Ask Uncle Kram almost nothing

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:36 am

I may be an Agony Uncle to those in the upper echelons of Tamworths elite, but if you're looking for good advice, I'm not your man.

Please refer to the unimpeachable wisdom offered by Far, BR, LC, Nomad, Galbally, Accountable, or for homework issues, Chonsi.

If you have no problems and nothing to ask, you've come to the right place. Any questions, please hesitate to contact me

Glad to have not been of assistance.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:40 am

Rotfl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:41 am

why is it raining here for the first time in 9 weeks? and why can't i sleep? :p

chrisb84uk · Post by **chrisb84uk** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:44 am

Uncle Kram wrote: I may be an Agony Uncle to those in the upper echelons of Tamworths elite, but if you're looking for good advice, I'm not your man.

Please refer to the unimpeachable wisdom offered by Far, BR, LC, Nomad, Galbally, Accountable, or for homework issues, Chonsi.

If you have no problems and nothing to ask, you've come to the right place. Any questions, please hesitate to contact me

Glad to have not been of assistance.

That has to be the kindest offer I have ever seen. :wah:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:44 am

lady cop wrote: why is it raining here for the first time in 9 weeks? and why can't i sleep? :p

Physician heal thyself .......and stop singing

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 5:58 am

What is your biggest love and would you sell your soul for Ã‚Â£3,000,000?

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:32 am

jennyswan wrote: What is your biggest love and would you sell your soul for Ã‚Â£3,000,000?

The closest confidantes in my Inner Circle are my biggest love, and I'd sell my soul for a lot less than that.

Having said that, 3 mill would be great. Imagine how many Green Shield stamps you'd get

How did you arrive at this arbitary figure?

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 6:59 am

Why do hot dog companies have to use so many ingredients???:yh_sick

Where the package says: Made with pork, beef, turkey, chicken and armadillo

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:13 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Uncle Kram, I've been having naughty dreams about an online acquaintance. Does this mean I'm mentally ill?

You said you wouldn't tell!!!!!!!:D

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 7:23 am

SnoozeControl wrote: I'm sorry, sunny... I'm obsessed with you.

OK, so we're out of the closet now!:-4

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 8:02 am

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Bez · Post by **Bez** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 8:26 am

Uncle Kram wrote: The closest confidantes in my Inner Circle are my biggest love, and I'd sell my soul for a lot less than that.

Having said that, 3 mill would be great. Imagine how many Green Shield stamps you'd get

How did you arrive at this arbitary figure?

Can you still get Green Shield Stamps in Tamworth ? Where do you cash them in ??

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 8:38 am

The closest confidantes in my Inner Circle are my biggest love, and I'd sell my soul for a lot less than that.

Having said that, 3 mill would be great. Imagine how many Green Shield stamps you'd get

How did you arrive at this arbitary figure?

That was what I was offered myself :wah:

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 9:14 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Yesssssssssss *groping madly for some boob *

You really shouldn't get me started here... I'm shameless.

Wow I learn something new everyday.:-3

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 9:15 am

Uncle Kram, how can I tell if a melon is of perfect ripeness?

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 9:27 am

No I'm just simply inquiring on how to select the perfect melon at my local grocery. :p

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 9:46 am

Oh my god Sheryl, another boob question!?!

Boobs as big as Melons would be too big!!!

Imagine carrying them around all day :wah:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 10:08 am

jennyswan wrote: Boobs as big as Melons would be too big!!!

Imagine carrying them around all day :wah:

A gentleman would offer to carry them for you.

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 10:08 am

And you couldn't go jogging...you'd get black eyes!

Shame you can't get zip on ones! Zip on a nice juicy pair towear under a sexy dress on a night out, and small ones for under your work suit, so they don't ruin the line of the material! :wah:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 10:13 am

Rapunzel wrote: And you couldn't go jogging...you'd get black eyes!

Shame you can't get zip on ones! Zip on a nice juicy pair towear under a sexy dress on a night out, and small ones for under your work suit, so they don't ruin the line of the material! :wah:

Zip on breasts ???

Ill need some time to think.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 10:37 am

ok rewording my question...

Uncle Kram I'm interested in picking up a couple of canteloupe at the grocery, how do I find the best ones?

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 10:47 am

Sheryl wrote: ok rewording my question...

Uncle Kram I'm interested in picking up a couple of canteloupe at the grocery, how do I find the best ones?

Cantaloupe...melons

Twin sons of different mothers.

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 10:52 am

Cantaloupe...melons

Twin sons of different mothers.

Oranges are smaller, but sweeter :sneaky:

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 10:59 am

Tangerines are sweeter yet. Looove tangerines !

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:06 am

Is it gutter day?? I didn't get the memo if it is!!! :p

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:08 am

Sheryl wrote:

Is it gutter day?? I didn't get the memo if it is!!! :p

Sheryl.

This is too easy, Ill pass on this one.

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:10 am

Nomad wrote: Sheryl.

This is too easy, Ill pass on this one.

Ohh now your saying I'm easy. Sheesh louise!!!!

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:11 am

Tangerines are sweeter yet. Looove tangerines !

We are demolishing poor Uncle Krams thread.

Uncle K, do you prefer Melons or Oranges :wah:

Accountable · Post by **Accountable** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:18 am

Hi Unc.

When I was in England there was a great store called DIY. How do you pronounce it?!? :-2

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:22 pm

sunny104 wrote: Why do hot dog companies have to use so many ingredients???:yh_sick

Where the package says: Made with pork, beef, turkey, chicken and armadillo

I'm afraid it's the only way to avoid actually putting a hot dog into a hot dog

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:23 pm

Hey Uncle,

How old were you when you had your first kiss? :-4

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:27 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Uncle Kram, I've been having naughty dreams about an online acquaintance. Does this mean I'm mentally ill?

Of course not you nutter - When's it coming out on DVD? I like to keep abreast of the latest releases

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:28 pm

Nomad wrote: .

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My advice to you Nomad is:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:30 pm

Bez wrote: Can you still get Green Shield Stamps in Tamworth ?

Only in Snoozies dream

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:34 pm

Sheryl wrote: Uncle Kram, how can I tell if a melon is of perfect ripeness?

Well Sheryl, I could divulge information given to me by a work colleague about "A friend" of his, alternatively, I could redirect you to the Masturbation thread

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:37 pm

SnoozeControl wrote: Zip on breasts... strap on willy... what's the difference?

You can't stir your tea with zip on breasts

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:41 pm

jennyswan wrote: Oranges are smaller, but sweeter :sneaky:

So true Jenny. I have often wondered why we call an orange an orange, but we don't call a banana a yellow

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:44 pm

jennyswan wrote: We are demolishing poor Uncle Krams thread.

Uncle K, do you prefer Melons or Oranges :wah:

I would have to go for oranges but occasionally I can be tempted by a pink grapefruit;)

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:46 pm

So true Jenny. I have often wondered why we call an orange an orange, but we don't call a banana a yellow

Good Point there Uncle K.

"To be or not to be, --that is the question:--

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune

Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,

And by opposing end them?" :driving:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:47 pm

Accountable wrote: Hi Unc.

When I was in England there was a great store called DIY. How do you pronounce it?!? :-2

I always pronounce it DIY, but my friend on the other hand pronounces it DIY. I hope this is of some assistance

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Sat Feb 04, 2006 3:50 pm

DIY

Please refer once again to the Masterbation Thread