Domestic violence part 2

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:06 am

I really can't take it anymore...This may be an angry-sounding and drawn-out rant/vent, but I gotta do it.

I have heard, in the past several weeks, about women here getting hit by their husbands, boyfriends, ex's and what have you. Some have come out with it, some have not. I have a few things to say on this subject, and I hope everyone pays really close attention.

Ladies first: No matter what the guy hitting you has told you, it is not ok. No matter what kind of brain-washing bullshit he has filled your mind with, it's not true. Every abuser I have known, (and I have known several) is a coward, a liar, spineless, worthless and garbage. I don't care if he's hit you once or you've been beat for years. They are all interchangeable.

You can save yourself, but you can't save him. No matter how bad you want to, no matter how many times he's said he's "sorry" it's NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

I lived through exactly what you're going through for 5 years. Don't tell me your situation is different, it's not. A man professes to love you and then he hits you. Period. They are all the same, and you cannot concern yourself with him, you have to look out for YOU.

This subject is so near to my heart, here's what I'm going to do: I have helped a few women in the past years since I got away from the man beating the crap out of me; (the ones who WANTED help, anyway) and I will continue to do so. If you want help, there's things that can be done. I can help in person, and I can help to an extent over the net. I am listing my email address here so you don't even have to go through the hassle of getting it from my profile here. criss1008@yahoo.com

Can anyone tell that I am angry? I hope so, because this garbage has got to stop. Both the beatings and the women who think it's ok or they can't change it.

For the men: If you have ever or might ever hit a woman, karma's a b!tch. You will get what's coming to you, in this life or after. I'm making it my business to help any woman who wants it and part of that help is teaching them how to defend themselves. So the next time you think you can get away with hitting a woman, think twice, because she may have talked to me and could be capable of kicking your worthless, sorry ass.

I am furious....

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:09 am

BabyRider wrote: I really can't take it anymore...This may be an angry-sounding and drawn-out rant/vent, but I gotta do it.

I have heard, in the past several weeks, about women here getting hit by their husbands, boyfriends, ex's and what have you. Some have come out with it, some have not. I have a few things to say on this subject, and I hope everyone pays really close attention.

Ladies first: No matter what the guy hitting you has told you, it is not ok. No matter what kind of brain-washing bullshit he has filled your mind with, it's not true. Every abuser I have known, (and I have known several) is a coward, a liar, spineless, worthless and garbage. I don't care if he's hit you once or you've been beat for years. They are all interchangeable.

You can save yourself, but you can't save him. No matter how bad you want to, no matter how many times he's said he's "sorry" it's NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

I lived through exactly what you're going through for 5 years. Don't tell me your situation is different, it's not. A man professes to love you and then he hits you. Period. They are all the same, and you cannot concern yourself with him, you have to look out for YOU.

This subject is so near to my heart, here's what I'm going to do: I have helped a few women in the past years since I got away from the man beating the crap out of me; (the ones who WANTED help, anyway) and I will continue to do so. If you want help, there's things that can be done. I can help in person, and I can help to an extent over the net. I am listing my email address here so you don't even have to go through the hassle of getting it from my profile here. criss1008@yahoo.com

Can anyone tell that I am angry? I hope so, because this garbage has got to stop. Both the beatings and the women who think it's ok or they can't change it.

For the men: If you have ever or might ever hit a woman, karma's a b!tch. You will get what's coming to you, in this life or after. I'm making it my business to help any woman who wants it and part of that help is teaching them how to defend themselves. So the next time you think you can get away with hitting a woman, think twice, because she may have talked to me and could be capable of kicking your worthless, sorry ass.

I am furious....

Bless you BR I see it daily with my neighbor and I wish she would pull her head out of her butt, cause the drunkard she lives with will kill her one day. I pity her weakness

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:56 am

Well said BR. I wonder how many men here hit women and don't admit it. I've wondered that often.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 1:14 pm

BTS was messing around with me one day and said - hit me in the arm - don't worry - you can't hurt me. I told him I had never hit anyone in my life and wouldn't start now. He looked at me funny and said - OK I'm going to teach you how to defend yourself. It was like he knew what I had been through eventhough I had not told him I had an ex who beat me. We talked for a while about my experiences and we never play hitting games. He does, however, teach me self defense.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 1:17 pm

from another thread, but belongs here as well.

Re: What should I do?

well i AM a "professional". and i have only one thing to add...he hits you again, you call the cops and sign an assault and battery charge if that is required (i don't need the person to press charges here, i can do it)...then you see the nearest judge and based on his arrest, you get a no contact and restraining injunction. then you ask the judge for an eviction order as well! cold, ruthless, and necessary. you will be holding all the cards at that point. steel yourself and do it. no sentiment here, just the facts. as i told another member here...respect yourself enough to do it, and develop some courage. bullies are only bullies until the cops show up. don't leave home in the ME's van. i see that in most of the women who share your attitude.

_________________

minks · Post by **minks** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 2:30 pm

lady cop wrote: from another thread, but belongs here as well.

Re: What should I do?

well i AM a "professional". and i have only one thing to add...he hits you again, you call the cops and sign an assault and battery charge if that is required (i don't need the person to press charges here, i can do it)...then you see the nearest judge and based on his arrest, you get a no contact and restraining injunction. then you ask the judge for an eviction order as well! cold, ruthless, and necessary. you will be holding all the cards at that point. steel yourself and do it. no sentiment here, just the facts. as i told another member here...respect yourself enough to do it, and develop some courage. bullies are only bullies until the cops show up. don't leave home in the ME's van. i see that in most of the women who share your attitude.

_________________

I would like to add and emphasize, being alone is better than being abused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:40 pm

lady cop wrote: from another thread, but belongs here as well.

Re: What should I do?

[QUOTE]well i AM a "professional". and i have only one thing to add...he hits you again, you call the cops and sign an assault and battery charge if that is required (i don't need the person to press charges here, i can do it)...then you see the nearest judge and based on his arrest, you get a no contact and restraining injunction. then you ask the judge for an eviction order as well! cold, ruthless, and necessary. you will be holding all the cards at that point. steel yourself and do it. no sentiment here, just the facts. as i told another member here...respect yourself enough to do it, and develop some courage. bullies are only bullies until the cops show up. don't leave home in the ME's van. i see that in most of the women who share your attitude.

_________________

And then you wake up and you are in the real world. The cops can file charges and either don't, and if they do, some soft hearted idiot judge puts them on probation. Sorry, that's the REAL world.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Fri Jul 29, 2005 10:50 pm

as always Peg you challenge me, and rightfully so. but i DO make the arrests, and it's not my fault that the judge is an idiot, i can only do so much. but the advice i gave stands. thing is. people have to actively pursue their rights, and most are too chickenshit. you know very well i live in the real world.

actionfigurestepho · Post by **actionfigurestepho** » Sat Jul 30, 2005 6:03 am

Ladycop is right. It might be hard to keep them from coming back, but at least calling the cops can get them out of your face for the evening. And if you do take the effort to get a restraining order, you know that they'll go to jail if they try it again. The cops have saved my sorry butt more than once. In the end it was up to me to deal with the situation---but it made me see that I wasn't crazy, that I wasn't overreacting and that there were people who actually cared.

babygirl · Post by **babygirl** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 6:04 pm

well i have been through this not so long ago!! it hurts like hell to see the guy you love getting arrested and it does take a while to get over but why should we put up with it?? no body should put up with getting hurt everyday, i lost my unborn child due to my ex who is now in prision and i have been beaten up by his family but i do not regret putting a stop to it.. Yes sometimes i do find myself thinking about him because i love him, but i will never go back there again

my suggestion to all women who are going through this is to get the hell out of the relationship and as Minks said it is better to be alone than to be abused!!

You might think now that you will not cope being alone but you will get over it and will become strong again you only live once don't live it in hell

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 6:35 pm

A friend of mine is in an abusive relationship. She was almost homeless and I offered her and her children a place to stay, no money or anything, so she could get back on her feet. Would she do it? No. She moved in with the abuser at her mother's suggestion.:-5 I cannot understand why her own parents did not offer her a place to stay and how they could even suggest she move in with him. I imagine at some point, homelessness will look even better to her. Hope it's not too late by then.:-1

A girl in town loved her husband so much that she stayed with him. She's dead, he's in prison, so her small children have no mother or father. Wonder how many times he told her he loved her and he'd change.:-5

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Jul 31, 2005 8:51 pm

BRAVO BR, :yh_clap :yh_clap

You speak the truth, now will they read it and understand that they there is help, and they have the power to change it. I to am furious with women who take these beating and blame themselves. The blame is with the coward hitting them plain and simple spinless asses that beat women and children. My X raised a gun to me once.. I was gone in less then and hour and never went back. It can be done and they have the power within them to save themselves, and their children from a life of pure hell..

pink princess · Post by **pink princess** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 8:14 am

dont forget about the guys that get beaten by the girls.....

in many cases the abuse can be worse....

either way it is of course completely unacceptable

Celtor · Post by **Celtor** » Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:27 pm

Any man that laid a hand on me would end up having to face the wrath of my father. Unfortunately, even the best families do not respond the same way to emotional abuse. I'm just glad that I woke up and realized that my health and life were worth more than whatever delusions of love I thought I had for my husband.

Good riddance.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:37 pm

I really feel like I need to add that some women abuse men - emotionally and physically. I've seen it. Most of the men won't admit to it ---- soooooooo sad. Where is the place for them to go with the kids to feel safe????

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:47 pm

absolutely true NV, and i arrest them too. but there are no men's shelters...it is predominately a male on female crime. the male needs to get in front of a judge...we automatically issue a no-contact order, the offenders CANNOT go home without a deputy, to collect their essentials. . whether it be female on male, mother on daughter, son on mom.....on and on ad infinitum.

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Wed Aug 03, 2005 7:54 pm

lady cop wrote: absolutely true NV, and i arrest them too. but there are no men's shelters...it is predominately a male on female crime. the male needs to get in front of a judge...we automatically issue a no-contact order, the offenders CANNOT go home without a deputy, to collect their essentials. . whether it be female on male, mother on daughter, son on mom.....on and on ad infinitum.

Thanks LC = I've seen it and it upsets me as much as men hitting women - the men just feel like wimps or something for reporting it and their children are just as upset by a Dad hitting a Mom -- sometimes I think it might be worse because men hitting women is an accepted fact. Mom hitting Dad is wierd to kids.

LottomagicZ4941 · Post by **LottomagicZ4941** » Wed Aug 03, 2005 11:52 pm

pink princess wrote: dont forget about the guys that get beaten by the girls.....

in many cases the abuse can be worse....

either way it is of course completely unacceptable

I had a co-worker who's wife made a charger against him. Eventhough she was in a different state he was not permitted to go into his own house.

His wife was verified in another state at the time she made the false charge because she was using credit cards that she had stolen from her dad.

She knew he was going to turn her in for using pot with the kids. So she took the kids and made false charges.

Sadly men are guilty till proven innocent. My co-worker did get back pay for the time he was out. But he had to go on unpaid leave till the courts sorted it all out.

And I also as I have previously mentioned in another post knew a gall who was more then likely killed by her husband so I have seen both sides. If is is not dead she is in such a state of hideing as to not have had any contact with her family for a decade.

Love is kind . . . .

Lotto

http://www.flalottomagic.net/?sponsor=Z4941

MagicZ4941A

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Tue Nov 15, 2005 12:49 pm

AND THE DUMB BIMBO AWARD GOES TO:

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

You A Victim?

Take Action

Have You Hurt Someone?

RESOURCES

Why Do Women Stay?

Violence Coalitions By State

National Network To End Domestic Violence

National Domestic Violence Hotline:(800) 799-7233

Woman To Wed Man Who Shot Her, Held Her Captive

POSTED: 11:44 am EST November 15, 2005

SAN BERNARDINO, Calif. -- A California woman said she still plans to marry the man who shot her and then held her hostage in his family's garage for six days.

Tina Marie Stebbins revealed her intentions in a letter released as her boyfriend, Christian Leroy Lindblad, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for shooting her in June 2002.

In her victim impact statement, Stebbins wrote, "I love Christian today as deeply as I loved him before this awful thing happened to us."

Describing her boyfriend and herself as "soul mates," Stebbins said she's forgiven Lindblad.

The incident occurred at the Big Bear City, Calif., home that the couple shared with Lindblad's parents, who tried to cover up the shooting. They've pleaded guilty to being accessories.

Robert and Shirley Lindblad tried to cover up the shooting by treating Stebbins with home remedies, according to a San Bernardino County Sheriff's report. They also reportedly threatened her children and her family. ..............................

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 8:16 am

She's going to marry the man that shot her, and marry into the family who threatened her kids to keep them quiet? She deserves whatever crap life deals her.:-5

St Ives · Post by **St Ives** » Sat Dec 17, 2005 12:50 am

Ideas on domestic violence has changed over the years. It is now talk of, it is out in the open to a degree, thankfully.

I was very happily married for 8 years then had my first child. My ex couldnt cope so began to withdraw from the marriage. My second child was born and he decided that it was my fault that he was trapped in this awful situation. This was back in the '70's. Domestic violence was not spoken of openly then. You just kind of accepted it as 'normal'! I did give birth to 2 children, who I am very happy to say are wonderful and reasonably well adjusted. Given the environment they grew up in.

I was lucky - if you like - my ex only put me in hospital 4 times. Yes I did get a violence order taken out against him and they locked him up over night - he came to see me the next day and put me back in hospital! My ex was a real charmer, to this day no would believe what he did to me.

Brain washing is a hard thing to explain. They tell you that you are fat, lazy, stupid etc etc the list is endless. Said enough times when your children are small and you are tied to a house out in the country, no job, no money, you will believe. You believe it is your fault, that you deserve being punished, that you are a bad person.

As I said I was lucky, my last hospital stay I was sprung. The nurse knew that I had not fallen down the stairs. She brought a councillor friend of hers to see me and finally between them they made me see the truth. I left hospital, went to the marital home, packed 2 suitcases took my 2 children and left. It had taken 15 years to finally become scared enough to take that step. I have not returned nor seen my ex since. We have been divorced now for 6 years and I am rebuilding a life. A good life.

It was hard to leave a man I thought I loved. The man I married was the man I loved not the person I left. I had always hoped he would return to be that orginal man.

I too am happy to talk to anyone who would like support through the internet. I am not brave enough to become involved physically, am sorry. That step is for me still to take. I still run away sometimes, even when friends argue, it scares me.

I will get there though, I will make a good life for my children and me so they no longer live in fear and neither will I.

I am on msn lee.lee54@hotmail.com

Please take good care of yourselves

Life is precious

St Ives

St Ives · Post by **St Ives** » Sat Dec 17, 2005 2:12 am

LOL wtg Pete

Aussies are a great bunch and yes I have found a great place for my new life. I have met a couple of people online, in other sites and been invited for coffee - at one I ended up staying for 3 days. We are now the very best of friends. I do have to say this had never happened to me in England but that could have been I was not ready to take taht step.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Dec 17, 2005 5:45 am

St. Ives--You are quite right when you say Domestic violence wasn't discussed much in the 70s. It still has quite a stigma to it. You have this person, beating you both physically and mentally and hordes of people saying you are stupid for staying. They do no understand the fear. It's hell when the man you married and loved turns out to be a monster you fear. I wish you all the luck in the world.

The Red One · Post by **The Red One** » Sat Dec 17, 2005 6:17 am

Oh the memories this thread has brought back to me, memories I'd rather not remember but sometimes it's good to be reminded of the past and realize how great the present is. My hubby now has never harmed me in anyway. My brother to this day HATES my ex and is always looking for him when he goes to the town he lives and works in. Yes, I do know where the ex lives and works but only due to rumor from an aunt and uncle that went to church with him. They said he was a changed man. A changed man? He's gone through a total of three marriages and three divorces, all on grounds of abuse. Where's the change? I've asked my brother to forget about my ex and move on as I have. He and I divorced in September of 93, I remarried in 95, that's 10 years, move on and get on with your life, he just won't listen to me......big brothers, they can be so protective (I love him dearly!)

The mental abuse is in a lot of cases worse than the physical abuse. Physical most of the time goes away, mental stays forever. My hubby sometimes says or will do something the ex did and the mental part comes flying and all I can do is cry. He will see what he's done and will comfort me, it's still hard to get over the mental part, especially the "I'm sorry!". It's taken me 11 years to quit saying I'm sorry so much. I still do, but not nearly as much as at the beginning of our relationship. My family still doesn't know everything the ex did to me and never will, some things are best never told.

As a child I had an uncle "bother" me, from 8 to 12 yo. Up until this past Easter I wondered if he ever thought of what he did to me. I was fixing his computer for me and he asked if he could have a talk with me, of course he could but that didn't mean I trusted him. He asked me if I remembered what he had done to me, I said everyday that I live and breath, tears came to this man's eyes and he apologized to me. I had waited 19 years to hear him tell me he was sorry for what he had done. So I did one of the bravest things I'd ever done and said I forgave you years ago, I just needed to hear you tell me you were sorry. When he apologized this burden I'd been carrying around all that time lifted and left me. You can always forgive, it's just hard to forget.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 4:27 pm

A friend of mine has made the decision to leave her boyfriend. She said she'll probably need a few days off work to let the bruises fade when she leaves him. I want to get her out as quickly and safely as possible. I have suggested a restraining order but she has never called the cops on him. I want to make sure all the bases are covered. Any suggestions?

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 4:31 pm

PEG, SHE NEEDS TO DOCUMENT/photograph THE BRUISES NOW AND GET IN FRONT OF A JUDGE FOR THE INJUNCTION, THE POLICE DO NOT HAVE TO BE CALLED. DAMNIT, sorry for caPS, MY KEYBOARD KEEPS DOING THIS!! grrrrrrrrrr....if she is asked why she didn't call police at the time, all she has to do is say she was afraid to. (which is usually the case)

nvalleyvee · Post by **nvalleyvee** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 5:12 pm

What LC said ................and if any co-workers or friends or family have seen bruises............they can testify at a restraining order hearing.....those testimonies add up.....at least they do in NM.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Mon Feb 20, 2006 7:35 pm

I got involved volunteering my time at an abused womens shelter while I was living in Georgia. Going to visit, sharing my experiences. Trying to tell the women you can do anything you put your mind to. The biggest common denominator between the women, I found.. is that without a man, they felt like nothing. I became very involved with one woman in particular. Helped make arrangements for her to go stay with her brother in Virginia Beach. She walked out of my shop one afternoon. We had a date to meet for breakfast the next morning. She never showed. I know she returned to her abuser, and didnt want to tell me. In her case she couldnt accept the loss of his financial support. Its all very heart wretching. Everyone has to do what they do in their own time. But its good to try to educate women about their options and to offer support.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Tue Feb 21, 2006 2:06 am

Peg wrote: A friend of mine has made the decision to leave her boyfriend. She said she'll probably need a few days off work to let the bruises fade when she leaves him. I want to get her out as quickly and safely as possible. I have suggested a restraining order but she has never called the cops on him. I want to make sure all the bases are covered. Any suggestions?
She does not need to have called the cops, (although I wish she had.)

Getting a restraining order or a PPO (personal protection order) is very simple. I had to do it a few years back and it cost me 20 bucks to file, 5 minutes in front of a judge, and bam, I had my PPO. This is only a step, and no piece of paper can protect her from this guy if he is truly out to get her. But it is a necessary step. Will you email me, Peg, so I can forward you some info? criss1008@yahoo.com

If I can help in any way, I'd be more than glad to. Feel free to pass along that address to your friend as well if she'd like to talk to someone who's lived through this horror. Anything I can do, seriously.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Fri Feb 24, 2006 6:46 am

Check your email BR. It's so frustrating to watch her go through this. I've been there, done that and I so fear for her.

phil1968 · Post by **phil1968** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 6:47 am

Hi are there any male victims of domestic violence on this forum who would be interested in starting a discussion? I feel sorry for any victims female or male but find there is no help for male victims who have to put up with years of violence and abuse just to keep in contact with their children. We are denied contact with our children if we leave a violent marriage because in most cases especially here (U.K) courts nearly always take a women's side and give them custody so we mostly stay and suffer in silence.

lady cop · Post by **lady cop** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 6:51 am

hi Phil, welcome to FG. i know that here in the states i have arrested MANY females for domestic violence in recent years. and it's my understanding that there are movements in the UK to rectify the inequity. i hope so.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 7:01 am

phil1968 wrote: Hi are there any male victims of domestic violence on this forum who would be interested in starting a discussion? I feel sorry for any victims female or male but find there is no help for male victims who have to put up with years of violence and abuse just to keep in contact with their children. We are denied contact with our children if we leave a violent marriage because in most cases especially here (U.K) courts nearly always take a women's side and give them custody so we mostly stay and suffer in silence.
This is so true here in the U.S. too. These days, more men are gaining custody of their children, but not nearly the numbers that should. Also, most men are afraid to come forward about being abused because I would suppose it makes them feel less manly, which it shouldn't. You no longer have to suffer in silence now that you found us.

phil1968 · Post by **phil1968** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 7:05 am

Thanks Ladycop Police over here don't want to get involved in what they call "domestics" unless there is a female in danger plus a lot of men don't like to admit they are being assaulted must be some sort of macho pride thing but I know since leaving a violent marriage it has been a constant battle to see my children even though I have done nothing wrong because they live with my ex wife . I now get to see them at weekends after taking her to court. The Judge would not give me custody as I expected but at least I now have regular contact.The worst thing is my ex wife constantly take my children to school late and they have unauthorised abscences and although I now live 10 miles away and cannot physically take them myself because of work times I have received a court summons from my local education dept who state that I am equally responsible for getting them to school on time even though my ex wife lives 5 mins from the school and now face a possible Ã‚£1000 fine.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 7:26 am

That is crazy! Have you explained the situation to the school board? Was your ex ever violent towards the children?

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sat Jul 08, 2006 5:54 am

A friend of mine took her b/f back, yet again, after he had been choking her and her 10 year old daughter had to call 911. It rips my guts out every time she takes him back. I understand she had no vehicle and her phone was shut off due to lack of money, etc. There are jobs here within walking distance. Take 2 or 3 if neccessary. I know she and the kids will miss each other but it's much better than them missing her when he kills her. It kills me. I want to scream, I cry, I wish I could get through to her. Her family, while not wealthy, is comfortable. I can't understand how they can encourage her to take him back instead of helping her out until she can get on her feet. Freaking judges can look at his records and see he is a violent person yet continue to just slap him on the wrist. I'm just so frustrated. Rant over--wish I could say I feel better.:-1

Marie5656 · Post by **Marie5656** » Sat Jul 08, 2006 6:33 am

I see this thread got bumped, BR. Interesting as I really do agree with you. Some women get so beat down, physically and emotionally, that sadly, they think they deserve what they get.

I am reminded of the man I dated before Rick. He told me once about how his ex-wife's dog attacked him "for no reason" and that is why he had the scars on his arm. Found out later, from this guy's brother that the dog attacked him because the dude was beating on his wife!!

The brother then kind of gave me a gently worded warning to walk away from the relationship. Which I did. Granted, I was considering leaving anyway, as I was not happy..but this gave me the added push.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jul 08, 2006 9:36 am

These kinda of stories make me sick to my stomach..:-1 Peg she will either get it or she will end up badly hurt or dead.

She can apply for the Work to Welfare program it actually works. There are a number of charites that help out women first one that comes to mind is Catholic charites they will help pay utitilities phone you name it. I know here in San Diego we have several homes for battered women and thier children that provide scantuary and much more. Bottom line is she has to want it..

minks · Post by **minks** » Sat Jul 08, 2006 9:41 am

CARLA wrote: These kinda of stories make me sick to my stomach..:-1 Peg she will either get it or she will end up badly hurt or dead.

She can apply for the Work to Welfare program it actually works. There are a number of charites that help out women first one that comes to mind is Catholic charites they will help pay utitilities phone you name it. I know here in San Diego we have several homes for battered women and thier children that provide scantuary and much more. Bottom line is she has to want it..

I have to say, my neighbor has shown a remarkable change since she was reported to social services. She has been forced into a program for abusive women, and has to go for 3 times a week for 15 weeks. But in the short time so far I see she has no bruises, she has regained some confidence, and she no longer defends the bully, and she has kicked him out of the house. He was back this morning and they had a yell fest in the back yard, but..... she stood her ground and made him leave and he did not touch her. I am glad beyond glad that social services had to step in and when I talk with her she is glad too. Of course the break away from him is tough, he still shows up every now and then but I suppose it takes time to sever the ties completely but I admit I like the changes in this woman. I hope she can stand her ground and in the end of the term can have this guy completely gone from her life.

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sat Jul 08, 2006 11:14 am

Minks that is great news glad to hear she has finally made the turn to helping herself. She will only gain more strength and power and she stays the course and gets that A**Hole out of her life ..

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sat Jul 08, 2006 11:20 am

That is good news to hear, Minks! I am glad she could stand up to him-she doesn't need that bum!

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 2:05 am

BUMP for BlueFig!! Read, girl....READ!!!!

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 12:53 pm

CARLA wrote:

Minks that is great news glad to hear she has finally made the turn to helping herself. She will only gain more strength and power and she stays the course and gets that A**Hole out of her life ..

She is gaining friends back as well.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:08 pm

minks wrote: She is gaining friends back as well.
Good for her!!! Tell her to keep on truckin'. It's not easy, but it's going to make her feel SO GOOD eventually.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:09 pm

BabyRider wrote: Good for her!!! Tell her to keep on truckin'. It's not easy, but it's going to make her feel SO GOOD eventually.

Yep she has little setbacks emotionally but we try and pump her up.

BabyRider · Post by **BabyRider** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:12 pm

minks wrote: Yep she has little setbacks emotionally but we try and pump her up.
Those are going to happen frequently. She'll try and second guess herself, she'll think about going back. That's when she's most vulnerable and needs everyone she can get around her reminding her what a good move she has made for herself, and not to give up. I'm glad she has a good friend like you, Minks, to keep her afloat.

minks · Post by **minks** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:19 pm

BabyRider wrote: Those are going to happen frequently. She'll try and second guess herself, she'll think about going back. That's when she's most vulnerable and needs everyone she can get around her reminding her what a good move she has made for herself, and not to give up. I'm glad she has a good friend like you, Minks, to keep her afloat.

bang on BR she has those moments. I am finding I quite like her as she is evolving. I keep my fingers crossed for her daily. I kind of watch out and keep an ear to the ground for her as best as I can. My fave thing about her, she is no longer defending the guy.

cherandbuster · Post by **cherandbuster** » Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:25 pm

Have we heard back from BlueFig yet?

Kind of an odd 1st post

and then dropping completely off the radar:-3