ForumGarden

SnoozeControl wrote: Unc, have you ever taken a photo of your butt? Not that I'd like to see it or anything.


No butt I promise to when I get my new one. The one I've got now has got a crack in it

No butt I promise to when I get my new one. The one I've got now has got a crack in it


:yh_rotfl

Gosh mine is broke too!!

ArnoldLayne wrote: Uncle, did you ever meet the Tamworth Two ?


When me and my daughter are on holiday we always enter contests under the appellation of the Tamworth Two.

The real Tamworth Two, the legendary pigs on the run weren't actually from these parts.

The Tamworth bit relates to the breed of pig so unfortunately Arnold, they're 2 celebrities I haven't shaken trotters with

jennyswan wrote: Hey Uncle,

How old were you when you had your first kiss? :-4


I ran deliberately slow in kiss chase when I was 6 going on 7, but a tongues-at-nought-paces scenario didn't present itself until I was 10.

What about you young lady?

What about you young lady?


I was 9 but it wasn't fair as he told me Santa was under the blanket and curiousity got the better of me :wah:

I remember thinking Yuck, Yuck,

Funny how times change :-4

jennyswan wrote: I was 9 but it wasn't fair as he told me Santa was under the blanket and curiousity got the better of me :wah:

I remember thinking Yuck, Yuck,

Funny how times change :-4


Santa's under the blanket.....hmmmmm I'll have to file that one away for future reference.

Think that will work for me?

Santa's under the blanket.....hmmmmm I'll have to file that one away for future reference.

Think that will work for me?


Depends on who you try it on

I was going to ask something witty. But it seems I have to ask something slutty instead.

Ok, so Uncle Kram, how many FG members have hair on their nipples. Please feel free to research the answer first before replying (and send me photos for confirmation of proof).

Uncle Kram wrote: No butt I promise to when I get my new one. The one I've got now has got a crack in it


Can you see it?:-3

jennyswan wrote: What is your biggest love and would you sell your soul for £3,000,000?
Did you ever hear the story of the man who asked this young lady if she would sleep with him for $1,000,000. She said "well, yes, in fact I would" so he asked her "would you sleep with me for $10.00. " She sayd "what do you think I am" He says "We have already established that. Now we are just haggling over price"

jennyswan wrote: Oranges are smaller, but sweeter :sneaky:
I saw some hybrid ciitrus at the grocery. Cant call the name. Cross between a grapefruit and an orange. Might be good. I was told a good way to eat grapefruit is to peel them and toss them in a blender and puree them. Have not tried it yet. but I might try the new ones that way. :rolleyes:

OpenMind wrote: I was going to ask something witty. But it seems I have to ask something slutty instead.

Ok, so Uncle Kram, how many FG members have hair on their nipples. Please feel free to research the answer first before replying (and send me photos for confirmation of proof).


WARNING: THIS PHOTO IS NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED

I have commenced my research in earnest. Known by the acronym of H.A.N.S., the Hair Around Nipple Survey has started with my very own far from round nip. Those of a timid disposition should scroll down with alacrity

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OpenMind wrote: Can you see it?:-3


Judging by the nip, I may be a freak of nature, but even I don't have a neck like a giraffe, so I'm relying heavily on word of mouth and that streak through the Hall of Mirrors

Okie wrote: I saw some hybrid ciitrus at the grocery. Cant call the name. Cross between a grapefruit and an orange. Might be good. I was told a good way to eat grapefruit is to peel them and toss them in a blender and puree them. Have not tried it yet. but I might try the new ones that way. :rolleyes:


Oh come on Okie! - Now you're taking the pith

Do you suffer from Schizophrenia Unc?

Uncle Kram wrote: Do you suffer from Schizophrenia Unc?


Funny - I was going to ask the same question Unc. No luckily I don't although on a positive note I'm told you're never alone if you do

Far Rider wrote: Uncle Kram,

I was traveling in a forign country a while back and I came accross a small village, I was hungry and tired from my trip and I sought a place to get off the dusty roads and fill my gut with food and drink... as I pondered my situation I found an elderly man that spoke english he was sitting by the roadside selling his wares. I inquired to him about the best place to get food and a place to rest, He told me that there was a place to get both, but I'd have to wait an hour before it opened for business as this current hour was a high holy time. I asked what time it was and the man did the strangest thing... from where he was sitting he reached up and lifted the scrotum of his camel, seemingly weighing it? He then turned to me and said It's 2pm. I was shocked! How could this man tell the time by his camels balls? I filed that back in my mind, thinking the man must be kidding me somehow, so I tried to pass the time by browsing the roadside shops. Restless and hungry now I returned to the man and asked what time it was getting to be, again he reached up and lifted the scrotum of his camel and turned to me and said 2:40pm. This time it was too much for me to believe and I checked his wrist and there was no watch... a short bit later I decided to test him and asked again what time it was because I was darn hungry now! And to my surprise, he did the same thing again... reached up and lifted the scrotum of his camel and declared I had better get moving to the place cause I had only 5 minutes left to get over there! I just coudlnt belive what I saw! Was this a magic camel? Was the man magic? I had to ask him, and so I did, I asked him how he could tell time by the scrotum of his camel?

So my friend... do you know how the man told the time so accuratly by his camels scrotum?:-2
Were they hanging in front of a clock or something?

Hmm I think you've got me there Far, but I sense a good punchline is on its way:D

Uncle Kram wrote: Funny - I was going to ask the same question Unc. No luckily I don't although on a positive note I'm told you're never alone if you do


If you attend a cocktail party that requires nametags

does yours resemble this one ? :wah:

Uncle Kram wrote: Oh come on Okie! - Now you're taking the pith
Well. I did it! I got some. Pomellos. I peeled one. Heavy skin. More than a navel orange. I cant say its any sweeter than a Texas Ruby Red grapefruit. I peeled one and pureed it. I liked it fine but if one loves sweets its not that sweet.

SnoozeControl wrote: You made me google, Okie...

(From Wikipedia)

The pomelo (or pummelo, pommelo or shaddock), is native to southeastern Asia and all of Malaysia and grows wild on river banks in the Fiji and Friendly Islands. It may have been introduced into China around 100 B.C. It is much cultivated in southern China (Jiangsu, Jiangxi and Fujian Provinces) and especially in southern Thailand on the banks to the Tha Chine River; also in Taiwan and southernmost Japan, southern India, Malaya, Indonesia, New Guinea and Tahiti. It is also grown commercially elsewhere, particularly California and Israel.

The pomelo is also called shaddock after an English sea captain, Captain Shaddock, who introduced the seed to the West Indies in the 17th Century from the Malay Archipelago.

The pulp color ranges between clear pale yellow to pink to red, and tastes like a sweet grapefruit. It is the largest citrus fruit, growing as large as 30 cm in diameter and weighing as much as 10 kg; the peel is thick, and sometimes used to make marmalade.

The grapefruit is a hybrid between the pomelo and the orange. In some markets, grapefruits or pomelo/grapefruit crosses will also be sold as "pomelo" or "pummelo".

It can usually be found in grocery stores in the United States from the late fall until early spring and is sometimes thought of as a Christmas fruit.

The peel of the pomelo is also used in Chinese cooking or candied. In general citrus peel is often used in southern Chinese cuisine for flavouring, especially in sweet soup desserts


Wow, you found a lot on that. I have some of the puree in my new fridge right now. I doubt I wll get more. They cost a little over a dollar each. And the peel is so thick I can see why they wanted to find a use for it. I just tossed the peel. As far as taste and ease of peeling I will stck to the Texas Ruby red.

Its a beautiful day here in Oklahoma today. My daughter is going fishing and on Superbowl Sunday! We have some strange things going on here. No flush warnings! Heeeee. They are serious. Odd number buildings only flush in first half, even number on last half. No one to flush during half dime. Yeah, right! There will be so much beer flowing I cannot imagine no one flushing during second half.

But it all has to do with using water from the lake. Too much release from the lake will cause an algae bloom. :-3

Nomad wrote: If you attend a cocktail party that requires nametags

does yours resemble this one ? :wah:




And I thought I was unique Nomad.

Mine usually says Uncle Kram, Aged 45½, Coach 3, Nil by mouth

And I thought I was unique Nomad.

Mine usually says Uncle Kram, Aged 45½, Coach 3, Nil by mouth


:yh_rotfl

ArnoldLayne wrote: Uncle, is almost nothing, as close to nothing as a little more than nothing, or is it a little less. I'm just asking almost nearly nothing but I want to make sure I'm not asking too much


Arnold , I see you as a really good friend, but oh boy! - You've really overstepped the mark this time with this level of intrusive interrogation. Now go to your room and don't come down until you've got something not to ask me

I want nothing, say nothing and ask nothing...is that OK ?

ArnoldLayne wrote: can I come out now ? I've got something but I wont ask, honest


Yeh...let him out Unc. He'll be good now !

*slipping Arnold a note under the door*

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ArnoldLayne wrote: Its an escape plan. " first dress up in 1940's female attire including your best hat and feather"


And then ?????

Go Arnold Go!

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ArnoldLayne wrote: You can after all buy a new pair of tights


Sounds like you have a lot of experince there Arny

Men in tights....................

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ArnoldLayne wrote: I have now reached the age where tights dont look so good on me. Have you seen what they do to bank robbers faces


Maybe you should stop tying that knot....can't be very comfy !

Could have went with these kind of tights....................

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Bez wrote: I want nothing, say nothing and ask nothing...is that OK ?


Almost

ArnoldLayne wrote: can I come out now ? I've got something but I wont ask, honest


After such impeccable behaviour, you've done your time. Now keep on the straight and narrow old bean

ArnoldLayne wrote: Have you seen what they do to bank robbers faces


Yeah makes 'em come out in tight spots