Ask Uncle Kram almost nothing

Sheryl · Post by **Sheryl** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:53 pm

What is your cure for procrastination? I need to clean out my fridge, I'm sure I have the cure for avian flu growing in the back somewhere.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:56 pm

covenant wrote: Life, lost loves, new challenges, the pursuit of perfection, you know, the usual:D

are you winning?

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 6:47 pm

Hi Unc, Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 10 ounces? :wah:

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 6:58 pm

If you can prop a table up, can you also prop it down?

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:25 pm

If soaps and shampoos come in so many colours, why are they always white when you rub them on your head or hands? :-2

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:26 pm

If you sent someone some bubblewrap, what would you pack it in?

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:29 pm

Why is it that if you tell one person to sit up and another to sit down, they both end up doing the same thing?

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:29 pm

Why is the third hand on a watch called the second hand? :wah:

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:30 pm

If you attempt to fail and succeed, what have you actually done? :sneaky:

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:31 pm

Why is it called a Television Set if you only get one? :-3

Rapunzel · Post by **Rapunzel** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:33 pm

If a cow laughs, does milk come out of its nose?

:wah:

Wolverine · Post by **Wolverine** » Tue Mar 21, 2006 7:53 pm

Daedalus and Icarus...

the myth is fascinating, but who do you think were the real people behind the story?

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 7:40 am

Ask Uncle Kram almost nothing

............................

Okie · Post by **Okie** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 9:15 am

SnoozeControl wrote: You know what p*sses me off? These people with "Ask me" threads that don't bother to answer the questions.:rolleyes:

Ya gotta admit that last question was unanswerable. Heeeeeee.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 10:47 am

Uncle Kram

Thank you for that nude picture for over my bed.

I'm gonna have some girlfriends over so we can do naughty things to it.

Would you mind that? :sneaky:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:44 am

cherandbuster wrote: Uncle Kram

Thank you for that nude picture for over my bed.

I'm gonna have some girlfriends over so we can do naughty things to it.

Would you mind that? :sneaky:

Blimey - I thought this thread had gone away.

Of course not Cher, as long as they're gentle with me. Don't forget to remind them to bring their binoculars - It was taken at the swimming baths on a bitter winters day after all

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:48 am

Uncle Kram wrote: Don't forget to remind them to bring their binoculars - It was taken at the swimming baths on a bitter winters day after all

That was a good one, Uncle! :-4

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:51 am

Sheryl wrote: What is your cure for procrastination? I need to clean out my fridge, I'm sure I have the cure for avian flu growing in the back somewhere.

I'm not sure Sheryl, but I'll try to find out tomorrow.....or maybe the day after.

I guess your fridge, like your good self is very cultured

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:54 am

Uncle Kram

I've heard from several reputable sources that you've had a huge career in porn, especially acts involving farm animals.

Do you know where I could get my hands on a copy? Thanks in advance.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 11:56 am

Rapunzel wrote: Hi Unc, Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 10 ounces? :wah:
Clearly a violation of the trade descriptions act Rappy. Probably the same reason that these days they no longer put fairies in Fairy cakes.

Just keep reading the labels.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 12:03 pm

cherandbuster wrote: Uncle Kram

I've heard from several reputable sources that you've had a huge career in porn, especially acts involving farm animals.

Do you know where I could get my hands on a copy? Thanks in advance.

This is just a rumour started by *names removed to protect the guilty* I'm guessing

If such a film existed (and I'm being hypothetical here) I couldn't help you as I'm a little sheepish (as well you know Cher)

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 12:05 pm

Wolverine wrote: Daedalus and Icarus...

the myth is fascinating, but who do you think were the real people behind the story?

Mills & Boon

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 12:08 pm

Uncle Kram

Does love mean never having to say you're sorry?

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 12:25 pm

cherandbuster wrote: Uncle Kram

Does love mean never having to say you're sorry?

It did for my ex-wife :rolleyes:

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Sun Jul 16, 2006 3:05 pm

Uncle Kram

We love you :-4

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 1:19 pm

Pinky wrote: OMG - Kram's a porn star?

You're not the beardy man from 'Joy of Sex' are you? :yh_giggle

No - I think you'll find that's Clancy, although the Photos thread will clearly show that my face is not devoid of whiskers

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 1:23 pm

Uncle Kram

Your avatar seems to indicate that you are indeed bad company.

I've often found you to be delightful company.

What gives? :-2

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 1:27 pm

Pinky wrote: :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

LMAO!!! Poor Clancy! Do you have one of those pun type names then, like Ben Dover?:D

No, it's Phil McAvity

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 1:34 pm

cherandbuster wrote: Uncle Kram

Your avatar seems to indicate that you are indeed bad company.

I've often found you to be delightful company.

What gives? :-2
I'm sure that Pinky and Chonsi will verify this, but I'm led to believe that in playground parlance, Bad is Good.

I can indeed be very good company as and when the occasion calls for it. Only last week, they were singing my praises as I partook in tea and biscuits after a talk I gave on knitting to the para-military wing of the Womens Institute

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 1:35 pm

So true, Unc'.

Besides, us girls always like bad boys..................................

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 1:38 pm

chonsigirl wrote:

So true, Unc'.

Besides, us girls always like bad boys..................................

Oh I can be REALLY bad , make no mistake. Once I got into real trouble after I left a knife in the fork compartment

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 1:39 pm

Pinky wrote: I bet it's only because you get a weeks worth of casserole and a years' worth of jumpers at Christmas!:wah:

Not to mention the box of handkerchiefs :rolleyes:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 1:50 pm

Pinky wrote: Ooh, and new socks!!

Blimey, maybe I should go do that too!:-2

What would you give a talk on?

Okie · Post by **Okie** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 1:58 pm

Pinky wrote: :yh_rotfl :yh_rotfl

LMAO!!! Poor Clancy! Do you have one of those pun type names then, like Ben Dover?:D

Or like Seymore Butts

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:56 am

Pinky wrote: Or maybe Ivor Biggun!:D

I would give talks on why shopping is bad for you, or the merits of drinking wine, or oh, I dunno, just make something up as I go along!

Anyway, It's your question thread!

What's your idea of a quality Fri night?

Well I'd love to report that I go out on the town and drink 20 pints, sleep with 5 women and then sleep underwater, but I was Born to be Mild

Friday night is a special night to me as it's one of the nights my daughter stays with me. We usually have a good laugh.......oh yeah, I have to watch the Big Brother eviction too. Nevermind

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 11:58 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Hey Unc, are you Bad Co because you Feel Like Makin' Love?

Sorry.

No Snoozie it's because I feel like makin' LUUUUUUUUUUURVE :-4

Well they don't call me the Walnut of Love for nothing :wah:

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 12:01 pm

Pinky wrote: AW! That's really sweet - you're a big softie aren't ya!:-4

Well what can I say?......I did name my daughter after Laura Ingalls in Little House On The Praire

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 1:19 pm

Uncle Kram

Rumor has it that the drug Viagra was modeled after you and your sexual prowess

If so

can we meet up sometime? :sneaky: :-6