When The Black Dog Calls â€¦

Post by **jones jones** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 9:24 am

Pretty much everyone on Forum Garden knows by now that I suffer from Chronic Depression ... have done for many years … a friend who helps me get thru the worst when it re-occurs calls this period the time … “when the black dog calls” …

wrote this account of what happened to me as part of my therapy …

i go through the motions of being alive

no not living for there is no life or

light at the end of this tunnel.

home alone in my room sitting … staring

at flickering meaningless scenes hearing

without listening … speaking without saying.

others complain saying: "pull yourself together

and for gods sake go and see your doctor",

so I nod my head … smiling to please them

and they leave thinking they've helped me

to "get my head together", leaving me alone

to think of many ways to get my head apart.

loneliness leads me to the solution and the way

out of it all … hosepipe … windows shut … mind

shut … pills swallowed … turn the key …scent of

death and a door opens that should have been locked

dragged into fresh air and to the doctors rooms and

psychiatric faces and hopefully endless oblivion.

sweet women in white … stern men with beards

"carbon monoxide count sixteen is bad cos

twenty's usually fatal you know so it could be

at least three or four weeks at least and why

didn't you call us jj and warn us jj cos

you know we could have helped … we tried".

medicate … tranquilize and close your eyes

red white and blues for breakfast lunch supper,

"wanna talk about it now … wanna say why?

group therapy is good and the only way to go

you know … they've all been there and back

and no we can't just let you die you know."

psychi … psychol … psycho beings asking about

sex and drawings … talk … interpret and more

pills so you can function but how do I when

all I do is sleep … sleep …sleep and wish

I would never wake up again ever in this world

in this meaningless useless f-cking world ...

There are currently about 11 million American adults who suffer from Chronic Depression …

The symptoms of Chronic Depression include difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, loss of energy or fatigue, loss of interest, the inability to enjoy oneself, physical and mental sluggishness, difficulty in concentrating, thinking or making decisions, excessive feelings of guilt and worthlessness as well as death and suicide.

Chronic Depression can affect any one who is aged 18 and over. For depression to be medically classified as Chronic Depression the symptoms must be present for a period lasting longer than two weeks.

Even though the symptoms may last for 2 or more weeks, it is necessary for a mental health specialist to rule out that there is any other illness that is causing these symptoms. Once it is certain that the individual is suffering from Chronic Depression then medical treatment for the depression can be started. One way that Chronic Depression can be diagnosed is by examining the psychiatric history of the patient and their family. Any family history of Chronic Depression will indicate that the individual symptoms do indicate Chronic Depression.

While Chronic Depression is a serious illness it can be treated and its victims do not have to suffer needlessly for years. There are currently a range of medications and therapies that work quite while at controlling the initial stages of the disorder. After a period of time you can see an improvement in the quality of your life. So if you suffer from Chronic Depression don’t lose heart, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

G#Gill · Post by **G#Gill** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 9:36 am

Thank you JJ :-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 9:58 am

Thanks for this Jj. I was kinda wondering what you had meant by the Black Dog, and now it makes so much sense. I've dealt with this for over 9 years, and it's rare when I have a day when I feel almost "normal". I've tried about every med/combo that there is to no avail. I am extremely medication resistant so I always have that hopelessness that no one and nothing will ever be able to help me. There is a new treatment I've heard of that I'm going to discuss with my psych doc...they deem it surgical, but it's some small shocks to parts of your brain and is supposed to help depression. It's temporary and I'm not sure how often you have to be treated. When you get to this point, you're willing to try about anything. It always help to know when someone else has some of the same feelings as you...you don't feel so alone. :-4:yh_hugs

Post by **jones jones** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:04 am

shelbell;932325 wrote: Thanks for this Jj. I was kinda wondering what you had meant by the Black Dog, and now it makes so much sense. I've dealt with this for over 9 years, and it's rare when I have a day when I feel almost "normal". I've tried about every med/combo that there is to no avail. I am extremely medication resistant so I always have that hopelessness that no one and nothing will ever be able to help me. There is a new treatment I've heard of that I'm going to discuss with my psych doc...they deem it surgical, but it's some small shocks to parts of your brain and is supposed to help depression. It's temporary and I'm not sure how often you have to be treated. When you get to this point, you're willing to try about anything. It always help to know when someone else has some of the same feelings as you...you don't feel so alone. :-4:yh_hugs

hey bell!

talk to me before you do that "deem it surgical shocks" thing honey! :-3

maybe i can help you even a teeny bit sweetheart!

Jj :-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:13 am

jones jones;932326 wrote: hey bell!

talk to me before you do that "deem it surgical shocks" thing honey! :-3

maybe i can help you even a teeny bit sweetheart!

Jj :-4

I'm at the point where I'm desperate for anything to help...after 9 years of trying different meds that don't help, I just don't know where else to turn.It's depressing just thinking about it.

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:05 am

It's not my business Shelbell but before you agree to shock "therapy" study its history first. ECT...electro convulsive therapy.....is not new and the "modern version" still destroys people's minds more than it fixes them. I would run the hell away from that!

Trunk Monkey · Post by **Trunk Monkey** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:33 pm

shelbell;932330 wrote: I'm at the point where I'm desperate for anything to help...after 9 years of trying different meds that don't help, I just don't know where else to turn.It's depressing just thinking about it.

Turn to your inner self and listen to what it has to say to you. You are beautiful, you are kind, you are funny, you deserve to be happy. Your posts here have shown me you are all of these things shelbell. You must believe in yourself before healing can happen (I believe in you) :-4 If there is a person or persons making you feel this way, you need not deal with that right now. Right now is about YOU and there are plenty of people right here for support if you need it :-4

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:07 pm

I do too. And anxiety.

I cope by self talking myself into a positive frame of mind.

Im still depressed that never really goes away but my actual thoughts are constantly being tweaked and manipulated, I steer them towards the direction I want to be heading which is forward.

Its draining and a never ending chore but its the only way I know.

Post by **jones jones** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:17 pm

your right jimbo and nomie .... every day IS a battle ... the black dog can be relentless!

i find that by focussing ALL my energy on the NOW and not wasting it on what MIGHT have been ... i can cope much better!

Nomad · Post by **Nomad** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:22 pm

jimbo;932589 wrote: i find if i can get myself laughing joking no matter how much i dont feel like it , sometimes i can turn the darkness into light

i know what i mean

I understand. The thing is you must try or you sink. Just gotta keep swimming.

Helen · Post by **Helen** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:27 pm

hi Jj, mwaaaaaaah :-4

i go to sleep at the drop of a hat when im depressed, my doc says this is my way of coping with things.

i suppose it has its advantages cos im not sitting there stewing on things but its a ruddy nuisence cos i cannot stop myself from doing it. !!

Post by **jones jones** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:33 pm

Helen;932622 wrote: hi Jj, mwaaaaaaah :-4

i go to sleep at the drop of a hat when im depressed, my doc says this is my way of coping with things.

i suppose it has its advantages cos im not sitting there stewing on things but its a ruddy nuisence cos i cannot stop myself from doing it. !!

hi helen honey... mwaaaaaaaaaaaah!

i used to sleep a lot when i was at my worst with depression ...

like if you pull the covers over your head the world goes away?

only trouble is ... when you wake up it always comes back again! :-1

Trunk Monkey · Post by **Trunk Monkey** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:51 pm

Never really knew to much about until I found this site http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression. This is what my sister suffers from but I never knew that until I read all the information. This is a very difficult finding for me since my mother just used to call her "lazy or good for nothing". I thank you Jj for the post :-4

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:33 pm

Trunk Monkey;932664 wrote: Never really knew to much about until I found this site http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression. This is what my sister suffers from but I never knew that until I read all the information. This is a very difficult finding for me since my mother just used to call her "lazy or good for nothing". I thank you Jj for the post :-4

Good point, TM. Folks sometimes do not get the support they need for their chronic depression because the illness is not like measles or mumps, for example. It only manifests outwardly by behavior.

I do not suffer from chronic depression, but there have been moments in my life that I have felt "down."........on the verge of tears and isolated. These moments for me are brief and naturally pass in time. I do have a cyberhug for those folks who do suffer.

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:36 pm

That black dog is busy JJ comes down under as well.

I have been trying to shoot it for a while ,I think I have it trapped atm.

Hugs to you:-6

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:38 pm

jimbo;932589 wrote: i find if i can get myself laughing joking no matter how much i dont feel like it , sometimes i can turn the darkness into light

i know what i mean

If you don't laugh then it is all doom & gloom .

I refuse to let myself get there anymore:-6

Odie · Post by **Odie** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:44 pm

I have also been fighting depression for years, seems every couple of years I have to go off one med and try another as they get used to my system.

actually going thru withdrawal syptoms now, going off effoxor and starting a brand new one out this week, its called Cymbalta, for depression and anxiety, anyone try this one yet?

I call my depression the dragon.

It is so hard trying to do things when I can't. I cannot make plans ahead of time, and sometimes when something comes up that I was looking forward in doing...I cannot find the energy or the want any longer to do it.

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 3:05 pm

Some food for thought.

http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/depression.html

Post by **jones jones** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:00 pm

mrsK;932738 wrote: That black dog is busy JJ comes down under as well.

I have been trying to shoot it for a while ,I think I have it trapped atm.

Hugs to you:-6

give him one for me then honey! mwaaaaaaah!

Jj:-4

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:17 pm

buttercup;932760 wrote: Some food for thought.

http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/depression.html

Thank you:-6

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:17 pm

jones jones;933022 wrote: give him one for me then honey! mwaaaaaaah!

Jj:-4

Not a problem:-6

kayleneaussie · Post by **kayleneaussie** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 11:32 pm

Good post jj......

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 12:38 am

It's like being inside a bubble. You can see there's stuff going on outside but it's going on without you. And no matter how loud you yell, nobody seems to hear you.

It's frustrating when well-meaning people tell you junk like "snap out of it," "go walk in the sunshine," or stuff that implies it's your fault and that you have control over it. My closest friend of 30 years doesn;t even take time to understand. I have offered to explain it to her (bipolar in my case) and answer any questions she might have but she thinks she already knows. To her I have "bad moods." It infuriates me that someone so close to me can't be bothered to learn about what I deal with. Anyone who's seen me on FG a while knows about my problem. I used to be really vocal about it in case there was anyone else out there who had it. I met a lot of people this way; they would PM me or email me and we'd share war stories. I always felt that the only way to break the stigma of mental health was to refuse to accept it in the first place. Then a couple of twats threw it back in my face that I was "crazy" and I stopped talking about it. I didn't need to make myself a target. But it didn't last too long. I decided being of use to people who needed a friend was more important than worrying about those idiots. Who were they to shut me up?

I had a big bout of what I like to call "the Blues" last month and thought I was over it but I'm still dragging. It'll pass as it always does and I just remind myself of that and keep taking my medication. It helps IMMENSELY to know there are other people here who struggle with this demon too.

JJ, good on you for being vocal about it.

Good on all of you.

:-4

Helen · Post by **Helen** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:41 am

another good post red !!

this last seven years has been the worst of my life. losing five family members and friends in nine months, being involved as wittnesses in a violent murder case and being terryfied of the consequences, my partner dying in my arms from a sudden heart attack and the misery of what his first wife and kids put me through afterwards.

i did seek counselling but only saw her twice cos all she was interested in was getting the " inside gossip " about the murder trial !!

i have had to go through all that totally alone......... when someone asks " how are you" and i try to tell them, this glazed look appears on their faces as if to say " oh god, here we go again "

im coming out the other side now but no thanks to anyone but myself !! and its been a long road to travel.

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:52 am

Red & everyone else who suffers from depression.

Never listen to what others say about you having depression, & making fun of the fact that you have depression.

It is no bloody joke that is for certain,no one can help having or getting it.

It isn't something you would ask for & it certainly isn't something you can help .

If others laugh & call names let them & lets just hope for their sake they or anyone they know never gets depression.

http://www.beyondblue.org.au/index.aspx?

:-6

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 4:36 am

Gosh Helen, that is a LOT to have to deal with. A great lot.

I am glad to hear you are coming out of it. Just for future reference, not all counselors are like that. Sometimes you have to "shop around" until you find one you "click" with. I have had my share of counselors for that reason. I am just amazed to know all you've struggled with.

MrsK, thank you. I know you're right too. You know, people have heart disorders or diabetes or whatever and no one thinks twice about that. Yet when a person's brain isn't working properly, those same people act like it's that person's fault. Mental disorders are nobody's fault. It's not a weakness. Or a character flaw. It's just a body part that's out of tune.

And thanks MrsK for the support! I'll keep talking because I know there are people out there who need an ear.

Helen · Post by **Helen** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:05 am

hi red,

i did have a good one when my mum died ( she was the first of the five i lost ) i got the phone call from the hospital to tell me about it when, having already travelled 180 miles, i was about 15mins away from her.

all her side of the family lived well into their nineties so when she went at 75, it was a big shock.

this councellor then left, they gave me another one, who knew nothing about me and it felt like id taken several steps backwards so i gave up.

then after everything else that happened i thought id give it another go and she was what i got !! and i was darned if i was going to fuel her lust for information !!

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:18 am

RedGlitter;932406 wrote: It's not my business Shelbell but before you agree to shock "therapy" study its history first. ECT...electro convulsive therapy.....is not new and the "modern version" still destroys people's minds more than it fixes them. I would run the hell away from that!

Sounds like you've done some research on this...what else can you tell me about it? :-3

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:22 am

Trunk Monkey;932549 wrote: Turn to your inner self and listen to what it has to say to you. You are beautiful, you are kind, you are funny, you deserve to be happy. Your posts here have shown me you are all of these things shelbell. You must believe in yourself before healing can happen (I believe in you) :-4 If there is a person or persons making you feel this way, you need not deal with that right now. Right now is about YOU and there are plenty of people right here for support if you need it :-4

Thanks for all the kind words PJ, I feel the same about you. :-4 I've lost my identity and don't really know who the inner me is. I'm working with a counselor to try to change this. I am so glad I found this site, there are so many wonderful, supportive people here that I like to call friends. :-4

Trunk Monkey · Post by **Trunk Monkey** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:30 am

shelbell;933400 wrote: Thanks for all the kind words PJ, I feel the same about you. :-4 I've lost my identity and don't really know who the inner me is. I'm working with a counselor to try to change this. I am so glad I found this site, there are so many wonderful, supportive people here that I like to call friends. :-4

We are all family and friends here. I'm glad you are working with a counselor. You haven't lost your identity, it's just BURSTING to come out. Most of it has and with a little help from your friends here and your counselor, that bubble is going to BURST wide open. You are kind, funny, and I wish I had the magic pin to burst that dang bubble wide open for you :-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:30 am

jimbo;932572 wrote: great post jj

i have often a pack of black dogs tracking me down hunting me , it takes every bit of emotional strength i have to fight the blackness that wants to engulf me , i have learnt that when i'm having my dark days not to post on fg and avoid all human contact just keep myself to myself and not let anyone know of the war going on inside my head ,my heart my soul

then when i emerge from my battle i am jimbo again i am ok and i know eventually i always will be ok my soul is strong i just never know how many hours ,days ,months or even years the battle will last

its just such a shame their are so many innocent bystanders that can see the fight going on yet cannot help you yet end up victims of war all the same

Jimbo, it can sometimes really help to get those "demons" out of your head, sometimes just a little, by talking it out. There are many of us here that are dealing with the same thing as you. I'm just talking about me, but if you ever find yourself just needing to vent or actually talk to someone about what you've got going on inside, feel free to PM me.

Nomad;932584 wrote: I do too. And anxiety.

I cope by self talking myself into a positive frame of mind.

Im still depressed that never really goes away but my actual thoughts are constantly being tweaked and manipulated, I steer them towards the direction I want to be heading which is forward.

Its draining and a never ending chore but its the only way I know.

Nomad, if anxiety (I've been dealing with panic disorder for about 11 yrs) is really affecting you, try to cut out some stimulants...once I got rid of caffeine I was about to control it without meds.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:34 am

Odie;932747 wrote: I have also been fighting depression for years, seems every couple of years I have to go off one med and try another as they get used to my system.

actually going thru withdrawal syptoms now, going off effoxor and starting a brand new one out this week, its called Cymbalta, for depression and anxiety, anyone try this one yet?

I call my depression the dragon.

It is so hard trying to do things when I can't. I cannot make plans ahead of time, and sometimes when something comes up that I was looking forward in doing...I cannot find the energy or the want any longer to do it.

Odie, Effexor is definitely a drug that you have withdrawls from...it took me about 3wks to completely get past them. I've tried Cymbalta and it made me feel even worse...and I didn't think that was possible. :yh_hugs

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:35 am

If the black dog calls, tell him to leave a message.:wah:

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:43 am

Trunk Monkey;933409 wrote: We are all family and friends here. I'm glad you are working with a counselor. You haven't lost your identity, it's just BURSTING to come out. Most of it has and with a little help from your friends here and your counselor, that bubble is going to BURST wide open. You are kind, funny, and I wish I had the magic pin to burst that dang bubble wide open for you :-4

Thanks hun. I still remember the "old me" and I was pretty cool. I've just lost her and have been searching for her for years. :-4

RedGlitter · Post by **RedGlitter** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 1:13 pm

shelbell;933393 wrote: Sounds like you've done some research on this...what else can you tell me about it? :-3

Sorry Shelbell, I just now saw this. I'm sure I can tell you a few things about it. I will get some information together for you to check out. ECT was used in "olden days" in asylums and state hospitals to treat different kinds of mental disorders. It was done far more barbarically then than they do it now (such as not using enough anesthesia) but nevertheless you are still electrocuting your brain. Some people claim this works for them. Others have practically become vegetables after having it done. Still others see no change. The doctors are touting it as the new cure for when nothing else works but it's still the same old thing. And it's scary.

When I get back from town, I will go through my bookmarks tonight and round up some stuff for you. Whatever you decide to do, be as informed about it as possible.

I wondered too, if I may ask...? I think I read where you said you are on 17 different medications? Is that right? Are those all for bipolar and depression? My first thought was all that medicine...how can you know some of it isn't conflicting with the rest and making you feel worse? Not trying to be nosy at all...just concerned.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:02 pm

RedGlitter;933553 wrote: Sorry Shelbell, I just now saw this. I'm sure I can tell you a few things about it. I will get some information together for you to check out. ECT was used in "olden days" in asylums and state hospitals to treat different kinds of mental disorders. It was done far more barbarically then than they do it now (such as not using enough anesthesia) but nevertheless you are still electrocuting your brain. Some people claim this works for them. Others have practically become vegetables after having it done. Still others see no change. The doctors are touting it as the new cure for when nothing else works but it's still the same old thing. And it's scary.

When I get back from town, I will go through my bookmarks tonight and round up some stuff for you. Whatever you decide to do, be as informed about it as possible.

I wondered too, if I may ask...? I think I read where you said you are on 17 different medications? Is that right? Are those all for bipolar and depression? My first thought was all that medicine...how can you know some of it isn't conflicting with the rest and making you feel worse? Not trying to be nosy at all...just concerned.

Oh no, probably only 5 or 6 are for that. The rest is for other things. I would appreciate any info you could give me on this ECT...and thanks for your concern.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 2:59 pm

RedGlitter;933553 wrote: Sorry Shelbell, I just now saw this. I'm sure I can tell you a few things about it. I will get some information together for you to check out. ECT was used in "olden days" in asylums and state hospitals to treat different kinds of mental disorders. It was done far more barbarically then than they do it now (such as not using enough anesthesia) but nevertheless you are still electrocuting your brain. Some people claim this works for them. Others have practically become vegetables after having it done. Still others see no change. The doctors are touting it as the new cure for when nothing else works but it's still the same old thing. And it's scary.

When I get back from town, I will go through my bookmarks tonight and round up some stuff for you. Whatever you decide to do, be as informed about it as possible.

I wondered too, if I may ask...? I think I read where you said you are on 17 different medications? Is that right? Are those all for bipolar and depression? My first thought was all that medicine...how can you know some of it isn't conflicting with the rest and making you feel worse? Not trying to be nosy at all...just concerned.

Ahhhhh! I've been looking up some stuff on this ECT and it's kinda scary! Sounds like there can be some really bad side effects with this treatment.

Helen · Post by **Helen** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 3:12 pm

shelbell;933428 wrote: Thanks hun. I still remember the "old me" and I was pretty cool. I've just lost her and have been searching for her for years. :-4

hi shelbell,

i know exactly what you mean by that.

for over two years, after i lost my partner, i didnt go out, in fact i became almost agrophobic.

i bumped into his best friend,not having seen this chap since the funeral, he spent ages talking to me and made me see a lot of sense. i started going out, just once a week and flashbacks of what i once was started to come through.

ive been out and bought myself some new clothes, had my hair cut short and suddenly things didnt seem quite so bad.

mind you, i've been ill for a very long time with a thyroid problem for which ive just had an operation so that might have helped too.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 3:16 pm

Helen;933657 wrote: hi shelbell,

i know exactly what you mean by that.

for over two years, after i lost my partner, i didnt go out, in fact i became almost agrophobic.

i bumped into his best friend,not having seen this chap since the funeral, he spent ages talking to me and made me see a lot of sense. i started going out, just once a week and flashbacks of what i once was started to come through.

ive been out and bought myself some new clothes, had my hair cut short and suddenly things didnt seem quite so bad.

mind you, i've been ill for a very long time with a thyroid problem for which ive just had an operation so that might have helped too.

So sorry for your loss. Good for you for getting back out there and finding out who you are again. Way to go Helen and I hope you never have to go into that black hole again.:-6

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 5:52 pm

fuzzy butt;933805 wrote: Shelbell how much therapy have you had ? You've mentioned the meds etc but you havent mentioned therapy.

I'm frightened that you would actually consider shock treatment. The reason I have is that you are on here , show a sense of humour and intergrate successfully . Shock therapy is for those who cannot function at all.

THIS IS TO EVERY BODY ON THIS FORUM.

IT IS NORMAL HUMAN BEHAVIOUR TO BECOME DEPRESSED TO THE POINT WE FEEL THAT IT"S BECOMING UNHEALTHY!!!! IT MEANS WE ARE STILL HEALTHY ENOUGH TO ACKNOWLEDGE THIS.

IT'S OKAY!!!!! it's going to happen to us at least a few times in our lives.

I'll get back to this. and the way our societies have a problem with people not being HAPPY HAPPY all of the time.

Thanks Fuzzy. I've done counseling for about 9-10 years on and off. The off has been mostly because of insurance issues. This is also how long my Dr. and Psychiatrist have been trying every combination of meds that they can think of. I'm extremely medication resistant (I take 3 cholesterol meds and it's still hard to keep in the range it's supposed to be in and I don't have a high fat diet). I am a person that cannot be numbed at all, no matter how many shots they give me. I honestly can't tell you the last time I felt in the least bit happy.

It's easy to be on here and open...I don't worry about being judged and I don't have to face anyone. I get to stay at home where I'm "safe". I've gotten to be a great pretender as to not let anyone see deep inside me, this way I can't get hurt. I only talk about this openly here because if it can help just one person, then that is a good thing. I don't know if anyone will truly ever get inside my walls ever again. If I keep it light on here, then no one knows. It's very hard to explain. As far as the shock thing, I've been doing some research and I don't think it's something I would risk...although tempting.

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 7:39 pm

fuzzy butt;933865 wrote: shel are you able to get any exercise what's so ever?

When was the last time you did something specifically for yourself? Nobody else just you?

sometimes medications don't "work" because we (and doctors tell us) we will feel better. But meds don't work that way . Meds are specific in their job, They are receptor specific. If they feel like they don't work it's usually because we are taking them to fix things rather than to help us "the person" to fix things..

but more importantly even if we get a high from some of these meds, meds dont take away the issues as to why we are depressed, only talking and contemplation will do that. Meds are just there to relax us so we can talk. They don't fix us, and they don't fix our problems.

The exercise thing is a double edged sword. I have severe arthritis in my back which makes it hard to do anything. They say "depression can cause pain, and pain can cause depression". Pain meds don't work. I've had surgery and physical therapy, water therapy etc...

You're absolutely right that meds don't take away issues. I've been in counseling, marriage counseling, family counseling,journaling, praying. I just don't know what else to do.

Hmmmm....the last thing I did for me was join FG. I've met some people that share some of the same problems I do and that I can really talk to. So, I'm constantly trying and I've learned to let go of the things I can't control...

Hope6 · Post by **Hope6** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 9:45 pm

shelbell;933899 wrote: The exercise thing is a double edged sword. I have severe arthritis in my back which makes it hard to do anything. They say "depression can cause pain, and pain can cause depression". Pain meds don't work. I've had surgery and physical therapy, water therapy etc...

You're absolutely right that meds don't take away issues. I've been in counseling, marriage counseling, family counseling,journaling, praying. I just don't know what else to do.

Hmmmm....the last thing I did for me was join FG. I've met some people that share some of the same problems I do and that I can really talk to. So, I'm constantly trying and I've learned to let go of the things I can't control...

we're here for you darlin! :-4

shelbell · Post by **shelbell** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 11:23 pm

Hope6;934002 wrote: we're here for you darlin! :-4

Thanks Hope darlin'...I know you are and that is a help just by knowing that. :-4

Dewey2Me1MoThyme · Post by **Dewey2Me1MoThyme** » Tue Jul 29, 2008 12:08 am

"The symptoms of Chronic Depression include difficulty sleeping, changes in appetite, loss of energy or fatigue, loss of interest, the inability to enjoy oneself, physical and mental sluggishness, difficulty in concentrating, thinking or making decisions, excessive feelings of guilt and worthlessness as well as death and suicide.

Chronic Depression can affect any one who is aged 18 and over. For depression to be medically classified as Chronic Depression the symptoms must be present for a period lasting longer than two weeks.

Even though the symptoms may last for 2 or more weeks, it is necessary for a mental health specialist to rule out that there is any other illness that is causing these symptoms. Once it is certain that the individual is suffering from Chronic Depression then medical treatment for the depression can be started. One way that Chronic Depression can be diagnosed is by examining the psychiatric history of the patient and their family. Any family history of Chronic Depression will indicate that the individual symptoms do indicate Chronic Depression.

While Chronic Depression is a serious illness it can be treated and its victims do not have to suffer needlessly for years. There are currently a range of medications and therapies that work quite while at controlling the initial stages of the disorder. After a period of time you can see an improvement in the quality of your life. So if you suffer from Chronic Depression don’t lose heart, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel"

Been there, done that! But, at least for me, when i'm deeply depressed I don't want help, when I'm not depressed, I don't need it! Kind of the leaking roof syndome, only leaks when its raining.