Friends and buddy lists

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:36 pm

This is really difficult to write. About two days after I first joined Forum Garden, a regular emailed me to ask whether I'd like to be included on her Buddy List. I can't tell you how happy and excited this made me. I felt I'd been accepted, and probably gushed all over her in gratitude. Each time someone else asked to be my friend, I similarly danced for joy. (And I still do).

BUT - those 'friendships' were not necessarily real friendships, and one or two perceived groupings gave me long term grief.

All sorts of software changes and other events have happened since then, including the complete loss of my original list. I looked at what somehow now remains and it contains a few people I do count as friends and others I've lost touch with or can't remember well.

I think this time I am going to pass on the exercise. Please forgive me those who have been kind enough to email me offering list exchanges. I don't want to cause offence. But I've learnt that belonging has its dark side, and being in a group of one is where I now feel more comfortable.

My aim in Forum Garden is to have an entente cordiale with every single poster... wherever this is possible. And mostly it is. Even with people I sometimes don't see eye to eye with on some issues - or am not much drawn to, I still wish to try to live and let live. And on the rare occasions when things do blow up a bit, one can try again.

So I'm going to delete my list completely. Those with whom I have an entente amicale already know it. It doesn't need to be displayed. Those who are real friends also need no public declaration of the fact. For me, real friendship is a very special gift, to be prized - and hopefully lasts through thick and thin, for the whole of one's life.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:48 pm

AussiePam;881907 wrote: This is really difficult to write. About two days after I first joined Forum Garden, a regular emailed me to ask whether I'd like to be included on her Buddy List. I can't tell you how happy and excited this made me. I felt I'd been accepted, and probably gushed all over her in gratitude. Each time someone else asked to be my friend, I similarly danced for joy. (And I still do).

BUT - those friendships were not necessarily real friendships, and one or two percieved groupings gave me long term grief.

All sorts of software changes and other events have happened since then, including the complete loss of my original list. I looked at what somehow now remains and it contains a few people I do count as friends and others I've lost touch with or can't remember well.

I think this time I am going to pass on the exercise. Please forgive me those who have been kind enough to email me offering list exchanges. I don't want to cause offence. But I've learnt that belonging has its dark side, and being in a group of one is where I now feel more relaxed.

My aim in Forum Garden is to have an entente cordiale with every single poster... wherever this is possible. And mostly it is. Even with people I sometimes don't see eye to eye with on some issues, I still wish to try to live and let live. And on the rare occasions when things do blow up a bit, one can try again.

So I'm going to delete my list completely. Those with whom I have an entente amicale already know it. It doesn't need to be displayed. Those who are real friends also need no public declaration of the fact. For me, real friendship is a very special gift, to be prized and hopefully lasts through thick and thin, for the whole of one's life.

Hello (((Pam))),

I hear ya my friend :-6

CARLA · Post by **CARLA** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 7:08 pm

I hear you as well Pammie..:-4

flopstock · Post by **flopstock** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:09 pm

Didn't want to be you guys friend anyways:p

Just kidding...:wah:

I decided a long time ago that I wanted to be friends with folks that liked me enought to argue with me. Not fight with me, but argue. I've never held a grudge here either, but mostly I think that is to irritate folks that have decided they can't stand me anymore..

Tombstone · Post by **Tombstone** » Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:16 pm

The "contacts" and "friends" function is really meant to be used as your "access" list.

You now have a photo gallery and blog where you either make your posts public or limit access to people on your contact list.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 12:39 am

Thankyou Tombstone.

weeder · Post by **weeder** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 2:56 am

Ive been here for years. Never bothered with any lists. I dont know how to use so many of the FG functions often mentioned. When the upgrades are announced, I dont even know what they are. I see familiar faces who I know just who they are... and what their personalities are like. Often there are rucases here, that I dont know a thing about. Oblivious and simple, that is how I travel through here.

Victoria · Post by **Victoria** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 4:54 am

Good on you Pam for having the courage to say 'no thanks'.

Ive been in a group of one for more or less my whole life and I can tell you its just fine. :-6

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 11:23 am

So well said Pam and we are mates and we dont need to see that in black and white......anybody can add anybody at the end of the day and it dont mean a bloody thing.....where as true friendship comes from the heartxxx

Chezzie · Post by **Chezzie** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 11:24 am

Well said carol................will you be my fwend:-4

hoxtonchris · Post by **hoxtonchris** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 11:56 am

Chezzie;882326 wrote: Well said carol................will you be my fwend:-4

pwobably knowing carol!

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 12:00 pm

I keep my friends list in my heart

And it feels good to em all nearby

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 2:08 pm

I am smiling at all these wonderful replies. This is one reason I love FG. Each reply carries a bit of the flavour of the poster - celebrating our togethernesses and our differences too. And Weeder and AngelEyes - haven't seen either of you for yonks. Which reminds me, I keep meaning to ask if anyone's seen Theia???? I know she was moving house.. G'day Flopstock, Scrat and Jester, and Victoria and minks.. grin. Carol, HoxtonChris and Chezzie xxx.. Carla !!! and Kathy!!!!!!!! Thank you all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:-4

:sneaky:

On that note, I'm going in search of the first coffee of the day

:-6

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 2:28 pm

My friends.......................you know who you are already.

Attached files

watermark · Post by **watermark** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 4:07 pm

What is a friend's list? Wouldn't that be redundant considering everyone is able to communicate already on the forum? I haven't felt like this forum or any internet forum is reality or somthing.

I'm appreciative I have somewhere to go but that doesn't mean I take anything said here with the seriousness I do in real life. This place is conducive to developing a sort of penpalship more than friendship as in the kind that develops well, you know, in reality? This isn't reality imho.

Maybe I will bring this up on the philosophy thread.

Erin

along-for-the-ride · Post by **along-for-the-ride** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 4:27 pm

So, the only kind of real friend is someone you can touch and look in the eye?

The reality here is the fact that we can come to this forum and communicate with

people in any part of the world. We support each other, laugh with each other, argue with each other. We use words typed on a keyboard, but typing those words are real people. Some trully care, some don't give a darn. The people who really care are my friends. The people who make me laugh are my friends. The people who show empathy to me and to others are my friends.

These people touch my heart, and, sometimes, can look into my soul.

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 4:50 pm

along-for-the-ride;882492 wrote: So, the only kind of real friend is someone you can touch and look in the eye?

The reality here is the fact that we can come to this forum and communicate with

people in any part of the world. We support each other, laugh with each other, argue with each other. We use words typed on a keyboard, but typing those words are real people. Some trully care, some don't give a darn. The people who really care are my friends. The people who make me laugh are my friends. The people who show empathy to me and to others are my friends.

These people touch my heart, and, sometimes, can look into my soul.So well said babe.....my best friends I met on the Internet....some I have met some I havent and may never but I feel I know them and love them dearly and we have as you have said sweetheart ....... looked into each others soul......

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 6:47 pm

I don't think it matters where you first meet people. You meet them everywhere. In shops, in bus lines, at the gym, in the course of your work, at the pub, via other people, on line, travelling etc etc.

It's what happens after that first spark of potential when you suddenly sit up and take notice.

In Forum Garden there are a large variety of great people to wander about with - get to know and enjoy on lots of different levels.

In my own experience, online friends have invariably sooner or later become offline friends. And we've always known each other well enough by the time we met face to face to be able to laughingly recognise each other.

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 6:58 pm

AussiePam;882434 wrote: I am smiling at all these wonderful replies. This is one reason I love FG. Each reply carries a bit of the flavour of the poster - celebrating our togethernesses and our differences too. And Weeder and AngelEyes - haven't seen either of you for yonks. Which reminds me, I keep meaning to ask if anyone's seen Theia???? I know she was moving house.. G'day Flopstock, Scrat and Jester, and Victoria and minks.. grin. Carol, HoxtonChris and Chezzie xxx.. Carla !!! and Kathy!!!!!!!! Thank you all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:-4

:sneaky:

On that note, I'm going in search of the first coffee of the day

:-6

and mominiowa anyone heard from her, I hope she is well.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 7:07 pm

Mominiowa. Gosh yes, Minks, and it's been a while. She's had so much trouble, and has been such an inspiration. I hope things are going a whole lot better for her and her family too.

Let's all send some strong well-wishing, healing thoughtwaves in her direction!!!!

(I'll never forget her brave jokes about the handsome male nurse. Had me rolling round the floor in laughter and crying at the same time).

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 7:10 pm

AussiePam;882562 wrote: Mominiowa. Gosh yes, Minks, and it's been a while. She's had so much trouble, and has been such an inspiration. I hope things are going a whole lot better for her and her family too.

Let's all send some strong well-wishing, healing thoughtwaves in her direction!!!!

(I'll never forget her brave jokes about the handsome male nurse. Had me rolling round the floor in laughter and crying at the same time).

Beams to mominiowa where ever you may be :-6

chonsigirl · Post by **chonsigirl** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 7:12 pm

Yes, good thoughts for Mom. :-6

valerie · Post by **valerie** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 7:42 pm

Mom was here May 27 it looks like...

She posted in the "Happy Birthday Kaz"

thread...

:-6

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 7:57 pm

Lovely Lovely Person..........God Bless her where ever she may be and may she feel the love with her that we all send.

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:21 pm

along-for-the-ride;882492 wrote: So, the only kind of real friend is someone you can touch and look in the eye?

The reality here is the fact that we can come to this forum and communicate with

people in any part of the world. We support each other, laugh with each other, argue with each other. We use words typed on a keyboard, but typing those words are real people. Some trully care, some don't give a darn. The people who really care are my friends. The people who make me laugh are my friends. The people who show empathy to me and to others are my friends.

These people touch my heart, and, sometimes, can look into my soul.

Very well said.:-4

I have had friends I have met on the net come visit me from all over Australia.

I have been to their homes as well.

I care for most people I interact with.:-6

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:23 pm

AussiePam;882562 wrote: Mominiowa. Gosh yes, Minks, and it's been a while. She's had so much trouble, and has been such an inspiration. I hope things are going a whole lot better for her and her family too.

Let's all send some strong well-wishing, healing thoughtwaves in her direction!!!!

(I'll never forget her brave jokes about the handsome male nurse. Had me rolling round the floor in laughter and crying at the same time).

I second that :-4

One very special person:-4:-6:-6

minks · Post by **minks** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:40 pm

thanks so much Val for the update

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:43 pm

At the end of the day Pam you did what you felt was right.I know people that have accepted people because they haven't wanted to hurt their feelings....very nice gesture I know but some can post on a thread and not worry about somebody's feelings.........to have more people on your friends list trying to show that everybody likes you and you them means nothing......to have people that truely care for you is what its all about and although I have posted here earlier I have been thinking about all this alot and quite honestly realise that to some its more a competition then a meaningful thing.......we choose our friends in life and they choose us THATS better than any list;)

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:48 pm

Carolly;882588 wrote: At the end of the day Pam you did what you felt was right.I know people that have accepted people because they haven't wanted to hurt their feelings....very nice gesture I know but some can post on a thread and not worry about somebody's feelings.........to have more people on your friends list trying to show that everybody likes you and you them means nothing......to have people that truely care for you is what its all about and although I have posted here earlier I have been thinking about all this alot and quite honestly realise that to some its more a competition then a meaningful thing.......we choose our friends in life and they choose us THATS better than any list;)

Well said Carol. I have my list of friends whom I've met off and on on other forums and some turned out to be phoney balony's and some have made a dent in my world and they are the ones I have a thing for. Especially thier music and some really great posts they put on here.

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:52 pm

qsducks;882590 wrote: Well said Carol. I have my list of friends whom I've met off and on on other forums and some turned out to be phoney balony's and some have made a dent in my world and they are the ones I have a thing for. Especially thier music and some really great posts they put on here.Fanks babe;)

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:56 pm

Carolly;882593 wrote: Fanks babe;)

Well besides you and your music and the FOC, I have made quite a few friends here at the FG. I have no idea what is going on at the pub, been extremely busy with Laura's graduation/party, etc. Looks like a mini war over there. But I do have to back up my buddies. And I know you understand.

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:59 pm

qsducks;882594 wrote: Well besides you and your music and the FOC, I have made quite a few friends here at the FG. I have no idea what is going on at the pub, been extremely busy with Laura's graduation/party, etc. Looks like a mini war over there. But I do have to back up my buddies. And I know you understand.Oh I understand alright Ducky as THAT what TRUE friendship is;)

qsducks · Post by **qsducks** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 9:01 pm

Carolly;882595 wrote: Oh I understand alright Ducky as THAT what TRUE friendship is;)

Ain't that the truth baby!:)

watermark · Post by **watermark** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 9:49 pm

along-for-the-ride said:

"So, the only kind of real friend is someone you can touch and look in the eye?"

That might be close to what I mean.

and said, "These people touch my heart, and, sometimes, can look into my soul."

I'm happy for you! At times I have felt a sincere connection online, but mostly I don't feel like anyone is that real. Or let me put it this way: there have been times I've read fiction stories, a novel for example, and have felt very close to a character, yet I knew they weren't real. Something like that.

I have witnessed much patience with me here and for each other, minds and hearts of people who write things that I know must come from very real people, but this doesn't seem like the whole person is present. I've also observed quite a few petty (imo) quarrels as well that have tended to move into protracted animosity. This is a message forum where misunderstandings can't be resolved like in real life. I've seen people carry on longterm animosity and develop these silly cliques to ward off seeming unpopular. I don't understand it much and don't know if it's helpful for the growth of our souls.

:-4

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Thu Jun 05, 2008 10:02 pm

watermark;882615 wrote: along-for-the-ride said:

"So, the only kind of real friend is someone you can touch and look in the eye?"

That might be close to what I mean.

and said, "These people touch my heart, and, sometimes, can look into my soul."

I'm happy for you! At times I have felt a sincere connection online, but mostly I don't feel like anyone is that real. Or let me put it this way: there have been times I've read fiction stories, a novel for example, and have felt very close to a character, yet I knew they weren't real. Something like that.

I have witnessed much patience with me here and for each other, minds and hearts of people who write things that I know must come from very real people, but this doesn't seem like the whole person is present. I've also observed quite a few petty (imo) quarrels as well that have tended to move into protracted animosity. This is a message forum where misunderstandings can't be resolved like in real life. I've seen people carry on longterm animosity and develop these silly cliques to ward off seeming unpopular. I don't understand it much and don't know if it's helpful for the growth of our souls.

:-4We are all different watermark and thank God ....but oh yes the people are real who come online but I can see where you are coming from and have to say when I read real nastiness on a post directed at someone I find it hard to believe that there is a real person behind the screen being so.....well heartless at times to be quite frank.The sad part is yes there is and we must never forget that.

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:43 am

Watermark and Carol - It is possible to give false impressions on line, as you say, because people can't look into your eyes, can't see your body language. I think there are those who then think they can do stuff on line which they wouldn't get away with doing to anyone face to face. There is the protection of distance and a certain anonymity.

BUT - this forum is a long term forum. Hit and run posters may bluff others briefly, but who can keep up a facade indefinitely? They always trip up and truth comes out eventually. At least in my online experience - true colours always show, in the end.

Most of us are just ourselves. Maybe some more articulately than others. But ourselves. I am quite certain that if I met most of the people in here that I chat with regularly, I'd not be in for any weird surprises. I am equally sure that they would immediately recognise me too.

If you meet a "character" on line, who seems not to be "real" I think the odds are they are not real. And are best avoided. I've once or twice in past years met people who didn't ring true, or who I could not get any kind of impression of.. vague and woofly personas. Don't go there either, in my opinion.

The rest of us are REAL, as real as you get.

Carolly · Post by **Carolly** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:49 am

AussiePam;882670 wrote: Watermark and Carol - It is possible to give false impressions on line, as you say, because people can't look into your eyes, can't see your body language. I think there are those who then think they can do stuff on line which they wouldn't get away with doing to anyone face to face. There is the protection of distance and a certain anonymity.

BUT - this forum is a long term forum. Hit and run posters may bluff others briefly, but who can keep up a facade indefinitely? They always trip up and truth comes out eventually. At least in my online experience - true colours always show, in the end.

Most of us are just ourselves. Maybe some more articulately than others. But ourselves. I am quite certain that if I met most of the people in here that I chat with regularly, I'd not be in for any weird surprises. I am equally sure that they would immediately recognise me too.

If you meet a "character" on line, who seems not to be "real" I think the odds are they are not real. And are best avoided. I've once or twice in past years met people who didn't ring true, or who I could not get any kind of impression of.. vague and woofly personas. Don't go there either, in my opinion.

The rest of us are REAL, as real as you get.I'll drink to that lolxxx

mrsK · Post by **mrsK** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 2:53 am

AussiePam;882670 wrote:

Most of us are just ourselves. Maybe some more articulately than others. But ourselves. I am quite certain that if I met most of the people in here that I chat with regularly, I'd not be in for any weird surprises. I am equally sure that they would immediately recognise me too.

:-2

Hey Pam ,I would be your weird suprise.

My grandkids told me today that I am a bit weird:wah:

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 3:01 am

MrsK - I'd take that as a compliment!!!!

I remember meeting my son's teacher when he was in about grade 3. The teacher had apparently told Michael he was eccentric and rather weird. His response was "If you think I'm eccentric and weird, you should see my mum. That;s where I get it". This response had apparently not gone down well with the teacher - but I felt SO PROUD, when she reported it. Obviously I was doing something right....

:sneaky:

(My son is still eccentric and weird, and creative and awesome!!!)

Post by **spot** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 3:08 am

AussiePam;882670 wrote: I am quite certain that if I met most of the people in here that I chat with regularly, I'd not be in for any weird surprises.
spot bites off AussiePam's ring finger, dances on the edge of the volcano and falls over the edge laughing with glee

mikeinie · Post by **mikeinie** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:55 am

But then again, there is no harm in it either. I know the difference between real life friendships and internet friendships and I say why place limitations and restrictions.

More due to time as a member and conversations would I consider people ‘friends’, but it is not like we meet up for beers every weekend.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 4:54 pm

I kinda like the "friends" list. To me, it doesn't mean that these are the only people I like or want to be friendly to, but they are some of the nicest people that I've met in FG. It's just nice popping into FG and seeing someone post a hello to you. It's nice when people say a special hello to me:-6

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 6:03 pm

A very special hello to you, Kathy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And a big hug too.

Hope you don't have to work all weekend and do get to the beach!!! It's actually sunny here in Sydney this Saturday morning after a week's rain (which never got to the dry interior). I've got a few household chores to do and then am going to walk across the Harbour Bridge, say hi to the fruit bats and the wicked statue of Pan in the Botanic Gardens then it's lunch at the art gallery and a visit to the new modern Japanese art deco exhibition. Wish you could transmat over and join me, and then we could transmat back and go for a surf on your beach finishing up in Klees. The water here is a bit chilly now for swimming - not that that stops a real mermaid of course.

Kathy Ellen · Post by **Kathy Ellen** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 6:21 pm

AussiePam;883321 wrote: A very special hello to you, Kathy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And a big hug too.

Hope you don't have to work all weekend and do get to the beach!!! It's actually sunny here in Sydney this Saturday morning after a week's rain (which never got to the dry interior). I've got a few household chores to do and then am going to walk across the Harbour Bridge, say hi to the fruit bats and the wicked statue of Pan in the Botanic Gardens then it's lunch at the art gallery and a visit to the new modern Japanese art deco exhibition. Wish you could transmat over and join me, and then we could transmat back and go for a surf on your beach finishing up in Klees. The water here is a bit chilly now for swimming - not that that stops a real mermaid of course.

Hello (((Pam))) it's great to see you. Yes, I have to work all weekend...but what am I doing now....I'm trying to catch up with everyone on FG and haven't done a bloody thing yet:wah::wah: But I will get to the beach on Sunday....I'm forcing myself to complete a lot of work on Sat. so I can beach for a bit on Sun.

Ahhhh, you're in Sydney...how lovely...man oh man, I wish I could walk across the Harbour Bridge with you and have lunch in one of your haunts:-6 AND, wouldn't that be great to go for a swim and end up at Klees with the bees...can't believe that you went for a swim that stormy day....you truly are a perfect mermaid Pam.

How's the little man:-4...loved all of his pics:-6 He's growing up too fast:-5

AussiePam · Post by **AussiePam** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 6:30 pm

Haven't seen him for a week, Kathy - I'm giving them some space, to readjust. Grin. I need time to readjust too. It's weird going from full time motherhood back to whatever normality once was... well in my case of course 'stylish abnormality'.

I remember being very respectful of your Atlantic surf that day. It was not to be trifled with.!!!!

Having looked for a bookclub for ages, I fell into one quite by chance this week. The first book was 'Mr Pip' - set in Bougainville during the 1990's blockade. (Australia didn't feature too well during that !). Brilliant book - and made me go back to Dickens' "Great Expectations" - which is one of the thematic strands of the book, and inspired the title. Worth a read, if you can find it.

Now I really gotta go... :sneaky:

:-6

watermark · Post by **watermark** » Fri Jun 06, 2008 7:38 pm

Aussie Pam and Carolly,

Haha I had to spend quite a bit of time just figuring out who I would respond to! The message board does that. I read so many posts from different posters it's hard to keep everyone straight. Then when I do want to respond I have to spend unnatural time making sure what I read is correct and who it was I read it was, then make sure who I'm responding to is the one who said what it was that I wanted to respond to. Very inefficient form of communication! Lots of places to get it wrong. Not a bad thing particularly, but it does leave forming bonds with people online tough. I just haven't cared enough I guess to make it work. Have a good day!

Erin