Breaking up is so hard to do....

minks · Post by **minks** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:01 pm

I have pondered this for about a month now....

It is time for me to end a 9 month long relationship. I don't know how long is long enough to say I gave it my best shot and tried to ride out the storms in the mans life but I can't do it any longer.

This feels incredibly awful, but there are so many reasons for it to end. There is no spark and never has been. Our life styles are hugely different, he is a country boy through and through I am the city girl. We live about an hour apart and on average see each other about 3 times a month. (come winter it will be way less due to snow and poor driving conditions). He has no financial stability and he has struggled with jobs the entire time I have known him. This makes him a very down person most of the time we talk. He has told me he will never move to the city, and I admitted I will never move to the country. He is a dreamer and where as I am an incredible realist living the hear and now. We have never said the words "love" to each other. These are the big drains on this relationship.

There are other incidents that have added up over time that have disappointed me but I have gone past them but now looking at the over all relationship they just have added to the downslide. I have suspicions I have disappointed him at times as well.

He is an extremely nice man, he is kind, gentle, smart, handsome, virile and I think a good catch for the right woman, but I just am not her. It is time to let him go.

I wish it was savvy to put this into email and send it but I think breaking up should be done in person.... However due to the long distance issue do I make a date to break this off or what? He is expecting me to join him for a family reunion next weekend do I get this done now? Or wait until after this affair?:-5

:-5

Why isn't life easier as we get older...:-5

Post by **Betty Boop** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:04 pm

minks;932502 wrote: I have pondered this for about a month now....

It is time for me to end a 9 month long relationship. I don't know how long is long enough to say I gave it my best shot and tried to ride out the storms in the mans life but I can't do it any longer.

This feels incredibly awful, but there are so many reasons for it to end. There is no spark and never has been. Our life styles are hugely different, he is a country boy through and through I am the city girl. We live about an hour apart and on average see each other about 3 times a month. (come winter it will be way less due to snow and poor driving conditions). He has no financial stability and he has struggled with jobs the entire time I have known him. This makes him a very down person most of the time we talk. He has told me he will never move to the city, and I admitted I will never move to the country. He is a dreamer and where as I am an incredible realist living the hear and now. We have never said the words "love" to each other. These are the big drains on this relationship.

There are other incidents that have added up over time that have disappointed me but I have gone past them but now looking at the over all relationship they just have added to the downslide. I have suspicions I have disappointed him at times as well.

He is an extremely nice man, he is kind, gentle, smart, handsome, virile and I think a good catch for the right woman, but I just am not her. It is time to let him go.

I wish it was savvy to put this into email and send it but I think breaking up should be done in person.... However due to the long distance issue do I make a date to break this off or what? He is expecting me to join him for a family reunion next weekend do I get this done now? Or wait until after this affair?:-5

:-5

Why isn't life easier as we get older...:-5

Nothing seems to get easier as we get older... I think you need to do this sooner rather than later and certainly not next weekend. Take it easy :-4

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:05 pm

Awww that's sad Minks but no good staying in a relationship if you dont want it however if you feel you can remain friends then id suggest telling him ASAP but offer to go to the reunion with him as a friend.

Good Luck..............Breaking up is hard to do!

theia · Post by **theia** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:13 pm

minks;932502 wrote: I have pondered this for about a month now....

It is time for me to end a 9 month long relationship. I don't know how long is long enough to say I gave it my best shot and tried to ride out the storms in the mans life but I can't do it any longer.

This feels incredibly awful, but there are so many reasons for it to end. There is no spark and never has been. Our life styles are hugely different, he is a country boy through and through I am the city girl. We live about an hour apart and on average see each other about 3 times a month. (come winter it will be way less due to snow and poor driving conditions). He has no financial stability and he has struggled with jobs the entire time I have known him. This makes him a very down person most of the time we talk. He has told me he will never move to the city, and I admitted I will never move to the country. He is a dreamer and where as I am an incredible realist living the hear and now. We have never said the words "love" to each other. These are the big drains on this relationship.

There are other incidents that have added up over time that have disappointed me but I have gone past them but now looking at the over all relationship they just have added to the downslide. I have suspicions I have disappointed him at times as well.

He is an extremely nice man, he is kind, gentle, smart, handsome, virile and I think a good catch for the right woman, but I just am not her. It is time to let him go.

I wish it was savvy to put this into email and send it but I think breaking up should be done in person.... However due to the long distance issue do I make a date to break this off or what? He is expecting me to join him for a family reunion next weekend do I get this done now? Or wait until after this affair?:-5

:-5

Why isn't life easier as we get older...:-5

Minks, what's your dilemma about with this part? As in, what is making the difference to you with "now" and "after this affair" If you've made the decision, would putting off telling him be for your or his benefit?

minks · Post by **minks** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:19 pm

Chezzie;932508 wrote: Awww that's sad Minks but no good staying in a relationship if you dont want it however if you feel you can remain friends then id suggest telling him ASAP but offer to go to the reunion with him as a friend.

Good Luck..............Breaking up is hard to do!

Thanks gals, yes I think ASAP is best too, Oh I certainly could remain his friend like I said as a person over all he is most acceptable.

minks · Post by **minks** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:20 pm

theia;932518 wrote: Minks, what's your dilemma about with this part? As in, what is making the difference to you with "now" and "after this affair" If you've made the decision, would putting off telling him be for your or his benefit?

his, I just don't like knowing this will be hurtful to him

theia · Post by **theia** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:32 pm

minks;932529 wrote: his, I just don't like knowing this will be hurtful to him

I know...it hurts both ways doesn't it, whoever it is doing the breaking up?

It's just that if you tell him now, maybe the family reunion may help him to distract a little from his hurt?

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:35 pm

Ah minks, it never gets easier. Do it in person as fast as you can, to get over the anguish of it.

minks · Post by **minks** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:35 pm

theia;932547 wrote: I know...it hurts both ways doesn't it, whoever it is doing the breaking up?

It's just that if you tell him now, maybe the family reunion may help him to distract a little from his hurt?

I hope so, I think I will have to make a drive to his place this week and have "the talk"

Yes it hurts both ways, I don't think I have ever initiated a break up usually it is me being told things are over. I feel very badly about this.

minks · Post by **minks** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:36 pm

chonsigirl;932551 wrote: Ah minks, it never gets easier. Do it in person as fast as you can, to get over the anguish of it.

Thank you CG I agree.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:45 pm

I agree Mel...breaking up is always sooooo hard to do, but at least you've made a decision and can go on with your life. I don't think I'd go to the family reunion through. I'd tell him right away...even if it has to be over the phone. Good luck hun.

minks · Post by **minks** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 12:51 pm

Kathy Ellen;932565 wrote: I agree Mel...breaking up is always sooooo hard to do, but at least you've made a decision and can go on with your life. I don't think I'd go to the family reunion through. I'd tell him right away...even if it has to be over the phone. Good luck hun.

thanks so much KE. Oh I wish I had the courage to do it over the phone but I think in person is easier for me... isn't that weird eh. Yes I am thinking I have to go tomorrow and tell him.

Peg · Post by **Peg** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:04 pm

I think the fact that you want to do it in person shows class.

abbey · Post by **abbey** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:21 pm

I dont envy you minks and you're right it does'nt get easier as you get older.

Be gentle and take care. x

buttercup · Post by **buttercup** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 1:40 pm

Hi Minxie sweetie :-4

Dont mean to put the cat amongst the pigeons but...................

(just something for you to think about)

Just because you get in a relationship does not mean the final outcome has to be or lead to together forever does it?.

How about just letting him know you dont see a long term future but enjoy seeing him from time to time. He maybe feels the same?

Is that just too casual for you?

If he's a great guy whats the harm knocking in some time / companionship / intamacy from time to time while neither of you has a significant other, seems harmless enough to me.

I'll likely be hung, drawn & quartered now for saying that :wah:

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:16 pm

Sounds to me like you want to change your relationship.....not end it.

Attached files

southern yankee · Post by **southern yankee** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 2:30 pm

minks;932502 wrote: I have pondered this for about a month now....

It is time for me to end a 9 month long relationship. I don't know how long is long enough to say I gave it my best shot and tried to ride out the storms in the mans life but I can't do it any longer.

This feels incredibly awful, but there are so many reasons for it to end. There is no spark and never has been. Our life styles are hugely different, he is a country boy through and through I am the city girl. We live about an hour apart and on average see each other about 3 times a month. (come winter it will be way less due to snow and poor driving conditions). He has no financial stability and he has struggled with jobs the entire time I have known him. This makes him a very down person most of the time we talk. He has told me he will never move to the city, and I admitted I will never move to the country. He is a dreamer and where as I am an incredible realist living the hear and now. We have never said the words "love" to each other. These are the big drains on this relationship.

There are other incidents that have added up over time that have disappointed me but I have gone past them but now looking at the over all relationship they just have added to the downslide. I have suspicions I have disappointed him at times as well.

He is an extremely nice man, he is kind, gentle, smart, handsome, virile and I think a good catch for the right woman, but I just am not her. It is time to let him go.

I wish it was savvy to put this into email and send it but I think breaking up should be done in person.... However due to the long distance issue do I make a date to break this off or what? He is expecting me to join him for a family reunion next weekend do I get this done now? Or wait until after this affair?:-5

:-5

Why isn't life easier as we get older...:-5 i guess this person is not what you are looking for. as i was reading it. you were saying his good points. there was a man in my life years ago. no matter how nice he was. he just wasn't for me. i do not regret what i did. it was best for both of us. nice people should not be led down the garden path. the longer you wait. the harder it will be. good luck

fisher · Post by **fisher** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 4:47 pm

Wow this is a surprise Mel you guys seamed like the perfect couple. I am sorry to hear that you are going through this and I wish you the best......

cars · Post by **cars** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 5:15 pm

Yes, to what everyone has already said, especially with do it "before" the reunion! Best of luck, but you won't need it though!!

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 6:45 pm

Minks the sooner the better. Waiting only makes it harder if he is a friend as you say he is, he will understand and hopefully agree with your decision. You didn't say you never wanted to see him again, just not on a couple basis. You can't continue a relationship if your hearts not in it as you already know. Good luck you will be kind and gentle as you always are.

Patsy Warnick · Post by **Patsy Warnick** » Sun Jul 27, 2008 8:42 pm

Nothing easy about this.

Maybe a approach could be asking him about the relationships - is it all he wants it to be - is he satisfied, etc..

discuss the relationship to where it can be a mutual agreement in either directions the relationship can take.

Good luck

Patsy

Post by **Betty Boop** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 12:32 am

On the staying friends front, thats easy if there are no feelings involved on both sides. Very difficult if one person does feel strongly for the other though.

Uncle Kram · Post by **Uncle Kram** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:02 am

Due to the low frequency of your encounters and the absence of a spark, he may not be as cut up as you imagine. Either way, what you do for you if you're unhappy, is ultimately to his benefit also. Good luck, and maybe next time. :yh_flower

sunny104 · Post by **sunny104** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:54 am

it's not easy but you have to follow your heart...best wishes to you! :-4

Trunk Monkey · Post by **Trunk Monkey** » Mon Jul 28, 2008 8:50 am

I wish you the best of luck. Breaking up is not an easy thing to do. I did it once, and the guy was so relieved because he knew the relationship was over but to afraid to tell me. Even though we found our "true love" with other people, he and I have remained good friends for over 10 years now. Good luck to you and the sooner you do this the better you will feel about it.