My Formal Apology...

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:33 pm

It's very very nice of you all to post such a wonderful thread, asking me to return. I have to tell you that I certainly didn't expect this reaction...that's one of the reasons I've stayed away.

I'm an old man, perhaps not that old physically, but emotionally, I feel like I'm 120 now. The good news is that you are never too old to learn, as I am finding out this Spring.

To recap the past a bit, I took off at Spring Break, a little upset that I found myself carrying away bad feelings from this board that actually affected me in my real life. (Even though I did this, I never in a million years thought that others might be affected too, strange huh?)

When I came back from the break, I took off in search of another home to help me with my Science Fiction writing. I found a wonderful website that actually has real published authors and they critique work for me as well as giving me tips on getting published! I'm proud to say that I've submitted some of the stories I posted here to e-magazines and other publishers. I've also rewritten those stories and they are much better now.

When I finally came back to FG, I found that my old thread had heated up and was bubbling over with terrible emotion that I had caused. The furor over my thread had reached epic proportions. Ashamed and horrifed by what I had done, I did something that I can't remember doing since I was very little...I fled.

Now...I've apologized personally to most of my trusted friends by PM, and it's time for me to apologize to the rest of you. Let's get everything out in the open, then I'm sure I'll feel better and I'm hoping everyone else will too.

1. I really am a teacher of alternative children. That's easily proven by my website.

2. I really am an Air Force Pilot (currently serving in the inactive reserves.) My commission as an officer is hanging on the wall behind me in the picture on my website. (Hmmmm...at least I think it is.) I am a 1st. Lt.

3. I really do have a very ill wife, and I really do love her with my heart and soul. I would never joke about that.

4. I really did write all those stories, they are all originals, and I'm very proud of them.

5. Yep. I was never actually in the Gin Blossoms. There I said it.

I lived next door to the band, (across the street when they lived on 13th or was it 14th street.) I hung out at the house quite often, went to all their parties, saw them at work when I was working at Long Wongs, and even once or twice they let me play an instrument while at their house, but I was never in the band. I lied, flat out.

I started telling that lie decades ago. So long ago that, over time, I began to believe it myself. That's the trap of those kinds of things, isn't it? But a lie, any lie, (as I have so brutally learned) will find you out. As has mine.

I apologize most sincerely to everyone who read that and was hurt by it. In my self-delusion, I never expected to hurt anyone. But that was thoughtless and selfish.

I have shamed and disgraced myself to people who were kind and trusting. I have no excuse for my behavior, made worse by the fact that I have should known better.

Scrat, you were right. I am an egotistical liar. That hurts just to type, but it's true.

I know that now, and I'm starting over, which I guess is all that anyone can ever do when they have made as grave a mistake as I have.

Unfortunately, I have shamed and disgraced myself here forever.

Worse yet, I think I may have broken the Terms of Service, so I fully expect to be banned for this admission. That would only be right and my own consequence.

So there it all is...I'm am bitterly sorry for what I have done, and there is nothing I can do to change what has happened or regain my credibilty. I hang out at the new site now, under a different name, and I am going to try to restart the friendships that my unforgivable behavior has cost me.

My eternal gratitude to all who supported me and stood by me, however misguided you were, you still proved to be decent people.

As for me,

I am a liar, it is true...

But at least now,

I am not a coward anymore.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:39 pm

i dont see your lie as being anywhere near as despicable or low as some members here have behaved of late

people apologize & we move on, its done & dusted as far as im concerned

anyone holding a grudge is just keeping negative energy within themselves

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:39 pm

Quote "My eternal gratitude to all who supported me and stood by me, however misguided you were, you still proved to be decent people."

It's never misguided to support a friend Jives...those kind of friends are true treasures..:yh_hugs

telaquapacky · Post by **telaquapacky** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:39 pm

Jives wrote:

Unfortunately, I have shamed and disgraced myself here forever.Oh, stop it.

You're cooler now than you ever were.

SweetDarlin · Post by **SweetDarlin** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:40 pm

I'll tell ya anything you want to know about how I feel regarding this issue... In private.

I think far too much is exposed out here...

Welcome Back! :-4

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:40 pm

We love you Jives.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:40 pm

Hi Jives,

So glad to see you and don't worry, I still really like you and think you're a great fella. Sometimes a lie just carries you away and you get caught up in it.

It's happened to me too and I learned from it as well.

Anyway I like you just the way you are and hope you will stick around and post some of those great stories.

Love Jenny xoxoxoxoxo :yh_hugs :yh_hugs

Post by **Bryn Mawr** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:41 pm

Jives wrote:

As for me,

I am a liar, it is true...

But at least now,

I am not a coward anymore.

And big enough to say so.

For my part, at the very least, your presence and your stories have been badly missed.

Welcome back - I hope you stay

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:41 pm

HE'S BAAAAAAAACK!!! YAY JIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We love ya' man!! :-4 :-6 :yh_kiss

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:43 pm

telaquapacky wrote: You're cooler now than you ever were.

DITTO THAT!!!!

Way to go Jives. You're a brave man. There's much to be appreciated in what you've said. Guts, honor, truth, bravery. You're a thumbs up in my book. (We need a thumbs up smiley) :yh_bigsmi

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:44 pm

Bravo Jives

Consider yourself forgiven.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:44 pm

buttercup wrote: i dont see your lie as being anywhere near as despicable or low as some members here have behaved of late

people apologize & we move on, its done & dusted as far as im concerned

anyone holding a grudge is just keeping negative energy within themselves

Ditto! Totally agree :-4 :yh_hugs :yh_hugs

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:45 pm

buttercup wrote: i dont see your lie as being anywhere near as despicable or low as some members here have behaved of late

people apologize & we move on, its done & dusted as far as im concerned

anyone holding a grudge is just keeping negative energy within themselves
Sorry for posting 3 in a row, but this has to be repeated.

EXCELLENT point, Butter. I know who you mean. :yh_wink :-6

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:48 pm

i meant several people br, no one person is responsible

theia · Post by **theia** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:49 pm

I am so delighted to see you back, Jives.

I am witnessing some very courageous people on this forum, of late, and you are one of them. I can't say any more because I feel all sort of "emotional."

:yh_hugs

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:52 pm

:yh_hugs :-4 :yh_hugs ....

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:53 pm

buttercup wrote: i dont see your lie as being anywhere near as despicable or low as some members here have behaved of late people apologize & we move on, its done & dusted as far as im concerned anyone holding a grudge is just keeping negative energy within themselves

Yeah Jives what BC said, & I'll bet "everyone" in FG has told a little lie at least once at some point in time! :wah: C'mon back here Jives we really do miss you!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:55 pm

buttercup wrote: i meant several people br, no one person is responsible

I know that all too well, Butter, but I AM responsible for my own actions. Some of which were reprehensible. A lot.

Not to hijack Jives thread, sorry....I'm getting a warm fuzzy....I'll be back in a minute...

cars · Post by **cars** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:55 pm

Far Rider wrote: Welcome back bud.

*salute*

See round the board my friend!

Hey same goes for you bud, bout time you showed yer face in here again!! It's been too long, welcome back!:)

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 2:57 pm

Jives... I am going to do something for you. So that you can forgive yourself, and not feel embarassed. I dont have to do this... I am doing it for me too. I never said it here, and I havent said it for a long time. But I used to tell the same bald faced lie on a regular basis. I sort of felt sick everytime I did it.. But I continued to do it. I tricked myself into thinking it was stretching the truth. I applied for admission to a very prestigious school of the arts when I was in High School. I never even got called for an audition because I didnt have the means to go. The rules were you couldnt hold a job while attempting a full load of classes. My parents didnt have the money either... and my father wouldnt even dream of borrowing it.. the way parents do nowdays. I used to say not only did I get accepted to the school... I also received a scholarship to go. I told the lie because it was my excuse for being less than I believed I could have been. I also told the lie because I was angry that I didnt have the support of my parents,and envious of peers who did. Sometimes now,Ill remember saying it, and it rattles me to think it was something I would do. But I did and thats that. I just thought Id jump in the pool with you... so that you didnt have to swim alone. ps... I used to believe I actually went to that school. The story became a part of me. The malady is due to having a writers mind.

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:01 pm

I pm'd Jives but I'm not ashamed to say it right out here:

Thank you for the courage to post. And to tell us what were truths,

too.

It took a big man to do that.

Amie · Post by **Amie** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:01 pm

Welcome back

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:02 pm

BabyRider wrote:

Not to hijack Jives thread, sorry....I'm getting a warm fuzzy....I'll be back in a minute...Must you bring your sex life on the forum BR? :wah:

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:04 pm

cars wrote: Yeah Jives what BC said, & I'll bet "everyone" in FG has told a little lie at least once at some point in time! C'mon back here Jives we really do miss you!

Exactly!!

Ditto to that,

Ditto to Buttercup and

Ditto to BR's "Yay Jives"!

