Smart Ass Answer #5:
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a
man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat.... she said, Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.
Smart Ass Answer #4:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldnt find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, Do these turkeys get any bigger? The stock boy replied, No maam, theyre
dead.
Smart Ass Answer #3:
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. Ive been waiting for you all day, the cop said. The kid replied, Yeah, well I go here as fast as I could. When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Smart Ass Answer #2:
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads,
Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, Got stuck, huh? The truck driver says, No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.
#1 SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2004
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but thats it, no other excuses whatsoever."
A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles
knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says: "Well, I guess youd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Here's your sign...
Here's your sign...
Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view
Mind like a steel trap - Rusty and Illegal in 37 states.
Here's your sign...
now those were funny. Here are a couple more for the list.
A guy was standing on the side of the road with his car, which had a flat. Another guy pulls up in a tow truck, looks at it and asks: "Tire go flat?". First guy responds: "Nope, funny thing, I was driving along, minding my own business, and the other three just swelled right up.
Guy gets to the airport, but his luggage does not. He goes to the lost baggage place to report his luggage did not arrive with him. The charming lost baggage lady looks at him and asks "Has your plane landed yet?" "Nope...just thougt I would get here ahead of the crowd."
HERE'S YOUR SIGN.
A guy was standing on the side of the road with his car, which had a flat. Another guy pulls up in a tow truck, looks at it and asks: "Tire go flat?". First guy responds: "Nope, funny thing, I was driving along, minding my own business, and the other three just swelled right up.
Guy gets to the airport, but his luggage does not. He goes to the lost baggage place to report his luggage did not arrive with him. The charming lost baggage lady looks at him and asks "Has your plane landed yet?" "Nope...just thougt I would get here ahead of the crowd."
HERE'S YOUR SIGN.
Here's your sign...
those are funny! 
when we've sold our houses in the past neighbors would always come up to us after the 'for sale' sign was put up and say "so, you're selling your house??"
no, we thought the big ugly sign would add to the landscaping....:rolleyes:
when we've sold our houses in the past neighbors would always come up to us after the 'for sale' sign was put up and say "so, you're selling your house??"
no, we thought the big ugly sign would add to the landscaping....:rolleyes: