How much do you owe your kids?

[grooboggle]

This is kinda a rant I guess, but how much do you owe your children before you can simply ship em off to boarding school or something. Last night I am fixing the furnace, doing it myself instead of hiring a repairman, since we have no spare cash although plenty of money for my wife to go out to lunch at work or for some beers after soccer I guess. When she sends my son down to "help " me. I explain to him that I am worried about him doing this project with me and I'd rather have him go upstairs to play, since I am really not fond of working with natural gas and don't want to cause an explosion. So he gets mad says he hates me which is kinda par for the course with parents, but then he takes a whole new turn into, "I hope there is and explosion and that you die dad." I kinda shrugged it off at the time, but my wife heard him say it didn't say anything, he never really apologized and I am at least fairly certain he didn't really mean it. However I will say in all the times I might have said thought I hate my dad I never once thought man I wish that sucker would die. Well sorry about the crappy sentence construction and what all, but just had to vent to someone. Now my .

[minks]

grooboggle wrote: This is kinda a rant I guess, but how much do you owe your children before you can simply ship em off to boarding school or something. Last night I am fixing the furnace, doing it myself instead of hiring a repairman, since we have no spare cash although plenty of money for my wife to go out to lunch at work or for some beers after soccer I guess. When she sends my son down to "help " me. I explain to him that I am worried about him doing this project with me and I'd rather have him go upstairs to play, since I am really not fond of working with natural gas and don't want to cause an explosion. So he gets mad says he hates me which is kinda par for the course with parents, but then he takes a whole new turn into, "I hope there is and explosion and that you die dad." I kinda shrugged it off at the time, but my wife heard him say it didn't say anything, he never really apologized and I am at least fairly certain he didn't really mean it. However I will say in all the times I might have said thought I hate my dad I never once thought man I wish that sucker would die. Well sorry about the crappy sentence construction and what all, but just had to vent to someone. Now my .


How old is this kid?? wow kids say the darndest things, personally I would tell Jr. that his words were hurtful, and that you hoped he didn't really wish you were dead. It never hurts a kid to let them know they affect your emotional side.

[minks]

Either that or a good swift kick in the arse for the crude words.

[minks]

Respecting ones parents leads to respecting others.

[SOJOURNER]

If nothing else, this was a total lack of respect for you from the "little fellow".

Kids are really big on others not disrespecting them, I'd use that as an opening to a conversation with the "lf".

A conversation with the spouse might be in order too. If she doesn't set an example of respect for you and intolerance for their disrespect of you, you will be hard pressed to win this battle alone..........

[chonsigirl]

Yeah, you got to talk to the child about the inappropriateness of the remark, and that it's not allowed in your house to talk that way to any adult. Do it now, it gets harder the older they get.

[BabyRider]

I'm gonna wait till Far gets here and gives his 2 cents. By then I might be calmed down enough not to use language that would get me the boot.

[Peg]

Oh that kid would really, really have gotten a reason to wish me dead! You were looking after his best interest, working on something that needs no distraction, your wife heard this and she said nothing? I'd sit him down and talk to him. Lay the guilt trip on quite thick of how that had to be the saddest day of your life. Ask him how he'd have felt if you would have died in your sleep and those were his last words to you. After the guilt trip you tell him, in no uncertain terms, that that kind of disrespect will not be tolerated and if it were to happen again, he will be one sorry kid and make sure to carry through.

[minks]

Peg wrote: Oh that kid would really, really have gotten a reason to wish me dead! You were looking after his best interest, working on something that needs no distraction, your wife heard this and she said nothing? I'd sit him down and talk to him. Lay the guilt trip on quite thick of how that had to be the saddest day of your life. Ask him how he'd have felt if you would have died in your sleep and those were his last words to you. After the guilt trip you tell him, in no uncertain terms, that that kind of disrespect will not be tolerated and if it were to happen again, he will be one sorry kid and make sure to carry through.


I think we scared Groob out of his own thread.

[nvalleyvee]

minks wrote: Respecting ones parents leads to respecting others.


I think respect starts at home too. Groob - come BACK!!!!

[SOJOURNER]

Maybe he didn't want any advise.

He did say he wanted to vent...............

[lady cop]

honor thy father and mother. that's all i can say. and yes all our kids have caused us hurt. we forgive, they hopefully learn in the fullness of time. i know i hurt my dear parents more than once and i'll always ask for forgiveness from them in heaven.

