Loving yourself

theia · Post by **theia** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 2:05 am

What is "loving yourself?"

We talk about it a lot and we tell ourselves and one another that we must learn to love ourselves, but what is it? Is it accepting ourselves as we are? Is it treating ourselves lovingly? Is it learning not to constantly berate ourselves for our mistakes? Is it all these things and more? I've read so many self help books over the years and they all tell me to love myself...yet, I'm still unsure what self love is. And which part of us is it that we should love...or, indeed, which part of us is it that does the loving?

Do you love yourself? What does it feel like? How does it make you act? The nearest I can say I've felt to love (if it is love, and of course it may not be) is in the intitial stages of a relationship when I fall for someone and they for me...the world comes alive, I come alive and I feel so good about myself, the other person and, well, everyone. Is the trick then to fall in love with yourself in the same way?

We say that we can't truly love another until we love ourselves. Is this so? And, if it is, does that mean that everyone who loves someone else also truly loves themself? Or is it that loving another selflessly, uncovers our own self love?

Is self love learned? By that I mean is it a process? Do we have to make efforts to change the way we view ourselves and to let go of all the negative things we've learned about ourselves throughout our lives? Or is self love an eureka moment..."hey, I've just found out that I really love myself?"

Is self love our purpose here? And, if it is, does anyone really achieve it? And if they do, what are they like?

Do we merely pay lip service to the words "love yourself" and then just get on with life as we've always done?

Am I over analysing here?

Help!!

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 2:19 am

i really like myself i know i'm a good person

i love my sense of humour (look its a matter of taste ok )

i love being big hearted and genourous

i love my softer side

but i love the fact i can take care of myself

i do love being the person i think i am

but do i really know myself :-5

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 4:04 am

Loving yourself is simply learning about yourself - your likes and dislikes, how your body works, what you can achieve. It's nothing more complicated than that. No condemnation of any part of ourselves, just acceptance. If there is something about yourself that you don't like or accept, it is likely that this is because society condemns it. But, if it is there, you have to accept it. The more you try to reject it, the more it will resist and take hold of you.

Understanding yourself means that you are better able to understand others. And you will not be so prone to making judgement calls because of this understanding.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 4:17 am

That is very wise, OM. I find it hard to love myself many times, when the things I need to do cannot all be completed. Or the things I would like to do to please myself are unattainable, or there is no time left for me at the end of the day. Then, I feel sad. My love is there continually for others, but there is none left for myself. I think it will change over time hopefully. But I have tended to always be this way.

And you cannot say-take time for youself, because there is none. I think my ten minutes here now before the next round of things to do begins, will have to carry me through until tomorrow. Sometimes, there is no time left for yourself.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 4:23 am

chonsigirl wrote: That is very wise, OM. I find it hard to love myself many times, when the things I need to do cannot all be completed. Or the things I would like to do to please myself are unattainable, or there is no time left for me at the end of the day. Then, I feel sad. My love is there continually for others, but there is none left for myself. I think it will change over time hopefully. But I have tended to always be this way.

And you cannot say-take time for youself, because there is none. I think my ten minutes here now before the next round of things to do begins, will have to carry me through until tomorrow. Sometimes, there is no time left for yourself.

That is so sad, Chonsi. I want to give you a hug.:yh_hugs You're special.:-4

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 4:26 am

I love you all.............................

:-4

(I miss Bez, where has the darling been? I will check to see an answer later on today)

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 4:41 am

chonsigirl wrote: I love you all.............................

:-4

(I miss Bez, where has the darling been? I will check to see an answer later on today)

Chonsi. Her last post was on the 27th last concerning her internet problems. She's on dial up at the moment which must make it very difficult.

weber · Post by **weber** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 7:08 am

chonsigirl wrote: That is very wise, OM. I find it hard to love myself many times, when the things I need to do cannot all be completed. Or the things I would like to do to please myself are unattainable, or there is no time left for me at the end of the day. Then, I feel sad. My love is there continually for others, but there is none left for myself. I think it will change over time hopefully. But I have tended to always be this way.

And you cannot say-take time for youself, because there is none. I think my ten minutes here now before the next round of things to do begins, will have to carry me through until tomorrow. Sometimes, there is no time left for yourself.

You need to generate love for yourself and then there will be more, better for others. If you don't love yourself, how do you truly know how to love others since the hardest person to love is yourself because you know all about yourself. God knows all about yourself and loves you the most of all, always. If He can, so should you.

Easy to say, hard to do. I work at it.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 7:19 am

Maybe it comes in stages

-Not actually hating ourselves

-Just plain accepting our flaws...Im never going to look like so and so but thats ok Im me

-Getting comfortable in our own skin

-Maybe actually liking who we are

-You know what, I have some very nice qualities, I dont have to dwell on my flaws, I can take measures to improve, but I dont have to be obsessed with them

-I do love me, I enjoy me, Im glad Im here

-I have something valuable to offer others

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 7:24 am

Nomad wrote: Maybe it comes in stages

-Not actually hating ourselves

-Just plain accepting our flaws...Im never going to look like so and so but thats ok Im me

-Getting comfortable in our own skin

-Maybe actually liking who we are

-You know what, I have some very nice qualities, I dont have to dwell on my flaws, I can take measures to improve, but I dont have to be obsessed with them

-I do love me, I enjoy me, Im glad Im here

-I have something valuable to offer others

Ooh I like this one. A lot. :-6

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 9:16 am

I think I'm like Theia...maybe not quite liking the idea of 'Loving oneself' because maybe it sounds as if a person is selfish, vain, big headed etc. However, coming to terms with who you are 'warts and all' (NO I haven't actually got any warts Nomad

)goes a long way to being comfortable with yourself. Most of us are always striving to be perfect at what we do, what we look like, how we are perceived by others, and of course we fail miserably. I thought I was a bad pupil, bad daughter, bad mother, bad wife but looking back I made mistakes, but did my best ....that's all any of us can do...accept that we are not perfect, but we did our best.

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 9:21 am

I am happy to see you Bez, I missed you.

Yes, Ithink Theia is right, do tyhe best you can and accept it for what it is.

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 9:24 am

chonsigirl wrote: I am happy to see you Bez, I missed you.

Yes, Ithink Theia is right, do tyhe best you can and accept it for what it is.

Hi Chonsi....miss you too....:yh_hugs

weber · Post by **weber** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 9:41 am

Bez wrote: I think I'm like Theia...maybe not quite liking the idea of 'Loving oneself' because maybe it sounds as if a person is selfish, vain, big headed etc. However, coming to terms with who you are 'warts and all' (NO I haven't actually got any warts Nomad

)goes a long way to being comfortable with yourself. Most of us are always striving to be perfect at what we do, what we look like, how we are perceived by others, and of course we fail miserably. I thought I was a bad pupil, bad daughter, bad mother, bad wife but looking back I made mistakes, but did my best ....that's all any of us can do...accept that we are not perfect, but we did our best.

I think that it is the phrase "Loving oneself" that people find as being selfish, vain, big headed, not the actual act. All that phrase means Bez is what you said you do. It means to accept yourself the way you are, knowing that you are a good person, knowing that you are worthy, have rights and privileges, are lovable. The phrase "Loving yourself" definitely does not mean "being in love with yourself" which is the first picture you paint there Bez.....vain, selfish, etc.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 10:04 am

weber wrote: I think that it is the phrase "Loving oneself" that people find as being selfish, vain, big headed, not the actual act. All that phrase means Bez is what you said you do. It means to accept yourself the way you are, knowing that you are a good person, knowing that you are worthy, have rights and privileges, are lovable. The phrase "Loving yourself" definitely does not mean "being in love with yourself" which is the first picture you paint there Bez.....vain, selfish, etc.

Weber

That's a good distinction :-6

weber · Post by **weber** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 10:19 am

:yh_peace cherandbuster wrote: Weber

That's a good distinction
:-6

Benjamin · Post by **Benjamin** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 3:56 pm

Loving yourself is directly related to self-esteem. It's about being your own best friend. It's about playing a leading role in your life -- not just having a bit part. It's about accepting yourself as you are, foibles and all. It's believing you have the right to be happy and treated with respect. It's about dignity and self-respect. It's believing you are lovable. It's about confidence in your self-efficacy -- your ability to achieve your goals. It's a belief that your wants and needs are important.

You must love yourself before you can truly love another.

OpenMind · Post by **OpenMind** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 5:22 pm

Benjamin wrote: Loving yourself is directly related to self-esteem. It's about being your own best friend. It's about playing a leading role in your life -- not just having a bit part. It's about accepting yourself as you are, foibles and all. It's believing you have the right to be happy and treated with respect. It's about dignity and self-respect. It's believing you are lovable. It's about confidence in your self-efficacy -- your ability to achieve your goals. It's a belief that your wants and needs are important.

You must love yourself before you can truly love another.

Very well expressed, Benjamin. An eloquent way of explaining what loving yourself means.