Getting old
Posted: Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:46 pm
--- I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start
exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent,
twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by
the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And
what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter
asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide
your own Easter eggs
--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the
undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass
surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel
my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all
my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
--- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and!
says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor,
"you're 97.. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "Th at's why I want it
lowered!"
--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure
my daughters visit me twice a week."
---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
---It's scary when you start making the same noises as
your coffeemaker.
---The good news is that even as we get older, guys
still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.
---These days about half the stuff i n my shopping cart
says, "For fast relief."
---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for
women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it
as your inner child playing with matches.
---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get
back up.!
--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow
old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
--------------------
so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start
exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent,
twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by
the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And
what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter
asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide
your own Easter eggs
--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the
undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass
surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel
my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all
my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.
--- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and!
says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor,
"you're 97.. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "Th at's why I want it
lowered!"
--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure
my daughters visit me twice a week."
---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
---It's scary when you start making the same noises as
your coffeemaker.
---The good news is that even as we get older, guys
still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.
---These days about half the stuff i n my shopping cart
says, "For fast relief."
---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for
women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."
---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it
as your inner child playing with matches.
---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get
back up.!
--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow
old, You grow old because you stop laughing.
--------------------