[Accountable]

Devil's Advocate here.





How many times have you sent him away when he just wanted to hang out with his dad?



I'm not disagreeing with all the parents & parental types you've heard from. I'm definitely not recommending you apologize or speak to him in any other way that hasn't been mentioned. I am recommending you consider why the psycho outburst.



If the kid was satisfied with the amount of time he spends with you he probably wouldn't have said that. That likely means either that you don't hang out with him as much as you should, or that he's spoiled and lacks discipline.

[Bez]

How much do you owe your kids ???



To my mind, you owe them everything until they are 'of age' so to speak. This means teaching them respect and the impact that cruel words make on thier friends and family.

The incident you described shouldn't be ignored.....Boarding school !!!! sounds a pretty desperate measure to me...You guys need to talk....cause and effect !

[Peg]

Accountable wrote: Devil's Advocate here.





How many times have you sent him away when he just wanted to hang out with his dad?



I'm not disagreeing with all the parents & parental types you've heard from. I'm definitely not recommending you apologize or speak to him in any other way that hasn't been mentioned. I am recommending you consider why the psycho outburst.



If the kid was satisfied with the amount of time he spends with you he probably wouldn't have said that. That likely means either that you don't hang out with him as much as you should, or that he's spoiled and lacks discipline.


I agree accountable. I thought about that later. Why was this kid so hurt that he couldn't help dad that he chose to lash out and hurt dad back?

[grooboggle]

First of all sorry about the bad tone of my previous post was in an extremely foul mood yesterday and it showed through and I'll try to answer most of the comments questions and I hope I attribute them correctly and in no particular order.

Flopstock....I don't want her to stand up for me I was more thinking that if I heard my son say something similar about her I would immediately back her up and call him out on it. Never would I leave it lie. Plus it brings me to wonder if she is silent now does she say things about me in front of the kids when I am not there.

Accountable....fair question, I spend I think an acceptable amount of time with the kids. I know that in the time they are not in school or daycare I am the one with the kids most of the time. We struggled through 3 years of no daycare but it was driving my wife crazy to be at home and money was getting very tight on only one income. I really don't do many outside activities to take away from time with the kids much of the time I don't do anything outside the family in a given week. Today an example on a day off I took my kids to the park and now we are going to the doctor since my daughter is sick. Then after that we are going to spend some ummm "fun" time together cleaning the house.

I perform most of the rule enforcement in the household as well. The kids frankly are really good outside of the house we get many compliments on how well behaved they are and how well Joe listens in school. At home however they are less well behaved probably for several reasons, more comfortable with their parents, competing with each other for attention testing the limits as generally speaking I am very firm maybe a tad to much so on following the rules, (we really haven't made it against the rules to speak the truth however we are working on the being tactful and not saying everything you think). I think some of my son's behavior the night in qestion came from a od on Halloween candy. He not only changes his behavior when hungry and tired like all kids but also when he has too much sugar.

I think most of my frustration frankly is not with my kids but mainly with my wife. There are I know two or more sides to every story, but to not overlook the elephant in the living room, she is an practicing functional alcoholic. Heh now that I have given everyone I am sure way TMI I'll answer any other questions probably after coming back from the doctor.

Hmmm, I think my punctuation in this post was very bad.....Damn you, Eats shoots and leaves.

[nvalleyvee]

You are my hero Far..........

[Bella_Boo]

Far Rider wrote: gorsh... NV! Nya, not really, Ive just made lots of mistakes to learn from already!;)


i like ur practical approach to parenting... i am the same with my own child..

[nvalleyvee]

Far Rider wrote: gorsh... NV! Nya, not really, Ive just made lots of mistakes to learn from already!;)


My Dad died when I was 5 1/2 in a military plane crash - yes he was the pilot. I have 3 memories of him. The best was of him building a "mermaid" bed around me when I had chicken pox. The second best was when I was bad and snuck out and he snapped "THE" belt behind me but didn't hit me with it. The third was when he scooped me up in his arms when I got hurt. I spent many summers with his Dad who absolutely loved me and my brothers. I grew up knowing I owe my kids safety, security, love, food and roof over their heads. I gave them that - my proudest moments in life were knowing that when my kids left home they were OK and would be secure happy people on their own. It has always been a great reward.