Getting old

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:46 pm

--- I felt like my body had gotten totally out of shape,

so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start

exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent,

twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by

the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

--- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And

what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter

asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

--- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide

your own Easter eggs

--- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker

came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"

"98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the

undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

--- I've sure gotten old.! I've had two bypass

surgeries, a hip

replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and

diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to

blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel

my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all

my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

--- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and!

says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor,

"you're 97.. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"

"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "Th at's why I want it

lowered!"

--- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and

told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be

cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure

my daughters visit me twice a week."

---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my

memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

---It's scary when you start making the same noises as

your coffeemaker.

---The good news is that even as we get older, guys

still look at our boobs. The bad news is they have to squat down first.

---These days about half the stuff i n my shopping cart

says, "For fast relief."

---I've tried to find a suitable exercise video for

women my age, but they haven't made one called "Buns of Putty."

---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it

as your inner child playing with matches.

---Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get

back up.!

--- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow

old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

--------------------

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:51 pm

Val, those were great!! They are going in my next letter to Bullet. Thanks!! :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:54 pm

I like the elderly widow one best... "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

:yh_rotfl

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Jul 25, 2006 8:56 pm

valerie wrote: I like the elderly widow one best... "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

:yh_rotfl
My favorite:

--- A 97-year-old man goes into his doctor's office and!

says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." "Sir," replied the doctor,

"you're 97.. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?"

"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it

lowered!"

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Wed Jul 26, 2006 10:40 am

Makes me feel like a young chick

Which is always good :p

DesignerGal · Post by **DesignerGal** » Wed Jul 26, 2006 1:16 pm

I like the one about her ashes being scattered at Wal Mart.