Galbally's Advice Column for FG.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 5:16 am

ArnoldLayne wrote: The funny thing is, Snooze probably wasnt prompted by your post to know about a testicle festival. She has that sort of mind. Its a good job she's tethered to her bed otherwise she'd run amoc.

There is a reaker of havoc behind that mad arse-face

What a PERFECT post from Arnie Baby! :guitarist

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 5:18 am

that's funny you guys crack me up

i see on a few posts it says lady cop and then banned what she do

always borrow £20 off of a pessimist they wont expect it back

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 5:20 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Sorry for butting in, Jimbo, but I thought you might be interested in some info about the annual "Testicle Festival" in Montana. Just think of the possibilities.

http://www.testyfesty.com/

I understand that vegetarians can take advantage of the nut option

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Thu Sep 28, 2006 5:50 am

i may have a nut allergy

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:09 am

jimbo wrote: dear doc my partner says unless i give her much more time ans affection and i stop annoying every one with my strange views of life on this forum she will forcibly rip off my left testicle and ram it down my throat and make me eat it before i make any hasty decisions i just wonder if you could help me out with a couple of queries

a)will little jimbo and the other one still work

b) would the taste be piratically unpleasant i know this will be a vague answer due to hygiene issues that vary from each individual and such things

as body hair etc

many thanks

Dear Jimbo, sorry about the delay, I hope that this has not resulted in any "inconvienence" as it were. In the first case I can asure you that in the event of the removal of your testical little jimbo and the other one will still work, though you might find it unnearving to make love to the woman who has removed a piece of your genitalia in future, that is something you will have to deal with as it comes up (ahem).

In the case of the second question, I believe that the taste would be somewhat salty.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:10 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Sorry for butting in, Jimbo, but I thought you might be interested in some info about the annual "Testicle Festival" in Montana. Just think of the possibilities.

http://www.testyfesty.com/

Thank you for that gold mine of testicle related information.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:11 am

ArnoldLayne wrote: The funny thing is, Snooze probably wasnt promted by your post to know about a testicle festival. She has that sort of mind. Its a good job she's tethered to her bed otherwise she'd run amoc.

There is a reaker of havoc behind that mad arse-face

I am forced to agree, though its a charming sort of havoc.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:11 am

Uncle Kram wrote: I understand that vegetarians can take advantage of the nut option

Very pithy UK.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:12 am

Galbally wrote: Thank you for that gold mine of testicle related information.

:D Dr. G

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 7:12 am

Wendybird wrote: OK - rub your hands on me and if you come out in hives then you definately have a nut allergy

No Comment. :rolleyes:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 9:43 am

Hamster wrote: Dr. Doctor G...

How do I get Friday to repeat in a time loop so that its always today?

In a "Ground hog day" way? It's been a good day and I want to repeat it!!:wah:

Hmmn, interesting. Well of course at the present level of technology creating temporal loops is not possible. However physicists are admittedly unsure what time itself actually is, or whether it even exists. In a groundbreaking book by Julian Barbour (a countryman of yours), it is hypothesized that what we percieve as time is actually an infinite collection of "nows" that all exist simultaneously and that we percieve them progressing linerarly from one "now" to another purely as a matter of our personal concious perception. Its all a bit metaphyiscal if you ask me, though many scientists are talking mr. Barbour's view seriously, and he is a very clever man.

In terms of your own problem I would thing that unless you have some kind of time trapping device based on a technology of which I am uncertain, you will have to use more prosaic means to create the illusion of it being Friday. First you must make sure that all the timing devices in your house, car etc, do not move from today's date, then you must but 14 sets of identical clothes for the ones you are wearing now, also you must get your DVD recorder to record the 24 hours of tv that have happened today onto its hard drive and set it to play them back every day, you should close the curtains so that you cannot observe weather conditions, you must also instruct your friends, work collegues, and family that they should all act as if it is always Friday, September 29, 2006, no matter what you say or what the cicumstances are in future. Finally you must ring a telephone hypnotist to hypnotise you into believing that it is always going to be the above date. Now although this is my advice on how to achieve your goal, my other advice is not to do it, as you will lose your job, friends, romances, house, etc etc, also everyone will think you are nuts and make fun of you, so that a little disclaimer there just in case. Otherwise, fire ahead, and of course should you wish us here at FG to maintain the illusion we will do our best I'm sure.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Fri Sep 29, 2006 10:02 am

Hamster wrote: Mnnnn...Good advice Dr G...although isnt it all a bit complicated??:-5

I think I will just have a beer and annoy Betty when she gets home from work...

Yes admittedly its tricky, but then anything dealing with changing time is quite difficult apparently and can lead to all sorts of problems if you get it wrong. So, all in all, I would say beer and betty-annoying is a better plan all round.

Carl44 · Post by **Carl44** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 2:30 pm

after a fortunate win against portsmouth today i am dreading the match against the mighty villa our next game , what is dr g's prediction of the score for villa v spurs

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 2:51 pm

jimbo wrote: after a fortunate win against portsmouth today i am dreading the match against the mighty villa our next game , what is dr g's prediction of the score for villa v spurs

Of course of course, well after that match against Chelsea who knows? I think that Villa were a bit lucky yesterday, but we are definetly getting better. I think that the Spurs/Villa game will be 2-1 to the Villa, at least I hope so, now where is Arnold as it seems that Shevchenko remained pretty much donkey-esque for most of the match despite his predictions.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 2:52 pm

Hamster wrote: Ok...I'll get right on it!! :wah:

Very good.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 4:45 pm

Hamster wrote: Speaking of drinking Dr G.... I cant help but ask..Is that a blackcurrant juice you are quaffing there in your avatar? :sneaky:

Very well spotted Hampster, it was a cranberry juice as I was driving that day, which was my sisters' graduation (hence the tie) though I like pinky's suggestion that it was a big tall glass of Rose (dead sophisticated).

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Sun Oct 01, 2006 4:46 pm

Pinky wrote: Or a pint of Rose?

You honour me with your suggestion, perhaps I will down a quart of Chardonnay in response.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:21 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Dear Doctor Galbally,

Have you ever had a drink of milk after eating cranberry sauce? I've asked others about this since it's a really horrible combination, but no one knows what I'm talking about. Can it be possible that I'm the only person in the world that's drank milk after eating cranberry sauce?

Sincerely,

Fur-coated Tongue

No I have not, and that does sound pretty horrible, I wonder would the adcid in the Cranberry juice make the milk curdle in your stomoach in the same way that the drink did it to pinky? Anyway I shall not be trying that one out.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:22 am

SnoozeControl wrote: Ugh, vomiting partially digested milk is the worst. Especially when it goes out your nose.

Oh god, you really have a way with words dear, but you are right of course, its pretty horrible.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 11:39 am

Hamster wrote: Surely the good Doctor would not drink alcohol? It may affect your judgement and I would have to go back through your entire list of answers to my questions and make sure they are still valid??

My world would surely fall apart if the doc cannot be trusted to sort out my pressing dilemmas:-5

Do not worry I am not drunk now, thats the main things Isss thinsks.

But seriously people, cyber-councelling is as I have said before a serious business involving..................., well seriousness. Fortunatly I am past my drinking days so I am sober at least long enough to formulate answers to these poor people's hearfelt problems, which may of course include drinking, and they usually do (especially the violence and the head voices). Do not worry hampster your problems will always be welcome here as will the mocking laughter they generate.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 2:07 pm

Hamster wrote: Oh thank goodness Doctor..my faith is restored...Just in time too because I have a really bad problem.

Can you help me? have the pink fluff between my toes...It tickles and it looks very silly indeed. What should I do?

Please answer me urgently doc as I am wearing open toe sandals!! Help!

This may be one of those occasions when my advice as a man may not be adequate, I do not recall the pink fluff between the toes problem before, except perhaps in the case of the sandals that used pink fluff as a toe-grip, but in any case i recommened a hot bath and some more beer with betty, it will at least distract you.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 2:11 pm

Dear DR Gallbally,

why is it if i drink 2 bottles of budweiser i pee 4??

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 2:15 pm

abbey wrote: Dear DR Gallbally,

why is it if i drink 2 bottles of budweiser i pee 4??

Interesting abbey, it may be due to the hoss-pisse effect in which the quality of a said beer is inversely proportional to the amount of urine is generates. Frankly I am skecptical of such strange phenomenon, though your experiences would seem to add weight to the argument. I suggest you change brands, try German.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 2:15 pm

Dr Dr, please help, I'm desparate, I am moving house on Thursday and will be without broadband for at least seven days! What am I going to do without my forum garden fix?? :-1

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 2:16 pm

Galbally wrote: This may be one of those occasions when my advice as a man may not be adequate, I do not recall the pink fluff between the toes problem before, except perhaps in the case of the sandals that used pink fluff as a toe-grip, but in any case i recommened a hot bath and some more beer with betty, it will at least distract you.

How come Betty is suddenly the answer to all Hampsters problems!! Do I get a cut Galbally?;)

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:15 pm

Betty Boop wrote: How come Betty is suddenly the answer to all Hampsters problems!! Do I get a cut Galbally?;)

Dear Boop, of course you get a cut, I am in no way partial with my advice, which is highly recommended entirely by the whole councelling profession thingy, and which is of course first-rate and totally top-quality.

Now, no broadband for 7 days? That is troubling, you will have to some up with something to keep yourself occupied and not too troubled by the absence of your cyber-friends, therefore I suggest that you personally get involved in the physical movement of your furniture to your new house, why not get a large rucksack and put some of your more precious items in it and then make a sort of pilgrimmage to your new place by walking there with your prized possessions, it will keep you occupied, focused on your new abode and physically fit, you may also meet new friends along the way.

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:18 pm

Galbally wrote: Dear Boop, of course you get a cut, I am in no way partial with my advice, which is highly recommended entirely by the whole councelling profession thingy, and which is of course first-rate and totally top-quality.

Now, no broadband for 7 days? That is troubling, you will have to some up with something to keep yourself occupied and not too troubled by the absence of your cyber-friends, therefore I suggest that you personally get involved in the physical movement of your furniture to your new house, why not get a large rucksack and put some of your more precious items in it and then make a sort of pilgrimmage to your new place by walking there with your prized possessions, it will keep you occupied, focused on your new abode and physically fit, you may also meet new friends along the way.

For a moment there I thought you were going to suggest re-kindling my affair with my Dyson (cue Krammy:rolleyes: ) That would while away some time!

Know my next problem is where do I find a rucksack big enough for two leather sofas and a big iron bed?

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:18 pm

Hamster wrote: Hmm!! Flash of inspiration...Betty-the more problems I create the more money you get from the good Doc...

50/50???

:sneaky: No way! 70/30 :p

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:22 pm

Hamster wrote: 60/40??

K :rolleyes:

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:26 pm

ArnoldLayne wrote: Dr Galbally,

I have spoken to Arnold and he finds himself in an awkward situation. He was given a watch for his birthday and has found he cannot set it to the right time or date. With his constant to-ing and fro-ing between time dimensions, it makes the hands whizz round, even the date is wrong. Wherever he goes to, he is always late getting back because he doesnt know what time it is. Would a Talaxian time implant be the answer ? I understand they are available at all good Argos stores

Ah yes, this was bound to happen at some stage. It would seem that because your anti-arnold is made of anti-matter, his attempts to get a watch made of real matter to give him a precise time in the real universe are prooving difficult, this may be due to the heisenberg uncertainty principal regarding the absolute definition of energy state, position, or velocity, or it may be the cheapo-ness of the watch. In either case the plus thing to remember is that as yet the anti-arnold and yourself have not touched, which would of course be catastrophic as it would result in a matter-antimatter explosion with a mass-energy conversion efficiency of 100 percent. To determine the yield of the blast we would need to measure your mass (double it) and multiply it by the speed of light. It would probably come in at about the destructive force of all nuclear weapons on the planet, probably much more, so we have much to be grateful for.

In terms of the time problem, I cannot give you any advice on any alien solutions as I tend to try to remain as earth-bound in my advice as possible. I would suggest that first he tries to trade in his watch for a better model, if that does not work, he could try rigging up a portable sundial for himself. There are more technically advanced solutions I am sure, but I will need to think about them.

Galbally · Post by **Galbally** » Mon Oct 02, 2006 3:34 pm

Betty Boop wrote: For a moment there I thought you were going to suggest re-kindling my affair with my Dyson (cue Krammy:rolleyes: ) That would while away some time!

Know my next problem is where do I find a rucksack big enough for two leather sofas and a big iron bed?

I never told you to stop your vacuum related antics if my memory serves me well? I was thinking more about prized photographs, a lava lamp from student days, a copy of the I-Ching, maybe some smiths records? Though if you want to really get your back into it and get the sofa moving then you should maybe get a good wheelbarrow. ]

As an interesting aside, when I was a student in Colchester, myself and several flatmates pushed a suite of furniture from the furniture shop in the town centre to the college about 2 miles away, so I have some experience in the matter. Unfortunatly the fascist pigs (sorry I mean health and safety people) wouldn't let us keep them because of their extreme thatcherite ideology, (no, hold on, it was because the chairs were a fire hazard). Well it sounded better the first way in the SU paper. :rolleyes: