The longest story

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Fri May 14, 2010 12:51 pm

of cattle being led to the meat packing plant, and the SMELL!!!!

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Fri May 14, 2010 12:55 pm

southern yankee;1310142 wrote: of cattle being led to the meat packing plant, and the SMELL!!!!

Totally different odor, she thought to herself, than a pole cat spraying her dog in the back yard last evening. Between those two odors, she wondered what would happen.....................

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Fri May 14, 2010 2:23 pm

Mustang;1310143 wrote: Totally different odor, she thought to herself, than a pole cat spraying her dog in the back yard last evening. Between those two odors, she wondered what would happen.....................

SY quickly ran into her house where she had a 6 gallons of tomato juice and poured it over her dog while her other dogs stood by and laughed, her cats then came outside and joined in on the party, when SY saw what was going on.....

(yup, still laughing Mustang!:yh_rotfl)

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Fri May 14, 2010 3:28 pm

Odie;1310148 wrote: SY quickly ran into her house where she had a 6 gallons of tomato juice and poured it over her dog while her other dogs stood by and laughed, her cats then came outside and joined in on the party, when SY saw what was going on.....

she went back into the house and put on her Annie Oakley outfit, tipped her hat slightly to the right, painted her lips with ruby red lipstick, looked in the mirror to check herself out and grinned as though she liked what was reflecting back at her. When all of a sudden........

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Fri May 14, 2010 4:01 pm

......... there appeared, reflected in the mirror, the imposing figure of Arnie Swarzerthingy................. she gasped, her hands flew up to her chest, which started to pound with excitement............................. wow, was it really HIM ? ..............she turned slowly, seductively, and pouting her lip, she looked at the figure that stood before her.......................... it was Jake, the gardener come to ask her about the trailing ivy which was over-running the garage............ he smiled and said "You'll be wanting me to rip it off then?"............. SY, still in a sort of fantasy, lowered her eyelids "No, just take it off gently, I'll undo the buttons to help you"......... and she started to undo her blouse buttons................ Jake fainted.........................

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Fri May 14, 2010 5:15 pm

or so Southern Yankee thought!

She leaned over Jake to start mouth to mouth resuscitation. When she pinched his nose shut and blew air into his mouth, his eyes flew wide open which startled SY, and she quickly thought, "maybe I blew too hard?"

Jake started laughing uncontrollably....

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Fri May 14, 2010 5:27 pm

Or maybe not hard enough SY thought. so she layed a big kiss on jake. he caught is breath and like Sleeping Beauty. he was brought back with a kiss. MAN what a KISS!!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Fri May 14, 2010 6:06 pm

southern yankee;1310178 wrote: Or maybe not hard enough SY thought. so she layed a big kiss on jake. he caught is breath and like Sleeping Beauty. he was brought back with a kiss. MAN what a KISS!!:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

and no one here had any idea southern yankee could kiss like that, I mean she lives on a farm with pigs and cows and does nothing all day but sleep and make coffee for her friends but one day Mustang said to her.........

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Fri May 14, 2010 6:20 pm

Odie;1310180 wrote: and no one here had any idea southern yankee could kiss like that, I mean she lives on a farm with pigs and cows and does nothing all day but sleep and make coffee for her friends but one day Mustang said to her.........

"You know I like my chicken fried

Cold beer on a Friday night

A pair of jeans that fit just right

And the radio upâ€¦"

YouTube - chicken fried - Zac Brown Band

and SY replied........

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Sat May 15, 2010 4:31 am

YAHOOOOOO!! Fried Chicken!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that word. it was like magic to SY's brain:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Sat May 15, 2010 5:23 am

So she went out to her car to go to the store and get the best most succulent, meatiest chicken that they had, so she could prepare a superb feast for Mustang and Jake, her randy gardener. She wondered as she drove along, what to have for dessert......................................................

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sat May 15, 2010 6:32 am

G#Gill;1310234 wrote: So she went out to her car to go to the store and get the best most succulent, meatiest chicken that they had, so she could prepare a superb feast for Mustang and Jake, her randy gardener. She wondered as she drove along, what to have for dessert......................................................

so Gill decided to make a blood pudding for them and when she served it, they said it tasted really good, so Gill make another one and they both feel asleep they were so stuffed and then later..........

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Sat May 15, 2010 6:48 am

Odie;1310239 wrote: so Gill decided to make a blood pudding for them and when she served it, they said it tasted really good, so Gill make another one and they both feel asleep they were so stuffed and then later..........

they all drove to the 24 hour fitness center to work off that huge meal. :wah:

Odie got on the treadmill and couldn't figure out how to make it go. Gill came over and programmed it for her. :sneaky: To Odie's surprise, Gill had programmed it for her to run at 10 MPH!

Odie tried her best to keep up with that pace but.................

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Sat May 15, 2010 7:41 am

. . .she just had to sit down on the slantboard. Before you knew it she had fallen fast asleep. She was dreaming of . . .

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Sat May 15, 2010 9:14 am

Mustang and Jake chasing up a hill after her, throwing blood puddings (what the hell are blood puddings ffs?) at her. They all missed ! But Odie was sooooo exhausted with all that running, that she overbalanced and fell over.............. this woke her up and she found herself on the floor, puffing and panting with about a dozen people looking at her in amazement.........................................

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sat May 15, 2010 10:09 am

G#Gill;1310280 wrote: Mustang and Jake chasing up a hill after her, throwing blood puddings (what the hell are blood puddings ffs?) at her. They all missed ! But Odie was sooooo exhausted with all that running, that she overbalanced and fell over.............. this woke her up and she found herself on the floor, puffing and panting with about a dozen people looking at her in amazement.........................................

as she sat there bledding to death, no one cared enough to help her until her brave Mustang came up to her and wiped the tears from her eyes, then Gill decided to.........

(Blood pudding is a traditional part of the Irish breakfast in an Irish pub or restaurant. Several slices of blood pudding may be served with white pudding, ham, eggs and potatoes as part of a very hearty breakfast. Such a breakfast may also be a popular choice in Scotland and throughout the rest of the UK, you should know what it is ffs!:yh_rotfl)

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Sat May 15, 2010 10:37 am

Odie;1310290 wrote: as she sat there bledding to death, no one cared enough to help her until her brave Mustang came up to her and wiped the tears from her eyes, then Gill decided to.........

(Blood pudding is a traditional part of the Irish breakfast in an Irish pub or restaurant. Several slices of blood pudding may be served with white pudding, ham, eggs and potatoes as part of a very hearty breakfast. Such a breakfast may also be a popular choice in Scotland and throughout the rest of the UK, you should know what it is ffs!:yh_rotfl)

I believe that is called 'black pudding' because it is black! made from pigs' blood. I'm afraid I don't like it yuk! :p

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Sat May 15, 2010 10:48 am

........... plug the wound with a cork from a handy shampers bottle. Gill decided that Odie would make a good recovery, so she decided to leave and get some more shopping................. meanwhile, Mustang had been distracted by the mahjong game in the corner of the exercise room, Jake disappeared to look for SY, then in walked Jazzy riding her Midnight horse. followed by Miss Piggy. Jazzy spied the coffee pot on a nearby table so she dismounted from Midnight, went over to the coffee pot and poured herself a steaming drink "Well, Odie, where's the fudge then?" she turned round, an eyebrow lifted with the question, and Odie said .............................

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sat May 15, 2010 11:03 am

G#Gill;1310294 wrote: ........... plug the wound with a cork from a handy shampers bottle. Gill decided that Odie would make a good recovery, so she decided to leave and get some more shopping................. meanwhile, Mustang had been distracted by the mahjong game in the corner of the exercise room, Jake disappeared to look for SY, then in walked Jazzy riding her Midnight horse. followed by Miss Piggy. Jazzy spied the coffee pot on a nearby table so she dismounted from Midnight, went over to the coffee pot and poured herself a steaming drink "Well, Odie, where's the fudge then?" she turned round, an eyebrow lifted with the question, and Odie said .............................

(:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl I'm sorry for laughing:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl)

haven't you had enough fudge for one week? Your going to look like Miss Piggy, so Odie refused to give Jazzy any more fudge, and then she started screaming and huffing and puffing until she tore the house down! Gill just got back from more shopping and said, wtf is this mess, I just cleaned this morning ffs!.........

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Sat May 15, 2010 11:19 am

Then Gill realised that she doesn't swear, so she scowled at Odie and Jazzy and turned and walked away.................................... Mustang was still playing mahjong in the corner of what remained of the exercise room, quite oblivious of the presence of Jazzy and her beautiful horse, then Miss Piggy noticed Mustang and started purposefully walking towards the unsuspecting Mustang...............

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Sat May 15, 2010 1:42 pm

but Miss Piggy stopped approaching Mustang quickly when she noticed he quit playing Mahjong and had his BBQ grill fired up and was ready to grill some rib eye steaks! :wah: Miss Piggy thought he was looking at her like she belonged on the spit, so she split in a hurry looking for her Jazzy. In the meantime, Odie had that new tune in her head "pray for you" with a dirty little grin on her face, thinking about...............

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Sat May 15, 2010 2:00 pm

BAR B Qed pig. as Odie licked her lips. where that sause. i love extra sause......

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sat May 15, 2010 3:01 pm

southern yankee;1310317 wrote: BAR B Qed pig. as Odie licked her lips. where that sause. i love extra sause......

as long as its not spicy, then Zapata had just came in from riding and sat down and joined us all for dinner and was shocked..............

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Sat May 15, 2010 5:20 pm

when Zapata saw Miss piggy on the grill ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sat May 15, 2010 6:30 pm

southern yankee;1310332 wrote: when Zapata saw Miss piggy on the grill ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jazzy ran up and untied Miss Piggy as she was just getting rare and she was furious that southern yankee would ever do such a thing, but southern yankee never did that to poor Miss Piggy as she was at yard sales all day, then........

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Sat May 15, 2010 6:34 pm

At the yard sales she found magic dust. that turned good into evil. also evil into good.

Jazzy · Post by **Jazzy** » Sun May 16, 2010 8:40 am

Good thing I showed up in time to rescue my poor Miss Piggy who loves to play....

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Sun May 16, 2010 12:06 pm

strip "porker" with the boys(bouncers) from the local dance hall.:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Affinity One · Post by **Affinity One** » Sun May 16, 2010 8:42 pm

But when it came to the last betwhen she would bet all she had on her, everybody would then shut their eyes and let her win. We always wondered why that was........

ZAP · Post by **ZAP** » Sun May 16, 2010 9:45 pm

. ..but she stopped wondering and began to worry when Zap sat down, laid her pistol on the table and said, "Play cards!"

What in . . .

Affinity One · Post by **Affinity One** » Sun May 16, 2010 9:57 pm

Oh. I see. You want to see what I got underneath? Miss Piggy said " So be it". And she started to strip off the last remaining pieces of her.......

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Mon May 17, 2010 5:08 am

Affinity One;1310553 wrote: Oh. I see. You want to see what I got underneath? Miss Piggy said " So be it". And she started to strip off the last remaining pieces of her.......

pink high heeled sandals, she remembered that Midnight was watching, so she.........

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Mon May 17, 2010 5:31 am

a Hoochie Koochie dance, just like Charo. (if you are old enough to remember her) i could have said Carmen Maranda.:yh_rotfl:yh_rotfl

Affinity One · Post by **Affinity One** » Mon May 17, 2010 7:35 pm

This is becoming very personal, thought miss Piggy as she removed the high heeled sandals, thus revealing her great big..........................................

wart on the left foot. Serve you right. You wanted to see it didn't you, eh? She started to laugh only then...........

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Mon May 17, 2010 8:37 pm

Affinity One;1310761 wrote: This is becoming very personal, thought miss Piggy as she removed the high heeled sandals, thus revealing her great big..........................................

wart on the left foot. Serve you right. You wanted to see it didn't you, eh? She started to laugh only then...........

Affinity One came in and covered her up, after all, pigs don't undress for anyone, so then she marched off and never to be seen again until..............