I am so Thrilled to see you back! Don't go away again! We need some of your FAB posts around here!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:05 pm

abbey wrote: Must you bring your sex life on the forum BR? :wah:
But I thought this place was all about getting kinky, lately??!!!?!

:yh_rotfl

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:09 pm

Dont sweat it. Its hard to come clean especially to people that trusted you, but you did. We all f...u**c---------------k up in our own ways. Move on.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:11 pm

But I thought this place was all about getting kinky, lately??!!!?!

Hmmm, I can't quite imagine the FG and kinky all in the same sentence :yh_rotfl

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:12 pm

Nomad wrote: Dont sweat it. Its hard to come clean especially to people that trusted you, but you did. We all f...u**c---------------k up in our own ways. Move on.

we do, I mean yes we do... yes right you are nomad.

I hope you forgive yourself too Jives

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:13 pm

buttercup wrote: i meant several people br, no one person is responsible

Its me

Your talking about me right ? :-3

anastrophe · Post by **anastrophe** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:14 pm

let's get a few things straight, shall we?

first off, this was a fib. a lie is to put on a resume that you graduated magna cum laude when you didn't. living vicariously by saying you were the 'fifth beatle' to the gin blossoms is a fib. no substantive harm derives from it - not really. and come on, i mean, it's the gin blossoms. it's not like you claimed to be elvis presley's long lost twin brother.

okay, i suppose being sardonic might not be appropriate in a formal apology thread. i'm just trying to keep things lighthearted.

oh, the other thing. i believe the terms of service talk about 'misrepresenting oneself'. but that's along the lines of someone doing so to attempt to defraud people. there's nothing bannable here. you made a misteak(tm). life happens.

feeling ashamed over it is normal, and appropriate. you did a bad thing. those who commit wrongs but feel no shame are the ones to be wary of.

Jives is to be embraced for accepting his shame. Shame dies when it's embraced.

so here's a bear hug for you, man.

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:14 pm

minks wrote: we do, I mean yes we do... yes right you are nomad.

I hope you forgive yourself too Jives

What do you mean too ???

I didnt do anything wrong !

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:16 pm

Nomad wrote: What do you mean too ???

I didnt do anything wrong !

No I meant I hope jives can forgive himself as we have forgiven him.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:17 pm

anastrophe wrote: Jives is to be embraced for accepting his shame. Shame dies when it's embraced.

Eloquent as always, Paul. Great post.

And Jives....WHERE THE HELL IS MY HUG, MAN??????

minks · Post by **minks** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:17 pm

minks wrote: No I meant I hope jives can forgive himself as we have forgiven him.

"Jives forgive yourself also" is that clearer, as in it is easier to move forward if you forgive yourself as well.

Sorry if that isn't helping you there Nomad

anastrophe · Post by **anastrophe** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:18 pm

Nomad wrote: Dont sweat it. Its hard to come clean especially to people that trusted you, but you did. We all f...u**c---------------k up in our own ways. Move on.

holy f...u**c---------------k, there seems to be no limit to the ways to get around censoring software.

:yh_cry

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:20 pm

anastrophe wrote: holy f...u**c---------------k, there seems to be no limit to the ways to get around censoring software.

:yh_cry

:-6 I feel so proud right now !:D

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:21 pm

I feel so proud right now !

I knight you 'Nomad the Talented'. :yh_worshp

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:21 pm

JIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome back! I've missed you! I've missed your stories!

I'll always remember that you chose to be my first official friend on this board! :-4

Please don't be too hard on yourself, nobody's perfect!

I'm so happy you chose to come back!!!!:)

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:28 pm

Whew, just.....whew.

thank you everyone.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:31 pm

anastrophe wrote: holy f...u**c---------------k, there seems to be no limit to the ways to get around censoring software.

:yh_cry
I'm laughing so hard right now I can barely type.

What did you think, Paul, you were dealing with a bunch of idiots? Where there's a will, there's a way... :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

SOJOURNER · Post by **SOJOURNER** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:36 pm

Jives:

Seems like you have had your trial by fire. Most of us would like to be able to say we'd come thru it as well as you have. Some of us wonder if we'd have the backbone.

Glad you're back.

-SoJo

anastrophe · Post by **anastrophe** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:36 pm

BabyRider wrote: I'm laughing so hard right now I can barely type.

What did you think, Paul, you were dealing with a bunch of idiots? Where there's a will, there's a way... :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

if i wasn't sure before, i darn sure am now. or something.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 3:38 pm

You mean FG doesn't stand for 'feel good'?

Oh feel good yes, but 'Kinky'and Gardening all in the one sentence. Not in my opinion.