I am a 34 year old male who has been married for 12 years now. My wife is 32 and I have a wonderful 10 year old son. We all live together!
Let me just get to the point: Me and my wife have been having problems sexually for quite a long time. I have been to marriage counselors and nothing seems to work. The problem we are experiencing is that I am wanting it more frequently than she does. For awhile I thought it was just me. Maybe I just had an overactive sex drive. We might have sex now twice a month. Maybe. I have been trying to remember what it was like before things came to a halt pretty much and it seems like we were having sex maybe twice a week before. I don't know though, it has been awhile.
Recently she informed me that the problem was that she wasn't doing it anymore until she wanted to. Which was news to me obviously. I never knew she was doing it and not wanting to before. Of course I went along with this because I didn't feel right trying to get her to do something she wasn't wanting to do. I talked to some ladies where I work about this. And I basically asked what their opinion was on a healthy sex drive with a couple in their early to mid-30's. 2 to 3 times a week is what I was being told. Now I understand I don't want there to be a quota set up for something like this, but I just wanted to know what was normal. I talked to my wife about this conversation and she got upset at me for asking a question like that to my co-workers. Then she proceeded to tell me that women would rather lie to a man than tell them the truth when it comes to sex. After hearing her and the way she talks here recently, I feel like she has given me the impression that women for the most part hate having sex and that women are a special breed meaning that they are somehow telepathically tied together. No, she didn't say this verbatum, but this is what I feel like now. And I am quite sure that she would say the same thing about any of you responding to this thread. I now understand that it was all fake when we were dating up until a few years ago. (if you know what I mean)
I even began to think that maybe there was something wrong with me. Maybe physically I needed to tone up a bit or something. She ensures me that this is not it. I am basically reeling here and I don't know which direction to turn. I know I love my wife and son and leaving this relationship is something I DO NOT want to do. Especially over this, but I tell you what, it is so hard fighting back the hormones (I suppose) because according to her when I try to discuss it with her it just makes her feel pressured and this according to her makes matters worse. And that makes sense. So I am trying to fight back these urges and no matter what I try nothing makes a difference. I try to romance her and things of that nature but her so-called women's intuition takes over and she says "I know what you are up to". No matter what change I try to make to satisfy her need nothing on the bedroom side changes...NOTHING!! Sorry for this being so long, but I really do need some help here. At this point in time she has me so confused. She has me thinking that women say one thing to "play along" with men and that somehow we (men) are inferior mentally. She says she was born with this capability that she can tell what another woman is like just by looking at them. She has me so confused and quite frankly once or twice a month for me is very hard to live with. Please for God's sake if anyone has any suggestions at all, I would love to hear them!
Thanks!
Just some advice, from a woman who LOVES to communicate! Hee hee.
