What constitutes being trustworthy?
How do you construe trustworthiness in another?
If a friend violated your trust, how would it make you feel? How would you deal with the situation?
Would discussing one friend's problem with another or forwarding a friends e-mail to another be in violation of your trust?
What is your definition of a true friend?
Being Trustworthy
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shadow man
- Posts: 70
- Joined: Sat Dec 17, 2005 3:28 pm
Being Trustworthy
Well, i guess if you told some one some thing in confidence. then it should never be dicussed agiain to any one else , OR i guess you could say they are not a true and trused friend,.....But as i have never had a true friend ' its just my opinion. i have had a few people over the years tell me some things and i have never repeated them,
But I guess i am the the sort of person that eccepts a lot from people, just the way i have been brought up, there are a lot of people out there that have to
respect for anyone other than them selves, THE WORLD I THINK ' WAS ' A BETTER PLACE.
Or is that me just been a bit sceptical:rolleyes:
shadow....
But I guess i am the the sort of person that eccepts a lot from people, just the way i have been brought up, there are a lot of people out there that have to
respect for anyone other than them selves, THE WORLD I THINK ' WAS ' A BETTER PLACE.
Or is that me just been a bit sceptical:rolleyes:
shadow....
Being Trustworthy
I have had serveral people who said they were my friends in real life burn me. I'm the type of person who easily trusts till you burn me. Then well I probaly won't ever speak to you again.
What does a friend mean to me, it's someone who listens as well confides, laughs, cries, plots, and all the other things in life that's more fun to do with another person.
What does a friend mean to me, it's someone who listens as well confides, laughs, cries, plots, and all the other things in life that's more fun to do with another person.
"Girls are crazy! I'm not ever getting married, I can make my own sandwiches!"
my son
my son
Being Trustworthy
Trusted friend = someone you can ask "can you keep a secret" and in your heart you know they can.
If they break that trust.... it's time to rethink the friendship. It is a crappy thing for one friend to do to another.
How to handle it, I think each situation is different.
I mean if you confided in someone about someone else, and word got out, that would be cause to confront your friend. Me personally I think I would be very very angry. I certainly would not be to willing to trust that person again with that kind of information. I think I would have a chat with them and let them know a breach of trust doesn't sit well with me.
And shared emails too, depending on the situation, but that is not very trustworthy either. Unless...... someone wanted you to see on purpose what was written about you and maybe wanted to try and instigate a feud.
Who knows, but I have this to say, Email are not as private as we like to think they are.
If they break that trust.... it's time to rethink the friendship. It is a crappy thing for one friend to do to another.
How to handle it, I think each situation is different.
I mean if you confided in someone about someone else, and word got out, that would be cause to confront your friend. Me personally I think I would be very very angry. I certainly would not be to willing to trust that person again with that kind of information. I think I would have a chat with them and let them know a breach of trust doesn't sit well with me.
And shared emails too, depending on the situation, but that is not very trustworthy either. Unless...... someone wanted you to see on purpose what was written about you and maybe wanted to try and instigate a feud.
Who knows, but I have this to say, Email are not as private as we like to think they are.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
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chonsigirl
- Posts: 33633
- Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 8:28 am
Being Trustworthy
Trust-you can share something with a friend, and it is between the two of you. Unless specifically stated, never to be shared with another. It is a violation of friendship, and just isn't done. People have feelings, whether face to face, or word to word. These are private, and for those two alone.
Even in my 7th grade classroom, when I catch the proverbial note being passed among students, I do not read them. I put them in my pocket, continuing my teacherly stroll around the room, talking about the lesson as if nothing has happened. Notes immediately stop. They know I am on patrol. But my students also know I will dispose of them properly-shred them up and put them in a circular file-and that is the end of it. That is our trust in each other, that I respect them as the young human beings they are.
I suggest similar actions-if someone forwards you something from another, and you know they would not want you to read them, dispose of them in the circular file here at FG, the delete button.
Even in my 7th grade classroom, when I catch the proverbial note being passed among students, I do not read them. I put them in my pocket, continuing my teacherly stroll around the room, talking about the lesson as if nothing has happened. Notes immediately stop. They know I am on patrol. But my students also know I will dispose of them properly-shred them up and put them in a circular file-and that is the end of it. That is our trust in each other, that I respect them as the young human beings they are.
I suggest similar actions-if someone forwards you something from another, and you know they would not want you to read them, dispose of them in the circular file here at FG, the delete button.
Being Trustworthy
I have a very dear friend who would do anything in the world for me and my children. The problem is, I know when she has had too much to drink, her lips get way too loose. This prevents me from trusting her with secrets. Knowing this though, it would be my fault for sharing them with her. A forwarded email would definately upset me. I'd ask why it was forwarded and go from there.
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Annie Mouse
- Posts: 203
- Joined: Tue Nov 01, 2005 3:38 pm
Being Trustworthy
I've had friends reveal information that I'd asked them not to share - they're still my friends, just now I'm careful what I talk to them about. If it's something that I don't want to go any further, I don't tell them.
Trustworthy means that I know, no matter what I tell you, it will go no further. I don't trust easily or often. And for me to deem someone else trustworthy, I have to be trustworthy myself, which means I don't talk about my friends with someone else, and I never forward an email or repeat a conversation.
A true friend is someone I trust to be completely honest with me, even when it's not something I want to hear. They've seen me laugh and cry and scream and have usually been right there with me. They're my rocks in a world full of shifting sand and I would do anything, anything at all whether it's within my power or not, for them and they for me.
My best friend has been in my life for 28 years now. We don't see each other often, but we talk several times a week.
Trustworthy means that I know, no matter what I tell you, it will go no further. I don't trust easily or often. And for me to deem someone else trustworthy, I have to be trustworthy myself, which means I don't talk about my friends with someone else, and I never forward an email or repeat a conversation.
A true friend is someone I trust to be completely honest with me, even when it's not something I want to hear. They've seen me laugh and cry and scream and have usually been right there with me. They're my rocks in a world full of shifting sand and I would do anything, anything at all whether it's within my power or not, for them and they for me.
My best friend has been in my life for 28 years now. We don't see each other often, but we talk several times a week.
Being Trustworthy
Be nice to everyone you meet, they might be fighting a battle you know nothing about
Peg I love that quote from your siggy.
Peg I love that quote from your siggy.
�You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.�
• Mae West
• Mae West
Being Trustworthy
I thank the ones that gave their input into what being trustworthy was to them. All very, very good points were brought out and I appreciate them all.
I know several of you have been wondering why I started this thread so I will explain. I had a good friend in my office this morning and she was venting to me about how a friend of hers forwarded one of her emails to another, and that person to yet another. She went through a wide range of emotions, feeling betrayed by someone she thought was a true friend. "How", she asked, "can I ever trust this woman again." I did not ask what the content of the email had. I knew she wanted some answers. None were being offered by the woman who broke this trust except that "I screwed up and I'm sorry, so get over it." Very crass response, I thought. Well, why she was at my office this morning, together we put together this thread. I explained to her that the folks at FG were great at giving advise and she could lurk later to read the posts as they came in. (I do hope these posts helped her deal with her pain and anguish suffered by this so called friend.) Will she forgive this betrayal and remain friends? I don't thinks so. Trust must be earned. And when someone violates it, it's very hard to make amends. To me, it's like putting your hand on a lit burner...you get burnt. You don't go back and do it a second time. I have three very good friends like Annie Mouse posted about. They are always there and I for them, 24/7 and I feel blessed to have them in my life!
I know several of you have been wondering why I started this thread so I will explain. I had a good friend in my office this morning and she was venting to me about how a friend of hers forwarded one of her emails to another, and that person to yet another. She went through a wide range of emotions, feeling betrayed by someone she thought was a true friend. "How", she asked, "can I ever trust this woman again." I did not ask what the content of the email had. I knew she wanted some answers. None were being offered by the woman who broke this trust except that "I screwed up and I'm sorry, so get over it." Very crass response, I thought. Well, why she was at my office this morning, together we put together this thread. I explained to her that the folks at FG were great at giving advise and she could lurk later to read the posts as they came in. (I do hope these posts helped her deal with her pain and anguish suffered by this so called friend.) Will she forgive this betrayal and remain friends? I don't thinks so. Trust must be earned. And when someone violates it, it's very hard to make amends. To me, it's like putting your hand on a lit burner...you get burnt. You don't go back and do it a second time. I have three very good friends like Annie Mouse posted about. They are always there and I for them, 24/7 and I feel blessed to have them in my life!
Being Trustworthy
It is very interesting that I caught this thread tonite. I am usually sleeping by this time. Earlier this evening I fleetingly thought of forwarding an e mail message I had received to my very close friend. I realized that the message sent to me was meant for me to see. No one else,and I changed my mind. It wouldnt have been breaking a trust... there wasnt a secret to be kept. But I still felt it was disrespectful. Words written on paper are permanent. A permanent record of something revealed. Words spoken can be changed if the speaker chooses to change their mind. It was a better and very powerful feeling to hit the delete button..... than to lazily succumb to simply relaying someone elses thoughts to a place they werent meant to go. As far as second chances go.... Last year, this same good friend hurt me. My usual routine is to totally withdraw, and erase the person. She let me down, and it was over as far as I was concerned. She was very upset and she made a monumental effort to see me. I was amazed. I was forced to let her know what she had done, and how I felt. She was sincerely sorry. It took a while for us to work everything out. We are better friends than ever. I know this scenario is rare. In this particular case, I am very very happy that we were able to reunite. We both agree that there was tremendous learning in the incident for both of us. There can be reasons for someone making a decision to do something that hurts a friend. What was the quote that was up here the other day... I We dont know often what problem someone else is struggling with? I guess the ending is to recover from the hurt and give the entire scenario some serious thought.
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Being Trustworthy
Trust is earned. It is not given. I find it very difficult to truly trust people, as I have been shown so many times that most have an ulterior motive. A huge percentage of the people that I am exposed to are gossip-mongering, mindless, thoughtless windbags. To earn my trust is a very VERY hard thing to do. I don't give it freely and I don't take it lightly. I don't betray confidences at all. Ever. For any reason. If someone tells me something in confidence, not even Bullet hears about it.
As a matter of fact, I am currently in a situation where someone has come to me about a very personal and delicate situation. Bullet knows nothing about it. Not because I don't trust HIM with it, but because I gave my word to tell no one else. A person dosen't have much more than their word. If they break that, they are not worthy of my trust. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
As a matter of fact, I am currently in a situation where someone has come to me about a very personal and delicate situation. Bullet knows nothing about it. Not because I don't trust HIM with it, but because I gave my word to tell no one else. A person dosen't have much more than their word. If they break that, they are not worthy of my trust. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
[FONT=Arial Black]I hope you cherish this sweet way of life, and I hope you know that it comes with a price.
~Darrel Worley~
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Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
~Darrel Worley~
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Bullet's trial was a farce. Can I get an AMEN?????
We won't be punished for our sins, but BY them.
Being Trustworthy
When I was a kid, I used to love writing letters. I used to write loads in those days.
Mum told me once never to put down anything in words that I could regret later. This has saved me and it made me think about what I wrote. It made me more considerate towards the person I was writing to and later, that extended into my normal conversation.
I got burned a couple of times as a young guy. I put it down to experience. I didn't blame the people that betrayed my trust. I blamed myself for having that kind of stuff on board.
Now, I find that I don't have to trust anyone because I don't say anything that can't be repeated.
People have always been able to tell me stuff in secret. Usually, I just forget it. I'm big on forgetting things. They always think that I'm so trustworthy and I don't tell them that I simply forgot what they told me. I forget the most important things and that can be embarassing, so it's no slur on them. But people can take offense unless they know me.
If I have an opinion about someone, I would rather tell them to their face. I never say anything bad about anyone behind their back. Nothing good comes from harbouring bad feelings and spreading these feelings.
If someone tells me something behind someone's back, I either ignore them or help them to either consider the other person's point of view or talk directly to them about it. Sometimes I can draw upon my own experiences. Nothing good comes from holding bad feelings in.
So, there you go guys. sorry to be a disappointment, but I have no secrets to tell.
Mum told me once never to put down anything in words that I could regret later. This has saved me and it made me think about what I wrote. It made me more considerate towards the person I was writing to and later, that extended into my normal conversation.
I got burned a couple of times as a young guy. I put it down to experience. I didn't blame the people that betrayed my trust. I blamed myself for having that kind of stuff on board.
Now, I find that I don't have to trust anyone because I don't say anything that can't be repeated.
People have always been able to tell me stuff in secret. Usually, I just forget it. I'm big on forgetting things. They always think that I'm so trustworthy and I don't tell them that I simply forgot what they told me. I forget the most important things and that can be embarassing, so it's no slur on them. But people can take offense unless they know me.
If I have an opinion about someone, I would rather tell them to their face. I never say anything bad about anyone behind their back. Nothing good comes from harbouring bad feelings and spreading these feelings.
If someone tells me something behind someone's back, I either ignore them or help them to either consider the other person's point of view or talk directly to them about it. Sometimes I can draw upon my own experiences. Nothing good comes from holding bad feelings in.
So, there you go guys. sorry to be a disappointment, but I have no secrets to tell.
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Accountable
- Posts: 24818
- Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 8:33 am
Being Trustworthy
What constitutes being trustworthy? Having the integrity to keep a confidence, a commitment, or a promise.
How do you construe trustworthiness in another? One of the highest scores in my book is earned when an opportunity occurs to reveal a secret to a trusted friend. JAB pegged my respectometer with her story. I know that if a friend won't share a secret about another, my secrets are likely safe with her.
If a friend violated your trust, how would it make you feel? How would you deal with the situation? It's not the screw-up, it's the recovery. Did I say "Don't tell anyone" or something to that effect? If so, then it's not a screw-up, it's disrespect. If not, I would talk to the person about how I told her that in confidence and am hurt/pissed/whatever that she violated my trust. Her reaction to that is critical. A true friend would see the value I placed on that information, regardless of what she thought about it, and would be devastated for screwing up. If she reacted as you described in the story, it means I screwed up by trusting the wrong person.
Would discussing one friend's problem with another or forwarding a friends e-mail to another be in violation of your trust? Depends on the reason. If it's just for gossip, absolutely.
How do you construe trustworthiness in another? One of the highest scores in my book is earned when an opportunity occurs to reveal a secret to a trusted friend. JAB pegged my respectometer with her story. I know that if a friend won't share a secret about another, my secrets are likely safe with her.
If a friend violated your trust, how would it make you feel? How would you deal with the situation? It's not the screw-up, it's the recovery. Did I say "Don't tell anyone" or something to that effect? If so, then it's not a screw-up, it's disrespect. If not, I would talk to the person about how I told her that in confidence and am hurt/pissed/whatever that she violated my trust. Her reaction to that is critical. A true friend would see the value I placed on that information, regardless of what she thought about it, and would be devastated for screwing up. If she reacted as you described in the story, it means I screwed up by trusting the wrong person.
Would discussing one friend's problem with another or forwarding a friends e-mail to another be in violation of your trust? Depends on the reason. If it's just for gossip, absolutely.
Being Trustworthy
Accountable wrote: What constitutes being trustworthy? Having the integrity to keep a confidence, a commitment, or a promise.
How do you construe trustworthiness in another? One of the highest scores in my book is earned when an opportunity occurs to reveal a secret to a trusted friend. JAB pegged my respectometer with her story. I know that if a friend won't share a secret about another, my secrets are likely safe with her.
If a friend violated your trust, how would it make you feel? How would you deal with the situation? It's not the screw-up, it's the recovery. Did I say "Don't tell anyone" or something to that effect? If so, then it's not a screw-up, it's disrespect. If not, I would talk to the person about how I told her that in confidence and am hurt/pissed/whatever that she violated my trust. Her reaction to that is critical. A true friend would see the value I placed on that information, regardless of what she thought about it, and would be devastated for screwing up. If she reacted as you described in the story, it means I screwed up by trusting the wrong person.
Would discussing one friend's problem with another or forwarding a friends e-mail to another be in violation of your trust? Depends on the reason. If it's just for gossip, absolutely.
So, ACC, has your confidence ever been broken?
How do you construe trustworthiness in another? One of the highest scores in my book is earned when an opportunity occurs to reveal a secret to a trusted friend. JAB pegged my respectometer with her story. I know that if a friend won't share a secret about another, my secrets are likely safe with her.
If a friend violated your trust, how would it make you feel? How would you deal with the situation? It's not the screw-up, it's the recovery. Did I say "Don't tell anyone" or something to that effect? If so, then it's not a screw-up, it's disrespect. If not, I would talk to the person about how I told her that in confidence and am hurt/pissed/whatever that she violated my trust. Her reaction to that is critical. A true friend would see the value I placed on that information, regardless of what she thought about it, and would be devastated for screwing up. If she reacted as you described in the story, it means I screwed up by trusting the wrong person.
Would discussing one friend's problem with another or forwarding a friends e-mail to another be in violation of your trust? Depends on the reason. If it's just for gossip, absolutely.
So, ACC, has your confidence ever been broken?
Being Trustworthy
BabyRider wrote: Trust is earned. It is not given. I find it very difficult to truly trust people, as I have been shown so many times that most have an ulterior motive. A huge percentage of the people that I am exposed to are gossip-mongering, mindless, thoughtless windbags. To earn my trust is a very VERY hard thing to do. I don't give it freely and I don't take it lightly. I don't betray confidences at all. Ever. For any reason. If someone tells me something in confidence, not even Bullet hears about it.
As a matter of fact, I am currently in a situation where someone has come to me about a very personal and delicate situation. Bullet knows nothing about it. Not because I don't trust HIM with it, but because I gave my word to tell no one else. A person dosen't have much more than their word. If they break that, they are not worthy of my trust. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
True.
As a matter of fact, I am currently in a situation where someone has come to me about a very personal and delicate situation. Bullet knows nothing about it. Not because I don't trust HIM with it, but because I gave my word to tell no one else. A person dosen't have much more than their word. If they break that, they are not worthy of my trust. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
True.
Behaviour breeds behaviour - treat people how you would like to be treated yourself
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Accountable
- Posts: 24818
- Joined: Mon May 30, 2005 8:33 am
Being Trustworthy
OpenMind wrote: So, ACC, has your confidence ever been broken?
Of course! I found that the one that didn't care that I was upset also didn't care that I didn't want to be friends.
Apparently I was the only one not clear on the relationship.
Of course! I found that the one that didn't care that I was upset also didn't care that I didn't want to be friends.
Apparently I was the only one not clear on the relationship.Being Trustworthy
Accountable wrote: Of course! I found that the one that didn't care that I was upset also didn't care that I didn't want to be friends. Apparently I was the only one not clear on the relationship.
This is invariably the case, although some claim to have genuinely forgotten they were confided to in confidence. A steep learning curve results from having your trust broken. Fortunately, we tend to come through it as wiser people.
Apparently I was the only one not clear on the relationship.This is invariably the case, although some claim to have genuinely forgotten they were confided to in confidence. A steep learning curve results from having your trust broken. Fortunately, we tend to come through it as wiser people.