Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."
She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?" "A hand job".
She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE penis. She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"
A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.
One day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths, every one of the children was stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time." Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!"
An elderly woman walked into the main office of Chase Manhattan Bank building, holding a large paper bag in her hand. She told the young man at the teller's window that she wished to deposit
the $3 million in the bag and open an account at the bank. She said that first, though, she wished to meet the president of the bank due to the amount of money involved. The teller thought that to be a reasonable request, and, after opening the bag and seeing bundles of $1000 bills, which amounted to approximately $3,000,000, telephoned the bank president's secretary for an appointment for the lady.
The woman was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's office. Introductions were made, and she stated that she liked to get to know people she did business with on a more personal basis. The president then asked her how she came into such a large sum of cash. "Was it inherited?" he asked. "No," she replied. He was quiet for several seconds, trying to think of where this elderly lady could possibly have come into $3 million.
"I bet," she offered. "As in horses?". "No," she replied, "as in people". Seeing his confusion, she explained that she just bet on different things with people. Suddenly, she said, "I'll bet you 25,000 that by 10 o'clock tomorrow morning your balls will be square."
The bank president figured she must be off her rocker and decided to take her up on the bet. He didn't know how he could lose. For the rest of the day, he was extremely cautious--he decided to stay home that evening and take no chances. $25,000 was at stake.
When he got up in the morning and took his shower, he checked to make certain that everything was O.K. There was no change in his scrotal appearance. He looked the same as always. He went to his
office and waited for the woman to come in at 10AM, humming as he went. He knew this was his lucky day. How often did he get handed $25,000 for doing nothing?
At 10 o'clock sharp, the woman was shown into his office. With her was a man. When the bank president asked her what the other man was with her for, she informed the president that he was her
lawyer and she always took him along when there was this much money involved in her betting.
"Well," she asked, "what about our bet?" "I don't know how to tell you this," he said, "but I'm the same as I've always been, only $25,000 richer." The old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What's wrong with him?"
She replied, "Nothing, except that I bet him $100,000 that by 10am today I'd have the Chase Manhattan Bank's president's balls in my hand."
:wah:
