first i woke up banging hang over then i went to car boot sale with my step
daughter we buy a few bits i buy a piece of keep fit equipment its heavy i leave it at the stall and tell the guy I'll pick it up later only when i go to pick it up i cant remember what the guy looks like or where the stall is doh i leave for home without it
i get to the car park some moron has dented the wing of my car no name phone number left doh doh
my daughter then wants to go swimming ok i say reluctantly for i would rather polish my eyes with a cheese grater than go swimming
we take her friend with us they go get changed i go to put my shorts on I've brung my step sons shorts they so small i manage to squeeze into them some how i look down the term elephant in catapult comes to mind i look totally ridiculous the girls have gone i have no option but to go in the pool
i get to the pool the girls look at me and laugh one says i look like patrick off of sponge bob square pants
i figure if i stay underwater i'll be fine but oh no after an hour the girls are hungry i have to get out i walk out to the cafe bit we find a table i have a towel i put it round my waist the plastic chair is freezing i put half the towel on the chair half covering my flab i go to order the food to my horror i have left the towel on the chair there are about 60 people there no one has noticed me just at that moment the buzzer you order your food with jams full on, every one but every one is looking at this fat bald guy wearing these kids shorts they all crack up i slither back to my table just as i get there in my bare feet my daughter sits down the sharp edge of the plastic chair leg digs deep into my naked foot i holler like tom the cat off of tom and Jerry everyone looks up people are nearing hysteria now
i give my daughter my towel she is cold i get back to the male changing room really deflated i go into the cubicle leaving the door open its all male i'm standing up having a pee i finish i go to pull up my shorts if i thought they were tight before now they are wet i cant pull them up i pull as hard as i can with all my might i worried the cloth will rip but no my hand slips off the wet cloth my fist hits me full force under the chin i go flying backwards through the half open door with my shorts just above my knees landing on my back naked in front of all the dads with my bits on full show they all burst out laughing a dad lends me a towel i slink back to the locker get dressed my humiliation is complete
Ooppps!!!!!!
Is this some Brit idiom? Someone's going to put a stick WHERE? :wah: Can your day get any worse, Jimbo?
