Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)

[BabyRider]

Sounds like some pretty scary crap, don't it? Well, I guess it was, but thankfully I don't have any memory of the crash, or most of the hospital so it's all good. What's weird about it is, the effects later. If anyone had told me some of the things that I'm going to tell you, I'd have called them a liar to their face. I've been telling a wonderful friend of mine here some of the odd after-effects of getting a whack to the head. Here's a few:

Mood swings! I have never been a really emotional person. Takes something pretty drastic to get reaction, let alone any emotion from me. Now? I can tear up at any damn thing. Nope, I don't llike it, either. I'm impatient, crabby, intolerant. I also have found out that an injury like this can actually change how a person reacts to light and color. A friend of my Dad's is an expert in this field and she gave me an exam. Damn thing took 1.5 hours, too. But, what I learned is going to make recovery that much easier. One instance that freaked me out was when Dad and I went to Sam's club to get my 'scripts filled. Some jackass got on the PA system and was SCREECHING into it. I pulled up short and covered my ears. Unfortunately it went a bit farther than that. I pulled my hands away from my ears and started bitching. LOUD. Hollering out, "Shut the F**K UP, YOU DON'T NEED TO YELL, THAT WHY IT'S A PA SYSTEM!!! SHUT UUUUUUUPPPPPPP!!!!!" Dad reached into my pocket, handed me a smoke and a light and told me to go wait outside. Found out at the exam that I have no tolerance for flourescent lighting, AND that I should never write on white peper. Purple or violet is the proper color for me to write on.

Next weird thing? I was given a book about TBI by one of my surgeons and one thing I read was that ALL of your senses can change to some degree. ALL OF THEM. Didn't buy it but now, when I taste a familiar food and realize that it tastes nothing like I remember, I had to believe it. There is all kinds of food that I used to love that tastes pretty friggin' awful now. Breakfast cereal is one.

Told ya it was weird!

The worst part about it is, I don't trust my own mind because I am aware of the changes in me, and THAT really sucks. I've always trusted my gut and now I don't trust it as far as I can throw my house. Between that and knowing I will never ride on 2 wheels again really TICKS ME OFF!!!! :-5 :-5

Last thing I learned about my hospital stay which also ticked me off for NO REASON is that my first surgeon who sewed my head closed, sewed me up, looked at the 27 stitches and didn't like the result so she TOOK THEM ALL OUT AND STARTED OVER.

That sort of thing really shouldn't make me angry because I have pretty much no scar from where my head came open. Don't have much feeling there yet, but it looks perfect!

[chonsigirl]

BR, for what you suffered, you have done well. You will continue to get better as time goes by. Many areas of the brain will heal, grow new neural pathways to reconnect many things you once remembered.

Sometimes like you example of never using white paper, is some on the new things you will have to face. I have loads of books on TBI, and I know what doctors have told me, concerning my husband. They gave up on him by the 12 month point. They usually tell you 12-18 months is the top for recovery of certain neural sensations and memory. Don't you believe it one bit! You can always continue to get better, it might be a long slow process, but you will do it.

You have the will, the power within yourself to continue to get better. I have all faith in you.:-4

[lady cop]

i have FAITH that in time many of your sensory functions will repair themselves. the brain is miraculous! witness stroke victims.

[BabyRider]

chonsigirl;491557 wrote: BR, for what you suffered, you have done well. You will continue to get better as time goes by. Many areas of the brain will heal, grow new neural pathways to reconnect many things you once remembered.



Sometimes like you example of never using white paper, is some on the new things you will have to face. I have loads of books on TBI, and I know what doctors have told me, concerning my husband. They gave up on him by the 12 month point. They usually tell you 12-18 months is the top for recovery of certain neural sensations and memory. Don't you believe it one bit! You can always continue to get better, it might be a long slow process, but you will do it.



You have the will, the power within yourself to continue to get better. I have all faith in you.:-4
Ah, thanks Chonsi. I know a lot of this will change but it's the actual change that makes me nervous. I am a completely different person now, and what I will become makes me wonder. A lot of what I'm seeing in me is nothing to be proud of. For God's sake when I saw Bullet on Friday I started a fight with him! A FIGHT WITH MY IMPRISONED HUSBAND!!! For the love of Christ I made him cry. The next 24 hours were the worst since he's been gone and I spent our next 15 minute conversation apologizing for being such a POS.



On a happier note though, I have a friend who lost the sight in one eye and it took 2 YEARS for her to regain it. My regular doctor told me that even though the neurosurgeon said I wouldn't get the sight back that it's way too early to say that for sure. That gave me some hope, but I still won't be holding my breath. I will ride again, it will just have to be a 3-wheeler. Even if I do regain my sight I don't think I can ever trust cagers to drive around me again. That and the fact that I have to re-learn how to shoot my bow and my guns really twists me up. I will probably never be as good a shot as I once was.



However, the alternate ending to this story is that my friends would have attended my funeral.

[BabyRider]

lady cop;491560 wrote: i have FAITH that in time many of your sensory functions will repair themselves. the brain is miraculous! witness stroke victims.
I'm glad you do my friend, because mine left me with the pints of blood I lost. Bitter? Yeah, probably a little.

[chonsigirl]

My dear BR, it is a difficult and emotion time with all this healing process going on. I am sure your beloved Bullet realized this, and maybe if you have a book on TBI to leave him it might help.

I think I will always answer you truthfully, since I live with this issue.

Will you change? Yes.

Will it all be bad? of course not! You do have some damage, but hold out for that thought that a year or two from now your sight can be restored.

Will you be emotional, when you were not before? Yes. It is the brain trying to sort things out, and it brings out the emotional side of you. You cannot help it. In time, you will learn how to regain control of it. No bashing of yourself for this, it is a normal process and takes time.

Will you do everything you did before? If you want to, even though it is modified. As long as you do it, and you want to, you can.

Are you the same inside as you once were? Yes, our BR is still there, and that will never change.:-4

I will write a long post-this is how far my husband has come in 2 1/2 years:

At the time of the accident: Total paralysis on right side, no speech, no memory, he could not even breath on his own.

2 1/2 years later: He is able to function at home, eat meals by himself-overcoming no sight out of one eye-yes, BR. He can see with that eye. Depth perception has returned pretty accurately. He can walk in a walker 4-5 times a day by himself unaided-but someone is always there just for safety issues. He can dress himself, feed himself, and do some simple things. He sat on the floor Saturday night to assemble the Christmas tree-fluffed out 3-4 branches himself. That was an impossible task 2 years ago. He even picked up the phone this week for the first time and could answer it, and respond to my mother when she called. A small thing we take for granted, but miraculous for him. Memory, that is the unknown for him. He know me and the children, and can talk 2-3 sentences in a row that make sense. Very well for someone who could not talk at all. I will sniffle this once and not mention it again, I still do wait to hear my name. That he does not remember. I do want to hear it at least once, it is our anniversary tomorrow. He will remember when I come home with something nice for him, and smile for me. He knows the times, and knows it is almost winter break, and I will be home. That makes him happy. And I think I have rambled enough.

[Marie5656]

You will do well BR as you have a good support system. My experience with TBI tells me that you may not ever be the same Criss as you were a few months ago.....but the different Criss will be stronger for the experience. You will learn to overcome the challenges...and learn to cope with them to make your life tolerable and livable again.

I remember a man I worked with who was a TBI patient. He could not speak, but he could write out his thoughts. An interesting thing was that his perception difficulty only allowed him to see 1/2 the page of paper...all of his writing stopped dead center on the page, and he would start a new line. If we turned the paper around, he could not "see" the stuff on the other half of the paper.

Your recovery will be a slow process, and it will be an ongoing one...but you will cope. Just remember to vent to friends and family now and again. It will help you.

[chonsigirl]

Here is a link to look for support groups, I know there must be one by you somewhere.

http://www.headinjury.com/linktbisup.htm

[CARLA]

BR time will heal a lot you will be amazed at what you will have accomplished this time next year. :-4

I remember when I broke my neck that things changed for me in some of the same manner as your describing. Before I broke my neck I suffered from migraines, after I have never had a migraine again.

My vision changed as well it actually go better, go figure. I also became very sensitive to lights and sounds I actually hear things at such a high frequency now I have to cover my ears alot. I also have no tolerance for back ground noise. My nuerosurgeon said that happens quit often to any trauma in the head region.

You will adjust to the new you and feel like yourself again I can assure you that.

I also believe you will regain sight in your eye, may not be for several years but one day you will have your vision back. The body is an amazing machine.

[Lulu2]

Hope I've read this correctly...I'm delighted that SHE took out your scalp stitches and replaced them....I suspect it'll make a nicer scar!

Honey, I can't even IMAGINE what you've gone through and what you're going to go through in future. But I CAN imagine that your own inner determination and GUTS will make it work out as it should!

And I know this--you'll have friends here waiting to help you...whatever it takes.

Love,......Lulu

[RedGlitter]

Dear BabyRider,



Every time I read about how you are doing, I am moved even more. I can't tell you how much I admire your courage and determination. You wrote something a few days ago that brought tears to my eyes.

I'm sure you were tough before this but now we and you are seeing what your strength really is. I for one, admire you.



I don't think I'll be speaking out of turn when I ask you to be easier on yourself. This has been fresh hell for you and a lesser person might have crumbled beneath the weight of it. I can imagine how badly you feel about having had a bad moment with your husband during your visit but you know what? Don't think for a minute that he isn't grateful that he still has you to argue with.



Those danged PA systems will make anyone nuts! I have been known to yell back at the things when I'm in Walmart and I don't even have an excuse!



Take excellent care of yourself, BabyRider. The Body. The Mind. The Soul. It all works together. How far you have come already!!! Keep being strong...and be gentle with yourself.



We believe in you, Criss. :-4



Terri

[valerie]

Bump.

[cars]

DON'T QUIT FG BR!!!

[Lulu2]

Thanks, Val, for bumping this thread. I'm sorry that various elements decided to have "a go" at Cris for reasons of their own, especially when she's at her lowest, physically and mentally.

I'd like to say that I'm always her friend and miss her very much.

And...I'd like to quote YOU:

"But I CAN imagine that your own inner determination and GUTS will make it work out as it should!"

And, BR, I know this--you'll have friends here waiting to help you...whatever it takes.

[pantsonfire321@aol.com]

Lulu2;547121 wrote: Thanks, Val, for bumping this thread. I'm sorry that various elements decided to have "a go" at Cris for reasons of their own, especially when she's at her lowest, physically and mentally.

I'd like to say that I'm always her friend and miss her very much.

And...I'd like to quote YOU:

"But I CAN imagine that your own inner determination and GUTS will make it work out as it should!"

And, BR, I know this--you'll have friends here waiting to help you...whatever it takes.


Here here .