Woman causes lover's death, convicted of false rape accusation

[koan]

so there. :wah:

[Chezzie]

Jester;857998 wrote: Ok guys,

Listen all, I'm sorry that my moral integrity crosses folks but it certainly does from time to time.

Pheasy I did not mean to infer that your mother was a slut, I dont typically use the term, it got thrown out there and I went with it, it was a mistake to use such a term and make it a blanket statement, for that I apologize several times over, please accept my apology.

I live my convictions down to the bone, thats why they are convictions. I realize I need to learn not to stand in judgement by making my convictions belong to others. What anyone here does with thier own lives is thier choice to do so. I need to quit applying my morality on others when I get out of the religion threads and then remember that.

Sorry again Pheasy, really I am.


Jester, thats one of the most honest and feeling posts I have read on here. You should be proud mate. Pheasy will feel the same im sure:-6

Fab Jester:-4

[jones jones]

a question ... if you re a woman whose husband beats the crap out of you on a

regular basis and you decide to have an affair ... is that still considered to be

cheating???



Jj:-4

[Helen]

Pheasy;857519 wrote: For example. My Mum had an affair. My Dad beat the crap out of her... almost daily, she had no self confidence, she did not know where to turn. Had no where to go. Scared for her life and her childrens lifes. The affair got her out of a life-threatening, and I mean life-threatening, offered her a way to escape. And that man saved her life and ours. She was not a slag. Don't be so quick to judge. There are many reasons.


hi pheasy,

sort of been in that position myself,the guy i met literally saved my life too

[Helen]

jones jones;858641 wrote: a question ... if you re a woman whose husband beats the crap out of you on a

regular basis and you decide to have an affair ... is that still considered to be

cheating???



Jj:-4


mornin Jj,

it didnt start off as an affair but he gave me the security and the knowledge that i wasnt a worthless piece of junk and it just grew from there.

[WonderWendy3]

jones jones;858641 wrote: a question ... if you re a woman whose husband beats the crap out of you on a

regular basis and you decide to have an affair ... is that still considered to be

cheating???



Jj:-4


Of course it is still cheating. A woman needs to leave her husband if he's beating her, but I am sure you have heard it many a time....easier said than done.

I was in this situation....I was an abused wife, and had an affair.....my marriage was over for about 2 years, but I was told that I was not a "team player" and he would have to just let me struggle through life because I didn't play by his rules. He continously pointed out men to me and would insist they were "hot" for me and that I better realize that I was "his meat market" even though I was told I was worthless....I was good for one thing when the sun went down.

Events happened involving men finding me attractive and him actually telling them to "stay away from his woman"....I felt like his property instead of a person. I gave in finally and within a year, I finally told the husband that I needed him to move out, he found out about the affair after he left and made my life hell for the next year.

There is a lot to the story and the more I tell it the more I do sound like I'm justifying my actions.....yes I was wrong, yes I regret it, yes I would like to go back in time and erase the affair, it brought so much pain to so many peoples lives that I never intended.

I think about this a lot and think to myself that I wish I would've been stronger and not let the vulture take advantage of my vulnerability....but I did and it all happened for a reason. I am thankful that I am rid of the abuser and he doesn't have a hold on my life anymore, that I can look back at that experience as somewhere I will never return to again.

[jones jones]

WonderWendy3;858688 wrote: Of course it is still cheating. A woman needs to leave her husband if he's beating her, but I am sure you have heard it many a time....easier said than done.

I was in this situation....I was an abused wife, and had an affair.....my marriage was over for about 2 years, but I was told that I was not a "team player" and he would have to just let me struggle through life because I didn't play by his rules. He continously pointed out men to me and would insist they were "hot" for me and that I better realize that I was "his meat market" even though I was told I was worthless....I was good for one thing when the sun went down.

Events happened involving men finding me attractive and him actually telling them to "stay away from his woman"....I felt like his property instead of a person. I gave in finally and within a year, I finally told the husband that I needed him to move out, he found out about the affair after he left and made my life hell for the next year.

There is a lot to the story and the more I tell it the more I do sound like I'm justifying my actions.....yes I was wrong, yes I regret it, yes I would like to go back in time and erase the affair, it brought so much pain to so many peoples lives that I never intended.

