my UK mates will be much appreciated. They are starting out from the home and going to a church for the service. I had the flowers sent to the home, so they would be included in the procession.

Please let me know how you guys do things so I dont make any fatal errors if you know what I mean!

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 7:37 am

Thanks Hammy! Voodoo has only been to one, (his dads) and he doesnt remember much about that.

Bill Sikes · Post by **Bill Sikes** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 7:46 am

Raven;512520 wrote:

Please let me know how you guys do things so I dont make any fatal errors if you know what I mean!

Enquire from the friend, or funeral director, whether flowers or contributions

to some cause or other are acceptable or requested. It is quite possible that

contributions, if any, should be made after the funeral, and quite possibly

through the FD. Unless it's an unusual funeral, dressing moderately well in

dark smart clothes will be the norm. Go through the service, taking your cue

from others and/or whoever is officiating. If you are invited to any sort of

function afterwards, just be a bit careful lest you accidentally come out with

unfortunate turns of phrase, being normally sympathetic is OK. Don't act, or

be hysterical! Be normal.

Imladris · Post by **Imladris** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 9:15 am

Brilliant advice from Bill.

Can't add much (have worked in the funeral industry for years now)

If the service at the church is not Catholic you will stand to sing hymns and sit for prayers - Catholic churchs often do it the other way round. Kneeling for prayers is not so common these days but acceptable.

If the service is followed by a cremation you will have a short committal service there and at the appropriate time the coffin may descend or curtains may come round it, then you will leave and have time to look at the floral tributes.

If it is a burial there will probably be an opportunity for the family and friends to throw a small amount of soil onto the coffin - not compulsory and if you do just take a pinch of soil.

Try not to worry too much, the funeral director is there to guide you at all times and they are usually very patient with the daft questions they get asked!!

Don't worry too much about being on best behaviour at any function afterwards, I have often found them to be quite jolly affairs when the deceased is elderly - they are usually a celebration of the life that was and an acknowledgement that life has to go on.

princessNicky · Post by **princessNicky** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:25 am

Raven;512520 wrote: Well, it's finally happened. I must attend my first UK funeral. My husbands best friends mum just died. They have been best mates since they were six. And at 48 (both of them) thats a mighty long time. Of course she was like a second mum to my beloved spouse.

The lady in mention was 81. She just went to sleep with her reading glasses on. Just like puffing out a candle. That gentle.

So any wisdom from my UK mates will be much appreciated. They are starting out from the home and going to a church for the service. I had the flowers sent to the home, so they would be included in the procession.

Please let me know how you guys do things so I dont make any fatal errors if you know what I mean!

Just be there for your husband . He will need you .

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 10:27 am

I'm guessing that a funeral over here is much the same as in the US. Just be your lovely self and support Voodoo who is bound to feel down....you won't make any errors I'm sure. :-4

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 2:19 pm

Hi Raven :-4

First off, if you have never been to one its impossible to say how you will feel, we all express emotion different, just go with the flow of how you feel, dont worry about if you cry, if you dont, its not something you can decide. What happens at funerals can be overwhelming. You are showing your respects to the deceased, how you show them is what makes you........... YOU

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Jan 11, 2007 6:31 pm

I am so sorry to hear this hun.

My thoughts and Beams to you and your man.

M

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 12:45 pm

Thanks everybody! You gave some very helpful advice. Bill, dont worry, I wont go hysterical! :yh_bigsmi

Imladris, I had no idea about the dirt thing, thanks!

Thank you guys for all your support and love. It really helps.

twizzel · Post by **twizzel** » Fri Jan 12, 2007 2:27 pm

Raven;512520 wrote: Well, it's finally happened. I must attend my first UK funeral. My husbands best friends mum just died. They have been best mates since they were six. And at 48 (both of them) thats a mighty long time. Of course she was like a second mum to my beloved spouse.

The lady in mention was 81. She just went to sleep with her reading glasses on. Just like puffing out a candle. That gentle.

So any wisdom from my UK mates will be much appreciated. They are starting out from the home and going to a church for the service. I had the flowers sent to the home, so they would be included in the procession.

Please let me know how you guys do things so I dont make any fatal errors if you know what I mean!
When my uncle died my cousin Peggy came in a dress of many bright colours every one thought she should have worn black but she said he was a painter during the day and an artist by night he lived for colour it is what he would have wanted I know she was right so you should try and go as the lady herself would want you to go so talk to your husband he should know what she would like. Good luck