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Tue May 18, 2010 4:41 am

all the male strippers from the club next door came running out. the building was in gulped in flames. reaching 30 feet high----------

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Tue May 18, 2010 5:25 pm

southern yankee;1310816 wrote: all the male strippers from the club next door came running out. the building was in gulped in flames. reaching 30 feet high----------

the firemen rescued everyone but the building damage was non-repairable, the detectives are saying the fire was set by an insider.......

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Tue May 18, 2010 6:50 pm

who was really a woman dressed like a man. so she was discoverd. so in revenge. LILY /Larry set the fire.

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Tue May 18, 2010 6:53 pm

southern yankee;1310972 wrote: who was really a woman dressed like a man. so she was discoverd. so in revenge. LILY /Larry set the fire.

because she was fired for being late everyday at work, now she will spent 10 yeas behind bars for committing such a hideous crime, then along came Mustang and offered her..........

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Tue May 18, 2010 7:02 pm

PLEA BARGIN. which with not even a blink of an eye. she refused...........

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Wed May 19, 2010 4:42 am

point blank and slapped Mustang in the face. Mustang blinked and ....................

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Wed May 19, 2010 4:59 am

............turned away, got in his car and drove off, suddenly ....................

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Wed May 19, 2010 8:15 am

there was a old man with a three legged dog. in Mustang's path. slamming on the breaks. the truck flew-------------------------

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Wed May 19, 2010 9:19 am

southern yankee;1311081 wrote: there was a old man with a three legged dog. in Mustang's path. slamming on the breaks. the truck flew-------------------------

sideways, barely missing them both. Mustang asked the gentleman why he was walking in the middle of the road and not on the side. He replied...............

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Wed May 19, 2010 9:25 am

I wasn't sure which side I wanted to be on, so I jest stuck to the middle mister! Mustang shrugged his shoulders, rolled his eyes in disbelief, got back in his car/truck and drove off into the sunset, meanwhile ......................................

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Wed May 19, 2010 9:31 am

G#Gill;1311092 wrote: I wasn't sure which side I wanted to be on, so I jest stuck to the middle mister! Mustang shrugged his shoulders, rolled his eyes in disbelief, got back in his car/truck and drove off into the sunset, meanwhile ......................................

he looked in his rearview mirror and noticed a fast approaching Volvo. Upon further inspection, he noticed a very good looking woman that was driving it and as she was getting ready to pass him, he noticed...........

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Wed May 19, 2010 11:22 am

Mustang;1311094 wrote: he looked in his rearview mirror and noticed a fast approaching Volvo. Upon further inspection, he noticed a very good looking woman that was driving it and as she was getting ready to pass him, he noticed...........

she had an old Volvo, and it clunked out, Jazzy drove by in her red Lamborghini and waved hi to her as she sped by her, but by the time.....

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Wed May 19, 2010 1:54 pm

the F.B.I. jumped out of the Bushes. Within seconds had put up a road block. the man in a black suit w/sunglasses. had his 357 drawn, ready to fire. when---------

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Wed May 19, 2010 2:41 pm

...............along came Jones................tall thin Jones............slow walkin Jones ..................low talkin Jones ............ along came long thin lanky Jones..................and he handed out loads of doughnuts to these guys with their guns........... well they can't eat doughnuts and hold guns, so they holstered their guns and gratefully took a doughnut each....................so Mustang, in his Mustang.........Jazzy in her Lamborghini .......... trying to catch up with Gill in her Volvo T5 turbo !!!!!! flashed through the road block and escaped in a cloud of dust!!! Of course Odie was gobsmacked and tried to start her poor old car to try to follow, but it would not start, so she......................................

Mustang · Post by **Mustang** » Wed May 19, 2010 3:02 pm

told Southern Yankee to get behind her car and start pushing until they got to the down side of the hill. Odie steered the car and as they reached the downward hill, off Odie went leaving SY behind, standing in the road. :wah: SY scratched her head wondering how she was the only one without a ride. :-3

SY started walking and saw the foot path to the left. She got on that path and started hoofing it when all of a sudden......................