I think about this a lot and think to myself that I wish I would've been stronger and not let the vulture take advantage of my vulnerability....but I did and it all happened for a reason. I am thankful that I am rid of the abuser and he doesn't have a hold on my life anymore, that I can look back at that experience as somewhere I will never return to again.




i have a young sister who was the victim of constant physical abuse by her late husband so i am not just blowing smoke here ...

it is my humble opinion that when a husband physically abuses his wife ... he takes away her rights as a wife ... therefore he should also forfeit his rights as a husband ...

he should then not expect his abused wife to remain faithfull to him ... why should she?

Jj:-4

[WonderWendy3]

jones jones;858691 wrote: i have a young sister who was the victim of constant physical abuse by her late husband so i am not just blowing smoke here ...

it is my humble opinion that when a husband physically abuses his wife ... he takes away her rights as a wife ... therefore he should also forfeit his rights as a husband ...

he should then not expect his abused wife to remain faithfull to him ... why should she?

Jj:-4


because she is still his wife.....the practical thing for the woman to do is get out first....and for years that was the "so called" agreement in my marriage, if we thought it wasn't a good marriage anymore, we were to own up to that and get out.

Unbeknownst to me...he wasn't happy in the marriage, out of the blue he asks me what I think about a divorce and started spouting out child support amounts and how the bills would be taken care of, from that point, my life forever changed from a happy wife/mom to a slave to "what I will give to you if you be a good woman"....I should have had money tucked away, I should have had the guts to tell him to leave that second, I should have done so many things, that weren't in my power....I let him be in control of my life, I gave him that control by saying "I do"...I trusted him with my every being....and thought he was worthy of that trust....just to find out years later that he wasn't....and the devastation of that discovery was very hard to comprehend for me.

Now looking back, I am convinced that he had multiple affairs and possibly with the current wife that is 20 years his junior, who he was shacked up with within 3 weeks of him leaving me and the boys behind. I was put through so much pain and suffering and the whole time he was the one that was guilty of what he basically pushed me into....It is a wonder that I can even speak to him cordially, but I do.

[jones jones]

WonderWendy3;858697 wrote: because she is still his wife.....the practical thing for the woman to do is get out first....and for years that was the "so called" agreement in my marriage, if we thought it wasn't a good marriage anymore, we were to own up to that and get out.

Unbeknownst to me...he wasn't happy in the marriage, out of the blue he asks me what I think about a divorce and started spouting out child support amounts and how the bills would be taken care of, from that point, my life forever changed from a happy wife/mom to a slave to "what I will give to you if you be a good woman"....I should have had money tucked away, I should have had the guts to tell him to leave that second, I should have done so many things, that weren't in my power....I let him be in control of my life, I gave him that control by saying "I do"...I trusted him with my every being....and thought he was worthy of that trust....just to find out years later that he wasn't....and the devastation of that discovery was very hard to comprehend for me.

Now looking back, I am convinced that he had multiple affairs and possibly with the current wife that is 20 years his junior, who he was shacked up with within 3 weeks of him leaving me and the boys behind. I was put through so much pain and suffering and the whole time he was the one that was guilty of what he basically pushed me into....It is a wonder that I can even speak to him cordially, but I do.




of course i see where you are coming from wendy ... a marriage certificate may make you his legal wife ... but that certificate does NOT make a marriage ... a mariage is made by two people and once physical abuse enters the equation ... in my opinion it is no longer a marriage ... therefore the rules should no longer apply ...

Jj:-4

[WonderWendy3]

jones jones;858700 wrote: of course i see where you are coming from wendy ... a marriage certificate may make you his legal wife ... but that certificate does NOT make a marriage ... a mariage is made by two people and once physical abuse enters the equation ... in my opinion it is no longer a marriage ... therefore the rules should no longer apply ...

Jj:-4


I agree with you Jj, unfortunately we were dealing with an abusive man that doesn't think he has ever done anything wrong, not even raping me and almost killing me, I deserved that don't you know?

[jones jones]

WonderWendy3;858706 wrote: I agree with you Jj, unfortunately we were dealing with an abusive man that doesn't think he has ever done anything wrong, not even raping me and almost killing me, I deserved that don't you know?




have you read the short story i wrote about my sisters abusive husband? its called "Last Night I Helped Man Die."

i can post it here if you wanna read!

[WonderWendy3]

jones jones;858708 wrote: have you read the short story i wrote about my sisters abusive husband? its called "Last Night I Helped Man Die."

i can post it here if you wanna read!


sure, I went looking for it, but couldn't find it....that would be great....I'll be honest though, I am going to have to call it a night at 4:30 am, will read it when I sign back in!!

Thanks Jj!!:-4

[jones jones]

WonderWendy3;858718 wrote: sure, I went looking for it, but couldn't find it....that would be great....I'll be honest though, I am going to have to call it a night at 4:30 am, will read it when I sign back in!!

Thanks Jj!!:-4




you got it honey!

Jj:-4

[jones jones]

LAST NIGHT I HELPED A MAN DIE.

Last night I watched someone die … no, last night I helped someone die. It wasn't like euthanasia or anything; it was my brother-in-law Ray. Got a phone call from Melanie, my youngest sister just before midnight.

"It's Ray Jones." I could hear her swallow a sob. "He won't die."

Yeah right I thought. Ray and I had never been close … never been buddies like some guys are with their sister's husband.

Ray had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer nine months ago.

"The doctor thinks that maybe he's waiting to see someone before … before he goes." Mel went on, "perhaps he wants to see you Jones … to apologise maybe … to say he's sorry. Will you come to the hospital now Jones … please."

I loved my kid sister very much … always had. We'd grown very close over the years, especially after our folks were both killed in a car smash.

"Sure sis I'm on my way."

She gave a sigh of relief into the phone. "Thanks Jones … come quickly please." I put the phone down and locked up.

Driving to the hospital my thoughts went back to the time when Mel and Ray started dating. Even then the signs were obvious. They seemed happy enough during the week when he used to call on her at our house almost every night. At that time it was only weekends that things were different. Ray used to drink a lot over weekends.

Friday evenings Mel would sit in the lounge all dressed up and ready to go waiting for him. Every time she heard a car engine she'd jump up and part the drapes, squinting out into the darkness then slump down again in her chair.

Mom would grimace and dad would look at her over his newspaper and shake his head. "Why do you let him do this to you Mel?" he'd ask.

"I love him dad." was Mel's standard reply.

Then came the day that Mel announced that she and Ray were engaged to be married. "Over my dead body." dad said.

"God help us." mom said.

"**** me." was my only observation.

"If you don't let me marry him I'll just wait until I'm twenty one." Mel said, using the same argument a gazillion other girls had through the ages.. "Then you'll have no say."

"Why him Mel?" mom asked, her faded blue eyes troubled. "Why do you want to marry him? There are any number of nice boys who like you."

"Oh they're all nerds" Mel said dismissively. "'Rays a real man. I'm not interested in nerds thank you."

Then in the early hours one Sunday morning a few weeks before the wedding, Mel came into my bedroom and shook me awake. I switched on the bedside lamp and when I saw the purple bruise just below her left eye, I felt angrier than I'd ever felt in my life. She was crying, her whole body wracked by sobs.

"Ray did this." I said accusingly.

"No Jones …."

"Don't lie to me Mel … Jesus I know it was Ray."

"No no … I…"

"I'm gonna kill the ****er." I spat

"No you're not." She weakly tried to push me back onto the bed. "Jones what am I going to tell dad?"

"Jesus sis you've gotta call off this wedding … for Christ's sake if he's doing this now, what's going to happen when you're married?"

"I love him Jones … I love him."

Next day when our folks asked her about the bruise she made some lame excuse about someone slamming a car door against her by mistake. But mom and dad weren't fooled even though they said nothing.

So Mel married Ray and his drinking problem got worse and they had two kids and his drinking got way beyond worse. They moved house a lot cos Ray couldn't hold down a job for long. Mel was a bank teller and earned quite a good salary at the time so as soon as the kids were old enough she had to go back to work so they could make ends meet.

One night, she told me later, when Ray was drunk and she wouldn't give him any more money, he picked up their month old daughter and held her out the second floor window by her arm, threatening to drop the infant unless she gave him some cash.

Another thing he did was to wake her at about one or two o'clock in the morning and demand that she make him steak, eggs and chips or he'd beat her up. Most times, she said, when she got back to the bedroom with the food he was fast asleep.

When their son was ten and their daughter eight, Mel at last decided she'd had enough of Ray. She phoned me at five one morning and asked me if I would come and fetch her and the kids.

When I arrived Ray was standing in the front garden. He was a big man, his head seemingly attached to his shoulders without a neck. He stood with legs astride so that he wouldn't fall over he was that drunk. In his right hand he held a length of garden hose about a metre long.

I walked up the path, my gazed fixed on Mel and the two kids who stood in the open doorway wide-eyed and afraid.

"You boy, whatcha want?" Ray asked, his speech slurred. Ever since we'd met he'd called me boy … never Jones.

I stopped a few paces from him. "I've come to fetch Mel and the kids Ray. I'm not leaving here without them."

"Melandthekidsh. no … " He raised the piece of hose and took a swing at me..

I took a step forward and easily pushed him aside. He was so drunk that he just fell over onto his side, his head thudding into the dew-damp grass.

Mel and the children scampered down the path towards me. I went back to the front door where their two suitcases stood. Once they were in the car I drove off, the kids peering out of the rear window at their sloshed father who thankfully now was struggling to his feet. I took them to one of Mel's close friends who'd agreed to put them up for a while then I drove home.

Ray phoned me almost every day demanding to know what I'd done with his wife and kids. He was usually so pissed that it was with great difficulty that I could understand what he was saying. Mel also phoned me a few times to say that she and the kids were fine and that she's seen a lawyer to start divorce proceedings.

I think it was about three weeks later … a Saturday afternoon … when I answered my doorbell and found Mel, the kids and Ray there. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. They were all smiling and had their arms around each other and my heart sank cos I knew he'd somehow conned my sister into taking him back.

When I got the chance to speak to Mel alone she said: "Jones, Ray has promised to change … he swears he going to stop his drinking and start looking for a job."

"Yeah right and my arse is a chicken." I said cynically.

They left and I never heard anything from Mel for over a month, which was long for my little sister. I figured that either Ray had kept his promise, which I seriously doubted, or else Mel thought I'd be very angry if she phoned me again to ask me to fetch her one more time.

It was a month later that she phoned and asked if she could come and see me. We sat side by side on a couch in my living room and I waited for her to tell me what Ray had done this time. At least there were no visible bruises on her.

Mel looked at me and I was surprised to see tears in her eyes.

"What's up Mel?" I asked in concern. "Ray been beating you again?

She shook her head and took a hopelessly inadequate tissue out her bag. I handed her a man size one from my own pocket.

"Rays dying Jones." she wiped her eyes and blew her nose and I held her close and she started crying again.

Now it was eight and bit months later and I was walking into a hospital to help a man die. I closed the door of the private ward behind me. A skeleton lay in the bed, the oxygen mask almost completely obscuring its face. Mel sat on the one side holding Ray's emaciated hand in both hers. A uniformed nurse stood on the other side holding his wrist in her right hand and staring at the watch on her left wrist.

I stood next to Mel and looked across at the nurse who almost imperceptively shook her head. Mel looked up at me and smiled her thanks.

"Ray," she said loudly, Jones' here to see you."

The skeleton opened its eyes. I moved closer and bent over him. Slowly Ray disengaged his hand from Mel's grasp and raised it until his ridiculously thin fingers closed around the front of my shirt. It seems as if he was trying to pull me closer. His lips moved and it was clear he wanted to speak. The nurse leant forward and pulled the oxygen mask down off his face. I bent down until my ear was almost against his lips, trying not to wrinkle my nose at the smell of death that emanated from him.

His breath was like a feather against my ear and I heard the words clearly as if he were in my mind.

"**** … you … boy."

His hand slipped off my shirtfront and I straightened up. Rays eyes had closed and the nurse released his wrist and it dropped to the bed. She took the stethoscope out her ears and turned away.

Mel looked up at me, her cheeks damp with tears.

"Thank you Jones." she said softly, her small hand slipping into mine.

"What did he say to you?"

I gazed down at my little sister whom I loved so much and who would need my love even more now. I'd never lied to Mel before but I knew I had to now.

"I'm not sure sis," I said squeezing her hand, "I think it might have been ... "I love Mel boy."

[G#Gill]

That was a good short story JJ. Thanks for letting us share.:-4

[WonderWendy3]

Wow Jj, that was an awesome story!! I related to a lot of that...I experienced the going back to my abuser and having to face the family that worked so hard to help me stay away from him....they felt so betrayed.

I have a question for you Jj, what was the word that he said to you that is *'d out?

[jones jones]

WonderWendy3;859695 wrote: Wow Jj, that was an awesome story!! I related to a lot of that...I experienced the going back to my abuser and having to face the family that worked so hard to help me stay away from him....they felt so betrayed.

I have a question for you Jj, what was the word that he said to you that is *'d out?




hi wendy ... the sonofabitch didn't even change even on his death bed ... and he wasn't even grateful to me for helping him die! he said "f...k you boy"

[WonderWendy3]

jones jones;859697 wrote: hi wendy ... the sonofabitch didn't even change even on his death bed ... and he wasn't even grateful to me for helping him die! he said "f...k you boy"


thats what I thought, just was wondering.....its a shame that he was that selfish and rude. I know it was hard to lie to your sister, do you think you would ever tell her the truth?

How is your sister now? Is she healthier without him in her life?

[Santanico]

Wow, thankyou for sharing that Jj. I'm now sitting at my desk at work trying not to cry. I'm so glad your sister is free.

[jones jones]

WonderWendy3;859701 wrote: thats what I thought, just was wondering.....its a shame that he was that selfish and rude. I know it was hard to lie to your sister, do you think you would ever tell her the truth?

How is your sister now? Is she healthier without him in her life?




you won't believe this wendy ... but the sequel to the story is almost like a fairy tale ... about six months after ray's death mel by chance ... well if you wanna be romantic you could say its was fate ... met up with her childhood sweetheart whose wife had also recently passed away ... the two of them are now very happily married ...

i guess we are all meant to be happy ... it is just that some unhappy people do there best to make us like them!



Jj:-4

[jones jones]

Santanico;859703 wrote: Wow, thankyou for sharing that Jj. I'm now sitting at my desk at work trying not to cry. I'm so glad your sister is free.




hi honey ... thanx so much for reading AND for your kind words ... as a matter of fact every time i read the story i makes me cry too!

[WonderWendy3]

jones jones;859707 wrote: you won't believe this wendy ... but the sequel to the story is almost like a fairy tale ... about six months after ray's death mel by chance ... well if you wanna be romantic you could say its was fate ... met up with her childhood sweetheart whose wife had also recently passed away ... the two of them are now very happily married ...

i guess we are all meant to be happy ... it is just that some unhappy people do there best to make us like them!



Jj:-4


Awww, I am so happy for your sister that is wonderful news. Yes, we are all meant to be happy, and it seems that it comes easier or maybe just quicker for some more than others. But, then again ...happiness is how you look at your situation. A lot of people think that because I have been single for the last 5 years since the Ex left me, I am unhappy and I "NEED" a husband.....well, I've had enough looser encounters in the last 5 years that I am content to be alone and happy....well, I do have a guy in my life, but he lives 4 hours away, so technically I am still on my own. I much rather be alone than be with a control freak that criticized every single thing I did!

I get to see him this weekend......yayyyy.......NOT!

Actually we are cordial, I am a non-confrontational type chick, so I am always nice to him to his face and then growl and puke after I am no longer in his presence!

[jones jones]

WonderWendy3;859709 wrote: Awww, I am so happy for your sister that is wonderful news. Yes, we are all meant to be happy, and it seems that it comes easier or maybe just quicker for some more than others. But, then again ...happiness is how you look at your situation. A lot of people think that because I have been single for the last 5 years since the Ex left me, I am unhappy and I "NEED" a husband.....well, I've had enough looser encounters in the last 5 years that I am content to be alone and happy....well, I do have a guy in my life, but he lives 4 hours away, so technically I am still on my own. I much rather be alone than be with a control freak that criticized every single thing I did!

I get to see him this weekend......yayyyy.......NOT!

Actually we are cordial, I am a non-confrontational type chick, so I am always nice to him to his face and then growl and puke after I am no longer in his presence!




you are so right wendy .. often you can be very lonely even when you are in a crowd ... yet when you are alone you can be happy and quite content ... at least when you on your own and **** happens you got nobody to blame but yourself!!

[WonderWendy3]

jones jones;859710 wrote: you are so right wendy .. often you can be very lonely even when you are in a crowd ... yet when you are alone you can be happy and quite content ... at least when you on your own and **** happens you got nobody to blame but yourself!!


yeah, that can be a bad thing sometimes too!! :-3wah: