Classic Quotes

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 4:30 pm

Here are some classic quotes - I'm sure there must be many more

Thoughts on Sex

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome

things that money can buy." --Tom Clancy

You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither." --

Steve Martin

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,

you'd better have a good hand." --Woody Allen

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on

Saturdaynight." --Rodney Dangerfield

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual

arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."

--Lynn Lavner

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the

taxidermist." --Matt Barry

"Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."--Camille

Paglia

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are

unimportant." --George Burns

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's

reading." --Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

I saw a fat woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said,

"Thyroid problem?"-- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." --Jack

Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives,

but

he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." -- Barbara Bush

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's

genitals through his wallet."-- Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the

only time of the month that I can be myself."-- Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." -- Billy

Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable

undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other

women.

They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just

grateful." --Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are

having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe

swelling. So what's the problem?"-- Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I

know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."-- Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't

like and just give her a house."-- Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only

enough blood to run one at a time." -- Robin Williams

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon Jan 16, 2006 6:11 pm

:yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl Good stuff...!!

Beagle · Post by **Beagle** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 10:19 am

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." - - Author unknown

Raven · Post by **Raven** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 10:39 am

Fragrance lingers on the hand that gives you roses. - Ancient chinese proverb

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 10:48 am

2B or not 2B?

I think it's a grade of pencil

Ability is what you're capable of doing...

Motivation determines what you do...

Attitude determines how well you do it.

A careless word may kindle strife.

A cruel word may wreck a life.

A timely word may level stress.

A loving word may heal and bless

:yh_star

Bez · Post by **Bez** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 10:52 am

A cigarette is a pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other

A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 2:14 pm

One of my mates at work once said

"Oysters are like bogies (boogers) without the taste":yh_sick

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:06 pm

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted" Albert Einstein

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:07 pm

I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use." - Galilleo Gallilei

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:08 pm

"Only two things are infinite, the Universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." Albert Einstein

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:09 pm

"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." - Grouco Marx

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:10 pm

"People who never get carried away...should be!" -Malcolm Forbes

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:12 pm

"Life is pleasant, death is peaceful, it's the transition between the two that is troublesome." Isaac Asimov

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:13 pm

Any man who is under 30 and is not a liberal has no heart. Any man who is over 30 and is not a conservative has no brains." -Sir Winston Churchill

Jives · Post by **Jives** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 3:14 pm

"When you have to kill a man, it costs you nothing to be polite about it." - Sir Winston Churchill

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 5:25 pm

Beagle wrote: "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away." - - Author unknown

I like that.

Beagle · Post by **Beagle** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:04 pm

along-for-the-ride wrote: I like that.

Thank you! Thats one of my favorites.

ChiptBeef · Post by **ChiptBeef** » Tue Jan 17, 2006 9:24 pm

"For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead."

President Thomas Jefferson

Beagle · Post by **Beagle** » Wed Jan 18, 2006 6:41 am

I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special - From the movie "Steel Magnolias"

TruthSeekerToo · Post by **TruthSeekerToo** » Mon Jan 23, 2006 8:11 pm

"Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely." Lord Acton (brainyquote.com)

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon Jan 23, 2006 9:05 pm

RALPH WALDO EMERSON..

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Mon Jan 23, 2006 9:06 pm

I require only three things of a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid. -Dorothy Parker

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

- W.C. Fields

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

- Frank Sinatra

;)

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon Jan 23, 2006 9:10 pm

Not sure who said this but I like it..

I have done so much with so little for so long that I can now do practically anything with nothing.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Mon Jan 23, 2006 9:13 pm

I like Carl Duct tape rules..

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together..."

- Carl Zwanzig

Rita must be related to me.. :-3

"Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself."

- Rita Mae Brown

ChiptBeef · Post by **ChiptBeef** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 11:59 am

Dedicated to Hillary Clinton and Harry Belafonte:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." Abraham Lincoln

Hazel · Post by **Hazel** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 12:50 pm

"As long as you know how to operate the can opener, you'll have a special place in my heart" ~ Garfield

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 1:12 pm

Gravestone Quote:

Here lies,

All cold and hard,

The last damn dog,

That pooped in my yard!

Funny Bumper Sticker Quotes:

Caution: I drive like you do!

Strangers have the best candy

Save the Earth, it's the only planet with Chocolate

No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.

My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone

I'm a cruel and heartless bitch but IÃ¢â‚¬â„¢m damn good at it

I brake for scholars, priests, and no apparent reason

Stupidity is not a crime so youÃ¢â‚¬â„¢re free to go

My Fav:

I didn't ask to be a princess but if the crown fits...

saffy · Post by **saffy** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 1:20 pm

You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off! ~Charlie Croker, The Italian Job

He's not the messiah - he's a very naughty boy ~ Brian's mother, Monty Python's Life Of Brian

We want the finest wines available to humanity, we want them here, and we want them now Withnail, Withnail & I

There is a certain 'je ne sais quoi' about a firm, young carrot... ~ Monty, Withnail & I

These are just from films, there are so many fantastic quote but I do love these also loads from Blackadder and the young ones.

More sensible ones are

I'm not fat, I just haven't grown into my body yet you skinny bitch.

~ Cartman

saffy · Post by **saffy** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 1:26 pm

Duirt me leat go raibh me breoite

On Spike Milligans grave

It's in Gaelic and says " I told you I was ill."

jennyswan · Post by **jennyswan** » Tue Jan 24, 2006 1:41 pm

Hee Hee!!

Another one for a gravestone is:

I've been buried upside down so the whole world can kiss my a$$!! :wah:

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 12:13 am

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everwhere.

Martin Luther King JR

Also read some great sig links today.

One was some people are like slinkies(sp). They don't do much but it is fun to push them down stairs.

An old sig line. A mighty oak is a nut that held it's ground.

Lotto

http://www.moneymakerslounge.com/forum/ ... .php?t=172

MagicZ4941

ChiptBeef · Post by **ChiptBeef** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 12:38 am

"the only thing we have to fear is fear itself..." Franklin D. Roosevelt, First Inaugural Address

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Wed Jan 25, 2006 7:50 am

There are great ! I love reading quotes.